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 March 02, 2005

Dating tips step by step


Your personal image.

It only takes 4 seconds to make that first impression - seventy five percent of this is based on how you look whereas only two percent is based on what you say.

Sending out the right signals is vitally important. If you do not you will attract the wrong individual for you and the main idea of dating is attracting!

How you attract people is by conveying a correct and positive image that is a true indication of who you are. False messages will mean that you come across as false.

Everything you wear is a statement and reflects your self-image. People have psychological responses to your personal image and evaluate whom you are, what you do and what your interests may be all from how you look.


Understanding who you are
1. Work out your perceived value and then raise it by twenty points. Everyone has a market value, based on a combination of things like their looks, emotional literacy, income and sense of humour. You need to get really honest with yourself about your score out of 100. If you’re shooting for someone who’s more than 20 points out of your league you better upgrade yourself or prepare for misery.


Projecting who you are
1. Get out more. Triple your dates. If you’re serious about finding your perfect partner then it has to become a mission. Leaving it to fate may work for some people but it’s a very risky strategy that can go badly wrong. It’s important to get at least as serious as you would about looking for a great house to buy or a new career.

2. Face your fear
If you’re getting lots of exposure and no luck there’s something wrong. Get help. Learn to use your assets. You need to find out how you are getting in your own way both consciously and unconsciously. Do you need to learn how to appear more relaxed? Do you need to finesse your flirting? If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you always got.

3. Cultivate a love for life not just flashy dating skills.
It’s no good finding Mr or Miss Right if you’ve got nothing to keep the connection going. A flashy smile and a great body will only get you so far. They score very highly in terms of initial attraction but people are desperate for depth and connection. If you can uncover your love for life you’re more likely to find a lover for life.

4. Be the center of attention
Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the centre of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and internationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...) If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenders tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies. Dating patterns 1 Take out your trash.
You already have a relationship history that can tell you everything you need to know about why you’re not already in a long term, committed relationship. Make the time to observe the patterns you repeat in relationships as they are based on your past. If you’ve got any insecurity, fear or even desperation, it shows and needs to be dealt with. If you don’t complete your past you are doomed to repeat it.

2. Is this a romance or just a bit of raunch?
Know that the context a relationship begins in will generally determine its future. If you start out with a fling and then it becomes a more serious romance you need to know that at the first sign of trouble it’s very likely that one partner, will say something like "Oh well, it was only a fling, time to move on."

3. Pay attention to chemistry.
For a long term relationship to flourish you need three pieces of chemistry. You need best friend chemistry, you need sexual chemistry and you need practical chemistry. The last one is often overlooked, ideally you live in the same part of the country, you keep the same kind of hours and you’re both available for the relationship you want.

4. Listen out for your warning bells.
It’s very easy to waste months or even years in a relationship you know just won’t work in the long term. These are the ‘better than being alone’ types. Listen to your intuition, what do you know right now is going to be a problem a year or even three years from now. If it can be fixed now would be a good time to get started. Be discerning, relationships are easy to get into and yet, like a bullet wound, very messy on the way out.

5. Chuck out the checklist.
Whilst it’s important to know exactly what it is you need to be true in your perfect partner a list can become a liability. It’s important to work out what is essential as opposed to just a luxury. You’d be amazed at how many women are limiting their life looking for taller men. Be open to surprises in unpredictable packages.

6. Take it slowly.
Slow down, for most of us, things get a lot more complicated as soon as you start having penetrative sex. It makes much more sense to get to really know someone.


Body language

1. First Impressions
Boring but true, you have four seconds to make an impact and let the other person know you’re someone they want to spend more time with. We process so much information subconsciously that you really must make an effort to sort out your first impression. If you’re unsure about how you are perceived ask your friends to tell you the truth. Aim to smile brightly and pay the person a compliment as a starting point. Consider using a tooth whitener such as Pearldrops to ensure a dazzling smile.

2. Quality
Quality indicates how much you value yourself. Choose natural fabrics rather than made-made, a good cut garment and ...up your budget - although this does not guarantee better quality, you have a better chance of creating an impression that you care about yourself and therefore you care for your date too.

3. Authority
Authority indicates your status. Making a statement by wearing authoritative items will give you more credibility and make you appear more confident and capable. Items that project authority include a jacket, a belt, jewellery, make-up, shoes and a bag. Plus your accessories such as a mobile, wallet and a diary. Ensure you invest more in these items and incorporate them into your look. Your date will be impressed.

4. Grooming
Grooming – This indicates your respect for yourself and others. Avoid looking like you have just had a real hard day at the office or just come from the gym. Brushing your hair, cleaning your teeth, washing your face and touching up the make-up, will be appreciated. This is an intimate experience when you will be talking up close and personal with your date.

5. Work to date
From work to date – Unless you feel your work wardrobe reflects you as a person, change your clothes! A suit can appear too formal for some and as if you are fitting the date into your busy schedule. If you cannot change at least take off your tie – this will make you more approachable and open.

6. Finishing touches
Finishing Touches – What would you like others to know most about you? Think of that and add a finishing touch to your outfit that you feel reflects this. E.g. a joker – a comic slogan top; a glamour kitten – some glitzy eye shadow; a creative – an unusual texture or pattern.

7. Be the center of attention
Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the centre of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and internationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...)

If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenders tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.

8. Body talk that reels 'em in
How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex? If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life."

In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. " Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say.

For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive.

Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.

9. The power of a smile
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."


From:www.datemakeover.com

Posted by LC at March 2, 2005 12:17 PM | TrackBack


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