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December 08, 2004
Pros and cons of Internet dating
TAVIS SMILEY, host: Can karma be applied to Internet dating? Well, commentator Meri Danquah found out that online, white lies tend to reap one another.
MERI DANQUAH:
When my friend first suggested that I try to meet someone through an Internet dating service, I thought she had all but lost her mind. I had just barely figured out how to locate documents after they'd been downloaded, so the idea of logging on in search of love seemed a bit too futuristic for my limited capabilities, not to mention my overly cautious sensibilities.
I guess you could say that I'm a romantic at heart, still in search of Mr. Right. A tall, handsome, intelligent, good-natured man with a strong sense of both style and humor. And it was hard for me to believe that any man who could fill those shoes would actually use them to walk over to his computer so that he could surf the Web to find his soul mate. `Well, where else is he gonna find you?' my friend asked. `All you do is work, sleep and hang out with your girlfriends, half of whom are hoping that some Mr. Right will come and find them, too.'
Hmm. Her words were making a lot of sense. My days had become a predictable litany of responsibilities. It was a comfortable routine, but it also kept me locked in the same cycle of activities with the same circle of people. Maybe this Internet dating thing wasn't such a crazy suggestion after all. If I wanted to meet someone new, maybe I had to try something new.
So I decided to join a popular site I'd seen advertised on TV. First I had to create a profile of myself. I trimmed five years off my age and 10 pounds off my weight, but other than those little white lies, the information that I listed was all pretty accurate. Then I had to answer some questions that provided a range--height, weight, age--within which I wanted my prospective suitors to fall.
I was nervous about attaching my photo to the profile, afraid that somebody I knew would recognize me and think that I was desperate for a date. But the truth of the matter was, I was desperate for a date. So I went ahead an posted it, figuring that it might increase my chances of success, and perhaps it did because the men started e-mailing almost immediately. There was the one whose profile claimed that he looked like an older Taye Diggs, but in his picture looked more like an out-of-shape Mr. T who'd been stripped of his jewelry. Then there was the guy whose hobbies included hunting, boxing and knitting. And the 45-year-old insurance salesman with three kids who'd never been married and still lived with his mama.
Well, right when I was losing hope, I heard from him, the man who seemed to fit my bill perfectly. After several promising e-mails and phone conversations, we set a time to meet face-to-face, or more accurately face to shoulder. You see, my 5'9" dream lover turned out to be 5'4", wearing a pleather version of the high-heeled boots that Prince used to sport back in the day when he was still singing with The Revolution.
Our once-easy rapport turned into an awkward silence. `Is height all that important to you?' he finally asked, zeroing in on the source of my apparent disappointment. I wondered if it were really fair for the worth of a man to be measured by a few inches. `Yes,' I said, `it does matter. Sorry.' `Oh, don't feel sorry for me,' he countered. `I'm not the one with the shortcoming.' Ouch.
Well, I suppose that's one of the major drawbacks to these high-tech hookups. You may be able to conjure up your fantasy mate with a click of a mouse, but you still have to turn off the power button and step outside of that virtual experience before you'll truly know if the thrill is real.
SMILEY: Meri Danquah is a writer living in Los Angeles.
Posted by LC at December 8, 2004 02:23 PM
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