 |
|
January 27, 2005
7 Tips for a perfect first date.
Going into the world of dating and “first dates” can be intimidating, especially if you are coming off of a long single hiatus.
Most likely, you were in a long term relationship that ended abruptly, and now you are lonely, tired of looking at internet porn, and lacking the confidence to get back out there and meet someone new. Even if you can’t even recall your last first date, if you follow these simple rules, you should come out on top. (Subtle?)
The 7 Steps that make for a great first date.
1. Don’t be stinky. No one likes either of the two extremes, so make sure you take it easy on the perfume and or cologne, and avoid aftershave- not only will it dry out your skin, but you’ll also smell like her Grandpa.
2. Be on time. I’m not suggesting you order up an atomic clock or anything, but be respectful of your time and your dates as well. The night before a big date, I’ll lay out what I’m going to wear, and plan the entire date out on a post it note, which really cuts down on the stress of the big evening. If you are running late, take the 38 seconds it takes to make a phone call- saving yourself an embarrassing moment.
3. Avoid talking about other people you’ve dated like it was Ebola. Look, everyone knows you are hurting, but that is why God invented Prozac and whiskey. No one cares about your heartache except for you, and by talking about your ex all the time, you will make it clear to your new hopeful that you aren’t over them yet. If you really want to dwell in the past, do it alone.
4. Look Presentable. “Yes Captain Obvious everyone knows you should dress up for a date.” Unfortunately for your unmatching ass, you can’t tell the difference between wool and tweed. (Ha fashion joke!) As Allah says, there is no second chance at a first impression, so make sure your socks match, you have a belt on, and your underwear is clean. As a fashion retard, I just go to the mall, see what everyone else is wearing, and copy it. You aren’t in school anymore, so cheat away. Besides, she may start thinking of you as arm candy, and want a little treat for later.0000.jpg
5. Be yourself. The NO-SHIT alert is going off, because this little rule is often overlooked. Don’t try to suddenly become and expert in Tibetan cave painting just because she is. Instead take the time to appreciate your dates depth of knowledge, and try to learn a thing or two. Also, you are not me, so don’t try to pull the same shit I do. When it comes to dating, I’m like Lebron James- tons of talent, developing my skills. So why you may lack my crossover tomahawk jam, you probably posses a fundamentally sound bank shot that I may never take the time to learn.
6. Shut up and listen. No one likes a date that rambles on to fill dead space in a conversation, so take some time out to catch your breath and listen for a minute. This rule is especially important if your date is shy, as they tend to be easily overwhelmed, and may end up having an awful time because of your verbosity. As another reminder, try and avoid highly controversial topics, unless you are a spokesman for PETA or something.
7. Don’t get nervous. If you find yourself feeling a little on edge, order a drink and sink into the lovely haze that is intoxication. While you are at it, order the same for your date, but make it a double. Just remember- both of you are on a first date, and most likely will be nervous and apprehensive. If you want to break the nervous barrier, maintain eye contact when you are talking as long as possible, even to the point of absurdity. If someone were to observe you from across a room, they ought to think you are engaged in some form of hypnosis. Without explaining the science, remember to maintain eye contact, and thank me later.
The final tip to remember is please- don’t try to close the deal on the first date. Consider the first date an interview for a second date, at which time you can get your nasty on.
From:dankoleary.squarespace.com
Posted by LC at January 27, 2005 12:03 PM
| TrackBack
|
|
|
|
|
