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December 30, 2004

Magic Personified

Real or make-believe?... that is the question. Can we find a way to determine if the person we are falling for online is REAL??

This is one question that comes to mind a lot in online connections, be it emails or instant messages, and is peculiar to ONLY online communications. This cannot occur in any other venue except maybe writing letters back and forth to someone you have never met, such as pen pals, women who write to incarcerated men, etc.

Since we cannot see the person's reactions to what we say, nor can we be distracted by a million other forms of sensory input that happen in person-to-person interaction, ONLINE communication becomes something nebulous falling somewhere between REALITY and FANTASY in our mind.

We are real people talking to each other, but our mind has to find a place of security that is alien to its natural process. If one has spent a lot of time online interacting with others, one develops a place of security in one's mind whereby we can launch a scenario that is optimum for each particular person/case involved.

For instance, if we are talking to someone who fits the criteria that we have set for ourselves to be able to explore a possible meeting, we have imposed a certain chain of events that will certainly take us to that end.

Systematically, we ask certain questions, interpret the answers, which lead to more questions, which lead to more answers that finally give us the specific information we need to make an educated guess as to the risk factor involved in actually meeting this person face to face.

After assessing all the things we have to assess, after eliminating a series of reasons why to meet or not meet this person, we ultimately whittle it down to whatever action we want to take.

On one hand, with online dating, before we meet face to face, we have a hell of a lot MORE information than we would have if we just met on the street. Assuming they have told the truth, we usually know their age, where they live, what they like sexually, and a lot of other personal things we've demanded they answer before we determine a quasi match.

But on the other hand, we have a whole lot LESS information than we would have if we had met this person in real time (seeing how they dress, carry themselves, relate to the world around them, how friendly they really are etc).

So, within this nebulous space we now have to create a whole new set of rules for ourselves. We have to come up with extra sensory perception that will guide us in our decision-making so that we can find the lowest risk factor possible for making the best assessment for success. Not only do we have to decide if this person is compatible, but we have to give ourselves the OK to bite the bullet and go for it.

The more we meet people this way, the more we learn how our new sensory perception has to develop. Each time we meet someone, we get the opportunity to develop our skill.

Once we have this person in our face, the brain has to switch from that nebulous place between REAL and FANTASY to REAL time. Now we fall back on what has always been familiar to us and that is CHEMISTRY.

Chemistry has a way of overriding much of the aforementioned data. New sensory input invades the senses and qualifies or disqualifies all previous information. This is the point where we go from the nebulous zone to a comfort zone.

At least we can trust chemistry. It's almost an absolute for us. Chemistry is cut and dried. There is no question. We are in our comfort zone and know exactly if this person is energetically in tune with us or not.

But, what if the guy has a nervous twitch or looks at every woman's ass that walks by, or what if the woman has an obnoxious high-pitched laugh? That nebulous zone never factored these types of things in to the equation.

The solution to this is to have a web cam. You can see how the person responds to your words, see their facial movements, see their body, how they look when you make them smile, hell you can even see their pets, kids, and whatever else they care to show you.

You can't, however, see how they react to the world around them, or know how friendly they are to senior citizens, or whether or not they have money in the bank, but if you are wondering if you are at least physically attracted to this person, the cam will show you a heck of a lot.

I think we create in our nebulous zone, how we want the person to be. When the other person doesn't meet that expectation, we tend to then say, "they weren't for REAL." I am thinking that we create this person as we want to see them to make it OK in our mind to meet them.

But when they aren't THAT way really, aren't WE ourselves to blame for making up this super being?? How many times have you said, "This is absolutely CRAZY!!?? I think I am madly in love and we haven't even met!!" What we are "in love" with is the IDEA of this person being everything we have made them out to be which is of course, our perfect mate!!!

Is saying the person really wasn't as they alluded to be, perhaps a "self imposed" mistake or lack of awareness? Could it be that we are deluding ourselves? If we can realize that we have done all we can in a limited venue to find someone who for all intents and purposes matches our criteria for romance, BUT that the hold out is the actual face-to-face meeting as the be all and end all of ascertaining REAL attraction, I think there would be a whole lot less disappointment, and a lot more success stories.

Expectations are SELF-IMPOSED and we ourselves need to be accountable for this. If the other person does NOT meet our expectations, it might just be that we built up a persona to suit our fantasy, and perhaps WE indeed, haven't been realistic.

The other thing that we run into a lot, unfortunately, are the liars and deceivers who get their rocks off by hurting others or just seeing how well they can con their way into getting a date.

That is where experience at meeting comes in handy. There are a lot of ways to detect these people because they forget from one day to the next what lies they told and their stories aren't consistent.

I avoid these like the plague but even an experienced b*llsh*t detector like myself can still be fooled on occasion. BUT, I still prefer this venue for meeting potential dates over all others and have learned that the bottom line is to keep a very open mind, realizing that I am probably grandiosizing a wee bit because I so earnestly want to meet people with whom I can relate to and be myself with and I truly believe that with the masses at my fingertips, I have much higher odds of being successful.

There is a magical dynamic that happens online that is not found in any other venue and I sincerely believe it CAN be translated into real time, with caution, awareness, and the ability to make the smooth transition from that nebulous zone to REAL time, and allow yourself the grace to let chemistry and face-to-face attraction be the deciding factor. Limit your fantasies and know that they are the fuel, but they are not the REAL fire!!!

by WiseWoman
Posted by LC at 05:51 PM | TrackBack

Reading Between the Lines

Reading through the personal ads can be a skill, an art in its own. You may find that skimming through the personal ads has become your latest habit, searching for the person that meets your profile needs and desires but without success. Have you been looking for love but in the wrong profiles, or are you searching for more that is not written in the lines of a personal ad? If you read more into a personal ad than what is actually written in the profile and in the pages of the personal classifieds, you may find yourself conversing or dating a person that does not have the same personal dating ideas as you or the same objective in a relationship which puts you back at the beginning of the process again.

You already know that the listings in the personal section are from people just like you, people who want to meet someone special to fit into their life so starting with the personal ads is a great way to meet someone. However, maybe you are reading the profile of someone wanting to find just a friend, or maybe the profiles you are reading is someone that is also hinting towards a search for love in a relationship. You need to be a distinctive reader.

The odds are in your favor when searching the personal ads for in finding a companion or lover. You already know that if the profiles you are reading are not seeking some type of friendship or relationship, they would not have created a profile for others to review. However, the steps in deciding who you will make contact with can be one of the most difficult in your search.

Your journey reading the personal classified section will require the need to look within yourself discovering what you type of relationship you are truly in search of. Are you searching for a friend, for a lover, or are you searching for a true lifetime commitment? Whatever category you place yourself in, choose the replies and profiles that meet your standards in your search for a relationship helping you narrow your search, which will make the personals much easier to sort through. If you would sit in front of your computer and continue reading all of the personal ads presented, you may find yourself overwhelmed with information and choices to be made. Narrowing your criteria and the idea of what type of relationship you are searching for creates the best results.

If you are searching for a friend or companion only through the personal ads, start with profiles that state this specifically in their profile, which you will find many. In discussing profiles of those who are not looking for a serious relationship, you may find the following phrases used: "want to have a good time", "not looking for a relationship" and "not willing to give my heart away", "just want to spend some time with you" or "seeking another with a great listening ear". There are various words used expressing friendship, companionship and those just looking to date. Use these expressions and words to help you sort through the personal ads narrowing your decision among the many people listed.

Profiles of people searching for friendship use words that stick out like: "looking for fun", "friendship", "no commitments", "companion wanted", "only looking for a good time", "need help in building my confidence", "I want to roller blade in the park all day", finding words that express fun and friendship stating no commitments or relationship will help you sort through the profiles you are reading.

Are you in search of that someone special to be more than just friends are? Learn to read more into the written words. Find descriptions such as "looking for love", "searching for that someone special", "more than friends", "quiet and cozy", "easy going and lovable", "special times", "treasured moments", and words similar to "lovable".

So what about your profile, read over the words again. Does the profile really express your thoughts about a relationship, what type of relationship you are seeking and whom you are expecting to meet using the personal classifieds? Deciding what type of person you are searching for, what qualities you desire, and how far you want the relationship to mature are steps in realizing you are taking the right direction for meeting that someone special through the classifieds. Clarify your words, express your real thoughts and ideas about who you are seeking clearly which will aid those that are reading your profile connect easily with you.

Matching your personality and the relationship you are seeking with the personal profile or description of another person that is seeking similar relationships can be tough but using your feelings of what you want from a relationship as a basis when reading and sorting through the personals is a great beginning.

by Cheryl Lewis
Posted by LC at 05:39 PM | TrackBack

What is good lovemaking

  • How to... making love?

  • Physical stuff can be worked on

  • What to expect from relationship?

Different people's perception on what ‘good’ lovemaking is varies greatly.

I tend to 'thrive' on the mental aspect...

If mentally and emotionally we are connected, then the lovemaking can be out of this world.

How to... making love

How to... making love ... If your making love... be reminded that there is a person attached to it. Feelings.. Emotions, trust, respect... and when it's all in place.. My knowledge tells me that the lovemaking is fabulous..

Physical stuff can be worked on

On the other hand perhaps you just need to realize that it is not easy to find your "soulmate" (she just may be someone you have a lot of chemistry with) and that you should just enjoy what it is you have with her but keep on looking for someone else...

What to expect from relationship?

Remember one very important thing...

People are who they are and it is always better to simply see if who they are fits in with who you are rather than to try to "force" the issue to make yourselves fit with each other which is, in the long run, close to impossibility to do as 99% of the time it fails.

Posted by LC at 05:07 PM | TrackBack

December 29, 2004

Overcome your shyness

What is shyness?

One definition of shyness is "having difficulty in creating a good rapport with the people one meets."

For some people, the problem of shyness may simply be having trouble thinking of things to say in social situations. For others, it may involve crippling physical manifestations of uneasiness. For most, shyness involves a combination of both symptoms to a greater or lesser degree. In any event, the effects of shyness can be devastating.

Behaviors that come spontaneously for the average person (smiling, thinking of suitable conversational topics, assuming a relaxed posture, making good eye-contact, etc.) may simply not be an inherent part of the shy person's makeup.

Another problem of shyness is that shy people may not know how to behave in certain situations. Wrote Dr. Phillip G. Zimbardo, one of the country's foremost authorities on the subject of shyness, "Some don't have the social skills necessary for keeping the machinery of human relationships functioning smoothly. They don't know how to start a conversation or ask for a raise or speak up in class."

Thus, there's more to shyness than merely not knowing what to say. The severely shy may find it difficult to do something as simple as smile and say "hello" to someone. If they don't tend to smile easily, they may be afraid to "force" a smile out of the subconscious fear that it will be seen as "phony" by others.

Also, if a shy person does not have an easy smile or a ready laugh, he may be viewed as overly serious, even humorless. According to The Single's Almanac by Jeffrey Ullman, (1986, World Almanac Publications,) the first thing women look at in men is the smile and the laugh. (A comparable predisposition is reported in men's judgments of women.)

Now let's look at some of the behavioral components of shyness :

  • Anxiety or lack of self-confidence around other people
  • Difficulty thinking of things to say in conversation
  • Lack of knowledge of expected modes of behavior for various social situations
  • Absence of outgoing mannerisms such as good eye contact, an easy smile, a relaxed posture, and so forth
Further, the element of willpower (or the lack of it) enters into the picture. The shy person must sometimes force himself to do such things as go to a party or to strike up a conversation with a classmate. These, for the shy person, can require a tremendous amount of effort.

Also, sometimes shyness can be much like a phobia-an irrational fear that cripples our behavior. We know it's foolish to be afraid of people. We know that people are more inclined to like us if we're relaxed and cheerful than if we're awkward or clumsy. Still, we seem to be predisposed somehow to behave in a certain way. Though the fear that accompanies a "true" phobia is usually more extreme than the fear that accompanies shyness, there do seem to be common elements. (There is even such a thing as a true phobia of other people; it's called anthrophobia.)

How to overcome shyness?

Probably the best way to overcome shyness is Systematic (or Graduated) Desensitization. This is contrasted with a technique called "flooding," in which the shy person is immediately exposed to a feared situation. This experience is supposed to be cathartic.

This is the advice that is often given shy people. "You've got to mix and mingle with people-that's the only way you're going to overcome your shyness! Go to a party, and plunge right in!" This is something akin to telling someone who's deathly afraid of water to plunge into the deep end of a swimming pool!

Systematic desensitization, on the other hand, involves discovering what you are afraid of, breaking that feared activity down into smaller steps and finally taking those steps on one at a time, gradually moving from the easiest step to the most difficult.

The first step toward practicing systematic desensitization is to list those situations which cause you shyness or anxiety. The list should be arranged in increasing order of difficulty; that is, with the easiest interactions listed first, progressing down toward those which cause greater and greater anxiety. To make this task easier, below is a list of social situations arranged in what I think will be roughly increasing difficulty for most shy people. You can use this list as a framework for your own list. The list progresses from the mildest social situations to the most difficult.

The next step is to tackle these shyness-producing situations one at a time, progressing from the easiest to the most difficult. To do this, you must set goals for yourself.

Set aside a couple of weeks for each shyness situation. Every day, make a deliberate point of getting into a situation in which you will have an opportunity to practice a skill on your list which you have set aside to practice during that week. When you have practiced a particular skill on your list every day for two weeks, move on to the next one. Continue this way until you have worked your way completely down the list.

This technique doesn't work perfectly, because life doesn't always hand out experiences in the order we've decided would be best, but don't worry; the technique will still be effective.

Another tip: most of these situations can be made more challenging by increasing how much time you spend in that situation, or by increasing the difficulty in some other way. For example, you may have no trouble asking a librarian to help you find something, but entering into a brief conversation with him or her may be a little more difficult. Or, a short conversation with someone you meet at school may be easy, but a longer one may be more challenging. In this way you can "fine tune" your graduated desensitization regimen in a way that allows you to achieve a very smooth increase in its difficulty level.

One of the easiest ways to begin is to try striking up little conversations with store clerks. This gives you an opportunity to practice overcoming your shyness every time you pick up a magazine or buy a candy bar. The conversations don't have to be long ones, and you can close the conversation whenever you wish. Another advantage is that since you have no need to see these people again, you have no reason to be upset if you say something you later decide was less than brilliant. Of course, make sure there isn't a long line of other shoppers waiting behind you when you try this technique!

What is visualization?

"Visualization," "imaging," or "cognitive behavioral rehearsal" is the process of creating detailed mental pictures of behaviors you wish to assume. It can be a useful supplement to your other efforts at overcoming shyness. In effect, it is a way of practicing in your mind behaviors that you wish to acquire in real life.

And research shows that visualization can really help. Researchers at Louisiana State University found that people could actually increase the amount of weight they could lift by visualizing themselves doing so.

Daydreaming is a form of visualization. The difference between visualization and daydreaming, however, is that there are gaps in daydreams, and we picture some hypothetical event that will probably never take place. In the visualization process, by contrast, we picture something that is more likely to happen and imagine the step-by-step process by which we will handle it.

You need to practice visualization when you know you can relax without fear of interruption. Try to choose a time when nobody else is home, or, if this is not possible, go to a room by yourself and hang a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. (It is okay to tell people what you are doing.)

Before you begin your visualization session, you should relax for a few minutes. You need no special regimen. If you are familiar with yoga, meditation, or another relaxation discipline you may practice it briefly before beginning visualization. Otherwise, kicking off your shoes, putting your feet up, and going into a quiet mood will be fine.

It is important, however, to be relaxed when visualizing because you want to subconsciously associate a feeling of relaxation with the social situations that you are about to mentally rehearse. When you actually enter into a situation you visualized, you want to be able to recall that relaxed state vividly.

When you feel you are sufficiently relaxed you are ready to start the visualization process.

1: Close your eyes and picture the scene that causes you shyness as vividly and accurately as possible. Picture the people who are involved in the scene. What do they say? How do you respond?

2: If you are visualizing something that happened in the past, picture the scene as it actually happened as vividly as possible. What is it that was difficult about this situation? 3: What did the other person (or people) say? What did you say? What do you feel was inadequate about your performance?

4: Now visualize the exact same scene again. Picture what the other person said to you. But this time, picture yourself responding as you wish you had responded. Or, if you initiated the interaction, picture yourself doing so as you wish you had, effectively, self-confidently. If you have trouble knowing what this would be, think of an outgoing person you admire and picture how he or she would handle the situation. Imagine yourself behaving the same way.

5: Now picture how you think the other person might have responded to you had you acted the way you wished. Then visualize your next move or statement, his or her response, and so on, until you think the interaction is completed.

6:If you are visualizing something that will happen in the future, you must make a number of suppositions. Who do you expect to be talking to? Is it likely to be a man or a woman? Have you met this person before? What is the setting? What do you wish to accomplish with the interaction? How should you approach this person? What do you think you should say? What do you expect the other person to say? How will you respond? Visualize this scene repeatedly until you think you have worked out all the details and have determined what your best approach will be and how you will respond to various possible behaviors on the part of the other person. Picture yourself being relaxed, friendly, confident.

The important thing to remember when visualizing is not simply to think "I must be more outgoing," but to actually see yourself being more outgoing. See every step of your desired behavior as if it were projected on a movie screen. Just as you mentally "see" various scenarios acted out when you daydream, so must you "see" them when you visualize. As with any other skill, your ability to visualize will improve with practice.

A few other tips: First, be realistic about what you're visualizing. Don't see yourself as being the "life of the party" right away. Instead, look at the graduated desensitization list that you made up in the previous section, start visualizing the first thing that causes you shyness, and work your way up from there.

20-30 minutes a day is a good amount of time to devote to visualization.
Posted by LC at 12:19 PM | TrackBack

Learn How To Eat A Girl Out

Having sex and making love are two entirely different things? The former refers to the having intercourse while the latter refer to intercourse but the essence of the act is centered on giving and receiving pleasure. You'd be wondering why you have to learn how to eat a girl out. Read on to find out it is very important that you do it right !

It is a known fact that women take a far longer time when compared to men to reach sexual climax and rarely do they achieve climax thru intercourse alone. So, therein lies the question of how do you go about pleasing your women? Answer� Cunnilingus! Or in lay man's term - eating her out! That is by far the best way to give your girl the big 'O'. And the good news is women simply love it when her man eats her out.

Next question is: How Do You Do It? For starters, you got to have some knowledge on a woman's anatomy. Believe it or not, eating her out involves more that just your tongue and her vagina; it actually involves her whole body. While there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to eating a woman out, here are a couple of guidelines�

The actual act of eating out a woman usually concentrates on the vagina and clitoris and also the stimulation of her G spot. However, constant clitoral licking alone won't get the job done. Worse, you'll numb her clit and leave her feeling raw. Start by spending a little time licking and circling her clit with the tip of your tongue and from there slowly lick your way down her labia to her slit and slowly work your way up again to her clit. Repeat a couple of times all the while making sure that you caress her body especially the inner thighs, calves and feet with your free hands.

At this point, the area between her labia and the top of her thighs are extremely sensitive. Slowly kiss and lick this area all the while teasing her and working your kisses towards her clit but just when she expects you to go for her clit, stop and move your attention to the other side. You can repeat the same process with her inner thighs, calves nipping her skin lightly as you work your way up her thighs.

The idea here is to do anything that comes to mind and TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't rush! Tease her and drive her nuts to the point where every nerve in her body is tingling and her entire body is extremely sensitive and screaming for your touch. She's so turn on by now that you'd need a fire hose to douse the fire you started in her! Now for the kill, lean forward with your mouth less than an inch from her vagina and let her feel your warm breath caressing her before you proceed to lick her up between her legs. Besides eating her out you're your tongue, you can also use your fingers to increase her pleasure.

If you've done this properly, your woman would have had her big 'O' or on the verge of getting one. Here on the choice is yours whether to take her over the edge or have sex with her and you can both come together.

There you have it, all about how to eat a girl out! Let's not forget that the whole point of you learning how to eat a girl out is to give your woman pleasure NOT to "get her ready" for SEX.

Good Luck !
Posted by LC at 12:05 PM | TrackBack

How To Keep Women Engaged

Hey guys...

Many a man has been at a bar, spotted an attractive woman and thought to himself, "Wow! She really works those breasts, bouncy bouncy." Next, he went up to talk to her and within the first thirty seconds of conversation the poor bastard went belly up as she hammered him to jelly. He, then, walked away hunchbacked and long faced, wearing an existential funk ten times the size of his deflated ego.

You can probably relate. I know I can. I've been there about a billion times. Heck! - I used to be so scared to approach an attractive woman that I'd imagine her steamrolling me, leaving me for road kill in her wake. How cool is that - I'd disqualify myself without even talking to her.

Meeting and approaching women is no easy business for those who haven't mastered the necessary skills. Let's take a look at why this is so.

Realize this: We approach women in the wake of their cuteness - and they know it. Without them uttering a single word, they hook us in. Half the time, even if you find them less attractive than the stench of foot and *ass* combined, they'll still genuinely believe you're hitting on them.

This, of course, is about to change. So keep reading.

Watching most men approach an attractive woman is as depressing as a costume ball for demented children. The woman is like a pro fisherman with top notch bait and the guy is like a poor little fish, soon to be chopped up, fried, and eaten for dinner. Even if he's a fighter, it's too late - he's already on the hook (Albeit, if he happens to be her physical type, he's got a shot at success).

I'm also a fish - but an F-ed up, twisted, �ber alien barracuda. Just when they feel that they have me on their hook I start throwing bait at them. They start chomping away at the bait and, then, bam - they're on my hook and I'm reeling them in.

Let me give you an example. If I'm at a nightclub, I might stand in a crowed area - maybe near the bar or ladies restroom. As a woman walks by I'll stick out my elbow making it inevitable that she'll bump into it. And then in an overdramatic and offended tone I'll utter: " hurt me." Ninety-seven percent of the time, women will stick their hand out to touch me and apologize with some variant of, "Oh my...I'm so sorry." I'll usually shoot back with, "You can touch me but...only if you tell me an interesting story or a funny joke."

Not only is this a bundle of fun but also a powerful means of emotionally hooking a woman. Once most guys find a woman attractive - usually within the first few seconds of meeting her - they start thinking of ways to get her approval, win her over, and prove themselves to her. Put simply, she has them emotionally hooked and she knows it. Just about anything they do to impress her, is a sign she is reeling them in even closer. With my example above, however, I'm doing the opposite. Instead of me proving myself to her, I'm making her prove herself to me. I'm the sought after Prize, not her.

A caveat: In many contexts it is useful to praise and acknowledge qualities about a woman you find worthy. This only works, however, if you communicate to her that your worth is - at the very least - slightly higher than hers.

In every male/female interaction only one person can be the Prize at a given time. Two people can't simultaneously chase each other. There are exceptions but, generally speaking, you want the woman chasing you as a Prize she is trying to win over.

The advantage of having looks, money, fame...or whatever is that sometimes you have a built in hook with women. In and of it self, though, this is not enough to hook most women.

That's why the only foolproof road to success with women is having the knowledge to emotionally hook them regardless of having these things.

I don't care if you have the best pickup lines in the world or the funniest stories or the coolest car or massive biceps...or whatever. If you can't emotionally hook a woman in the first few minutes of meeting her, your chances of success are very slim.

By Your Loyal Dating Coach, Swinggcat
Posted by LC at 11:57 AM | TrackBack

December 25, 2004

When Women Want to Have Sex With You

How do you know when a woman is making advances to sleep with you ? Some women seem to do the things that you think mean they want sex, like invite you to their apartment after a date, but what does that behavior really mean ?

If I'm understanding you correctly, you're confused about the signals she's throwing off at you, and you'd like some better indicator as to whether you should try to sleep with her. Is that it ?

This is interesting, because there are typically two sides to this situation:

  • 1. The guy is aggressive and goes forward - often times too far too fast - to get sex from a woman. He gets rejected out of haste and poor approach.
  • 2. The guy is watching for every indication to go forward before he actually tries. As a result, even when she does want sex, he misses out by not taking an opportunity when she presents it.

It's tough. How do you REALLY know when she wants sex with you ?

Some guys will interpret her inviting him inside as meaning that she wants to get naked and do the wild mambo. Others will not believe she's really into it or wanting them unless she's tearing off her own clothing.

Well, consider this: It's rare that a woman will want sex with you while you're not in the preliminary stages of touching and foreplay. She's not just going to walk across a room and reach out to tell you to bang her. She's usually going to need a good amount of warming up before you get on the raceway. Even if she has mentally made up her mind to sleep with you, you would still have to go through the physical motions of the initial steps.

When a woman puts you in a circumstance where sex is possible, it does NOT mean that sex is ASSURED. She's only giving you an opportunity to move forward and progress.

When a woman invites you up to her apartment, she's not saying she WILL have sex with you. She's only leaving the possibility open, which is always hers to revoke. The opportunity is there, if you know how to take it.

It's up to you to watch for and use the opportunity.

Now, your goal is still the same. You must WORK to the goal if you want to sleep with her. Your effort translates into sexual gratification.

In another way: You will still need to go through the progressive steps of seduction.

When you're in her apartment, you need to go from getting the drink or ice-breaker over to sitting on the couch. Try to get music going. Then get to touching. Then to kissing.

From there, you need only handle the progression the way I've instructed in the e-books to keep things moving toward your goal.

Once you've worked through the physical steps, moving two steps forward, one step back the whole way, you'll get the true indications as to whether she will sleep with you.

(Just make sure you're prepared for the event when it happens...)

You see, you're going to do one of two things when it comes to meeting women and seduction :

  • 1. Learn because you had the sense to build and invest in your own understanding - possibly because you wound up getting the crap kicked out of you by the women out there, or
  • 2. NEVER learn - and suffer for the rest of your life.

And I'm not talking about learning some weird voodoo ritual that hypnotizes her with special magic words - because THEY DON'T EXIST! Beware of the snake oil out there that promises you INSTANT success with women. That only happens in porn movies and with hookers.

Men have also been taught that if we're not successful with women, it's THEIR fault. "I just can't understand WOMEN." "WOMEN are so different." "I just don't get why WOMEN act so strangely." "She must be a lesbian."

No, she's probably NOT a lesbian, dude. (Even if you hope to watch her with another woman.)

The truth is that women are acting just fine. Women consistently misbehave in ways we can analyze and understand. We men are simply not learning enough about THEIR motivations, or what actually is going on beneath the surface.

That's where The Seduction Method comes in. Imagine getting 300 pages of top-quality advice and in-depth strategies to turn your game around with women. Wouldn't that be the ultimate addition to any man's library ?

If there's one book in the world you would love to have, wouldn't it be this? Learning how to finally get your dating and sex life under YOUR control.

You've always hoped there was a book like this available, and now there is. Detailing the secrets that women have had for years.
Posted by LC at 04:28 PM | TrackBack

December 24, 2004

Meeting in Person for the First Time

After spending adequate time chatting with someone, you have finally reached a point that the two of you want to meet...

After all, with online dating, this is the goal in the first place so seeing it come to fruition is exciting! Just as you took precautions when first starting out on the dating service, you now need to use a new set of precautions when meeting in person.

  • Always meet in a safe, public location where there are other people around. Make sure a friend or family member knows where you are meeting, the time you are meeting, and the time you will be leaving. If you are not sure how long the meeting will take, use your cell phone to call the friend or family member when you leave so they know you are on your way home. Typically, a restaurant or coffee shop would be the best choices. If you change your plans, always let someone know.

  • Never have the person pick you up in his or her car. Instead, you need to drive your own car so you have the opportunity to leave if you feel uncomfortable or things do not go as planned.

  • Set up the encounter on a day and at a time when YOU are comfortable. Do not feel pushed into meeting at a precise time or place. If the other person insists that you meet where they say and when they say, then cancel the meeting altogether.

  • Do not feel bad if you decide to cancel at the last minute. Too often, people from online dating services are eager to get things going, bypassing the friendship/courtship phase. Just follow your instincts and if the person is not understanding about you changing your mind or becomes angry, then you know it was not meant to be.

  • If you need to fly or drive to another city or state to meet this person, make your own hotel arrangements in a reputable hotel and do not share the information. Rent a car at the airport upon arrival so you can drive yourself to the hotel and to the meeting. Do not agree to meet at the hotel lobby, as the purpose is to have a safe haven should you need it.

    To give you an idea of the favorite places to meet, consider the following statistics:

  • Coffeehouses � 47% meet at a coffeehouse where the atmosphere is relaxed and low-key, inexpensive, and provides the opportunity to talk in a safe environment.

  • Restaurants � 28% choose to meet at a restaurant, preferably at lunch or early dinner. You want to choose a warm and cozy restaurant that is not too intimate so you both feel at ease.

  • Bar � 22% meet at a bar to have a few drinks and perhaps dance. While this is not a bad option, it does have disadvantages in that talking is usually difficult because of the music and noise. Additionally, the scene of the bar usually creates too many distractions so you and your date are no focusing fully on each other.

  • Home � Only 3% meet at home and in reality, this should be 0%! This is never a good option in that you really do not yet know the person.

  • Parent�s Home � About 1% will meet at the parent�s house but again, even thought the individual seems nice and everything seems to be on the up and up, you do not know this person. Therefore, this too is a bad choice.
    Posted by LC at 03:40 PM | TrackBack

The Five Essential Keys to Plan a Romantic Date

What five elements do all romantic dates contain? Never have a dull date again! Find the keys to fun, romantic dates with your sweetheart...

Candlelight, flowers, and mood music are nice...but they do not necessarily a romantic date make. We at Romancetips spend a lot time offering suggestions for specific date ideas -- like taking him for a midnight picnic on the beach, or creating a "favorite things" date for her by making her favorite dinner and watching her favorite movie. However, we haven't offered much in the way of principles for romantic and fun dates. Until now, that is.

In our tireless research and extensive dating research (going on hundreds of dates is hard work, let me tell you,) we've noticed five elements that the most romantic and successful dates always contain. And in our effort to make the world a more loving and romantic place, we've decided to let you in on them.

1. Surprise--The element of surprise is a very powerful tool. It shows foresight and planning, it says "I care enough about you to go to lengths to, well, surprise you." Women especially seem to relate surprise with romance. It doesn't need to be an elaborate scheme, either. For your next date try telling your sweetie to be ready at a certain time but do not tell them where you're going or what you'll be doing. Pick them up and blindfold them for the drive, then take them to a new spot -- perhaps a park or restaurant that has just opened. Tell your love that you found this spot and it made you long to surprise him/her with it.

2. Creativity-- Do you find your dating life or marriage falling into a rut of the "same old's?" Same old Friday night dinner and a movie date, same old lingerie, same old conversations? Creativity in your dating life keeps things fresh and passionate. When was the last time you did something silly on a date? Had a pillow fight or water war? Finger painted? Read poetry out loud? Dressed in strange clothing? If you've never done one of these things, try it on your next date. Better yet, combine two or more of these activities!

3. Interest-- Okay, this seems like a no-brainer, but for a successful date one or both of you need to be interested in the activity. Its best if both of you have a modicum of interest, but not absolutely necessary as long as the bored party is keeping an open mind. For greatest success in planning a romantic date, seek to celebrate your partner's hobbies or passions. Does he like basketball? Surprise him with two tickets. Does she love art? Take her to a new museum exhibit. Even if you can't tell Michael Jordan from Pablo Picasso, grin and bear it. Chances are your beloved makes similar concessions for you so there.

4. Planning-- The most romantic date I've ever been started at 4:45 am. I was very reluctantly roused out of bed by my then-boyfriend who drove us to St. Augustine Beach to catch the sunrise. We spent most of the day at St. Augustine until he drove us to the other coast of Florida to catch the sunset. I was so impressed by his planning out the entire day -- timing it all just right, making meal reservations, etc. Planning is what separates a truly impressive and memorable romantic date from a mediocre one, a sunrise and sunset shared from just another meal and a movie.

5. A Sense of Humor-- As much as I've waxed poetic about my beloved's great planning skills, what if it'd rained that day? With great advance planning, of course, he'd have had a Plan B but he'd still need a great sense of humor. Even with the other four elements -- surprise, creativity, interest, and planning-- dates can still be affected by circumstances beyond our control. The ability to laugh together is the mark of great romance. Horribly ruined dates can become private jokes and fond memories if you keep your sense of humor intact.

So go on out there and break some hearts, killer. Now that you know the elements of all great dates you have no excuse for ever planning a bad one again. (And if you do at least we hope you can laugh about it later!)
Posted by LC at 03:22 PM | TrackBack

December 23, 2004

A Common Sense Guide to Cyber Dating

Oh the good ole days. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. The two get married, have 3.5 kids and a dog and live happily ever after. Will the days we’re now living in eventually be somebody’s “good ole days”? Sure they will. Some things will be different. Their stories won’t include talk of the Great Depression, walking 10 miles to school in the snow, or falling in love as Elvis Presley sang Love Me Tender. The clothes in the hope chest will be different styles… that is, if there even is a hope chest. Oh, and one of the most obvious changes will be the place where Mom met Dad. Stories of high school science class and “the girl next door” could be replaced by tales of cyberspace chat rooms and online dating services. That’s right. Cyber dating is a real thing, and even with horrible tales of deceit and danger, its popularity does not seem to be diminishing For those who are not afraid to venture out into the online dating world, you should arm yourselves with knowledge. A very old piece of wisdom says, “people perish when they lack knowledge.” Well, let’s hope nobody is physically perishing out there, but in actual fact, there have been cases of attempted and even successful murder as a result of careless online dating. And if you’re not worried about your life, you should at least be concerned about your wallet! There are dangers and scams out there that you should educate yourself on. For women, the primary concern is probably bodily safety. For men, there are probably more scams than dangers waiting in the wings for you. Let’s explore some safety issues to begin with; and although these may primarily apply to women, men should use safe policies as well. Remember that when you are chatting in cyberspace, you really have no idea who is sitting behind the computer screen at the other end of the conversation. When a woman wades out into the world of Internet dating, she should keep her guard up. While many women think about the protection they will need if and when this fellow ever comes to visit, many do not really think about information they are giving out on the web. Here are a few guidelines to follow:
  • Watch how much personal information you give out. Provide as little as possible.
  • If someone wants you to send them anything of value or money, be suspicious. As a matter of fact, if he wants you to send him money, go ahead and drop him now. What he will ask for over the web will multiply in a real-life dating situation.
  • Trust your woman’s intuition. If something “just doesn’t feel right”, stop communicating with him.
  • Never, ever, ever agree to send any kind of suggestive photos or videos to him. Save those for after marriage. If he loves you, he’ll wait.
  • If your e-mail account can be easily traced to give someone your address or other personal information, consider opening a remote e-mail account that would show information no where near your real address. Playing it safe is worth the trouble.
  • Never give out your home telephone number. And keep in mind that if you call him direct or collect, his phone bill and/or his caller ID can easily identify you and your phone number.
  • Unless you live in an incredibly large city, do not even give out the name of the city you live in. A state maybe, but not a city.
  • Remember that if you send him pictures of yourself or your children over the Internet, you really have no control on where those pictures go from there. Again, play it safe. No pictures. Your wedding pictures will be just fine.
  • If someone meets you in one dating service and then asks you to switch to another, be suspicious. Also, if someone meets you under one e-mail address, then changes their e-mail address, raise an eyebrow. This is suspicious behavior.
Okay, ladies, so you play it very safe over the web. You do everything right and this cyber friendship/relationship is really taking off. After quite a long time, you decide you really do want to meet him in person. What should you do? Well, first of all, remember that this is a risky meeting. Do not deceive yourself into thinking that you know someone whom you’ve never met. Several experts even use the example that you don’t truly know if the person you’ve been communicating with is male or female. You are making assumptions based on what they have told you. Numerous successful online relationships actually branched out beyond the two people involved before a personal meeting was arranged. For example, one online newlywed said she “met” her husband’s parents, bosses, friends and so on over the phone and the web before the two of them ever met face to face. That does not guarantee security, but the more people who get involved the less likely it is that you’re dealing with a real whacko. Not impossible, mind you. Just less likely. So, you’ve now talked to “Mom” on the phone and she’s told you what a good boy her son is; you believe her and you’re ready to meet him. What should you do?
  • As odd as this may seem, you may want to run a background check on him. (As a matter of fact, you may not want to wait until this late stage to do so. You can do this after your first conversation if you’d like.) It is definitely a wise move before a face-to-face meeting.There are numerous web companies that will do the check for you
  • Never agree to meet in a private place. Meet somewhere publicly. It’s even better if you meet with a group of people you know and trust.
  • Never agree to let him pick you up in his car. Drive yourself and meet him.
  • Go home alone. (No matter how great this first date was, go home alone. And make sure he doesn’t follow you.)
  • Keep the first date short. Short and sweet.
  • If you happen to travel to his city, stay in a hotel. Never agree to stay with him, his parents or his girl friends. Stay in a reputable hotel.
  • Make sure that you tell someone where you’re going, who you’re with and when you expect to return home. Arrange to check in with a friend mid-way through the date and when you get home. Let your date know you’re checking in. Provide your friend with your date’s picture if possible.
Seem a little overboard, huh? The old saying “Better Safe than Sorry” definitely applies in the cyber world. While there are wonderful love stories told about cyber romance, there are sad and tragic stories as well. Using a little wisdom and some security measures will ensure safe dating. After all, you would never give a stranger at the mall your phone number or address. You’d never agree to meet them privately. So why would you do it with a stranger on the web? Use some common sense girls… (and guys!) Now most of you guys are probably reading this, and thinking that you are not in the same dangerous situation that many women may find themselves in. Well, it is true that while you could get ahold of a whacko too, it’s probably not as likely. However, men are more likely to fall p
Posted by LC at 02:59 PM

December 22, 2004

Women and "Bad Boys": What Is The Attraction?

"Bad Boys". If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself. There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"! So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist. So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?
  • calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together
  • not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology
  • never having any money when you are out
  • forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates
  • flirting openly with other women when you are together
  • hitting on your good friend(s)
  • making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others
  • is doing time for a serious felony
Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar.
  • "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting."
  • "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him."
  • "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together."
  • "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does."
  • "He's so charming and passionate."
  • "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me."
  • "He needs me."
  • "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate."
  • "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him." Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem? Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?" The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues:
  • level of self-esteem
  • capacity for intimacy
  • roles that she has been in throughout her life If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs. If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers. If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available. If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction. If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships. Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship. Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you.
    Posted by LC at 02:13 PM | TrackBack

December 21, 2004

Make Her Want You & More

What should a guy do when he meets a girl he really likes and wants to have a relationship with her?

Well first of all, pause. Take deep breaths. Sit in the lotus position or something.

Here's the formula for making a girl want to be with you:

Great Experiences + Missing You

Got it?

When you're with her, make it enjoyable. Don't put any kind of weird emotional pressure on her.

Don't ask: "Do you think you could be with someone like me in a long-term relationship?" Don't cling. Don't call her all the time.

When you do spend time with her, make sure you and she are having a great time.

And then, end every interaction with her while it's on an up note, and just a little bit too soon. Like a great movie, end it at a "climax."

And as you've heard me say before, give her the gift of missing you.

Stay on the right track by playing it cool. Don't forget to add fun, excitement, and mystery to the equation.

Give her experiences she can't forget, and then give her room to think about you, wonder where you are, and chase you.

How to pick her up if there are other people around and what to do if two women like you...

What should a guy do when he meets a woman he would like to date, but doesn't want to make an "obvious" come-on because there are other people around?

Say what?

He doesn't want to make an "obvious come-on because there are other people around"?

What? Did he want to become her friend and shopping buddy, then two years later spring an "I love you" on her in the middle of the girdle aisle at Macy's?

Or did he miss the part in the previous articles where I said not to hide the fact that you're interested?

Guys really need to grasp the idea that making it obvious that you're not just interested in "friendship" isn't considered bad by women... and that if you try to hide it, you're only shooting yourself in the foot.

Think about what you're asking me.

Guys need to get over what other people think, and get into making things happen regardless of who's watching or listening.

This alone is a trait that creates attraction.

Of course, if you really want to be discreet about it, you could hand her a note that says "I was going to say some funny stuff, but I didn't want anyone to think that I was trying to pick you up. If you couldn't tell, I'm kind of a wuss, but don't let that stop you from calling me later."

In short, the way to prevent this in the future is to be ready for the situation. Plan out what you're going to do next time, and be totally ready when it happens. If you mentally prepare for common situations that you find yourself in, you'll dramatically increase your success.

What should a guy do when two women like him and he doesn't know which one to choose? How can he solve the problem?

Okay, well it doesn't sound like too much of a problem to me. You have two girls that like you, what's the issue?

You're going to have to decide if you'd like:

1- A relationship with one of them.
2- To be single and date both of them.

If you want a relationship, then pick the one you like, and go out with her more than once a week.

If you don't want a relationship right now, then don't see either of them more than about once a week (twice is okay once in a while, but any more than that and a woman will automatically start to go into relationship mode).

There is no problem with more than one woman liking you -- the problem comes if you start being dishonest and not up-front in your dealings with them.

This is a great problem to have, really... as long as you don't screw it up by being a jackass.

By David DeAngelo
Posted by LC at 04:48 PM | TrackBack

Make Her Laugh & More

What should a guy do if he makes a joke that falls flat, or if the woman just doesn't have a good sense of humor?

The fact is that sometimes you're going to meet a woman who just doesn't have a sense of humor, isn't in a good mood, is feeling hormonal, or whatever.

Or sometimes you'll just make a comment that's lame. It happens.

As they say in cooking: "You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."

You just have to accept the idea that when you're learning how to use this material, you're going to occasionally run into a woman who doesn't get your humor.

Don't worry about it. Here are my personal ways to disarm one of these situations:

Say "It was a joke" with a deadpan serious look on your face Saying "it was a joke" in this manner is very funny in itself because the look contradicts your words. This will often get a laugh and allow you to continue with the Cocky & Funny humor you were using in the first place.

Give her a "sly smile" The sly smile is a great way to interrupt a woman who is taking you too seriously. As she starts to get upset, just squint your eyes a little, purse your lips, and smile with a look of, "You're cute when you're mad."

Start laughing This is another personal favorite. Just start laughing as she starts to get offended. Even tell her that she's cute and needs to lighten up a little.

All of these techniques work well when women are genuinely offended or upset because they communicate that you were kidding around.

But here's a warning: Don't use these too often. If you use them when she's not actually offended, they'll make you seem weak and insecure.

So when exactly should you use these techniques?

In general, women love to play like they're offended when you tease them.

For instance, a woman might open her mouth with that "I can't believe you just said that" look. This is usually the signal to turn it up! Keep going. Most women know you're just flirting with them. So don't turn into a wuss at the first sign of emotion.

What should a guy do when he meets a woman that he'd like to settle down and have a relationship with?

Well, as much as I avoid relationship questions, I just have to comment on this one.

First of all, I believe that most guys would prefer to be in a relationship with a great woman (over being single).

The problem is that amazing women are as rare as amazing men.

If you really want to make a woman become attached to you, then you might want to try a paradoxical move: stop looking for a relationship.

If you communicate that you want a relationship, the natural response is going to be for a woman to play hard to get.

If you play hard to get, and you hold off on showing the relationship level of interest, you'll find that the woman will pursue the relationship with you.

Think about it.

Shouldn't a guy worry about coming across as too "arrogant" if he's trying to be Cocky & Funny?

Here's the deal: When you're being Cocky and Funny, you must give up your fear of coming across as overly arrogant. The secret lies within the funny ingredient of the formula.

A great model for Cocky and Funny is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. If you haven't seen him yet, do a search online for his Star Wars or Bon Jovi video clip. You'll laugh until you cry...

You'll notice that Triumph is ruthless with the sarcastic comments... but they're all funny.

And when he feels like he may have gone over the top, he might throw in an "I kid, I kid." Although it's rare, he does do it on occasion.

If you feel like your comment might have been taken too seriously, try a "sly smile." It's a nice touch.

Now get out there and do it! You'll find the balance.

Posted by LC at 01:20 PM | TrackBack

December 10, 2004

Flirting via Email

It’s important that you be able to flirt with women via email, both in responding to their ads, and in responding to their responses to your ad. This part will teach you some of the basics.


1. You want to make it easy for her to write you back, so ask specific questions she can answer. If you answer everything in your email to her, but don’t give her conversational openings, she’ll have to generate it all, and she won’t.

2. If you use the "reply" format, in which you quote something she says (quoted lines are usually preceded with a " > " mark, some programs use a " | "), make it easy for her. Cut out any of her stuff that isn’t relevant to what you are responding to — you don’t want to make her have to wade through a huge quote to figure out what part you are responding to.

3. Basically, you want to take stuff she talks about, and look for passion in it, and ask, "How can I describe a kind of experience with this that will feel good for her to read?" "What questions can I ask her that will have her think about great stuff, and feel good?"

4. You can throw in some "deepening," by asking something like, "I’m curious myself — I’m always interested in what people are passionate about. If you don’t mind me asking, where’s the place of greatest passion in your life? Where are those moments where everything seems to come together? For some people it’s in their job, for others it’s outside of work — I’d just be curious to know, where are those moments for you?" This will connect her with her passion, all because of you! Be prepared — she’ll ask back the same questions you ask her, but you can use it to describe more great stuff to her.

5. Give women pictures, so you can get pictures from them. You can get rid of a lot of these women quickly if you swap pictures, but you need a good one of yourself. If you don’t have one, get one taken soon. It’s okay to say "I don’t have a picture right now, but I will in a few days."
Posted by LC at 03:14 PM | TrackBack

How to Write an Online Personal Ad

Online personal ads are a great way to meet a lot of interesting people quickly. Personal ads are also a great way to get over a fear many singles struggle with -- that there are not enough available singles of the opposite sex out there. Once you get into the online personal ad game and connect with hundreds of other singles looking for a relationship, that fear disappears.

It's easy enough to write an ad that will get people to either contact you or respond to your hello. In fact, this is so easy that you could end up with way too many responses and way too many people who are not suited for you.

If what you really want is to get connected with people who are well suited for you, with whom you are a great match, then consider the following tips for writing an online personal ad.

1. Know what qualities you are looking for in a partner and ask for them in your ad.
Think about what is really important to you in a partner. These are the same qualities you find really important in friends.

2. Do not list qualities you do not want in a partner.
Ads listing unwelcome qualities sound negative and often angry and turn people off. You can screen people for qualities you do not want once you speak to or correspond with them.

3. Know what qualities you bring to the relationship and list them in your ad.
Think about what makes you, you. These are the same qualities your friends find appealing about you.

4. Mention any hobby, passion or activity that occupies a large amount of your time.
If there is something you either love to do or spend a lot of time doing, mention it in a description of yourself. It is obviously important to you and part of what defines who you are.

5. Be honest about who you are, and what you want and do not play games.
If you are afraid to write an ad that is too personal for fear of attracting no one, see if you can try it anyway. The more honest you are, the more likely you are to attract whom you actually want.

6. Refrain from making your ad too sexual, unless you are looking for sexual liaisons only.
If you are looking for a relationship and not just sex, leave the sex out and tone down the physical descriptions in your ad. Otherwise you will be attracting people who are more interested in sex than in a relationship.

7. Know what kind of a relationship you want and list some of the highlights in your ad.
Whether you want a relationship with lots of laughter and fun, or one where deep conversations last into the night, etc., put some of this in your ad.

8. Write the ad in your conversational style.
Refrain from using dazzling words or a lighthearted tone, unless that is your natural inclination. Write the ad in a style that most naturally resembles your spoken word, not in a style in which you think you should write.

9. Get your closest friends to read your ad to determine whether it describes you and the relationship/partner you are looking for.
Our friends often know us better than we know ourselves -- trust their opinion if they tell you to rewrite your ad. You are more likely to end up attracting people you feel good dating.

10. Go slow when people show interest.
When someone answers your ad and sounds like the kind of person you are looking for, still take time to get to know him or her. You don't really know someone until you spend a significant amount of time together in person.
Posted by LC at 02:56 PM | TrackBack

Do Attractive Women Really Want To Meet Men Online?

A great question I was asked a little while ago was "Why would an attractive woman living in a big city ever use the internet to meet a guy?"

On first glance, it DOES seem kind of bizarre. We all know that women are "hit on" in regular life, be it on their way to work, when they are out with friends, at a club, etc.

And an attractive woman would have even more of this, so it would seem like the last thing a sane woman would do is seriously put up a profile on a dating site.

Well, the answer is that there is far more than meets the eye to this situation:


    First of all, although women DO meet lots of guys in their regular life, they STILL don't often meet a guy they actually DESIRE. That means a guy who's got that magical combination of things that makes her feel CHEMISTRY.

    You see, women don't feel desperate just to have sex. They know they can have it anytime, so they tend to be a little more selective. The fact that tons of guys try to hit on her doesn't mean she WANTS those guys.

    The internet gives women a chance to check out TONS of guys before they "waste time" on them. Women can read about a guy, his profile, his pic, she can chat over the net and therefore SCREEN the guy before meeting him.

    (Unfortunately, most guys give off a TOTALLY WRONG IMPRESSION of themselves, i.e. UNSEXY, from their profile. I'll discuss more on this later in this article.)


    There is another benefit of the internet for women. You see, women still have this fear of being labelled a "slut" and the social disapproval that comes with that. But through the internet, she doesn't have to worry about explaining her desires, she can just find a guy who has already made it clear either in his chat to her or in his profile, or by the sheer nature of a particular personals site, that he is looking for the same thing she is.

    These days, there is a site for everyone, no matter WHAT you are looking for - whether it's a relationship, something casual, something within your ethnicity, or something very bizarre and far-out - there is a site for it.

    All she has to do is just click and go for it. No embarrasing discussion for her, since she's already been accepted by the very nature of the site.

    And NO ONE else has to know a thing.

    On the net, you can state what you want, and find someone who wants the same thing, and presto - you got it. Very direct, and very discreet.

    This is a HUGE factor that appeals to women.


    Another factor that is appealing to women about the internet is the fact that there is no longer a stigma to using it, even for women. Many of these sites have spent MILLIONS of dollars on shaping a woman-friendly image and marketing to women to help them feel that meeting someone through the net is trendy, hip and cool.


    What GUYS need to understand about meeting a woman online, is that the MEDIUM does not change the REALITY that women want guys who are COOL. They want THE MAN.

    Just like you can be THE MAN in person, you can also be THE MAN online.

    Guys who act boring or who act like nerds when they meet women in person, tend to exhibit the SAME behavior ONLINE, and thus get the SAME results, often referred to as "frustration" and "dry spells".

    As readers of my eBook and my articles are aware, women simply feel REPULSED by guys who are desperate, lonely, or needy. Women also want to puke when they meet a guy who is expecting the WOMAN to lead the way.

    It also helps if the guy can actually have an EXCITING or at least INTERESTING and FUN conversation, if he can be playful and not so serious, as this is just plain FUN and also is interpreted by a woman as a sign that he has everything under control, which makes her feel relaxed.



    Think about what goes through a woman's mind when she see a LONG message from you, a total stranger, just because you read her PROFILE.

    Keep it short - a couple paragraphs tops. You see, most women have TONS of emails coming in from guys on the site. So they are BUSY, and thus keep their replies BRIEF in order to deal with it all.

    If YOU send them an essay on how awesome you think they are, you're history. It's an instant message to her that says "He's a loser with too much time on his hands and too few women in his life."

    And stay away from the compliments for now, it will sound very manipulative to her and also very desperate.


    Don't give her the same old thing she's read from a thousand guys.

    How many times have you read something like "Hi, my name is ___. I like walks on the beach, movies and etc etc."

    That's BORING. Imagine YOU had to read the same old thing a thousand times a day.

    Oh, my next one is a personal favourite:


    Your profile shouldn't be a self-therapy session, where you explain all the hurt you've gone through and how badly you are looking for Ms. Right.

    That doesn't turn women on. It might make them feel SORRY for you, but it won't turn them ON.

    Women want WINNERS. So if you feel that your life sucks, and that it's been a real bummer so far, keep it to yourself - that way it can get better, especially at night!

    This brings me to the FLIP-SIDE of this point:


    So many guys are so insecure, the first thing they do is start mentioning on their profile is that they are blah blah blah - their job, their status, their education, and it just looks like the guy is trying desperately to win some points, because he feels he is undesirable and is going to be rejected otherwise.

    Don't worry, if you're really God's gift to women, she'll find out that stuff later. Let her figure that out on her own.

    Instead of showing off, or appealing to sympathy, I recommend that you COMMUNICATE to women online using the LANGUAGE OF COOL.

    For example, a COOL PROFILE NAME for starters. Do you know how many times I've actually seen guys use the header "NICE GUY" as their screen name? I've researched this stuff, and the answer is A LOT!!!

    That's like putting your head in front of a cannon and yelling "FIRE AWAY!"

    By Michael W.
    Posted by LC at 01:11 PM | TrackBack
  • December 09, 2004

    6 Great Online Dating Safety Tips

    Online personals and dating is a great way to meet that special someone, however it is important to approach it with safety as your first priority. While most online services are very secure and do a good job at helping ensure your privacy and confidentiality, you are ultimately responsible for your own safety. Most services do not pre-screen their users, therefore they cannot assume any responsibility for the people you meet through their sites. This officially grants you the title of screener, a responsibility which you must take very seriously. After all, if you are comfortable and feel secure online, you will have much more fun with online dating!

    Here are a few good security tips:

    1- Never reveal your last name or address to a stranger. If telephone numbers are exchanged, try to use a cell phone with a private number. If you call a stranger at home, always use caller ID blocking to maintain your privacy.

    2- Do not use your primary EMAIL address for online dating correspondence - create an anonymous Email account (such as a Hotmail account) to correspond with potential dates.

    3- If you decide to meet that special someone, always meet in a public place - NEVER meet in private for your first date! Always let someone know where you are going.

    4- Be honest about who you are and what you are seeking - do not reveal more than you normally would in a face to face first meeting. If your online contact attempts to pressure you into revealing more than you are comfortable with, re-evaluate his/her intentions.

    5- Always review the security and confidentiality policy of the online dating service you are using. Many of the better known online dating sites have very good privacy policies. A comprehensive listing of major online dating sites is available at

    6- Don't rush into a face to face meeting - take your time, chat up a storm and get to know each other. Is the person on the other end being honest, or do you get the feeling they are just saying what you want to hear. You are the sole judge and jury in this love trial - use your best judgment!

    In conclusion, safety should be your #1 priority as you venture into the world of online dating. Go slow, take your time to and get to know you potential dates. Like the song says, "Only fools rush in" - taking your time will only increase your chances of meeting that special someone and at the same time help weed out the bad seeds!

    by Andy Thompson
    Posted by LC at 02:56 PM | TrackBack

    Online Dating 101 - Online Dating Basics

    Feeling like there’s something that’s just not quite there yet in how you’re going about this whole online dating thing? Don’t feel bad, chances are you’re one of the many people who’re still pretty new to this gig. Heck, internet dating has only been around for about eight years, so obviously no one out there can claim to have all the answers.

    But hey, seeing that we've been perfecting the art of matching people up online all eight of those years, we’d like to share a little of what we’ve learned about how to make the best of your online experience. Who knows, one of these pointers might be just what you’ve been missing in perfecting your own online dating adventures.

    Therefore, without further ramblings, here are the:


    SAY CHEESE! Look your best and submit a great photo of yourself for your profile photo. A good picture really is worth a thousand words, and research shows that you are nearly 10 times more likely to be noticed if you post a photo to your profile.

    And, the same stats hold true when you contact someone you’ve noticed on the site. If you don’t have a photo, don’t be surprised if the responses aren’t too quick in coming back.

    Now, don’t get mad a start making accusations about all the shallow people out there. While it may be true that some people place too much emphasis on physical appearances, the bottom line is it does make a difference when two people are meeting and making initial evaluations of their interest in each other. And, it’s also a trust thing. It is always going to be much easier to interact with a face than with a blank box.

    FRESH IS GOOD Change your profile picture and greeting occasionally, add photos to your photo album, and login regularly—this will not only get you noticed, but it will help others get a more varied and up-to-date idea of what constitutes the real you.

    When something interesting happens in your life, tell us about it in your profile greeting. This is a great way to let your online friends in on what it might be like to actually spend time with you. That’s the main goal of online dating isn’t it, to find people you’d finally like to meet and spend time with face-to-face? Anyways, it’s always more fun to hear about a crazy experience you’ve just had than to read the same old descriptions of you and your cat that have been on your profile for months now.

    As for photo albums, this is the icing on the cake. Not only do these photos round out and confirm the physical picture your friends are forming of you, but they also go a long way in helping others really see what makes you “you.” The head and shoulders shot of you in your profile photo is nice and all, but when they see you hanging 10, running with your Chihuahua, or shoving a big fat piece of cheesecake in your mouth … now they’re getting to know you.

    I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME Have fun describing yourself without making excuses about why you're on the site or who convinced you to finally go online. Tell us what makes you unique.

    Believe it or not, being an online dater no longer places you on the fringes of society or even in the minority. Online dating has grown up and moved into the mainstream, and so you can now happily assume that the face-saving qualifiers of past times online are now obsolete. And, more importantly, just realize that they don’t help your cause when meeting others online.

    One more thing … try to be original. Yes, I’m sure you really do like the outdoors and want to meet someone who looks good in a tux and in jeans, but so does everyone else! Tell us some things about yourself that wouldn’t necessarily come out in an elevator conversation with your tax accountant. For example, what are you passionate about? What would you do if no longer had to work for a living? What’s your favorite flavor of gelato? Do you secretly wish everyday was sampling day at the grocery store? … now it’ getting interesting!

    HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY Don't be fooled thinking telling fibs will impress that special someone enough to get relationship started... it will turn them off! Be your best self.

    When you really stop and think about it, what do you think your new friend’s reaction is going to be if when you meet for the first time it’s obvious you’re not the person they thought they were going to be meeting? “Oh .. hi. I see that you’ve been dishonest with me from the get-go here, but hey, I’m still thinking we’ve got a great shot at having an open, trusting relationship for the long-term” Obviously not.

    They’re going to be hurt, and disappointed. And, your relationship is unlikely to get past the wave goodbye as your friend gets back in their car to go home.

    IT'S NICE TO BE NICE Okay, so you get a little grouchy once in a while—don’t we all? However, people like nice people. Please be considerate and polite … it will make this whole online thing so much more enjoyable for all of us!

    There’s an interesting social phenomenon researchers have discovered in online interactions. They’ve found people often change their standards of politeness and diplomacy when a conversation is happening online, versus face-to-face.

    Don’t believe it? You might be surprised if you were to go back and look at some of the things you’ve said. Look at some messages you’ve sent, and then consider saying the exact same words in a face-to-face or a telephone conversation. Sound a little rough? Don’t feel too bad, it happens to the best of us, just try to keep this in mind the next time you’re typing out an email or instant message.

    One more thing—please don’t ignore people. A quick “thanks, but no thanks” note is so much better than no reply at all. In fact, next time you’re replying to a message on the site, check out the new “Thanks but No Thanks” template. It’s a quick way to nicely let someone know you’re not interested in corresponding.

    YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS … Invite your friends along! Create Activity Groups, go on group dates, try Express Dating, enjoy travel events, and just enjoy the net together. After all, instant messaging alone isn’t enough to build solid relationships.

    Group dating and group events simply make a lot of sense for online dating. Not only does it make those first dates less stressful, it often makes them more fun, and it definitely makes first meetings a much safer proposition.

    Have you ever tried Activity Groups? They’re a great way to meet people with common interests in a safe, fun group setting. You can join a group that’s already been created, or you can create your own and invite all your friends to join … and their friends … and their friends … you get the point.

    BREAK OUTA THAT SHELL Don’t be afraid to make the first contact. Online dating makes it easy for all you shy ones out there to break the ice, because you get to do all the initial getting to know each other from the comfort and safety of your own computer.

    To start, just send a Flirt or a quick email message saying Hi—and do it often! You might be surprised how many of our great members suffer from lack of attention from their online peers. Not only might you find someone with whom you’re very interested in maintaining contact, but you’ll probably be making someone’s day.

    EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS If your first internet efforts haven’t turned up “the perfect one,” don’t despair. Hundreds of new people sign up every day on the site, so just come back to see Who’s New. You may also want to consider expanding your searches—don’t be too intent on sticking to your itemized checklist for eternal mates.

    You might also want to try some different searches from time to time. Because there are about a million different things you might find attractive in another person, it’s nice to mix up the criteria you’re searching on once in a while. For example, you can search by their Occupation, any Keyword or combination of keywords you can think of, and many others.

    UH OH … THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE FUN! Don’t be afraid to have some fun along your path to relationship happiness! Enjoy getting to know people and understand that many happy relationships and even marriages start with a good ol’ friendship. And, don’t rush it!

    You’ve heard animals can sense fear? Well, we humans can be pretty perceptive as well (except for that one guy who just can’t take a hint). So, don’t think others can’t sense when you’re frustrated, dejected, conceited, holier than thou, fed up, etc. etc. Put a smile on, and enjoy the ride, because even if the first few people you meet aren’t Mr./Mrs. Right, it doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun in good conversations with them.

    You may also need to be a little bit patient as you head off into the brave new world of online dating. Not all marriages are “love at first site,” and even if yours is, it may take a lot of looking before you “site” that special someone. And so, once again … enjoy the ride!

    USE YOUR NOODLE Ya know, that gray matter between your ears? That's your noodle. Use it! Be smart, be cautious, and follow our safety guidelines, your instincts, and the spirit in all your dating activity.

    Done right, online dating is a lot of fun, and it’s a great way to meet some wonderful people … just ask the thousand-plus people we’ve had submit success stories to us in the past few years! So, enjoy it, and follow these ten tips, and hopefully we’ll be getting a success story from you sometime soon.
    Posted by LC at 12:35 PM | TrackBack

    Your Online Personal Ad- Write For Success!

    Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties, sign up for various activities and ask friends and family if they know anyone they can introduce you to. Yet, your dating life has been more than a little disappointing. What is a guy/girl supposed to do to find quality people?

    Begin by continuing to do what you have been doing. These are all good ways to meet people. However, you may need to expand your search to the world of online dating. This would allow you to expand your search and come into contact with interested and available singles you would never meet in the existing circles in which you now move.

    Perhaps you are thinking, "I have already tried this with little or mixed success." Maybe this too has become a source of disappointment and frustration and even despair. If so, you could be going about it the wrong way, or be in need of some information to put you on a track to better success. The first important step is writing your personal ad and choosing a good site to place it on.

    The following are tips to help you write for success.

  • Be Yourself

    The goal of your ad is to attract the kind of person who would be compatible with you. You are looking for someone who shares your goals, values, sense of humor, lifestyle and perhaps religion or other specific criteria. If you put in information that is not true to who you are, you could send potentially good dates on to the next ad. You may also attract the kind of person you are not interested in.

  • Be Sincere

    Nothing is more attractive than sincerity. Think about it. Isn't this a turn-on for you? If you are funny, be funny. If you are serious, be that. Use honesty in describing your traits and desires in a potential mate. If there is something that is a must-have for you in any future relationship, highlight it. Remember that when and if you move to the next step, the other person will experience you as you really are, regardless of what the picture you drew for them in your ad looked like.

  • Write Like You Talk

    This goes right along with being you. Don't make your ad seem too contrived or rehearsed. You will loose that feeling of sincerity. Write a few drafts and just let the thoughts flow. Then go back and edit it. Make sure you spell check and check again. There is no bigger turn-off than someone who appears to have poor grammar or spelling.

  • Be Specific, But Leave Out Hang-Ups and Other Negatives

    This is a first step. You want to put your true best forward. The picture you paint should be upbeat and positive. Everyone has a past. It's not wise too tell too much too soon. If you feel something is important, than put it in. A good example is "single mom", "divorced father of two", etc. Leave out the part about looking for someone to help me heal from a painful divorce. Do not mention past relationships except to inform that you had one.

  • Highlight Your Uniqueness

    There are things about us all that make us uniquely who we are. Let your ad portray this. If you have a special talent, interesting career or pastime, let people know about it. If it's important to you, it tells others much. If someone out there shares it, they will be drawn to what you have written.

    Find a unique way to highlight yourself. If you look like someone well known, put that in. Just remember, if you look like Woody Allen, don't portray yourself as a Robert Redford type.

  • Avoid classic turn-offs

    If you place a heavy emphasis on finding someone who is "beautiful" or "wealthy", you will turn off many people- often the very people who hope to attract. No one wants to be wanted for his or her looks or bank account. It also says something about you. How about superficial?

  • Use a Picture

    This is very important. Ads that don't have one get far fewer responses. Many singles are having a professional picture made of them. You want to look like your BEST self. A professional can usually do a much better job at a very reasonable cost if you shop around a bit.

  • Post Your Ad On The Right Site

    There are so many choices out there. Look for one that has a large membership of people who appear to be compatible with you. Make sure they have an enforced safety and privacy policy. There are specialty sites for people who seek a partner with a very particular passion or lifestyle. These include but are not limited to: animal lovers, vegetarians, advanced degreed professionals, and sites for people seeking those of the same faith.

    If your requirements include someone within a close geographical distance, look for the sites that offer you a good selection.

    Once you have given it careful thought and a little research and energy, write and post your ad for success.

    Remember, we attract what we are, not what we want.

    By Toni Coleman
    Posted by LC at 12:23 PM | TrackBack
  • Internet Dating - It's Not For Geeks

    Six months ago an old school friend and I were chatting over coffee, putting the world to rights as women do. She was bemoaning her lack of success in meeting the “right sort” of men. I asked her if she had tried using an internet dating service, and the look of horror that quickly appeared on her face gave the instant answer – of course not! Internet dating, she informed me, was for the sad, desperate, geeky or freaky.

    Sadly this type of response is typical of people from all walks of life. Why sadly? Because those who instantly dismiss such services are missing out on a great opportunity.

    The traditional argument for not using the internet to meet someone is that it is not natural. So what is natural? Where have people traditionally met their husbands, wives, lovers, and friends? Statistically, over the past 50 years the most common place for meeting ones spouse has been the workplace. This is hardly surprising given the ever increasing amounts of time most people are finding themselves working. Other common meeting places include bars, nightclubs, and parties, and some lucky few meet their lifetime partner early in life at college or university. However, the workplace remains number one for long term relationships. The reason for this is simple; lasting long term relationships are usually born out of robust friendships, and strong friendships form over time. Spend eight hours a day five days a week with the same people and you will get to know them very well. It is not uncommon in the modern world to spend more time with your colleagues than with your family, an unfortunate but true fact of life.

    The increasing amounts of time we as a society are spending working is leaving less time to spend in social environments outside of the office, which means less opportunity to meet new people. So if you don’t meet someone at work, where else is there? Enter the dating agency.

    Dating agencies are not a new idea, they have been around a very long time. The internet has simply served as a new medium for bringing people together in a tried and tested way that agencies have used for years. However, it offers some unique advantages for those seeking a partner. Firstly it has lowered the cost of running a dating service, and that means agency dating has been opened up to a much wider audience. Secondly, it has broken down geographical barriers in a way that off-line agencies could never hope to. This is an important point because not everyone is looking for their future husband or wife on their doorstep. Indeed not everyone is looking for a future husband or wife; the explosion in internet dating has made it easier than ever to find new friends and correspondents across the globe.

    These two points mean that some of the bigger agency sites now have in excess of three million members, and literally thousands of new members joining every day. With that many people, if you are serious about finding a partner, lover, or a friend, then the internet is simply too big a resource to ignore. And ‘net dating is safe too; there is no need to exchange real names or even email addresses until you feel you know someone well enough. All the services allow you to block unwanted communication and so there is no fear of being pestered. Used sensibly, internet dating can be safer than almost any other way of meeting people.

    The internet has revolutionised the way we work, shop, conduct our financial affairs, and entertain ourselves. To use it as a medium for meeting new people is a logical step in our fast changing world.

    After that chat six months ago I convinced my friend to post a profile on a dating site, she didn’t even have to pay anything to do so unless she wanted to start sending messages to other people. Now I never see her because she is spending all of her time with her new man. She didn’t find him in five minutes like some of the sales pitches would like you to believe, but then six months ago she didn’t expect to find him at all.

    By Sara Blackmoore
    Posted by LC at 12:14 PM | TrackBack

    How To Choose a Dating Service

    There are so many dating sites out there, hundreds if not thousands, how do you even begin to decide where to register and start your online dating experience?

    You could just pick one at random, create a profile, and sit back and wait for the other members to beat a path to your email inbox. Who knows, you could get lucky and it might work out first time. But even a tiny bit of investigation beforehand could save a lot of time and frustration!

    The trick is to be prepared. You probably wouldn’t go off to buy a new car and start by trawling around dealerships at random, you would already have an idea as to what sort of car you want – how big, how fast, how much money you had to spend, and so forth. Based on these criteria you would have a good idea of which car showrooms to visit to find the right sort of vehicle for your particular needs. So the first question to ask yourself, is what do you want out of a dating site? Sounds obvious – a date! But what sort of date? Are you looking for a serious relationship possibly leading to marriage? Or are you after a casual partner and you’ll see where it leads? Or perhaps you just want some uncomplicated fun. The good news is that among the myriad of services out there on the web, there is something to cater for every requirement. Some sites will suit all tastes, but there are many that specialise, and the more specific you are about what you want, the better your chances of finding it.

    Before looking at the sites on offer, think about how you will write your personal profile. Jot down a paragraph or two about yourself, your interests, and your hopes for a partner. Then write a few words about what you are looking for in a potential dating match. Doing this offline will help you structure in your own mind what sort of date you are looking for, and then when you go and look at some dating sites, you’ll easily be able to pick out those that offer the best chance of providing what you want. The added benefit of course is that when it comes to filling in your profile online, you will be prepared and wont be sat in front of your screen lost for words. Instead your profile will read in a very natural and honest way.

    I would always recommend choosing at least two sites to register with and put your profile on, after all, they are almost all free to start with – you only need decide if you want to pay when and if someone of interest turns up and you want to make contact.

    Websites like The Dating WebReview can also save you time. The reviews will quickly give you an idea about the services each dating site offers, and whether they specialise.

    Choosing an internet dating site isn’t difficult. In the end it comes down to finding one that you enjoy using. After all, if it appeals to your taste, then you already have something in common with the other members.

    By Sara Blackmoore
    Posted by LC at 12:09 PM | TrackBack

    Finding a Safe Dating Site

    Seems like everywhere we surf on the Internet nowadays we run across this little advertisement: 'Free online personals'. They are everywhere, they are dating sites, and more are opening up shop every day.

    Welcome to the newest internet gold rush. More and more people are signing up to these new and "free" dating sites.
    What they are really getting is a place on the web where they can post their profile and let strangers contact them. As more and more dating sites pile up on the web, more people are ending up with very distasteful experiences because of this. Why? 99% of today's (and tomorrow's) dating sites do not screen their members at all. This means there are sex offenders, predators, scam artists
    mixed in with genuine people who are looking to find a match. Dating services need to be very discretionary and much safer, until that time comes here are some important things to consider when thinking about joining a dating site.

    1). Examine the site's physical properties. Is it poorly constructed with missing graphics or jagged fonts, mis-aligned sections? If so, this indicates a lack of attention to detail in the construction and layout of the site. It may have been pre purchased and the owner does not have the skill to alter it correctly. Why would you care? Well, a site in a state like this gives a clue that the back end program probably is also in a state of disarray or disregard. If the webmaster cannot construct the face of the site, then it is likely they cannot also construct important safety features behind the site. A hacker then could easily penetrate it and get your personal information including your photo. If you eventually pay this site, your credit information could be stolen as well! A nicely designed site means careful construction and a better chance of good quality code running the site in the background.

    2). Look at some sample profiles on the site before you sign up by running a quick search. Do the profiles look a little bogus? A lot of them are. Many sites (especially new ones that have just started up) pad their membership database with photos of models or random (usually good-looking people) to attract new members. Do the profiles have a lot of jibberish characters or nonsensical phrases in the descriptions? That means the dating site you are at does NOT screen the people who sign up. This welcomes people with ill-intent. You should get out of there immediately and go to one that does.

    3). Does the site have a privacy link? Look at the bottom of the site's main page. If they have a privacy link, click it and examine. Make sure they specifically state that they do NOT sell your information to anyone. This is an invitation to a spam and junk-mail nightmare. Also look for some sort of a web site rules page or a terms of use page. Check to see if they screen their profiles or somehow >disallow racial, hate or overly sexual material. If they don't state this than, anything goes for this site, another reason to leave.

    4). Does the site have a links page? If so click and examine. See who they are affiliated with. Usually, there will be graphical banners or icons next to the names of their associations. Are they sex-sites? Spam sites? Even a quick glance in this area could tell you what kind of a dating site you are at.

    5). What is the copyright date at the bottom? This could indicate the age of the site. If it is very young, this could help you determine if the site has worked out all the kinks (program bugs) and how many members they have accumulated.

    6). Be wary of statements like "You are the 4697th member to join today." and "Search through millions of profiles." these statements are usually false. Major sites, which have been running for YEARS usually can support these statements. look for a "whos online" link. If you are the only person (1 guest online means JUST you are there) then you know these claims are false. A site with millions or even thousands of members will always have a bunch of people currently online. If you detect this in a dating site, it is better to leave than to take a chance with a dishonest site. This is just a short list of ideas to help keep you safe when dating online. Be leary, be safe.

    By Leif Croonquist
    Posted by LC at 11:48 AM | TrackBack

    December 08, 2004

    3rd Internet Dating Conference to be Held January 19-20 in Miami, Florida

    NEW YORK, Dec. 1 /CNW/ -- Ticonderoga Ventures, Inc. announces the third Internet Dating Conference, to be held on January 19-20, 2005 in Miami at the Wyndham Miami Beach Resort.

    Internet personals, which includes both online dating and social networking, continues to be one of the fastest growing online businesses.

    The 3rd Conference and expo will focus on management, technology and marketing for the industry. Mobile dating, cultural marketing, television advertising to attract online singles will also be discussed.The Miami event will also have a panel session with several market analysts to discuss and debate the actual market size of the industry.

    Attending the event will be senior executives from all aspects of the internet dating industry and social networking industry, as well as marketing firms, telecommunication firms, software companies, affiliate managers, affiliates of singles related sites and entrepreneurs.

    Speakers at this event include executives from companies such as:, America Online,, Friendfinder, MingleMatch,, Weblogs Inc, Userplane, Korea Datahouse, Trilibis, Keynote, Market Data Enterprises, ComScore Networks, Hitwise, Relationship Exchange, DatingRev, Spring Street Networks, One Real World, Online Personals Watch, Look Better Online,, SoHo Digital, Trufina, Boehm-Ritter, Donat Wald and RevShare Corporation.

    MatchNet plc is the online personals sponsor of the Miami event. MatchNet, a leader in online personals both in the U.S. and internationally, operates a variety of Web sites serving this market, including and The company will host a booth in Miami and is also available for one-on-one meetings to discuss opportunities in marketing, technology and M&A.

    The company projects this to be the largest gathering of social networking executives ever. Exhibit space for the event is sold out.

    The company also announces its schedule of events for 2005:

    May 12-13, 2005
    Hong Kong
    Republic of China
    Internet Dating and Social Networking to the Far East.

    September 22-23, 2005
    Czech Republic
    Internet Dating and Social Networking to the European Union.

    The website also contains an industry message board for executives to discuss issues, contact both buyers and sellers, employment listings and entrepreneurs to seek new business opportunities.

    For further information: Marketing and Logistics Representative of Ticonderoga Ventures, Inc. (USA), +1-212-722-1744, Fax: +1-208-728-6456,
    /Web site:

    Posted by LC at 03:14 PM


    One in 10 British men sees the internet as an ideal way to find a partner, a new survey has found.

    The YouGov poll asked 2,000 men and women what they would be using the internet for in five years' time, and discovered that almost one in 10 men expected to be looking for love, compared with just 6% of women.

    Internet experts estimate that in five years net dating sites could be hosting almost five million single British surfers.

    We asked you whether you look on the internet for love, or do you think it is too impersonal? If you found your partner on the internet, how did it happen and what were the advantages of meeting in cyberspace?

    Thank you for your emails. Here is a selection:

    I met my partner on the internet but I wasnt looking for a man never mind romance. I had been on my own for two years. I normally chatted to women from all over the world, making friends. Then I started chatting to Matt three-and-a-half years ago. He lived 20 minutes from me, so we met and started seeing each other. I know it was a big risk but worth it. Now we have a beautiful two-year-old daughter to go with my two beautiful boys from a previous relationship. We are getting married on Dec 23rd, so I'd say: 'YES, thank God for the internet!'. It has definitely changed our lives.
    Ellen Thornbury, Northern Ireland

    Two years ago I filled out a series of IQ and personality tests, unaware the results were being collated for a soon to be launched dating service. When I realised, I thought "what the hell", completed the extra information they wanted and thought nothing more of it. Now I'm engaged to be married to the wonderful person whose inquisitive e-mail first arrived in my in-box in December 2002. I'm not sure how it happened myself, but it was a great way of getting to know her and to chat - at first as just friends - in a faceless and no risk environment. I have to admit I also "met" some VERY strange people, but at least all I had to do with them was ignore their e-mails rather than move house!
    Tim Wilkinson, Bristol

    I too met my partner online. I wasn't looking to meet someone, I was just on there to chat. Then one night I began talking to someone and now nearly a year on we are still together. Not everyone online is a bad person. The few bad apples you find online are far outweighed by the good honest people on there.

    I found the love of my life on the internet. Because of both our hectic work schedules and commitments we didn't have time to go into the "real" world to find love. We had registered ourselves on the net and found each other there. We only lived seven miles apart but because of our careers it might as well have been a million miles. So the online dating really worked for us.

    I met my wife Stefanie on the internet nearly six years ago back on February 6, 1999. We met up after exchanging emails and hit it off straight away. We saw each other every other day for over a year and a half before moving in with each other and we would never have thought for a minute that exactly five years on we would get married on the banks of Loch Lomond. If it wasn't for taking the chance to meet up, I'd have missed the chance to spend the rest of my life with the most wonderful person I have ever met - it was certainly worth the risk.
    Stuart, Glasgow

    I found my partner on the internet - two years later we are happily married with a beautiful daughter. If it had not been for the internet I would never have met her and been so happy.
    Barry Thompson

    I met my fiance Chris on the internet in June 1999. I was in London with my friends on a computer and he was in Bolton on his sister's computer while she was on a fag break! We got talking in a chat room. He discovered I had brown hair and liked football, I discovered he had a northern accent and also liked football so we hit it off!! We met up a few weeks later and that was it we were together. We took it in turns to commute to see each other every weekend until Chris decided to move down here in February 2000 to be with me. My lovely parents put him up until we found a little flat of our own. Now we are engaged and I wouldn't be without him for the world. After how me met though I certainly believe in fate!
    Louise Austin, Hayes, Middlesex

    I met a man on the internet in early 1999 having started using the internet in September 1998. In a chat room for the 30s, I met a man who lived in San Jose, California. At the time I lived in Greenwich, London. We talked daily, emailed often. He wrote me poems. We started talking on the telephone, usually up to three times a day. This led to us meeting face to face in September 1999, and then when we were back apart, emailing and phone calls daily. We met face to face a few more times, as often as we could make it. We got engaged mid July 2000. He moved from California to Oregon. We married in Portland Oregon on my 40th birthday. We are about to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary, and we couldn't be happier!
    Anne Cowles, Pennsylvania, USA

    My current lifestyle means that meeting potential partners is difficult (and I never could meet the right women in pubs and bars), so for me the internet is a good way to meet women. I've had little success so far, but that hasn't put me off. By the way, any single, 30-40, non-smoking women from the Midlands area reading this that want to meet a tall man? ... :-)
    Dave, Birmingham

    I met my future wife on the net two and a half years ago. I had been out of a relationship for 18 months and I think I would have found it difficult just to go out the clubs/pubs and hope to meet someone. By the time we got around to meeting we almost knew each other inside out like best friends. It was absolutely nerve wracking meeting for the first time but within minutes we were so comfortable with each other that the benefits of chatting online before we met were tremendous. I would recommend it to anyone - a fantastic way of meeting.
    Wayne Thurston

    To be able to access and use this facility the person at the other end has to have a semblence of a brain cell, so that cuts out a vast part of the population. They also need to be able to write and that cuts out another vast number. Communication is key to any long term relationship and that becomes the first step through this approach.

    I met my husband over six years ago in a chat room. Back then, the place we met was frequented by 'regulars' and everyone pretty much knew each other. I'm American, and my husband's English. We were friends for about a year and a half, during which time we had dated people in our own countries and talked a lot on the phone about the usual stuff - work, dating, my daughter (from a previous marriage). As we got closer I really didn't think it could work out between us just because of the distance, but I realised if I don't give it a shot, I'd always wonder what would have happened. So we kept our relationship up that we already had with each other (by this point it was mainly phone calls - BT loved him as well!) but didn't date anyone else. Four months later he flew out to America, after we decided to get married. After many airport delays, he finally arrived a day late and we hurried from the airport to get our license sorted out before the courthouse closed (it was 4th of July weekend), and three days later we were married! We now have two beautiful boys together and have no regrets!
    Karen Morse, Kent
    Posted by LC at 02:49 PM

    Pros and cons of Internet dating

    TAVIS SMILEY, host: Can karma be applied to Internet dating? Well, commentator Meri Danquah found out that online, white lies tend to reap one another.

    When my friend first suggested that I try to meet someone through an Internet dating service, I thought she had all but lost her mind. I had just barely figured out how to locate documents after they'd been downloaded, so the idea of logging on in search of love seemed a bit too futuristic for my limited capabilities, not to mention my overly cautious sensibilities.

    I guess you could say that I'm a romantic at heart, still in search of Mr. Right. A tall, handsome, intelligent, good-natured man with a strong sense of both style and humor. And it was hard for me to believe that any man who could fill those shoes would actually use them to walk over to his computer so that he could surf the Web to find his soul mate. `Well, where else is he gonna find you?' my friend asked. `All you do is work, sleep and hang out with your girlfriends, half of whom are hoping that some Mr. Right will come and find them, too.'

    Hmm. Her words were making a lot of sense. My days had become a predictable litany of responsibilities. It was a comfortable routine, but it also kept me locked in the same cycle of activities with the same circle of people. Maybe this Internet dating thing wasn't such a crazy suggestion after all. If I wanted to meet someone new, maybe I had to try something new.

    So I decided to join a popular site I'd seen advertised on TV. First I had to create a profile of myself. I trimmed five years off my age and 10 pounds off my weight, but other than those little white lies, the information that I listed was all pretty accurate. Then I had to answer some questions that provided a range--height, weight, age--within which I wanted my prospective suitors to fall.

    I was nervous about attaching my photo to the profile, afraid that somebody I knew would recognize me and think that I was desperate for a date. But the truth of the matter was, I was desperate for a date. So I went ahead an posted it, figuring that it might increase my chances of success, and perhaps it did because the men started e-mailing almost immediately. There was the one whose profile claimed that he looked like an older Taye Diggs, but in his picture looked more like an out-of-shape Mr. T who'd been stripped of his jewelry. Then there was the guy whose hobbies included hunting, boxing and knitting. And the 45-year-old insurance salesman with three kids who'd never been married and still lived with his mama.

    Well, right when I was losing hope, I heard from him, the man who seemed to fit my bill perfectly. After several promising e-mails and phone conversations, we set a time to meet face-to-face, or more accurately face to shoulder. You see, my 5'9" dream lover turned out to be 5'4", wearing a pleather version of the high-heeled boots that Prince used to sport back in the day when he was still singing with The Revolution.

    Our once-easy rapport turned into an awkward silence. `Is height all that important to you?' he finally asked, zeroing in on the source of my apparent disappointment. I wondered if it were really fair for the worth of a man to be measured by a few inches. `Yes,' I said, `it does matter. Sorry.' `Oh, don't feel sorry for me,' he countered. `I'm not the one with the shortcoming.' Ouch.

    Well, I suppose that's one of the major drawbacks to these high-tech hookups. You may be able to conjure up your fantasy mate with a click of a mouse, but you still have to turn off the power button and step outside of that virtual experience before you'll truly know if the thrill is real.

    SMILEY: Meri Danquah is a writer living in Los Angeles.
    Posted by LC at 02:23 PM

    5 Tips for Getting from first email to first date

    It may be exciting, the thought of going from anonymous emails to getting an actual date. Let's see how it works. From initial attraction to a face to face date, it's important to take your time.

    Starting from a look at their picture, to exchanging "send a smile" and emails -- it takes time to build trust, to get to a first real date. What to do? Here's how to start:

    Five Practical Ideas to Help You Get from Email to Live Dates

    Idea One: Talk on the phone first. Ok, the other person's picture looks fine - so let's take some time getting to know the other person on the phone. It may be that they look great, send nice emails, but are hard to understand, or sound like "something's not right." Pay attention to your instincts. Talk to them on the phone, at least a few times, before agreeing to meet them in person, in a very public place.

    Idea Two: Questions to Get Started With? Here's a few icebreakers that you'll want to know about in your emails and phone call to that other person: 1) What do you like to do on your weekends? 2) Do you like to go out a lot, or stay home? 3) What do you like best about someone you're dating? 4) When you eat out, where do you like to go?

    Idea Three: Ask them upfront: After a few emails and a couple of phone calls, you may be ready to meet them in person. It's up to the both of you. If they are evasive or hesitant to meet, ask them why. It may be simply that they're shy. As long as you can phone them without problems, that may be fine. But, also look for red flags (eg answering machine always one, phone not answered regularly).

    You may want to ask them upfront, how they'd like to go about this, to see what their ideas are. After talking on the phone a few times, you should know whether or not you'd like to meet. Make plans, in a safe public place. See our safety tips for ideas. Then, have fun meeting them at a local restaaurant or mall.

    Idea Four: Being Ready for Romance Getting started in a new romance is both thrilling and a time of great uncertainty. Myself, I like to plan on finding a woman who's both a friend and someone I'm attracted to. Getting from a photo and description, to "first contact" by email, to phone call and then meeting in person, is lots of fun. Being ready to meet someone also means you may need to juggle your schedule a bit - as dates take up time, as you're having fun on the town with that new person in your life!

    Idea Five: How Often Should I email or call them? On the one hand, you don't want to seem overly desperate. Then again, you don't want them to think you're not interested. Finding a middle ground depends on what each person feels comfortable with. Remember, one woman may want to send emails twice a week, another, every day. Each person expresses themselves differently, and works on a different schedule. Part of becoming a good dating partner is finding out who you're compatible with, and adjusting your style to fit the other person's.

    Emails: It's disappointing if an email isn't returned within 24 hours. It also looks over-eager if emails are returned within 2-3 hours.So, find a middle ground. Same with phone calls - always return calls within 24 hours, but don't call back immediately, unless you're on familiar ground with that special person you're talking with.

    Gary Peterson,
    Posted by LC at 12:10 PM

    December 07, 2004

    Can You Trust Them? Here's How to Tell Online

    Going from "safe and anonymous email" to meeting someone who was until recently, a total stranger, needs a look. It can be a cause for either concern or excitement, depending on your choices. We want to create a safe dating environment for everyone at, so we provide a few tips here to help you steer clear of the turkeys and steer towards the winners. Here's what I look for:

    Can You Trust Them? Here's How to Tell

    First off, let me start by saying I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt. But, after finding out my latest infatuation was really married (and keeping it secret!), I became more cautious. Be a skeptic online, and here's some tips that can help you avoid the problems I had:

    The red flags to look for include:

    a) Drug, Alcohol or Smoking Habits: Any of these can be relationship disasters, you should carefully evaluate whether or not you want the chaos that can go with someone who has a substance problem. Usually, it's better to find someone else. How to tell? There are usually symptoms that you can detect: unexplained absences, excuses, missing money, they take too much time off from work or are "sick" frequently as an excuse, there may even be obvious signs like alcohol, smoke or drug materials around their living space (though they typically hide these things). Mood changes, abrupt "nice person/person from hell" switches are a big red flag, eg one day they're nice, other days, they act withdrawn, resentful or angry.

    b) Evasiveness, not providing phone number after a reasonable timeframe. Some people may just want to keep the relationship on the internet, that's fine as long as they tell you this upfront. Openness is important. Otherwise, you may be communicated with a married person or somebody with children that they haven't told you about.

    c) Appearance different from what you expected. For some reason, people online frequently use outdated 5-year old photos, or may even use somebody else's photo, to misrepresent their appearance. It's bad to use a photo of yourself without the wrinkles and extra pounds that were added in recent years!
    One of the first things you should ask for via email is a recent photo that's been taken in the last year. If you are thinking of meeting someone from out of state/country, you may want to request that they fax you a copy of their current drivers' license (with address obscured) to verify their age and appearance.

    d) Unemployed people looking for support Realize that there's a lot of people who need a meal ticket, and can try to exploit you and use you to support them. Whether they want you to fall in love with them and have them move in with you (for free rent) or obvious ploys like "emergencies" that they want your money for, avoid these people at all costs. Because it you don't, it will cost you.
    These are not likely to be homeless grubby people, instead, they are likely to be well educated and smart, with access to a pc, yet, they may well be almost broke (or close to it, living off credit cards).
    How to deal with it? I ask people what they're currently doing for a living, and also subtly tell people upfront that I believe nobody should need to give money or housing to another person for the first year or so they're in a relationship. This is plenty of time to evaluate their character (or lack thereof!).

    d) Married people, or those already in relationships Many married guys go online looking for excitement, to find mistresses. Don't become the "other woman" in somebody's marriage (or guys, become that second boyfriend in your girls' life). You should, after a few emails, ask who else is in there life, if they're living alone or not, and when their last relationship ended.
    Once you exchange phone numbers, you should be able to call him or her at home at, say, 9pm at night, without always getting an answering machine. Be especially suspicious if they try to offer an excuse for not giving you their home phone number ( again, after you've corresponded online for ahwile and are ready to talk, don't rush). What's to hide?

    e) Working girls/pros, con men, ex-cons and others It's a great idea to talk casually with a few of your city's local police officers to ask their advice about avoiding trouble online. Be a skeptic, and don't give out personal info, your phone number, place of employment, or other identifying information, until you feel this person is trustworthy. Most are not.

    Guys need to be aware that on occasion, "working girls" may contact them for paid sex. Women need to be aware that there are ex-cons who can't (or don't want to) get jobs, that are looking for easy prey. Don't be a victim. Be careful out there.

    Good luck out there - there's good people and bad. Assume the worst, til they've earned and proven their trustworthiness. Don't accept gifts or provide any (or especially, money) to others, til you've known them for at least a year.

    Juanita Chavez,
    Posted by LC at 05:23 PM

    9 Tips for Making a Great First-Date Impression

    Now how often have you "blown it" on a first date? C'mon be honest. Your date never called back. "But why?", you ask. Well, creating a great first impression can be tough - especially if your date has already made an "idealized" picture of what you're gonna look like before you even meet.

    In this special feature, we're going to debunk a couple of myths, and share a few new ideas with you. Review the list, and try out a few of these tips on Your next date - you may be pleasantly surprised at the results! Ready to find out, intrepid dater? Here's our 9 tips, read 'em and enjoy:

    9 Sizzling Tips to Help Your First Date Be a Success!

    Tip #1: Ask friendly questions. Having a hard time making conversation? Before you go on the date, first review the other person's profile and then think of a few questions to ask. These will help you get to know the other person better. "Ask, don't babble."
    Tip #2: What to Wear? So you've read GQ or Cosmo, still having a hard time figuring out what "look" you should have? Ladies, definitely dress conservative for the first date - you want him talking to you, not ogling your goodies. And guys, clean and simple does it - no fancy threads are needed for the first date. No tshirts, no silk - a polo shirt works great.
    Tip #3: Be Upbeat. Be upbeat, smile, give the other person reassurance that you're fun to be around. And sincere. Many people complain or talk about their past. Be in the present - be pleasant. Be yourself - don't try to be what you think they want.
    Tip #4: Late to the party? Being late shows disrespect and is a sure turn off. Make a good first impression by being on time. Give yourself an extra 15 minutes lead time.
    Tip #5: Don't wear any cologne or perfume. Nowadays, these are a turnoff to most. Deodarant alone is fine. Try it.
    Tip #6: Confidence is Sexy. How do You show confidence? Make sure to keep eye contact and a pleasant, relaxed conversation. Being sure of yourself is attractive - and your date will notice it!
    Tip #7: Avoid Current Events. Avoid politics, religion, and world events like war. Your goal is to learn about the other person's values. Bringing up potential topics of disagreement is a sure way to not get a second date. Stay in neutral territory at first
    Tip #8: Read their Body Language and React. Are they studying the tabletop more than you, twenty minutes into the date? Or, are they leaning forward, making more eye contact? Learn to judge when you're "blowing it" versus when you're making a good impression. React to the signals that are being sent to you.
    Tip #9: Parting Shots. Ok the date's over, the check's been paid. If you want to see them again, tell them so, in a casual way - "I had a good time, thanks - hey let me know if you want to get together again." This opens up the possibility of a next date, without asking for a commitment or getting an awkward silence.

    Ann Parsons,
    Posted by LC at 04:50 PM

    Confidence-Boosting Tips for Dating

    Okay, I'm not ashamed to admit it, I'm as shy as a mouse when I'm around a guy I want to talk to. I was raised being quiet in the house, so it's not easy for me to be around guys I want to approach. Sending emails is too forward sometimes for me, so I prefer to "send a smile", it's easier on the nerves. Once I'm comfortable around a guy I'm dating, I don't have any problems. I'ts getting past that first awkward date or two that has me quivering! I'm gonna give you the lowdown on what really worked for me, when I want to be more confident around the guy I am trying to see. Here goes:

    How to Build Confidence Dating, Online and In Person

    "Hey check out the guy with the cute eyes over there!". Well that's what I may be thinking, but I would never in a million years work up the nerve to go tell a guy that! Gimme a break. He'd think I was, like, easy.
    First dates have to be the hardest - I mean, I hardly know what the guy's supposed to look like, and when I see him what do I say? "Hi I'm Stacy, your date.". I don't think so. So let me share a secret or two on how I get up my nerve to talk to guys I'm meeting for the first time. It might help you guys, too - to get a girl's perspective.

    Their Stuff Stinks, too: Don't put anyone else above yourself, or vice versa. We're all equal. Well, ok maybe some of us are cuter than others. But the point is, when you're meeting someone, remember it's on equal footing. They're not better than you, or the other way around. Don't work too hard to impress, just be yourself and see if there's a fit. Imaging them weaing a diaper on their head - it's funny! Don't take it all too seriously.

    Keep it Light - You'll Get Over it: I used to make dating into a big journey of self esteem.. if I was dating, I was happy, if I wasn't, I felt like a leftover. In Japan, unmarried girls over 30 are called "christmas cake", eg leftover cake after it's too late. That's terrible! Well, when you're dating, same thing, don't worry about being left over, or not accepted. Just find peace within yourself, that's attractive. Someone who is trying too hard to please, is seen as weak. Be a samurai, not a geisha!

    Don't Try to Be What they Want: Now this is easier than it sounds. What I mean is, you gotta know yourself, your limits -- be yourself and see how that goes over with them. If you sense that they want you to be like someone else (a past girlfriend!) take a walk.

    Dress to Impress (Yourself): I don't know about you, but me, I feel best when I'm dressed well. I'm a lot more confident. So, keep your appearance up, and wear fresh, clean clothes - this helps you stay positive and have a good self-image. Knock em dead! Your walk, your confidence, will shine through and be attractive

    Dating is Like a Box of Chocolates: You never know what you'll get, til you take the chance, and go on that date. Think of your next date as "the next one of 100", to put yourself in the frame of mind, that all is not lost if this doesn't turn out to be "the one" .. have fun, learn to laugh at yourself, and enjoy the journey.
    Much of what you find in your dates, will help you decide what you Don't want from a person - this is important to learn too. The guy who talked all night? The guy who only talked about how bad his ex was? The guy who wouldn't give you a straight answer? All of that, your "Mr. Wrong" experiences, helps you know what you really Do want, in comparison. So, learn, relax and enjoy it!
    Ok gang, that's my ideas for confidence - it's always attractive to someone when your humble and confident, not weak and second guessing yourself. So, get that chin up and start exploring new people today!

    Stacy Nakamura,
    Posted by LC at 04:29 PM

    It’s a Gut Feeling – Finding love

    Heart versus Head

    Most single guys are settled in their life. Their mornings, afternoons and evenings have a routine they are comfortable with and rarely will they go beyond the boundaries of that routine. Even a single guy’s loneliness can become his norm and if someone crosses his path that interest him, he rationalizes instead of trying to adapt. Many times this leads to confusion – he just isn’t sure if she is the one. He over thinks, he pauses, rewinds, goes forward until nothing makes sense about being involved. Soon he is back to his comfortable routine of drinking beer and watching football on Sunday. The loneliness he feels won’t go away and after many beer drinking Sundays, he may try to fill that emptiness again. But just like before, he soon feels he is out of his comfort zone and the story repeats itself. After awhile, he is asking himself, how do I find love?

    This problem persist because he wants the girl to instantly fit into his comfort zone. At first, when he sees her, he is excited and this is enough to keep the relationship alive. In time the lady’s personality and feelings make him over think the relationship and the excitement dissipates. At one time it was exciting, but it loses its luster as the relationship moves forward – especially when the lady’s discussion involves changes in his life. He feels the pressure and wants out. Soon, he is back to filling his emptiness with beer and Sunday afternoon football.

    You see ladies, guys don’t have the same type of instinct as you do and don’t easily trust intuitive feelings. He’ll over think what’s in his heart, especially if he feels the only way he can love you is for him to make major changes in his life (they may not be major to you, but to him missing a Sunday afternoon of football may seem worse than going through hurricane Ivan). The gap will widen until it is beyond closing, no matter how he may truly feel about you. Whatever he felt at first now rest in a place that has no understanding of intuition. It may still be there, but buried in a cluster of confusion. What can you do ladies? Not much, except maybe back off a little. What can you do guys? Don’t think about it – trust your gut feeling.

    I just got done saying that a guy’s feelings may be buried in confusion. What a man doesn’t realize that this is what separate men from women’s intuition. What we interrupt as confusion, a lady calls intuition and has complete trust in those feelings no matter how chaotic it may seem. In other words, guys, they go with the flow. We will fight it, we will rationalize it, we will try to hide it with alcohol, cover it with masculine bravo, but instead, we should listen to it. Don’t run, don’t hide, just let it be and let it take its course. Scary, thought, isn’t it, guys? But if you are tired of the merry-go-round of emptiness you may want to give it a chance.

    I know some of you guys are still looking for clarity, so here goes. Our visual instincts are in tune when we first see a lady. All she needs to do is give us a little sign of encouragement and our hormones are in high gear. We don’t think beyond the moment, care about house payments or closet space, our eyes see what we like, a signal says it is ok to like what we see and we are in heaven. Simple! Now let’s move ahead where the lady starts thinking about how life would be beyond the weekend movie, sexual encounters and the occasional dinner together. She wants more. If you fight it, she is gone, so you let the door open. She is in with some feelings – you thought you could handle it, but now you seem to be reacting to her feelings. Is this bad, guys, that you are reacting to her feelings? We seem to interrupt a reaction, even if it is a positive one, as being bad. At this stage we begin the debate between what we feel and what we know. We know we like to watch foot ball, but how will my feelings change me being able to watch football on Sunday? (I know ladies, you just can’t believe it’s that hard to decide between football and love, but for guys, it can be). When there is a debate between our head and our heart, ladies, the head usually wins. What I’m telling guys, if what you feel inside is positive, don’t cloud it with other possible scenarios. Let it flow – trust that what you feel inside can be a positive in all aspects of your life. But for now, don’t think, just be.

    Guys, I’m not saying that in time you may realize that she is not right for you and shouldn’t get out, but what I am saying is we usually kill the chance to find out before we let time take its course. Usually, we over think our reactions until the only reaction left is we feel she is an intrusion in our life. Than she’s gone and the loneliness comes back – another Sunday, another 6 pack or two of beer and you are getting older, lonelier and maybe, just maybe, wiser.

    I say wiser because I think younger guys fit the above sort better than an older gent. As a guy gets older, he may realize not to react so quickly, but trust that what he feels may actually enhance other aspects of his life. This is why a lot of younger Filipina ladies like older men. To them, older men are more settled, accepting and willing.

    Obviously, guys have met a lady and after the first date knew she wasn’t the one. Even then a guy will call it a mistake rather than a gut feeling. He’ll say something like, “I don’t know what I saw in her, but man she isn’t for me.” It is when it goes beyond the first date and his gut has already said, “man she is the one” that he will start to talk himself out of any involvement when the lady wants a little more than the two of them getting together on Friday and Saturday nights. I”m telling you guys, trust that initial feeling, let the confusion in, don’t fight it and give it time. You may find that you can still watch your football game on Sundays while she is nibbling on your ear.

    That’s it, short and sweet. Guys, if you feel she is the one after a date or two, trust your gut feeling and don’t talk yourself out of it. There is more to life than Sunday afternoon football. There is Monday night football also. Just kidding, smile, let what you feel be your guide and forget thinking too hard about how those feelings may change your life. Let it flow and let her love you.
    Posted by LC at 04:19 PM

    Help! They Didn't Write Back (boo hoo)

    Ever been stood up for a date? Yeah me too - join the club. Online, it can be just as bad if someone doesn't answer your emails, or stops writing to you after a couple of emails back and forth. What's a gal (or dude) to do? "Get over it!", says the tough me. Ok, that's fine, I can deal with it... but what can I do to stop it from happening again?

    Help! The @$&% Didn't Write Back - What's UIp with That!?

    I've had all kinds of responses from guys I've emailed, from "great wanna get together?" to "thank no thanks" and even the frequent "no answer". Here's a few ideas that may help you deal with life in cyberspace when someone doesn't reply to your carefully-written email:.

    Check their Ideal Match: If he's looking for a 5'10" local blonde blue eyed Norse goddess who's into skiing and aerobics, and you're a 5'2" brunette who likes shopping - ah can you see why you didn't get an email back? Be sure to Premium Dating's Virtual Matchmaker feature to ensure good two-way matches.

    Write More Specific Emails and Ask Questions: Don't write a boring email like "hey i liked your profile, email me sometime" ...Write a good email, like "Hi Steve, nice bio - so, you're into reading? - that's cool, I like books too" ..And take it from there .. write interesting, specific emails to people.. keep it brief, just a sentence or two at first, to see if the interest is mutual.

    Have Your Photo Re-Taken: You might want to try getting another photo taken - this time, get a professional photo. They look much better, than the casual one of you hanging around your apartment that your friend or ex took. "

    Write Lots of People: IStudies have shown that even on online dating sites with active members, usually people will respond to less than 1 in 12 emails that they receive! So, you may need to write quite a few. Look at it as a tradeoff, at least you can contact people from home in front of a computer now, instead of going to nightclubs and supermarkets :) But, it will take some work and patience. That's ok, finding the right person is worth it! Just remember to write a lot of brief, specific emails to people you're interested in.

    Was it Something You Said? Ask a friend or family member to take a look at one of the emails you may want to send, and get their ideas. Maybe you're sounding too impersonal, or maybe too desperate, or maybe too bland. Whatever, get someone to help you for your first few emails, and see what happens! Don't be discouraged if at first you don't succeed, finding people, most of whom are already busy, is challenging. Remember that your photo is likely to be the most important thing they pay attention to, not the words in your first email. So, have a great-looking recent professional photo online to get best responses. Hang in there, eventually you can find the right person for friendship and romance!

    Brenda Kalinowski,
    Posted by LC at 04:12 PM

    12 Ways to Start Your First Email - Getting it Right!

    Stumped for what to say to that potential date? You're not alone -- zapping off a clever email can be tough. Reaching Mr. or Ms. Right is an email away - if you do it right! Let's explore just a few of the fun, creative ways you can catch the attention (and heart!) of your prospective date using our email system These "Daring Dozen" email starters can help you stand out from the rest of the pack. Getting noticed, and making a good love connection, takes both patience and skill. Lets get started:

    The "Daring Dozen" Email Starters
    You want to seem unique. And you want to get the right kind of attention from your prospective date, too! Let's keep it light and fun .. you're exploring common interests, to find out more about another person. Be yourself, and let your imagination soar!

    Email Starter #1: Tell them about something you have in common about one of their hobbies or interests. "I saw you're into shopping, me too" ..

    Email Starter #2: Ask something specific about about their profile: "It sounds like you're a quiet person - are you shy?"

    Email Starter #3: Ask about their experiences in dating, good and bad. "What do you like best about first dates?"

    Email Starter #4: Look for something unique about them. "Wow you like water surfing - sounds dangerous - is it fun?"

    "> Email Starter #5: Ask about where they live in a funny way "So you live in Nebraska, is it as boring as everyone says it is? I heard a joke about why .. " Or, "so you're from Canada, eh??" (Canadians often say "eh?" don't ask me why!)

    Email Starter #6: Ask about their values, read between the lines, in how they write their narrative. "You sound like you're committed to having a family - tell me about what you think family life should be all about."

    Email Starter #7: Ask if they hate sports as much as you do. "I haven't watched a sports game in years, how about you?"

    Email Starter #8: Avoid heavy topics, like war, terrorism, how bad the economy is, or other "downers". You're looking to develop a relationship with someone, not sound like a newscast.

    Email Starter #9: What's your idea of a great vacation? is a good starter, it will help you see if they're a cosmopolitan city-type of person, or somebody who enjoys more rural, scenic outdoors travel.

    Email Starter #10: Icebreakers: In the "odd but gets attention category": What's your favorite cuss word? If you could retire today, where would you live?

    Email Starter #11: Celebrities - ask what movie stars they like, and what kind of movies they enjoy. Who would you consider a role model? This can be interesting!

    Email Starter #12: What's your idea of an Ideal first date? This can help you understand what they like to eat, and if they like busy, crowded places, or quiet intimate settings.

    Barbara Porter,
    Posted by LC at 03:40 PM