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 February 23, 2005

How to overkome shyness

Overcoming Rejection
Are you too shy regarding the first step? Are you afraid of failures? Then the dating tips below can help.

If you suffer from being alone, then ANY practice is better than no practice. Go and speak with old Grandmas in trams. Any practice is better than none. If you go shopping then go to the female cashier instead of the male and say "Hello" to her. Ask 20 women in a row "Where is the next Coca Cola factory?" or "What time is it?". Just random girls who pass by. After a little practice you can even start to say "Hello" to beautiful women on the street.

Make rejection your Goal
How can you survive a "turn-down" and a "failure of dating"?

Since a woman sitting alone in a bar is asked probably 10 times per night for a date she can (and will) turn you down easily (without further thought) while it may be very bitter FOR YOU.

Now there IS a strategy to work around this devastating experience: You should WANT to be rejected. This may sound strange but is one of the most effective strategies: Make it your goal to be turned down at least 10 times per night. Laugh at rejections. Treat them as sport (you can not always win, can you?).

You can even continue to keep this "goal to fail" during advanced stages of a dating (= when already talking, when going home with her, etc).

Let me make this clear for you: You WILL get rejected in about 90%-95% of the cases. But it's not because of YOU it's simply because how things work. After you are more experienced that figure may drop.

You could even "start a night" with the prettiest girls around. Get rejected. Try with less pretty girls. And so on.

Double Rejection
You can even refine Make rejection your goal: Go out with another single male and as each one of you gets rejected you have a lot to talk and laugh about. And, boy, can rejections be fun! And they surely are experiences.

After all, if you think about it, whether something is good or bad it's all a Point of View.

No date, no rejection
You can overcome dating failures by NOT TRYING TO PICK UP a girl. Why don't you just start a small talk for the sake of a small talk? Just say "Hello, do you like cats?" or anything similar "unrelated to dating". Talk to her about... stuff. Don't be romantic. Just talk as if to a boy. This is an advice related to An offer a woman cannot refuse.

And by the way: Women love to flirt in a non-sexual way. Just smalltalkin'.

Practice with a no-go partner
This is a side idea to No date, no rejection: You can approach a girl with whom you would never start a dating usually. Just to train how to talk to a woman.

Fear of failure
All rejection fears come down to the Fear of Failure. But how in the world can you be self-confident and able and have less fear of failure if you refuse to practice? Imagine you were afraid to go to the kitchen and to open the fridge and to get a Pepsi. Imagine instead of just doing that you would sit and think and think and think about the horror of failure. There is no sense in that is it?

After all it is you who decides whether you want to look back on "a life full of chances not taken" or "a life with many used opportunities and a few failures".

Women you should avoid
To lower the chances of a rejection you should NOT try to contact these women:
  • Women who are in a hurry
  • Women who looked stressed
  • Women who are upset
  • Woman who obviously have a boy-friend
  • Woman who fold their arms
  • Women who are known to fool men
Don't get me wrong: You can always TRY, because this is merely an advice to reduce the failure rate. If you don't mind about rejections then go ahead and talk to those stressed business women running to catch a taxi...

Please also read Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection.

You can not be liked by everyone
This is a side note to Make Rejection your Goal: It is practically impossible to be liked by 100% of people. Just visit the site Compare the most disliked and the most liked celebrities: The most liked celebs are at 40% (= only 40% dislike them). The least liked celebs get 70% (= 70% dislike them, 30% like them)

Here are a few examples:
  • Usama Bin Ladin: 70% think he is annoying (= 30% think he is not annoying)
  • Adolf Hitler: 70% think he is annoying
  • Claudia Schiffer: 70% think she is annoying
  • Stalin: 70% think he is annoying
  • Britney Spears: 70% think she is annoying
  • Jack the Ripper: 70% think he is annoying
  • Michael Jackson: 70% think he is annoying
  • George W. Bush: 60% think he is annoying
  • Paul McCartney: 50% think he is annoying
  • Led Zeppelin: 40% think the group is annoying
  • Jesus: 40% think he is annoying
These are just examples, but as you see, WHATEVER YOU DO you don't get below 40% or above 70%.

Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection
Please also accept that THERE ARE legitimate reasons why a girl may reject you:
  • The girl just married
  • The girl has a boy-friend with whom she is happy
  • The girl has several lovers and doesn't need more
  • The girl has an incurable infectious disease
  • The girl has current body pains
  • The girl is a lesbian
  • The girl has religious reasons (e.g. she's a Jehova's witness and marries only other Jehovah's witnesses)
  • The girl has ethnical reasons (e.g. her parents are Turkish and only allow Turkish boy-friends)
  • The girl doesn't like you (yes, it's her right to like or dislike people at her own request)
  • You remind her of somebody she deeply dislikes. Ok, this is probably not a legitimate reason per se, but understandable.
  • ...
Thus if she rejects you IT DOES NOT mean that it's YOUR fault. Yes, she might be a bit unfriendly (or maybe she doesn't anything at all), but the above reasons are legitimate for a rejection.

In other words #1:
Every guy (no matter how good looking) gets rejected from time to time.

In other words #2:
It's a number's game. The more girls you ask the more you can date.

In other words #3:
Move on. When she's not interested then it means..... she's not interested. No more than that.

In other words #4:
If you don't move on and try and try to convince her then you not only break some of the rules of this site, but you also run straight into a rejection... and you're the only one to blame.

Please also read Women you should avoid.

Reasons for shyness
Please read You can not be liked by everyone and Make Rejection your Goal and No date, no rejection first.

There are 2 main reasons for shyness/ lack of self-confidence: 1) You are afraid what others think of you 2) You are afraid of a failure

Reasons 1 & 2 can be "trained away".
1) Don't give a damn what others think of you. As long as you don't behave like the last Neanderthal jerk you shouldn't be afraid of anything. You won't see most of the women you fail to pick up ever again anyway (unless you live in a small village). So why worrying? Moreover if you are friendly and well behaving then there is no reason why she should scare you off. She will be friendly, too. If she is unfriendly for no reason then you learned enough about her to not date her anyway.

2) Imagine the worst failure there can be and realize that it isn't that bad even if it came true. You can train with another male single to reject you. You play the game of "Asking and Rejecting". You try to pick him up and he rejects you. Once you get used to get rejected it feels less painful. If you don't have anybody to train, then write down "rejection quotes" (see Rejection Quotes) and realize they are just words.

Think of that too: Most men are shy but they took action nevertheless. So what was the difference between you (shy) and them (shy)? The action! What is the difference between you (shy) and the jerk (who has a girlfriend)? The action!

Stop thinking about having a girl-friend and get one!

Rejection Quotes
Read the following female rejection quotes and realize they are just words. These quotes are about anything that can happen to you. Be prepared to hear them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.
  • "No thank you"
  • "Sorry, you're not my type"
  • "I have a boy-friend"
  • "Get off"
  • "Get off, you moron"
  • "You? Never!!"
  • "Shut up"
  • "Don't waste your time"
  • "Don't waste my time"
  • "No thanks, you are ugly!"
  • "No way"
  • "Phew!"
  • "Everybody has wishes"
  • "Fuck you"
  • "No, not with you"
  • "You can ask my dog. Maybe he will take you"
  • "Don't even dare!"
  • "Grow a bit more and come back later"
  • "If you were the last man on earth I wouldn't date you"
  • "Sorry, but I am concentrating on my career"
  • "Don't even try"
  • "You stink"
  • "Fuck off"
  • "Are you a man or a woman?"
  • "Get me a beer and get off"
  • "Sorry, I am not in the right mood for this"
  • "Sorry, I am not THAT kind of girl"
  • "Hey, girls, look at him"
  • "Oh, god, not again"
  • "Do I look like I would hang out with guys like you?"
  • "Go to Jerry Springer, you freak"
  • "With you? Why should I?"
  • "I don't date co-workers"
  • "Yeah, but I don't like YOU"
  • "It's not you. It's me"
  • "Would you please leave me alone"
  • "Where did they let YOU out?"
  • "I don't date neighbors"
  • "No, I just want to have friendly relationship. I need a friend not a lover"
  • "You're too old" "You're 20 years too old"
    "You're too young"
    "You're not my age"
  • "With you? Look at you!"
  • "You are too fat"
  • "YOU come to a girl like ME? Don't you have eyes in your head?"
  • "Sorry, I just talk to pretty men"
  • "My life is too complicated right now."
  • "Is here any nest where jerks like you come out?"
  • "You are too skinny"
  • "I just split up. I need some time out"
  • "I am a lesbian" "Sorry, mate, I am gay"
  • "You men suck"
  • "You wish"
  • "I don't date idiots"
  • "I don't date guys like you"
  • "You're so ugly"
  • "One more word and I call security"
  • "I hate men"
  • "I can't stand men like you"
  • ...
All the above statements can be accompanied by gestures and facial expressions and emotional flows. Realize they are just gestures/emotional flows. Be prepared to see/feel them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.
  • Judging you disgusted from head to toe
  • Shaking her head
  • Making a disgusted face
  • Making a funny face (= you are an idiot)
  • Sending you away with a hand movement
  • Showing her palm (= stop)
  • Showing you her middle finger
  • "Sending" you a "being disgusted" flow
  • "Sending" you a "don't want you near" flow
  • "Sending" you a "bad luck wish" flow
  • Tipping her head with her forefinger (= you are an idiot)
  • Blowing cigarette smoke into your face
  • Wetting you with her drink on purpose
  • Showing you her tongue disgustingly
  • Making invalidating/devaluing noises
  • Running off to her friends and telling what an idiot you are and laughing at you
  • ...
Please also read You can not be liked by everyone.

Important: If you have more rejection quotes then send them in!!

Posted by LC at February 23, 2005 11:45 AM | TrackBack

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