 |
|
February 01, 2005
DON’T LET IT BE HIM!
We’ve all been on dates where we met someone to whom we were in some way attracted, had a drink or a meal together, enjoyed each other’s company and have gone home satisfied, ready either to continue seeing each other or say “that was nice, but s/he’s not “The One”.
Those dates are no problem. It’s the others, the ones where you get out of your car and see them standing waiting…you do the “Five Second Survey” and find your insides are screaming; “pleeease don’t let it be him/her!” And it is. Those are the difficult dates and the ones we’re going to discuss this month.
So how do we end up in these situations? Don’t we look at a photo before we arrange these dates?
There was never an occasion where I went on a date arranged over the internet where I hadn’t seen a picture of the guy beforehand, but that didn’t stop me from getting that sinking feeling on more than one occasion . I don’t know, maybe the light was good, maybe it was simply a question of photos not capturing those indefinable physical signals that people give off in the flesh, but I was convinced that I’d been sent mugshots of a much better looking brother at least once.
The weird thing was I blamed myself. I felt bad because I realised that I was a shallow person because I set so much store on looks, much more than I’d previously thought. But hey, it’s natural.
So you’re in the car park, s/he’s waiting what do you do?
I’d suggest that you gather your wits, put on your best smile and go meet your date. After all, you’ve both gone out of your way to do this. Exchange a few pleasantries, enter the bar or restaurant and take some time out to do the Ten Minute Monitor. If the Five Second Survey was about animal magnetism, the Ten Minute Monitor is about all your date’s other qualities. How they carry themselves, walk, talk and what about. Does she have a winning smile? Can he make you laugh? Do you share stuff in common? Remember, if you avoid turning this date into a headhunting expedition for someone to share your life for eternity, you’re more likely to relax and simply have a good time hanging out with someone new for a little while.
Talk about the experience of doing this crazy internet dating thing a little. I know the other experts say avoid it , but I think it’s madness to pretend that you just met each other in the normal run of events; acknowledge your scepticism/wonderment/nervousness at the idea of it all, talk a little about what’s happened for you and move on.
Hopefully, you’ve opted to have a drink, with only the possible potential for a meal. That way, if you have to submit to the urge for Early Exit, you can do so without too much face being lost on either side.
By the end of the Ten Minute Monitor, you’ll probably have some idea about where this is all going for you. There’s still probably another 10 minutes left in your drink, but you can use that to think about what you want to do next.
Hopefully, you’ll have decided that you’re having enough fun to want to stick around, but if that Early Exit is calling, you’re going to have to be tough – with both yourself and your date. Don’t resort to stupid tactics like going to the WC and simply disappearing. Be upfront, but vague; “It’s been good to meet you, but I don’t think we’re well suited”. I’m not suggesting this always goes smoothly – you will occasionally come across dates who don’t understand the “rules” of the game and want to argue their case or get dreadfully upset, but just be firm, use that Broken Record and aim to leave soon after finishing that first drink. Remember, you have a social responsibility to be respectful of people’s feelings, but that doesn’t make you responsible for them.
I can’t guarantee that you will feel good at the close of this type of date. Disappointing and being disappointed isn’t likely to make you feel good. However, you will feel that you handled this situation as best you could, with dignity, and feel more able to risk the next date….which will be fine – trust me!!
From:www.theonlinedatingshop.com
Posted by LC at February 1, 2005 10:44 AM
| TrackBack
|
|
|
|
|
