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 April 05, 2005

How To Read A Guy’s Online Dating Profile


By Jason Jordan

It's hard enough to tell if a guy you meet in a club or at the grocery store is someone you want to date, let alone have a serious relationship with. When you're meeting a man online, it's even harder, since you can't hear the tone of his voice or see his body language—key clues to whether he's telling the truth. To separate the good guys from the creeps and save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted coffee dates, here are "8 Rules" to keep in mind to find a good date or maybe a soulmate online:

1.He is not Prince Charming. No matter how hot he looks in his pictures, no matter how successful he is or how smart he is or how much he says he loves his mother, the guy you are looking at on your computer screen is not Prince Charming, and he is not perfect. Not that there aren't some great guys online, there are. But all men have some bumps and warts. It's not a question of whether you're going to find them, it's a question of when.

2.If he sounds like a jerk, he probably is. Writing an essay for an online dating profile brings out the natural tendencies in a man's personality. If a guy sounds pushy in his essays, like he's mainly focused on himself and what he wants, evades the questions, and puts up narcissistic pictures, it's a pretty good bet he's not going to treat you with the respect you deserve. Unless you're into open shirts and over-sized gold medallions, move on.

3.If he sounds like a nerd, he is a nerd. The opposite is also true. If a guy is very shy or overly flowery in his profile, makes excuses for why he's on the site, comes across as totally plain and boring, and sounds like he's just trying to please people, expect him to be less confident, less social, and less fun in real life. It’s tempting to think, "Well, he sounds shy in his essay, but maybe that's just his profile. I bet he's fun in real life." He's probably not.

4.Always see a couple clear pictures before meeting. These days, everyone can get access to a decent digital camera. If he says he doesn't have pictures to put up yet, wait until he does, or move on. If he puts up only a single picture, or pictures that look old or are out of focus, be skeptical. Attractive guys have more than a few good pictures to post. If they don't, expect the worst.

5.Give a guy a break. While it's important to read profiles closely and be careful about who you meet online and how you meet them, don't be overly critical of a guy in his profile. Not everyone is a born writer and not everyone loves to brag about themselves on a web site for the whole world to see. As you're reading his profile, try to get a sense of whether he is basically the kind of guy you might like or might grow to like over time. If there are no obvious warning signs, take the next step and IM or talk by phone.

6.Always talk or IM before you meet. There is a limit to what you can tell about a guy from an online dating profile. He might have worked on his essays for weeks or even gotten someone else to write them for him. By IM’ing or talking on the phone you start to get a much better sense of what his personality is really like and whether you are compatible, and then you can decide if you want to meet.

7.If you have a bad feeling about him, don't meet. There is a lot you don't know about people online. Trust your instincts. If a guy says something in an email or on the phone that gives you a bad feeling, or makes you think he might be hiding something, don't meet him and break off communications. There are literally millions of great guys out there--there is no reason to waste your time or take an unnecessary chance to meet someone who might be dangerous.

8.Don't Get Your Hopes Up. No matter what you think you read in their profile, no matter how many butterflies you thought you felt when you talked on the phone, remember—you really don't have any idea if you're going to hit it off with a guy until you meet. And no matter how awesome you think your date is going, you have no idea if he is going to call you again until he actually does. Some guys will lie to be polite or to try to score on a first date. Don’t get your hopes up too soon and you won’t be disappointed.



Jason Jordan is co-founder of TrueDater.com, a free web site where online daters can share information and reviews of people they have met on other dating sites.

Posted by LC at April 5, 2005 04:18 PM | TrackBack


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