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December 23, 2004
A Common Sense Guide to Cyber Dating
Oh the good ole days. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. The two get married, have 3.5 kids and a dog and live happily ever after.
Will the days we’re now living in eventually be somebody’s “good ole days”? Sure they will. Some things will be different. Their stories won’t include talk of the Great Depression, walking 10 miles to school in the snow, or falling in love as Elvis Presley sang Love Me Tender. The clothes in the hope chest will be different styles… that is, if there even is a hope chest. Oh, and one of the most obvious changes will be the place where Mom met Dad. Stories of high school science class and “the girl next door” could be replaced by tales of cyberspace chat rooms and online dating services. That’s right. Cyber dating is a real thing, and even with horrible tales of deceit and danger, its popularity does not seem to be diminishing
For those who are not afraid to venture out into the online dating world, you should arm yourselves with knowledge. A very old piece of wisdom says, “people perish when they lack knowledge.” Well, let’s hope nobody is physically perishing out there, but in actual fact, there have been cases of attempted and even successful murder as a result of careless online dating. And if you’re not worried about your life, you should at least be concerned about your wallet! There are dangers and scams out there that you should educate yourself on. For women, the primary concern is probably bodily safety. For men, there are probably more scams than dangers waiting in the wings for you. Let’s explore some safety issues to begin with; and although these may primarily apply to women, men should use safe policies as well. Remember that when you are chatting in cyberspace, you really have no idea who is sitting behind the computer screen at the other end of the conversation.
When a woman wades out into the world of Internet dating, she should keep her guard up. While many women think about the protection they will need if and when this fellow ever comes to visit, many do not really think about information they are giving out on the web. Here are a few guidelines to follow:
- Watch how much personal information you give out. Provide as little as possible.
- If someone wants you to send them anything of value or money, be suspicious. As a matter of fact, if he wants you to send him money, go ahead and drop him now. What he will ask for over the web will multiply in a real-life dating situation.
- Trust your woman’s intuition. If something “just doesn’t feel right”, stop communicating with him.
- Never, ever, ever agree to send any kind of suggestive photos or videos to him. Save those for after marriage. If he loves you, he’ll wait.
- If your e-mail account can be easily traced to give someone your address or other personal information, consider opening a remote e-mail account that would show information no where near your real address. Playing it safe is worth the trouble.
- Never give out your home telephone number. And keep in mind that if you call him direct or collect, his phone bill and/or his caller ID can easily identify you and your phone number.
- Unless you live in an incredibly large city, do not even give out the name of the city you live in. A state maybe, but not a city.
- Remember that if you send him pictures of yourself or your children over the Internet, you really have no control on where those pictures go from there. Again, play it safe. No pictures. Your wedding pictures will be just fine.
- If someone meets you in one dating service and then asks you to switch to another, be suspicious. Also, if someone meets you under one e-mail address, then changes their e-mail address, raise an eyebrow. This is suspicious behavior.
Okay, ladies, so you play it very safe over the web. You do everything right and this cyber friendship/relationship is really taking off. After quite a long time, you decide you really do want to meet him in person. What should you do? Well, first of all, remember that this is a risky meeting. Do not deceive yourself into thinking that you know someone whom you’ve never met. Several experts even use the example that you don’t truly know if the person you’ve been communicating with is male or female. You are making assumptions based on what they have told you. Numerous successful online relationships actually branched out beyond the two people involved before a personal meeting was arranged. For example, one online newlywed said she “met” her husband’s parents, bosses, friends and so on over the phone and the web before the two of them ever met face to face. That does not guarantee security, but the more people who get involved the less likely it is that you’re dealing with a real whacko. Not impossible, mind you. Just less likely.
So, you’ve now talked to “Mom” on the phone and she’s told you what a good boy her son is; you believe her and you’re ready to meet him. What should you do?
- As odd as this may seem, you may want to run a background check on him. (As a matter of fact, you may not want to wait until this late stage to do so. You can do this after your first conversation if you’d like.) It is definitely a wise move before a face-to-face meeting.There are numerous web companies that will do the check for you
- Never agree to meet in a private place. Meet somewhere publicly. It’s even better if you meet with a group of people you know and trust.
- Never agree to let him pick you up in his car. Drive yourself and meet him.
- Go home alone. (No matter how great this first date was, go home alone. And make sure he doesn’t follow you.)
- Keep the first date short. Short and sweet.
- If you happen to travel to his city, stay in a hotel. Never agree to stay with him, his parents or his girl friends. Stay in a reputable hotel.
- Make sure that you tell someone where you’re going, who you’re with and when you expect to return home. Arrange to check in with a friend mid-way through the date and when you get home. Let your date know you’re checking in. Provide your friend with your date’s picture if possible.
Seem a little overboard, huh? The old saying “Better Safe than Sorry” definitely applies in the cyber world. While there are wonderful love stories told about cyber romance, there are sad and tragic stories as well. Using a little wisdom and some security measures will ensure safe dating. After all, you would never give a stranger at the mall your phone number or address. You’d never agree to meet them privately. So why would you do it with a stranger on the web? Use some common sense girls… (and guys!)
Now most of you guys are probably reading this, and thinking that you are not in the same dangerous situation that many women may find themselves in. Well, it is true that while you could get ahold of a whacko too, it’s probably not as likely. However, men are more likely to fall p
Posted by LC at December 23, 2004 02:59 PM
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