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All about dating services business, online personals websites, changes in overall e-commerce world affecting dating, matchmaking, mail-order brides and online personals websites. Most recent LoveCompass announcements, reports, and plans. 

February 28, 2005

5 Body Language Tips

Apparently communication weighs more on HOW you say something, versus the content of your words. Now don’t overstep and assume that you can be the next Pootietang here people. Body language is a huge factor that influences both how other people will react to you, and how you will react to yourself. Here are 5 quick tips to improve your body language.

1.Smile. A frown can be the most expensive thing you own, so unless you look like a gap toothed Hillbilly, then flash those pearly whites and make your orthodontist proud. A smile is very hard to resist. Also, if ever you are feeling blue, try smiling like a huge dork for 30 seconds. You’ll be amazed by the result.

2.Maintain good eye contact without burning holes into someone. good eye contact involves maintaining a constant gaze, without making you look like a hypnotist. As a bonus, if you have trouble looking someone in the eye, look at their lower forehead instead. They’ll never know the difference.

3.Focus 100% on the person you are currently speaking with. The leggy blond will still be there when you are done chatting up Dave from the mail room. This will make them feel important, and you seem like a master of the game.

4.Practice Pleasant Posture. I think this is ingrained from way back in the monkey days, when the first to stand up straight broke the chain and continued the progression of the species. If you don’t want to look like an ape, stand up straight you lazy bum. As hokey as it sounds, you can practice by walking around the house with a small paperback book on your head. Also, doing crunches will also tighten your midsection, giving you added incentive to not lurch over.

5.Keep your gestures under control. Unless you are an interpreter for a school for the blind, you don’t need to flap your arms like a chicken in a hurricane every time you speak. Try using soft, controlled motions to help accentuate your main ideas, and to convey understanding. Great examples of gestures can be found by watching a political debate.

dankoleary.squarespace.com
Posted by LC at 09:17 AM | TrackBack

February 26, 2005

It was going so well...what happened??

There seems to be a new phenomenon of late whereby a first date seems to go extremely well and may well lead on to a second date and then all of a sudden it's over. Why would this happen when everything seemed so right? The chemistry was there, shared interests and the kissing was good too so what happened? I wish I had an answer to this one as it has happened to me a couple of times and each time it has left me pondering how many different variables are involved in making a successful relationship. I do however have some theories that may at least ease the pain of the rejection.

Firstly, people are complicated when it comes to issues of the heart and to the most part we have spent many years cultivating in our heads just what our ideal partner would be. These expectations we have of people can put an enormous strain on a forming relationship and it is important to give people a little leeway. Understandably, people do make allowances for failed expectations however the truth is that a little too much wine can lower our expectations a little too much and make us act in a way that is not true to our real feelings. It's only when the date is over and the effects of alcohol subside do we realize that the person really isn't suitable at all.

Secondly, most people have some sort of emotional baggage whether that takes the form of an unresolved previous relationship or emotional fear of becoming attached again. I have often wished that people could be more up front about any concerns like this but often they are not and unfortunately, people find it easier to lie themselves out of a difficult emotional situation.

Thirdly, an old boyfriend or girlfriend wants them back and your date was in a sense using you to see if they are up to starting another relationship or not. This situation is probably the worst as you will find it extremely difficult to compete with someone your date has history with. On old partner will not require all the time and effort involved in starting again and represents a comfortable way out of the dating scene.

Finally, and possibly the most difficult to swallow is that perhaps you were just too keen and got a little carried away. It's such a hard balancing act to do, knowing when the time is right to open up your emotions to someone and yet be sure that you're not making yourself too vulnerable. It's even harder when all the signals are telling you that it's ok to be swept away, especially if the date has taken on quite an intimate nature.

So what can you do now? The most sensible thing you can do is to reflect on what has happened and file it away in your experience drawer in the safe knowledge that you are that much wiser on the dating scene. Take it slower next time and don't be too quick to allow yourself to fall. Be sure the signs are right and trust your instincts. If there is a niggling doubt in your mind about something, generally there is something wrong and it's only the ecstasy of falling in love that is preventing you from facing it.


From:www.dating-advice.uk.com
Posted by LC at 09:57 AM | TrackBack

February 25, 2005

Don't be alone for the holidays

Okay, guys. Being single is especially difficult around the holidays when people are having tree-trimmings and office parties every time you turn around. It can be a lonely time. But if you participate in the holiday gatherings and activities alone, you may end up meeting some eligible women — and possibly someone special. Life is ironic that way. So consider the following options:

Don’t skip your holiday office party because you haven't got a romantic date. Go with a platonic co-worker and encourage each other to hook up. You probably never knew your company had so many attractive employees!

Holiday work parties — even the smaller ones — can be a great place to mingle and meet women. You might finally get a chance to talk with that woman you've been staring at for months. If you hit it off, ask her out for a holiday drink, and maybe surprise her with a horse drawn sleigh ride.

This time of year is romantic, and many guys hit it off with the women who help them as sales assistants. Nothing melts a girl's heart like a man trying to find that perfect gift for his mom or sister. Be clear that it isn't for that special someone because you're single!

Attend some sort of fundraiser or volunteer food drive for the needy. This not only shows how sensitive you are, you also put yourself in the position to meet women with whom you have common values. You get a chance to do something to improve the quality of others' lives and possibly improve your love life too!

Attend your friends' holiday parties and wear a Santa hat (not an elf hat!) or some other festive, playful gear. This sets you apart from the boring guys and obviously gets the attention of women who have a playful sense of humor. If you are more of an introvert, just attend as many parties as you can without the get-up and bring a friend along. This way you increase your chances of meeting women in a friendly, familiar atmosphere.

Have your own holiday party. Invite your single friends and have them bring along at least one other single friend. This could be a tree trimming party or a hip little holiday cocktail party — complete with hot toddies, warm (spiked) apple cider and eggnog.

Whatever you decide to do, remember to think of the holiday season as an opportunity to meet women and date — not just a reminder that you're single this season. If you play your cards right, it could be your last holiday season as a single guy.

Still uneasy about spending the holidays alone? Start a quick search today and find other sexy singles in your area.


By Christopher DeLorenzo
Posted by LC at 12:08 PM | TrackBack

February 24, 2005

Ways To Show Your Love

This list is designed to be a quick check for you to review. Use it to give yourself ideas to maintain your relationship, to give it a positive boost or just simply for some ideas. Print this list off and give it to your partner and then take it in turns, fulfilling what each other wants from the list.

1.Hug her/him.

2.Write a love note.

3.Call her/him at work just to say "Hi."

4.Give a foot massage.

5.Tell a joke.

6.Caress her/him with slow gentle strokes.

7.Go for a walk with her/him.

8.Admit your mistakes.

9.Say: "I love you."

10.Indulge a whim.

11.Listen to her/him talk about an interest of hers/his.

12.Be trustworthy.

13.Instead of complaining, tell her/him what you would prefer.

14.Look at her/him when you're in a discussion.

15.Send her/him flowers. (They're not just for us girls.)

16.Compliment something she/he did.

17.Offer to help.

18.Ask her/him to show you how to do something.

19.Write a poem about how special she/he is to you.

20.Ask her/him what she'd/he'd like sexually.

21.Take an afternoon drive.

22.Go away together for a weekend holiday.

23.Do something she/he wants to do.

24.Listen to her/him (even if she/he is boring you.)

25.Plan a candlelit dinner.

26.Look at old photos together.

27.Serve her/him breakfast in bed.

28.Take a shower together.

29.Share sexual fantasies.

30.Do a work project together.

31.Give her/him an all over body massage.

32.Plan a picnic lunch.

33.Repeat what she/he says before answering.

34.Send her/him a card.

35.Surprise her/him with a gift.

36.Cook her/his favorite meal.

37.Put on some romantic music.

38.Put together a compilation tape of both your favorite songs.

39.Ask for her/his opinion.

40.Ask her/him how he feels.

41.Let her/him know when you are proud of her/him.

42.Invite her/him to a secret rendezvous.

43.Listen openly to her/his opposing opinion.

44.Watch her/his favourite TV programme with her/him.

45.Watch a sunset together.

46.Play a game together.

47.Have her/him teach you something he/she knows.

48.Go to a movie of his/her choice.

49.Meet him/her for lunch.

50.Let him/her know you care.

From:www.luvsource.com
Posted by LC at 11:42 AM | TrackBack

February 23, 2005

How to overkome shyness

Overcoming Rejection
Are you too shy regarding the first step? Are you afraid of failures? Then the dating tips below can help.

Practice
If you suffer from being alone, then ANY practice is better than no practice. Go and speak with old Grandmas in trams. Any practice is better than none. If you go shopping then go to the female cashier instead of the male and say "Hello" to her. Ask 20 women in a row "Where is the next Coca Cola factory?" or "What time is it?". Just random girls who pass by. After a little practice you can even start to say "Hello" to beautiful women on the street.

Make rejection your Goal
How can you survive a "turn-down" and a "failure of dating"?

Since a woman sitting alone in a bar is asked probably 10 times per night for a date she can (and will) turn you down easily (without further thought) while it may be very bitter FOR YOU.

Now there IS a strategy to work around this devastating experience: You should WANT to be rejected. This may sound strange but is one of the most effective strategies: Make it your goal to be turned down at least 10 times per night. Laugh at rejections. Treat them as sport (you can not always win, can you?).

You can even continue to keep this "goal to fail" during advanced stages of a dating (= when already talking, when going home with her, etc).

Let me make this clear for you: You WILL get rejected in about 90%-95% of the cases. But it's not because of YOU it's simply because how things work. After you are more experienced that figure may drop.

You could even "start a night" with the prettiest girls around. Get rejected. Try with less pretty girls. And so on.

Double Rejection
You can even refine Make rejection your goal: Go out with another single male and as each one of you gets rejected you have a lot to talk and laugh about. And, boy, can rejections be fun! And they surely are experiences.

After all, if you think about it, whether something is good or bad it's all a Point of View.

No date, no rejection
You can overcome dating failures by NOT TRYING TO PICK UP a girl. Why don't you just start a small talk for the sake of a small talk? Just say "Hello, do you like cats?" or anything similar "unrelated to dating". Talk to her about... stuff. Don't be romantic. Just talk as if to a boy. This is an advice related to An offer a woman cannot refuse.

And by the way: Women love to flirt in a non-sexual way. Just smalltalkin'.

Practice with a no-go partner
This is a side idea to No date, no rejection: You can approach a girl with whom you would never start a dating usually. Just to train how to talk to a woman.

Fear of failure
All rejection fears come down to the Fear of Failure. But how in the world can you be self-confident and able and have less fear of failure if you refuse to practice? Imagine you were afraid to go to the kitchen and to open the fridge and to get a Pepsi. Imagine instead of just doing that you would sit and think and think and think about the horror of failure. There is no sense in that is it?

After all it is you who decides whether you want to look back on "a life full of chances not taken" or "a life with many used opportunities and a few failures".

Women you should avoid
To lower the chances of a rejection you should NOT try to contact these women:
  • Women who are in a hurry
  • Women who looked stressed
  • Women who are upset
  • Woman who obviously have a boy-friend
  • Woman who fold their arms
  • Women who are known to fool men
Don't get me wrong: You can always TRY, because this is merely an advice to reduce the failure rate. If you don't mind about rejections then go ahead and talk to those stressed business women running to catch a taxi...

Please also read Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection.

You can not be liked by everyone
This is a side note to Make Rejection your Goal: It is practically impossible to be liked by 100% of people. Just visit the site AmIAnnoying.com. Compare the most disliked and the most liked celebrities: The most liked celebs are at 40% (= only 40% dislike them). The least liked celebs get 70% (= 70% dislike them, 30% like them)

Here are a few examples:
  • Usama Bin Ladin: 70% think he is annoying (= 30% think he is not annoying)
  • Adolf Hitler: 70% think he is annoying
  • Claudia Schiffer: 70% think she is annoying
  • Stalin: 70% think he is annoying
  • Britney Spears: 70% think she is annoying
  • Jack the Ripper: 70% think he is annoying
  • Michael Jackson: 70% think he is annoying
  • George W. Bush: 60% think he is annoying
  • Paul McCartney: 50% think he is annoying
  • Led Zeppelin: 40% think the group is annoying
  • Jesus: 40% think he is annoying
These are just examples, but as you see, WHATEVER YOU DO you don't get below 40% or above 70%.

Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection
Please also accept that THERE ARE legitimate reasons why a girl may reject you:
  • The girl just married
  • The girl has a boy-friend with whom she is happy
  • The girl has several lovers and doesn't need more
  • The girl has an incurable infectious disease
  • The girl has current body pains
  • The girl is a lesbian
  • The girl has religious reasons (e.g. she's a Jehova's witness and marries only other Jehovah's witnesses)
  • The girl has ethnical reasons (e.g. her parents are Turkish and only allow Turkish boy-friends)
  • The girl doesn't like you (yes, it's her right to like or dislike people at her own request)
  • You remind her of somebody she deeply dislikes. Ok, this is probably not a legitimate reason per se, but understandable.
  • ...
Thus if she rejects you IT DOES NOT mean that it's YOUR fault. Yes, she might be a bit unfriendly (or maybe she doesn't anything at all), but the above reasons are legitimate for a rejection.

In other words #1:
Every guy (no matter how good looking) gets rejected from time to time.

In other words #2:
It's a number's game. The more girls you ask the more you can date.

In other words #3:
Move on. When she's not interested then it means..... she's not interested. No more than that.

In other words #4:
If you don't move on and try and try to convince her then you not only break some of the rules of this site, but you also run straight into a rejection... and you're the only one to blame.

Please also read Women you should avoid.

Reasons for shyness
Please read You can not be liked by everyone and Make Rejection your Goal and No date, no rejection first.

There are 2 main reasons for shyness/ lack of self-confidence: 1) You are afraid what others think of you 2) You are afraid of a failure

Reasons 1 & 2 can be "trained away".
1) Don't give a damn what others think of you. As long as you don't behave like the last Neanderthal jerk you shouldn't be afraid of anything. You won't see most of the women you fail to pick up ever again anyway (unless you live in a small village). So why worrying? Moreover if you are friendly and well behaving then there is no reason why she should scare you off. She will be friendly, too. If she is unfriendly for no reason then you learned enough about her to not date her anyway.

2) Imagine the worst failure there can be and realize that it isn't that bad even if it came true. You can train with another male single to reject you. You play the game of "Asking and Rejecting". You try to pick him up and he rejects you. Once you get used to get rejected it feels less painful. If you don't have anybody to train, then write down "rejection quotes" (see Rejection Quotes) and realize they are just words.

Think of that too: Most men are shy but they took action nevertheless. So what was the difference between you (shy) and them (shy)? The action! What is the difference between you (shy) and the jerk (who has a girlfriend)? The action!

Stop thinking about having a girl-friend and get one!

Rejection Quotes
Read the following female rejection quotes and realize they are just words. These quotes are about anything that can happen to you. Be prepared to hear them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.
  • "No thank you"
  • "Sorry, you're not my type"
  • "I have a boy-friend"
  • "Get off"
  • "Get off, you moron"
  • "You? Never!!"
  • "Shut up"
  • "Don't waste your time"
  • "Don't waste my time"
  • "No thanks, you are ugly!"
  • "No way"
  • "Phew!"
  • "Everybody has wishes"
  • "Fuck you"
  • "No, not with you"
  • "You can ask my dog. Maybe he will take you"
  • "Don't even dare!"
  • "Grow a bit more and come back later"
  • "If you were the last man on earth I wouldn't date you"
  • "Sorry, but I am concentrating on my career"
  • "Don't even try"
  • "You stink"
  • "Fuck off"
  • "Are you a man or a woman?"
  • "Get me a beer and get off"
  • "Sorry, I am not in the right mood for this"
  • "Sorry, I am not THAT kind of girl"
  • "Hey, girls, look at him"
  • "Oh, god, not again"
  • "Do I look like I would hang out with guys like you?"
  • "Go to Jerry Springer, you freak"
  • "With you? Why should I?"
  • "I don't date co-workers"
  • "Yeah, but I don't like YOU"
  • "It's not you. It's me"
  • "Would you please leave me alone"
  • "Where did they let YOU out?"
  • "I don't date neighbors"
  • "No, I just want to have friendly relationship. I need a friend not a lover"
  • "You're too old" "You're 20 years too old"
    "You're too young"
    "You're not my age"
  • "With you? Look at you!"
  • "You are too fat"
  • "YOU come to a girl like ME? Don't you have eyes in your head?"
  • "Sorry, I just talk to pretty men"
  • "My life is too complicated right now."
  • "Is here any nest where jerks like you come out?"
  • "You are too skinny"
  • "I just split up. I need some time out"
  • "I am a lesbian" "Sorry, mate, I am gay"
  • "You men suck"
  • "You wish"
  • "I don't date idiots"
  • "I don't date guys like you"
  • "You're so ugly"
  • "One more word and I call security"
  • "I hate men"
  • "I can't stand men like you"
  • ...
All the above statements can be accompanied by gestures and facial expressions and emotional flows. Realize they are just gestures/emotional flows. Be prepared to see/feel them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.
  • Judging you disgusted from head to toe
  • Shaking her head
  • Making a disgusted face
  • Making a funny face (= you are an idiot)
  • Sending you away with a hand movement
  • Showing her palm (= stop)
  • Showing you her middle finger
  • "Sending" you a "being disgusted" flow
  • "Sending" you a "don't want you near" flow
  • "Sending" you a "bad luck wish" flow
  • Tipping her head with her forefinger (= you are an idiot)
  • Blowing cigarette smoke into your face
  • Wetting you with her drink on purpose
  • Showing you her tongue disgustingly
  • Making invalidating/devaluing noises
  • Running off to her friends and telling what an idiot you are and laughing at you
  • ...
Please also read You can not be liked by everyone.

Important: If you have more rejection quotes then send them in!!


From:www.100-dating-tips.com
Posted by LC at 11:45 AM | TrackBack

February 22, 2005

You can't hurry love, at least that's what the songwriters say. Well some people want to disagree. For them there's the new phenomenon of speed dating.

...

If your quest for love has so far proved fruitless and you feel that time is running out - how about spending a night speed dating? You could meet a dozen potential matches and still get home in time to peruse the personals before bed.

It works like this: an equal number of men and women meet at a café, pair up and chat for a predetermined number of minutes, then when a bell rings it's time to move on to your next mini-date.

A grown up version of musical chairs? Well speed daters say it saves time and provides a safer way to meet - no more waiting for the evening to end when you've worked out in the first couple of minutes that your date's a dud.

After you've speed-dated everyone in the room it's time to come up with your wish-list. You write down who's hot and who's not and if your top picks feel the same about you then the organisers will pass on contact details.

Speed dating, unsurprisingly, comes from the States. It started in January 1999 as a scheme for L.A. Jewish singles to meet. It quickly broke out of that community and has become the hippest way to look for love.

The appeal is that you can meet a lot of people very quickly, which traditionally could have meant months of dating. It is also in some ways less demoralising than regularly trawling singles columns or dating websites.

David, a speed dater from the South East, says, "I think it's for those people who are cash rich time poor. It's a very good way of meeting a large number of the opposite sex in a fun environment and in a condensed period of time. I would definitely do it again and encourage a friend of either sex to come along and give it a whirl".

Luci, another speed dater, says, "It's a great way to meet new people but a gamble as to whether you're going to meet anyone".

However efficiency isn't everything. If your life means that you find it difficult to devote time to finding love, will you have enough time to nurture love if you find it?

If speed dating represents the modern solution for the "cash rich; time poor" to find love, does it also mark the death of romance, or just another evolutionary step in human courtship?

Speed dating may be the new way to meet, but after that first date it's down to more traditional methods of dating to ensure love blossoms.

Then it comes down to care, consideration and time. The challenge is whether speed daters can find time for another in their busy schedules.

Perhaps there will be a growth in speed relationships where you don't ever to have to spend more than a few minutes at a time with your "partner".

In the mean time your three minutes start now - Good luck, find your dreams!


From:www.originaldating.com
Posted by LC at 10:44 AM | TrackBack

February 21, 2005

Dealing with unwanted attention

“I think we should be friends.”

If you’re a veteran of the dating world, you’ve heard it more than a few times from relationships that ended with a loud thud.

Odds are you decoded it correctly: “The thrill is gone. It’s time to move on.”

But regardless of how many times you’ve been on the receiving end of this demoralizing little chestnut, it may leave you wondering: “What’s wrong with me?”

In truth, probably nothing. If you have enough dating experiences under your belt, you know that relationships fizzle out more often than they lead to wedding invitations.

For some men and women, however, the end of a relationship feels like the end of the world. Their level of despair is directly related to how secure they are.

“It is important for people to develop good self-esteem and not look to others to give them self-esteem,” explains Dr. Beverly Whipple, vice president of the World Association for Sexology; past president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists; and coauthor of the international bestseller “The G Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality,” which has been translated into 19 languages.

“We have to feel good about ourselves, know ourselves and know what we want in a relationship,” she tells AdamandDrew.com. “Others cannot define that for us.”

Try telling that to the person you no longer wish to date. It certainly helps if you can terminate a relationship compassionately, instead of dumping someone cruelly. Why stomp on someone’s ego with unnecessarily callous comments when you can gently explain that your relationship has gone cold and there’s no longer any chemistry? It’s really no one’s fault.

In a perfect world, you and your partner will return to the dating pool a bit shaken, but relatively unscathed.

Not So Fast…

But what happens when your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t get the message—or refuses to take no for an answer?
  • He begs for a second chance on your answering machine…at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and at 3 a.m.
  • She remains in denial, calling your office every half hour to see if you’d like to “have dinner and talk.”
  • He continues to send flowers, hoping a dozen roses will cure your ennui.
While the old adage asserts that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, many men are no less indignant when they feel rejected.

You can spare yourself a great deal of misery by being honest and direct, instead of dumping someone with no explanation. You don’t need to apologize for your decision. Just be forthright, to the point and respectful, says Dr. Joy Davidson, a psychotherapist, sex therapist and author of “Fearless Sex: A Babe’s Guide to Overcoming Your Romantic Obsessions and Getting the Sex Life You Deserve.”

“If someone presses the issue and wants to know why the chemistry isn’t there for you, it may be because he really wants to know how he’s perceived—even if the truth isn't pretty,” she tells AdamandDrew.com. “In that case, be blunt, without being cruel.”

“You’re not my type" is a reasonable start.

“If someone wants more,” Dr. Davidson says, “you can say, ‘I tend to be attracted to men/women who are taller/shorter, thinner/bulkier, more ambitious, more artistic, etc.’ It’s a fair response.”

If the discussion morphs into a debate or argument, it’s time to end the conversation—without any obligation to justify your feelings, she says.

Unwelcome Advances

Being pursued after you’ve ended a relationship may feel flattering at first, but you need to set boundaries. Avoid the temptation to respond to continued advances, or you’ll inadvertently encourage them.

“Be very direct in saying, ‘I'm not interested in you sexually or romantically’—or whatever the situation calls for,” Dr. Davidson advises. “If you want to continue a friendship, but the person isn't taking your ‘no’ to romance seriously, monitor your own behavior to ensure you aren’t giving him or her mixed messages. Nothing will secure another’s attachment like intermittent reinforcement.”

Be clear and consistent—and don’t waffle.

“If they persist, you need to tell them that their approach is not only unwelcome, but smacks of disrespect toward you and your boundaries,” Dr. Davidson says. “If they still don't give up, take a break from the relationship altogether. Tell them you’re going to stop responding to emails or phone calls in order to make your point unmistakable. Follow through with 100% reliability. Anything less is like sending an engraved invitation to further the chase.”


From:www.adamanddrew.com
Posted by LC at 10:09 AM | TrackBack

February 17, 2005

TOP DATING PHOTO BLUNDERS

The following no-nonsense list was compiled from interviews with long-time online daters and the business executives and support staff of several major online dating services. What's the bottom line? The single most important part of online dating is how you handle the simple act of representing yourself with photos.

1.Not posting a photo at all. Not posting a photo at all is arguably the most serious mistake. You must have something to hide if your photo is a blank space. Trust us, everyone thinks so. And that jaundiced phrase "ask for my picture" is sounding pretty lame these days. Describing yourself in words is lame, too.

2.Posting a photo that is more than 2 or 3 years old. If you are too much older than your picture you've committed the sin of "age shaving" online. This is guaranteed to put your relationship on shaky ground from the start and is usually an instant "deal breaker." Ever wonder why that second date never happens? It's a sure bet they won't tell you if you "age shaved".

3.Is that little figure in the background you? See # 1. If your image is so small you can't be seen clearly you must be butt-ugly or have something to hide. Lame. Get a real photo of yourself. We've already seen Yosemite - in person.

4.Compromising by using a photo with a strange or goofy expression. If the only fairly close up, kinda' clear picture you have of yourself looks like you just smelled something unmentionable, it's time for a better photo. Even prose by Shakespeare in your profile can't overcome the awful first impression created by a drunken, or worse, that dreaded "deer in headlights" look.

5.Is that you - or is the one on the left you - or is the one in the background you? Why are you kissing that strange-looking man on the cheek? Who is that man with his hand on your ass? Are those your parents? If we have to guess or if you have to explain it in your profile text, it's too late. Try to avoid posting a photo with more people than you in it, especially if the other person(s) are of the opposite sex, even if you think the photo of you is good.

6.Take off those sunglasses. See #1. Going incognito are we? Playing Joe Hollywood? Wearing sunglasses just suggests you have something to hide.

7.You at the party, head tossed back in laughter, beer in hand, having so much fun you make us puke. It's not that we believe that you get drunk and party 5 nights a week, but why should we take the chance.

8.Trusting your mother or brother to tell you which photos you should use online. Your mother thinks even your goofiest picture looks absolutely charming. Your view is biased, too. That favorite photo that you think looks really, really good might not. Instead, ask someone of the opposite sex who you find attractive which photos you should use online. That's the single most accurate measure of your photo's effectiveness. Why? Because when you post your photo online, you'll be impressing just such people - or not impressing them - a thousand times a day.

9.Showing too much skin. This will get you just the wrong responses if you're a woman, and usually no responses at all if you're a man. There are exceptions, but not many.

10.Using your crappy snapshots because you think using professional photos is "cheating". Using professional quality photos is the first thing online dating experts suggest you do if you take your online dating seriously. You certainly don't trust your health, your vision or even your haircut to an amateur. So why trust your online image to one? Making a lasting first impression with professional photos is a sensible way to put your best face forward.


From:www.lookbetteronline.com
Posted by LC at 10:40 AM | TrackBack

February 15, 2005

First Mails and Dates

How do you start off an email love affair? What do you talk about on a first date? Whilst first impressions do count, long term success relies on getting to know each other. The problem for many of us is the inane way we date. Going to a movie for a first date whilst easy, may leave you feeling a bit empty. After 2 hours of sitting in the dark, chances are you'll still be in the dark about your prospective new partner.

The best way to get to know someone is to talk to them and get them to talk about themselves. Here's our top ten list of things to discuss (they may reveal a lot more than you expected!):
  • 1. Whom do you admire? Why?
  • 2. Tell me about your family: is there anything you would have changed?
  • 3. What, if anything, is your most prized possession?
  • 4. What's your greatest achievement?
  • 5. Is there anything you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?
  • 6. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
  • 7. What's your greatest strength? ... and weakness?
  • 8. What makes you angry or depressed?
  • 9. What type of relationship are you looking for?
  • 10. Where would you like to live?
Take it easy, with just one or two questions per email or date - you don't want to it to sound like an interrogation. Good luck.


From:ananzi.matchmaker.co.za
Posted by LC at 03:22 PM | TrackBack

February 14, 2005

FUN IDEAS

Great Date Tips

You know what I love about dating shows?

The producers, in an effort to make good TV, rack their brains to come up with really fun and interesting ways for a couple to interact.

Forget just meeting for coffee or a meal. They have them learn how to polka. Go to a ceramics class and make personalized mugs. Walk dogs for charity. All terrific Great Date "Dos". Sure, all their good intentions get shot to hell later on with the prerequisite drunken-hot-tub thing, but I think those first fifteen minutes are pure inspiration!

If you want your own Great Date Production, it's up to you to do a little behind-the-scenes producing and planning to make the magic happen. (Minus the martinis and bikinis, of course, unless that's your idea of a worthy dating experience . . .)

Oh sure, in a perfect world, the big dating scene will go like this: Guy calls, has two exciting plans for you to choose from, and executes the details perfectly. The female lead's only responsibility is to look cute, provide fabulous conversation, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Cut! Not as in "cut and print." As in cut that out!

DON'T SUGGEST — OR ACCEPT A SUGGESTION — UNLESS IT'S SOMETHING YOU REALLY, TRULY ARE INTERESTED IN DOING.

A good date is all about what you put into it. The date may not be perfect, but if you want a production that's at the least fun, memorable, and has the possibility of a sequel, then it's up to you to help direct this date.

So, with Oscar in mind (the award, silly, not some guy!), here are some ideas to get you pumped about your Great Date Production.

Where to Go

Oh, sure, everyone knows the rule: Whoever does the asking out should have an idea of what to do. (They are also "expected" to pay, but very often, men will insist on footing the bill or at least allow you to just leave the tip. Either way, you should be prepared with extra dough on top of your emergency twenties if you do the asking.)

Do you have a clue what you'll say when you make the call?

Wait... did you just say you never do the asking?

Oh, no you didn't. Because you know being dateworthy means taking the fullest advantage of fate date moments when you may have to get the ball rolling!

So I ask again: What will you say when you make the call? And, on the what-I'm-sure-would-be-preferable flip side, what if they call you and asks, "What would you like to do?"

Personally, I think the ideal comeback in that instance would be: "I'll tell you what: Why don't you tell me what you were thinking, and I'll tell you what I was thinking, and we'll see which one is the favorite?"

That way, you'll see whether he really wants to hear what you think... or he's just a man who didn't care enough about the date to make a plan. If they say "I don't know..." you should say, "Know what? I really want you to have an idea of what you want to do to, so . . . think about it and call me back!" Click.

Talk about a challenge. You didn't just throw down the gauntlet - you smacked them upside the head with it.

If it's the former -- that they did have a plan, but wanted to hear your ideas -- then you should be prepared to respond with an activity that includes at least some of the following:

It promotes conversation: That means no movies or loud concerts or anything that keeps you both from talking to each other.

It's wallet-favorable: The last thing anyone needs is to blow the bank on a first date. It's unfair to whoever is paying, and, from what I've read in reader letters, it's a huge source of discomfort to women who often feel pressure when dates go overboard.

It's male friendly: Unless he brings up dancing or a flower show, save that for a later date suggestion. Think in terms of activities that have to do with eating and nothing to do with him tripping or looking stupid or in any way being detrimental to the all-important male ego.

It helps you K.I.S.S.: That is, helps you Keep It Short and Simple. If you have a preset time limit ("I'll meet you at four, but I really have to leave at about six"), you can exit a not-so-great date gracefully . . . and leave a great date with anticipation about the next one.

You might also want to consider:

  • Amusement parks. Ride the rides, go to the funhouse, and share nutrient-questionable food. It's actually a great place to get them talking about his family and childhood.

  • Cooking classes. No fooling . . . or drooling! Guys love to cook. And eat. And actually have a picture in their heads of what you look like in the kitchen. (They don't have to know it's the last time he'll see you in the kitchen . . . just kidding.)

  • "It's not just paintings" museums. Whether its sports or music or a chocolate exhibit, find something that you both don't have to be incredibly art-knowledgeable to enjoy. Walking around also encourages hand-holding, a bonus for them.

  • "Old man" sports. Bowling. Playing pool. Golf. Traditionally for old dudes -- now trendy. They're games that are slow-paced with good talking downtime in between, but they're enjoyable to do and encourage fun competition.

  • Brunch. Affordable in even five-star budget-busting restaurants and it's early enough to... have another date later but not too early that you can't still get some good sleep after your Saturday night date.


Just remember, included in your 'where to go' list should also be 'where to meet' plans. Bottom line? If they are a fate date or someone you've been corresponding with online, tell them you'll meet them at the venue. If they are a relative or friend fix-up, a former coworker — anyone where there's already a built-in knowledge of each other and of each other's friends — it's okay to have them pick you up at your place, but I suggest being ready to go when they get there so that you can get back into a public space.

And finally, make sure that you both know exactly where and when you're supposed to meet, and that you both know how to get there. If neither of you have an exact address, offer to call the restaurant for the specific information, and then offer to leave it on their machine. The last thing you want is to end up at Famous Johns on Sixth Avenue while they are waiting for you at John's Famous on Sixth Street.


By Dennie Hughes
Posted by LC at 08:13 AM | TrackBack

February 12, 2005

The Differences That Make A Difference

There is a guy out there that attracts w0men so easily you'd think it was magic. Whenever he goes out... at the grocery store, at work, or at the bar... women turn around to look at him, they go out of their way to be around him hoping that he will talk to them. The guy has absolutely no problem getting dates any time he wishes. With the ladies, he has it made.

The funny thing is that he's a lot like you. He has similar looks, he's about the same height, drives a similar car, and makes the same amount of money.

So what's so different about this guy? Why do all the women want to be with him?

There are 5 differences between this guy and the guy's that wish they could be like this guy. Surprisingly, it's the little things that make the big difference. Little things that are completely within your control.

DIFFERENCE # 1:
When he walks in people notice This man walks into a room with confidence that you can sense. A type of confidence that can't be faked. His head is held high, his gaze is calm and unapologetic. He doesn't glance around like a nervous freshman at homecoming to see if anyone is looking at him. Rather, he expects people to be looking at him and he is comfortable with this.

His grooming is impeccable and his clothes are neat and fashionable, not gaudy or outdated. He takes pride in his appearance (however humble or average it may be) and it shows. His walk is deliberate and even-paced - never rushed or nervous.

If you didn't know any better, from your first impression anyway, you would think that this guy has everything. But, he doesn't. He's just like you.

He knows that you don't have to have a perfect life to be perfectly confident.

DIFFERENCE # 2:
He talks and people listen When he says something it's not to get attention. He's not worried about being the life of the crowd or talking just to hear his voice. Because of this, when he says something people look at him and listen since they know that there will be more than just nonsense coming out of his mouth.

He never talks trash. He knows that this makes him look petty, untrustworthy, and insecure.

He acts natural. He doesn't try to be something he's not. He has "that something," that charisma, that personal magnetism that comes with being genuine and congruent. People are drawn to this quality and admire it.

He knows that people can sense when people are being fake, trying too hard, or trying to give a false impression so he avoids these things at all costs. Though it sounds cheesy, sometimes he consciously, deliberately centers himself to be sure that he's "being real" and not trying to impress others.

DIFFERENCE # 3:
He's a doer, not a thinker At the bar there is a beautiful woman and, of course, there is a group of guys in the corner who want her number. They appear to be working up the courage to start a conversation with her. It's difficult though because she is with a friend who won't leave her alone so that they can make their move. Meanwhile, This guy notices the woman and, in spite of the fact that she is with a friend and you would think she is way out of his league given his looks, he walks right up, introduces himself the same way he would to anyone, and begins asking the same normal questions you would ask anyone that you want to know better:

Where are you from?
What do you do?
What are you doing at a place like this?


Sure, it's not great conversation but this man knows that it's better to act than to wait for the perfect moment and the perfect thing to say. When most men approach her and try to talk this woman isn't receptive but this guy, because he is so obviously genuine, doesn't put of that needy and, paradoxically, condescending vibe that most other guys do. She likes that.

DIFFERENCE # 4:
He's easy to talk to During the conversation he's calm, relaxed. If you didn't know any better, you would think he was talking to an old friend from way back.

He keeps the conversation light-hearted, friendly, and pleasant by smiling and maintaining eye contact. He's not cracking great jokes or sweeping her off her feet with Don Juanesque romantic banterings. He's more or less just genuinely interested in listening to her and she likes that.

But, perhaps the most important thing is that there is absolutely no hint that a "pick-up" is in progress. If you were observing from across the room you'd think he was only talking to her because he was killing time, you may even think that he was married by how relaxed and not needy he was.

You may even say to yourself "That guy has no game, he's doing it all wrong"

DIFFERENCE # 5:
He knows what to say At the end of the night he knows what he wants. He wants to get to know that woman he was talking to better. Some guys would silently wish to themselves that they could see her again, curse themselves for not knowing how to ask, miss the opportunity, go home, and fall asleep wondering if they will ever run into that incredible girl again.

Not this guy, he understands that if he wants something then he needs to do everything in his power to get it.

These are the exact words he uses:

"I had a great time talking to you tonight. I'd like to see you again. Can I get your number?"

Lame? Canned? Predictable? Yes, definitely. But, oddly enough, it works. It worked this time, it worked in the past, and it will continue to work in the future.

This guy doesn't wonder how to ask, he doesn't try to come up with the perfect line to get her number. Asking IS simple and he doesn't make things so complicated that he misses opportunities.

That's it. Five differences. Too simple? Perhaps, but if it were this simple, wouldn't it be worth the effort to give it a shot and find out?

Your goal should be to become this man. It's very, very possible. After all, it's only 5 things.


From:www.datestacker.com
Posted by LC at 09:05 AM | TrackBack

February 10, 2005

DO LOOKS MATTER?

Do My Looks Matter?..,yeah but not as much as you think...

For a (heterosexual) man, a woman's looks are what initially "trances" him out, whereas women tend to be seduced more by words and actions - unless the man is some kind of male supermodel or superstar in which case women will trance out on him in the same way a man will trance out on any beautiful woman.

It is only natural that men think the same rules about looks apply to women as they do men. To a certain extent, yes. A woman, however, places much less importance to how a man looks compared to how he can make her feel. Looks might better help you get the "audition" but that's all. Techniques like spoken NLP patterns, eliciting and mirroring values, Mr. Smooth, kino, etc. are strategies based on direct derivations of that understanding. Good looks, the right (symmetrical) face, decent body, nice clothes, will provide you an opportunity to "audition" for a woman much more easily than bad looks but that's all you get - an audition. From that point on it still comes down to how you can make her feel. It's your ability to make women feel warm, happy, and magical deep down inside them that makes them actually want you, not how you look. That doesn't mean, though, that you shouldn't always try to look and feel your best. Why handicap yourself?

Look and Feel Your Best

If you want to be able to talk to girls everywhere, you have to be primed at all times, in both the physical and emotional sense. That means looking as good as you can as often as possible. People meet each other in the strangest and most unexpected places. If you never never know when to look your best, looking your best at all times is the optimal default.

Yes, some women like thick stubble on a man's face, or messy sweatshirts, or sloppy hair, but most women prefer a neat & clean look. That doesn't mean you have to shave twice a day and walk around in Armani suits all the time, just that you should take care to be clean, organized (yet casual) in your appearance, your clothes match, your hair is not a mess, and you're wearing a good pair of shoes (women like shoes - just accept it). Also, it means exercising regularly, eating healthier, and getting enough sleep.

When you look your best, you feel your best and you need to feel great to properly approach someone you like. Feeling great adds to your confidence. When you have confidence, your rapport building skills with beautiful women will come more naturally.



From:www.allintros.co.za
Posted by LC at 05:14 PM | TrackBack

February 09, 2005

"Don't overlook what counts"

For many men, dating seems to go great the first date, but they never get a second date. Obviously, they overlooked some of the most important issues of impressing a female. If she went out with him, she must find him attractive enough to date, so that's not the problem. So what is the problem? Well, a lot of it is what girls call, "the little things." If you're dating a normal girl ("normal" means not a stripper, tomboy, or circus freak), chivalry is still alive. Awkward as it may seem in this day and age, every little bit counts. This includes pulling out the chair at dinner, opening the car door, and giving compliments (though too many). Don't use common cheesy compliments either, like "nice dress", or "you look wonderful." Think of something original. Another thing males continually screw up is being a man, and thus, making decisions. Some guys put all the decisions on the girl. For example, she asks, "Where do you want to eat?" and the guy says, "I don't know. Where do you want to eat?" Don't do this, step up and at least throw out a place or ask her what kind of food she likes. Never throw the same question back at a girl. Girls hate this! On the flip side, never act too overbearing. Girls like men, not overbearing assholes. Just make sure that you allow her to be a part of the decision-making process. An example of being overbearing would be taking her on a date, completely planned by you, to events you are not sure she will even like. There's no problem with planning a date completely on your own. Many girls love this! Just make sure that it's within reason. "Don'ts" would be (without knowing her tastes), truck rallies, horseback riding, mountain biking, or skiing. Girls are very picky when it comes to things they like and dislike. It may not be that she doesn't like it; it could be that she's scared to death of the activity. A first date is usually a one-time chance to prove yourself, so don't mess it up. Find out what she likes first, and then go skydiving. A date may seem simple - dinner, movie, and a drink; however, it's everything in-between that's not.

From:www.cherade.com
Posted by LC at 08:26 AM | TrackBack

February 08, 2005

Safety Tips for Online Dating

Online dating is a great way to meet many new people in a short period of time. But before you venture into the world of cyberdating, check out these five tips to be safe:

1.Show Patience
You may be anxious to start a new relationship but that doesn't mean you should rush into meetings with strangers. Take the time to make sure you're ready to move from the online world to an offline encounter.

2.Talk on the Phone
There's no need to jump from online chats to a face-to-face meeting. Use the phone as an additional checkpoint. You can tell a lot about people by their mannerisms on the phone. If your gut says something is amiss, call-off the get-together.

3.Ask for a Photo
While some people may go so far as to send a fake photo, in most cases you'll get the real deal.If something creeps you out about the face, leave it at that and move on to the next potential mate.

4.Choose a Safe Place
If you decide to meet face-to-face, be sure to pick a safe location, full of people, and familiar to you. Most predators will avoid taking action in broad daylight, surrounded by people.

5.Use Common Sense
It may sound obvious, but if you feel something is not right, listen to your gut and get out of the situation. Use your common sense to make good decisions and you'll lean toward meeting the right people.

Following these five tips will let you maximize your enjoyment of online sites while also minimizing your chances of a mishap.


From:dating.about.com
Posted by LC at 08:17 AM | TrackBack

February 07, 2005

Dating Tips for the Single Parent

...

Q: Dear April,

I'm newly divorced and dating a great guy (at least he seems great after five dates). Things seem to be progressing so quickly — I'm excited but also wary. He has a daughter, and he wants me and my son to go to a movie with him and his daughter, but I'm not sure if it's too soon to introduce him to my son. I'm afraid my son will think I'm trying to replace his father. Help! Signed, Divorced Mom Dating

A: Dear Divorced Mom Dating, Go slow. Don't introduce anyone you haven't been dating seriously (ie: mutually exclusively) for under six months, to your son. It's okay to let your son know you're dating. But let him know that this is grown up fun. Not a family affair. And stick to that. If things do go well, and there comes an appropriate time to introduce Mr. Right to your son, keep in mind that you know you're not replacing junior's dad. No one will replace his dad. If you know that, it'll be easier for your son and your boyfriend to "get it." You are (or may be), however, adding a lovely man to the mix, if in fact, at some point you decide to "add" him, to yours and your son's life. Just because you're divorced, doesn't mean you're broken. And neither is your son. Read more on this subject in "Parent Trapped".

Here's a few things to keep in mind:

1. You will never replace your child's dad. Whether you're in love or hate with your child's father, he is your child's dad. Don't denigrate him. If you denigrate the dad, you denigrate the child. Allow your child, and yourself, the notion that his father will always be his father. Read Dating After Divorce for more tips and suggestions on dating as a divorcee. 2. You may add a man to his life who is icing on the many layered cake. If you find happiness with another man, your child will be happy for you and for himself. If the child is jealous, it's because they are afraid that you will be taken away from them by this new person. It's a reasonable fear. And a good reason to go slow. Life changes, but usually for the good. 3. You don't have to feel guilty about adding a man to your life, and your child's. Your child will take the good from the different adults in his life. This new man may add some wonderful assets to all of your lives. Relax. Having an extended family doesn't mean yours was broken, and is now fixed. It's just what it is.



From:www.askapril.com
Posted by LC at 04:26 PM | TrackBack

February 04, 2005

Dating and Fear - A Dilemma

... More than anything else, fear when dating will get you off to a bad start. Your date can sense that you are scared a mile away. It shows, it comes across and it is hard to disguise. Fear makes the person on the receiving end feel unattractive and unsteady. It makes them not want to be in this situation with you and you will find that rejection comes quickly. It is a viscous circle because the reason often why you will feel fear is because you fear rejection.

Fear of rejection is debilitating. It prevents you from functioning properly. It affects your movements and speech and most certainly prevents you from displaying the glorious aspects of your relaxed character. You are uptight so you can't talk fluently, your words come out all wrong, you don't come across properly. In some circumstances I have seen people come across as aggressive merely because they were frightened of being rejected.

We want to be loved, we want to be liked, we want to attract, we want to be popular and we want to succeed in the things we try. But something inside us tells us in advance of our actions that we are going to fail. The girl we approach won't like us and she will reject our advances so we are not sure why we will try, but we will. The problem with this approach is that your fear shows through already, so its not you who is allowing you to be rejected, but that your fear of rejection is in itself causing the rejection to happen.

What is lacking here my friends is confidence. If your confidence levels are up - you are on form. You are interesting as well as interested. You are smiling and you can take a joke. You can approach and have fun and make light of any situation. In turn this makes the person you have approached feel relaxed in your company and able to judge how your character truly comes across. If you make someone laugh, you have them interested already. If you are frightened you will cease up.

Now I know how fear of rejection can be because I have felt this way. I see a beautiful girl and she is waiting to be approached. She has caught my eye and she appears receptive. However, I would either not approach or if I did it would take me so long that the moment had passed and she could already tell that I was scared. In a previous article I spelled it out for guys, one of the most attractive qualities in a man is confidence. You cannot become confident overnight and using drugs and alcohol to assist is a huge mistake. What you can do is look at how you can change things you don't like about yourself to increase your confidence levels.

You may fear rejection because you have been rejected so many times already. In which case you are already scared. Well it is true that dating is a numbers game and that eventually someone will say yes, but then perhaps you are introducing yourself to the wrong type of girls in the wrong way. If you use chat-up lines, stop instantly and start being more natural.

Interestingly there is a recent report in the London Times* relating to a study by the Social Issues Research center in Oxford as to why men get their approach wrong so often and mistake the signals women give out which may assist in dealing with the fear of rejection. Men often mistake the signs of friendliness from a woman as an overture for something else when this is not what is actually happening. If you are scared of being rejected yet again after making a pass at a woman there may be a very good reason. Women appear to be sending out very subtle but misleading flirtatious signals known as "proteans".

The man will read this "proteans" as flirtatious signals giving him the green light to act. However the woman is in fact assessing and working out whether you are a suitable mate or not. All potential suitors are interrogated through these signals in the same way. When you first meet a prospective date she will bombard you for the first few minutes with many confusing protean signals (named after the Greek river god Proteus who was able to change his form to evade enemies !). These ambiguous signals confuse the man allowing women to gain the upper hand by finding out what the man is truly like very quickly. Because of this, it is hardly surprising therefore that men become confused and consequently face rejection.

The most surprising outcome from the study was that in two-thirds of cases, the opening flirtatious gambit was initiated by the woman , most likely through a flirtatious gaze, repeated to attract your attention. It goes to prove therefore what I always believed, in that when you enter the room the woman has already decided whether you area good candidate or not, even if you are led to believe it was all your idea. Men appear to make the approach but it is in fact the woman using very very subtle techniques.

This survey and general information on this subject is significant because it helps us understand and combat our fear of rejection. Women in modern society are able and willing to make the move for partners they like. Women are not wallflowers. If we are to readily accept findings like those above then we should consider that we are being tested in our initial approach and that it is clear fear will make us fail from the outset. So its critical that you deal with your confidence levels in advance of an approach.

What is also important to add is that we have heard it said that women hate to be ignored and can find a man more attractive initially if men are not fawning all over them. This must be highly linked to these protean signals. The woman is checking you out as a potential mate but you are not reciprocating. If you are not displaying fear, but nonchalance or disinterest, this may confuse the woman and increase her interest in you. We can categorize this behavior as a game, and it most certainly is a game of courtship yes.

Fear in dating has to be dealt with, it will not assist you in meeting the person of your dreams. It is almost always linked to how you view yourself in terms of looks and skills and almost all of these issues can be dealt with. If you increase your confidence levels and then combine this with a sensible approach to who you approach then your success rate in the initial approach will soar. If you combine this with pre-armed knowledge that you will be bombarded with confusing signals you can decide that rejection is all part of the natural dating game and isn't so serious after all. Have fun and don't fear.

by Ian McNeice
Posted by LC at 10:00 AM | TrackBack

February 03, 2005

Build Confidence by Online Dating

Most of us have different levels of confidence. I�m sure you have met a variety of confident types. I�m just as sure, that all of us have had our own confidence shaken once or twice. I know I have.

In relationships most of us have different degrees of confidence. There were times I felt like I could do no wrong and other times I couldn�t do anything right. The ups and downs of relationships are still a mystery to me. I don�t have all the answers, but most of us have in common some the same feelings: the hope when you see someone you can�t take your eyes off of; the anticipation of being on a first date; the moment when you kiss; the bliss of love; and also: the slap when someone says no; the hopelessness when someone walks away, the emptiness when someone you love cheats on you and so on. We all have been their.

What happens when the worse has happen to you. I can give you a glimpse of the male�s perspective. You are in love. She is everything you could want. She�s beautiful, sexy, and makes you feel alive. You can�t wait to be with her or near her. You are on top of the world and life couldn�t be better. Then she walks away. No amount of begging will bring her back. The signs of her leaving were probably there, but you were too in love to see them. You cry, you drink, cry some more and the emptiness won�t go away. You are lost.

Then there is the guy who drinks a case a beer, cries for a night, says the hell with it then parties the next night. This over exuberant soul creates such a whirlwind he leaves himself no time to grieve or to contemplate his state of loss. When he crashes, his recovery is usually a tough road.

For me, the old adage that time heals, had value. I had no desire to go clubbing. I was lonely, still grieving and didn�t have the confidence to get back in to the dating world again. As time went on, I found a comfortable, yet boring routine. I wanted to date again, but the thought of it would give me flash backs of unpleasant moments. Sigh, loneliness was becoming my friend.

Online dating was something I heard about and decided to check it out. I was tired of watching reruns on TV. It didn�t take long to search out the many dating sites available on the net. I searched, researched, and joined. I was slowly and comfortably getting involved again. I could sit at home in my sweats, converse with ladies online, and not have to face a crowd in a smoky bar room if a lady said �no�. Yet, the no�s were rare online. This was not a face to face ritual, but me on my keyboard and her on her keyboard that gave us both the needed space to get acquainted. It was fun, relaxing and a confidence booster. Yes, I�ll say it again, a confidence booster.

How can online dating boost your confidence versus traditional dating? It has to do with vulnerability. Think about it. If you just lost your confidence, would you rather face a lady in a crowd of others, or at home while using MSN chat or email. After a huge letdown, most of us struggle with the thought of going out in the harsh dating world were appearance is premium versus the power of words and feelings you converse online. Whatever your state of mind may be at that moment, you can find another person online feeling as you do. That's hard to find in a smoky bar room under the influence of alcohol.

Eventually my confidence did return to an adequate level to venture out to the dance clubs. I had online dating to thank for that. For a while, I was playing in both worlds and saw some stark difference in what was real and what was not. Both have their pitfalls, but eventually I realized that the typical dating world had many more masks and traps that was not present in the online world. That�s another article. For now, I just want to say if you have lost your confidence because of a relationship disaster, give your self time to heal and see if you can find yourself again by joining a good online dating site. I guarantee you will find your confidence again and if you are lucky, like me, you will find the love of your love.


From:www.datingclass.com
Posted by LC at 10:08 AM | TrackBack

Conversation Starters For First Dates

On first dates conversation can be uncomfortably slow at times. You don't know much about the person and you have no history with them so it can be difficult to find things to talk about. Add a little bit of nervousness and tension to the situation and things are downright awkward.

This article will give you a few ideas to help you start great conversations on a date with people that you may not know very well. But first, it's important to understand a few things about socializing on dates.

People like to talk about themselves! Most of us would rather talk about our life than listen to someone else talk about theirs. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just human nature. With that in mind the conversation starters I give you later in this article purposely focus the conversation on the other person.

It's a good idea to keep all conversation positive--never bring up negative things like death. It's also wise to avoid controversial subjects like religion, politics, and abortion until you get to know the person better.

Try desperately to keep away from all "canned" conversations like, "So, what do you do?" or, "Where are you from?" This stuff is important to know later on (maybe the second or third date) but it makes you seem dull and unoriginal... not the kind of image you want to portray on the first date.

Here are some good conversation starters that focus the conversation on the other person:

>>> "Have any pets?"

This should start up a lively conversation because people LOVE their pets and LOVE talking about them even more. If they don't have any pets then just move on to something else. Or, you could ask, "Really? Why not?"

>>> "Where did you get that _______?"

Ask them about a specific piece of jewelry or clothing. This conversation starter works particularly well with a really unique piece of jewelry or clothing... something they might be interested in telling the story behind.

>>> "Have you ever ________?"

Ask about something that you are knowledgeable about or enjoy doing. This is a good way to find out if you have common ground. If they do have that interest in common with you then you will have plenty to talk about. If they don't have that interest then just say, "Oh, I see." They will ask, "Why do ask, have you?" Then answer honestly but don't brag and don't go on about it for too long--just move onto something else.

>>> "Do you like sports?"

Men AND women are passionate about sports and all enthusiasts enjoy talking about them. Who knows, you both may enjoy the same sport... why not buy tickets and go to a game for your next date?

>>> "Have you ever been to ________?"

Ask them if they have ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it's a club, restaurant, or amusement park. If they HAVEN'T been there then this is a great way to get a second date... "You haven't been? You don't know what you are missing out on, we have GOT to go..."

All of these conversation starters are centered around topics that have the potential for interesting and exciting conversation.

If you really have trouble with keeping conversation going it may be a good idea to go out on a group date with another couple. This will take most of the pressure off of you two so conversation will flow more easily and naturally.

Good luck. And remember, your date wants to respect you-- don't make it hard for them!

by Brian Caniglia
Posted by LC at 09:09 AM | TrackBack

3 Things every Average Looking Guy must have if he wants to Seduce and Date Stunning Looking Women

Have you ever found yourself in a bar or club, taking a quiet moment to reflect upon why that average looking guy who just walked through the door has a stunning looking woman on his arm?

Does that in any way… get on your nerves, annoy or even anger you?

What is it about that guy… he's not rich and he's no Brad Pitt, so how come he has this gorgeous woman all over him?

Listen up, cause I'm gonna tell you. This guy has three distinct characteristics that magnetically attract women… gorgeous women… like a moth to a flame.

So let's break these characteristics down into these three pieces and examine them. The first thing about this guy, let's call him Bob, is that he is,

Popular!

Everybody likes Bob! People want and like to be around him.

Being important also entitles him to three bonuses and these bonuses are,

• Admiration - people admire Bob, they look up to him for advice, his opinion on things and so on.

• Courtesy - people are always nice to him, like to please him, do things for him and make him happy.

• Trust - people will automatically trust a guy that is deemed admirable.

The second magnetic characteristic about Bob is that he is,

Funny!

Again, because he is funny, people want to be around him. He makes people laugh - everybody loves to laugh.

"Laughter is like chicken soup for the soul."

He knows that by making others laugh, he can break down people's defensive barriers making anybody around him completely warm to him and his personality.

People also want him around, they know that when he's present, he fulfils one of the most important needs that any human being has… the need to be and feel happy!

The third and final thing about Bob is that he is,

Exciting!

Everyday is different. He knows how to enjoy himself. Again, people are drawn to him (see how this keeps popping up), they want to be around him.

He does different stuff. Whatever it may be you can be sure that it's not all 9 - 5, blue shirt, straight laced and tight underpants for this guy.

In fact, I bet he doesn't even need to do much sweet talking at all if he wants to get a woman into bed let alone a first date… Why?… Because most women would fight tooth and nail to be with this guy.

But why?

Well, he's exciting.

Let me ask you, why do most relationships fail… Because couples get bored with each other, sick of doing the same things day in day out.

Bob's different; every day's a different day… remember.

He's funny. Women love to laugh, it makes them feel happy and next to health, what's the most important thing in life?… HAPPINESS!

And now for the biggest secret of all. You see, women love popular guys for two reasons.

The first we all know, it's that whole dominant male thing, it really turns them on.

The second is a secret that nobody knows and I'm gonna tell you right now. Are you ready?… You see, when a woman dates this guy, she also becomes popular - she's the girl who's dating the guy that everybody loves.

And guess what? Because of her position, she is now also entitled to the three bonuses. She is popular, people like her, do things for her, make her feel special, loved, admire her.

Bob's girlfriend now has all her emotional needs taken care of.

You see, Bob's got the whole package. He doesn't need a fancy car, a big house, a swollen bank account, good looks or any of that stuff.

He's appealed to every woman's emotions. If you want to seduce gorgeous women, develop these three characteristics and I bet you women will be chasing you and then the tides will be turned.

To answer your question… that is why Bob, the average looking guy has got a stunning woman clinging to him.


Peace. Richard Fletcher.
Posted by LC at 08:33 AM | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

Secrets Of Dating Younger Women

>>>Important Note: As I was finishing up writing this newsletter, something very interesting happened. Read all the way to the very, very end for the story<<<

Ah, younger women.

It's taken me a long time now to finally see clearly that the appeal of younger women is not just "slight".

I recently read somewhere that when men get married for the SECOND time, they marry women an AVERAGE of 10 years younger.

Something like 20% of men who marry for a second time wind up marrying a woman that is over 20 YEARS YOUNGER.

I also recall reading somewhere that women are universally attracted to men who are older than them, and that the "average" relationship contains a man that is four years older than the woman.

Interesting stuff.

Remember Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall?

Bastard.

Or how about Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones?

I hate him, too.

In my own family there are age gaps ranging from 10 years to over 40 years.

Yea, you read that one right. Over 40 years.

I won't even go there...

Let's just say that it brings a whole new meaning to "I traded my 40 in for two 20s".

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that this pattern of older men dating and marrying younger women isn't going away anytime soon.

In fact, I personally believe that the more "socially acceptable" it becomes, the MORE it's going to happen.

For most of my adult life, I've dated women that were either my own age, or very close.

But for some reason, right about when I turned 30, I began sometimes dating women who were younger than me.

At first it was a little bit strange.

I didn't feel like I had anything to talk about with a woman who was five or ten years younger than me.

But the more it happened, the more I realized that younger women have a certain appeal that goes far beyond just the "physical beauty".

Younger women just have a different VIBE.

If you meet the right younger woman, you'll find that she can bring an amazing energy, vibe, and youthful atmosphere to your life.

After having the experience myself, talking to other guys who have shared it, and reading about it a lot, I can say that many guys have the experience of FEELING YOUNGER and MORE VITAL when dating a younger woman.

It can be a blast.

Now, I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to date women your own age, or women who are older than you.

Not at all, in fact.

I'm just saying that if you find yourself attracted to younger women, it's perfectly OK.

And I want to devote this newsletter to the topic of how to successfully date younger women.

Keep your eye out in the near future for a newsletter titled "How to date women that are old enough to be your grandma". Somehow I don't expect that one to be quite as popular as this one... lol.

OK, let's get to it.

First I want to talk about my take on younger women in general, then I'd like to share some specific techniques and ideas for dating them...

YOUNGER WOMEN MATURE FASTER

Now, we've all heard that "Women mature faster than men", right?

Well if you could have the opportunity to listen to a group of four 20-year-old models standing in front of the bathroom mirror at an A-List club in Los Angeles or New York, I think you might change your mind...

My personal view is that SOME women mature faster than most men... and that SOME women have a SIDE of them that matures faster than most men.

All women don't mature faster than all men.

But there are those women that DO mature faster... and these younger women can be VERY interesting to hang out with.

Take a minute and imagine what it would be like to be an attractive 18-year-old young woman who has just graduated from high school and is starting her first year in college.

Let's assume that she's above average in the looks department, smart, and beginning to enjoy her new-found freedom and independence.

What would be going through your mind?

How would you be approaching the world?

Well, I think that you'd probably have begun to realize (in a big way, most likely) that you have a certain POWER over most men.

You've probably also begun to realize that there are certain types of "boyz" that hold a certain appeal... and ones that trigger a certain type of magnetic attraction in you.

(If you've had a chance to go through my Advanced Dating Techniques Program, then you understand that this ATTRACTION is being triggered by certain traits, and not just good looks.)

Now, without taking too long to explain the point, if you think about it, the traits that trigger ATTRACTION in women are MORE likely to be found in an OLDER man than a YOUNGER one.

Traits like higher status, masculinity, leadership, mystery, challenge, confidence, and composure... and many others.

It often takes men DECADES to cultivate the traits that are attractive to women... and you'll notice that when they do, they often act like they just discovered the concept of FRICTION... and they behave accordingly.

And if you were an attractive younger woman who was just "finding her wings" in life, you'd be responding to this in a way that you probably wouldn't be able to explain.

The point?

Younger women are more likely to feel ATTRACTION for a man who is older.

This principle has proven itself to me over and over... and the more I look around, the more I see it in action.

IS IT "NORMAL" TO DATE A WOMAN WHO IS YOUNGER THAN YOU?

One thing that makes this particular topic very interesting to me is that it often evokes VERY emotional responses from people.

Some people say "It's sick for an older man to date a younger woman"... some people see it as perfectly normal... and some see it as MORE normal than men dating women their own age.

Everyone has an opinion about it, one way or another.

The reason that this is important is that the younger women you'd like to date have a wide range of opinions as well.

IN other words, one 20-year-old woman might think that the idea of dating a guy who is 27 is TOTALLY GROSS, while the next one might only find herself attracted to men who are over 30.

The point I'm making here is that if you are going to date younger women, you must not let yourself be overly influenced by the opinions of others... especially the women you would like to date.

Just because one woman says "I think that any guy who asks a woman out who is more than three years younger is sick" doesn't mean that ALL women think that way.

The girl right behind her might say "I just don't have a clue why ANY woman would want to date ANY guy who's under 40... they're all immature".

If you wind up talking to a woman who isn't interested because you're "too old", just move on... and don't let it distract you.

CATEGORIES AND CATEGORIES

I've found that women usually fit into one of the following three categories when it comes to how they view this topic:

1) "It's perfectly normal" Maybe 20%)

2) "It's taboo, and very intriguing" (Maybe 20%)

3) "It's GROSS!" (Maybe 60%)

I just made these numbers up based on my personal experience and my personal observations.

Some guys I know ONLY date women who are much younger than themselves... and their experience is that MOST younger women want to date guys who are older... see for yourself.

Next, I personally think that maybe only 25% of the younger women you meet are even worth your time and attention.

75% are in the categories of not interested in older guys, not attractive physically or personality-wise, too immature, etc.

Of those that ARE worth pursuing, most fit into one of a few categories:

1) Damn smart, high standards, and on the path to bettering herself.

This young woman will often respect you and admire you for your experience in life, and look to you for approval, advice, and input.

She will probably get a thrill from being with a guy who is mature, sophisticated, and who knows how to make her feel good physically.

This woman might be the daughter of a strict and/or religious family who is now experimenting with her independence.

2) Attractive, and overly-concerned with what others think... very competitive, life revolves around boys.

If you meet a woman who is between 18 and 23, and she's a model, actress, dancer, or other "entertainer", you'll often find this personality type...

Often these girls like to PARTY.

Drama usually isn't far away.

These women often enjoy the thrill that being with an older guy brings.

They are often found on the arm of rich, playboy types... because they like the attention and material gifts and advantages.

WARNING: These women, in my experience, are more likely to be users, cheaters, and the types that turn your emotional life upside-down with all kinds of unimaginable drama.

Buyer beware.

3) The nice girl who likes you. Maybe not stunning, and maybe not a super-genius, but likes the fact that she's met a man who is a MAN... and who makes her feel good.

Most of these women have a common realization that guys their age just don't "get it".

They're tired of hearing about dumb "guy stuff", and they are fascinated by a man who is both clearly in control of himself and his environment, and very aware of how to treat a woman... how to make her feel good... how to take his time.

These women can be great fun, and they can be a real joy to be around. They often bring a fun, spontaneous energy to the relationship, and they make things a little unpredictable.

Now this isn't a complete list.

And it's not exact.

But it's pretty accurate, and if you use these categories as general guides, you'll begin to understand and have more success in your interactions with younger women.

THE SPECIFICS... WHAT, WHEN, HOW WHY, WHERE...

Here are some specific ideas for dating younger women.

REMEMBER: These are WOMEN. They're not a different species, and everything else that you've learned from me applies as well.

1) Be Cool, Dude.

When most older guys meet a younger woman that they feel attracted to, they immediately begin to act WEIRD.

They stop acting like "themselves".

Now, women don't know what you're like "normally", but they can tell INSTANTLY if you're NOT ACTING LIKE YOURSELF.

Us guys do all kinds of subtle and not-so- subtle little things when we're feeling nervous... and these things give women the HEEBIE JEEBIES!

So be cool.

Relax.

Don't act like a Wussbag.

2) Treat her like a BRATTY LITTLE SISTER.

Now that you're being "cool", take it to the NEXT LEVEL...

Use one of my favorite personal techniques, and treat her like your BRATTY LITTLE SIS.

Tease her.

Make fun.

It's OK, go for it.

Say all the things you never had a chance to say when you were a freshman.

Now's your big chance!

And don't worry about it when she plays "fake mad". Just turn it up some more.

Oh, and call her on everything she does or says that's immature.

I can't go into all the reasons why this is a great idea, but it is. You keep your power, you have all kinds of opportunities to be Cocky & Funny, and you can always keep things interesting and challenging.

Oh, and it's COMPLETELY different than the way most Wussies treat her... which is good.

3) Don't try to follow or get her to lead.

Women in general are not attracted to men who don't take the lead... and younger women are no exception.

In fact, younger women have less experience in life, so trying to get them to lead and tell you what they want you to do is just a horrible idea.

Don't do it.

You lead. You decide where you're going. You make the rules.

If you try to make her the boss, you'll run her off faster than you can say "I touch myself".

4) Don't try to take advantage of the situation.

Most attractive young women have had at LEAST one "icky older guy" that "tried something" with her.

Younger women are HYPER-ALERT when it comes to sketchy behavior.

If you try to take advantage of the situation or try to "make a move" too early, you'll most likely signal to her that you're a "perv" and that you aren't to be trusted.

Lean back.

Chill.

Give her room.

when you walk down the street with her, bump into her and push her AWAY from you.

Tell her not to walk too close to you... tell her that other people might think something.

If you're alone with her in your living room, don't sit right next to her.

If she touches you while talking, don't touch her back... or even make fun of it and say "Keep your hands off the goods".

5) Don't intrude on or interfere with her life.

You must remember that younger women have lives of their own.

Often they're very close to their families, and they're unsure of how their families would respond if they found out that their pride and joy daughter was dating an older guy.

Remember, she just got FREE of the overbearing father... and she doesn't need a new one.

Don't call her at work, don't show up to see her unexpectedly, and don't embarrass her.

If you want to make an attractive young woman perform magic (the instant disappearing act), just interfere with her life.

She's free, so let her be free. Encourage it, even. Don't interfere.

6) Let her come to you... don't chase her.

If you want to make friends with a cat, the best tactic is to IGNORE IT.

Cats are interesting creatures.

Have you ever noticed that if you chase a cat, it will run... but if you sit and ignore it, you'll soon find yourself pushing it off of your lap?

Same goes for younger women.

Like I just mentioned, younger women have often just "escaped" from controlling parents, structured lives, and zero freedom.

If she's attracted to you, it's not because you're creating the environment that she just left... it's because you represent something different.

You'll find that if you call her all the time and chase her, she'll be harder to get a hold of, and less likely to continue to see you.

If you let her go, let her live her life, and make yourself more scarce, you'll be more likely to have her pursuing YOU.

Be the man that she's always dreamed about, and then don't chase her.

7) EXPECT her to change.

If you're dating a woman between the ages of 18 and 23, you need to remember that her life is probably going to change DRAMATICALLY over the next few years.

You need to keep an open mind, and not try to restrict or hinder her options.

You need to expect and even encourage her to grow, change, and become all she can be.

The reality is that the chances are SLIM that she's going to be with you in a few years.

In fact, the chances are slim that she's even going to be the same person in a few years.

Get over it, and be OK with it.

Challenge her to grow, achieve, and be her best... and don't accept second-class behavior from her.

But she's going to change, so expect it.

8) Be CHIVILROUS.

Most younger women have had VERY FEW men in their lives who even know what the word "Chivalry" means.

If you're one of those men, then you need to LEARN what the word means.

Opening doors, walking on the outside of the curb, and pulling out chairs makes a BIG impression on younger women.

When you combine a masculine, powerful presence with chivalry, you will stand out and make yourself VERY intriguing and attractive.

9) Stay totally calm in the face of drama.

Younger women often have a lot of drama happening around them, and they often act dramatic.

I could write an entire book about all the things that a young woman has going on around her that are TOTALLY UNSTABLE...

And the most influential one is the other people in her life.

If she freaks out about something, don't let it get to you.

Stay cool and calm.

Don't try to fix all her problems, and don't try to stand in for her dad.

She isn't looking for advice, so don't give it to her (unless she asks seriously, and in a non-emotional tone).

One of the things that makes you attractive as an older man is the stability that you bring.

So BRING IT.

10) Be conscious of how often you see her and speak with her.

Younger women are less in-control of their emotions... and can become attached more quickly and easily.

The "trigger" for a woman "becoming attached" is how often you see her and talk to her.

If you want to trigger the "relationship" mechanism, spend a lot of time with her.

If you DON'T want to trigger those emotions, you need to limit the time you spend with her.

As a rule of thumb, don't see her more than once a week, and don't talk to her more than once or twice a week unless you want her to start becoming very attached to you.

And I don't care what you SAY... it's the AMOUNT OF TIME you spend with her that makes this determination.

Trust me.

UNDERSTAND ATTRACTION

As always, the most IMPORTANT thing you must understand when dating younger women is how ATTRACTION WORKS.

If you don't understand ATTRACTION, then none of what I just taught you will make a damn bit of difference...

In fact, if you don't understand ATTRACTION, then most of the things I just taught you above will probably BACKFIRE on you.

So what's the best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you?

In fact, what's the fastest, most efficient, most complete, most EFFECTIVE way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you available in the world?

I'd say that it's my eBook, Double Your Dating.

And after spending YEARS figuring all of this stuff out, you can believe me when I say that this is the book that I wish I would have had when I first started.

If you put a young, beautiful woman in a guys house on his couch, he doesn't know the FIRST THING about how to make her feel ATTRACTION for him. He'll do things to please her, hoping that at some point she begins to get "into the mood"... and then somehow lets him know.

It will NEVER HAPPEN.

But if that guy knows the secrets of how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION... and how to smoothly take things to a physical level without triggering resistance and rejection... then he will be successful almost every time.

If you want to be that guy, then you need to get yourself a copy of my eBook.

It is literally JAM PACKED with hundreds and hundreds of techniques for making women, young and not-so-young, feel ATTRACTION for you.

And if that wasn't enough, I now publish a free dating tips newsletter that teaches any guy how to increase his success with women DRAMATICALLY.

It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).

IRONIC PROLOGUE:

As I sit here in Starbucks writing this newsletter on my laptop, across from me is a couple sitting at a table talking.

And guess what? He's obviously older.

He's probably in his early 30s.

She looks and sounds like she's around 19 or 20 years old.

It's obvious that this is the first time that they've met (they're wrapping up their conversation, and she just said "It was nice meeting you").

He wasn't saying much, and she was basically doing all the talking... and boy was she ever talking. About a million miles a minute...

She was leading the entire conversation, and he was trying to be a "nice guy" and let her lead things.

She was talking about what life was like before she moved away from her parents.

She was saying "My parents were overbearing" and talking about what it was like to live at home.

The guy was sitting there nervously talking to her... and fidgeting.

She was asking him questions like "What is your family like", and he was trying to give her "good answers" like "My family is nice, and my parents are sweet" etc.

It was obvious that she was trying to keep the conversation going, and he was trying his best not to "say anything stupid"... he was trying to seem like a "nice guy".

At one point when she asked him a question, he sat forward, turned his hands up in the air in a "I'm just a regular guy, nothing special here" gesture, and answered about himself.

They just got up and left.

It was PAINFULLY CLEAR to me that this guy did NOT understand what to do in this situation.

He probably met her online in a chat or on a personals website.

He was probably all excited about meeting her.

He probably offered to take her to dinner, and paid for an expensive meal... and maybe even a movie before winding up at Starbucks.

He probably has no idea whether or not she is interested in him, and he will probably go home tonight wishing he would have kissed her... and wishing he would have "made a move".

He didn't get it.

DON'T BE THAT GUY!

OK, enough of my ranting.

By David DeAngelo
Posted by LC at 11:33 AM | TrackBack

A Secret Women Know But Men Don't

I'd like to tell you a story...

It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman.

At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.

But there was one problem.

As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him.

Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage.

There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue.

But something was wrong with the picture.

She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend.

The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend.

Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.

After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way.

So he made a bold move.

He TOLD HER how he was felt.

He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her.

She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...".

This only confused the man more.

He didn't know how to take it...

Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something?

Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long- term relationship?

Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint?

Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?

Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?

He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her.

He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings.

And then the unthinkable happened.

She didn't reply.

He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her.

She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up...

...but he never got a call back.

Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.

THE END

OK, I'm back.

Now, wasn't that a sweet story?

Heart warming, huh?

I know, I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels...

Now, let's talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

And I'm not talking about FICTION here.

I'm talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for most men?

Because we've all been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many of us have been there OFTEN in our lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of...

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation I think there is a solution.

And it lies in understanding a secret that women know but MEN DON'T.

And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a man does to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like him. They make her run.

All those great intentions and emotional dedication actual cause the man feeling them to do things that make her go away.

It sucks.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...

THE "INSTANT EWWW"

I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others...

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.

Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself... with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor...?

Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't think that car is communicating the message to women that he thinks it is"...?

Yea, I have too.

Well here's the deal:

If you do something to "let a woman know how you feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.

It's going to trigger a feeling that like to call the "Instant Ewww".

The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.

It's over.

It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start behaving differently.

In short, she'll disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the "Instant Ewww"?

I got it from WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that was "confessing his love"... of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return.

So what causes the Instant Ewww?

And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels?

Because if you think about it from HER perspective, you'll realize that the moment a you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, women always know how men feel.

She already knew you wanted her.

She knew it from the beginning.

But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.

You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them.

In summary...

You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her...

Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll NEVER like you.

Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice thing for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand...

If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you.

Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a girl.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you

Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.

If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:

She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again...

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back.

DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER.

Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter...

Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says "From your secret admirer".

Don't call her three times a day.

And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.

If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you learned on my website and in my book).

As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a woman if she's interested in your in a romantic way, or if you are "her type" will actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you.

Really.

The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you'd never ask...

The very best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself a copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating.

I've spent several years now studying the ways that men who are "naturals" communicate using their words, voice tone, and body language that makes them MAGNETIC to women.

And I'll tell you... it's not magic.

You don't have to be rich, handsome, or young.

And you don't have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY man can learn it if he wants.

But you're not likely to figure it out by "trial and error". Many of the keys to making women feel ATTRACTION aren't "obvious" at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation if you didn't know the SECRETS.

I'm telling you, this book will show you the way. I guarantee that this program will INSTANTLY change how you behave around women.

And it will start getting you results IMMEDIATELY.

In addition, I'd also like to invite you to sign up for my free dating tips newsletter.

It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).

It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and advice on how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.



By David DeAngelo
Posted by LC at 11:13 AM | TrackBack

Will You Marry Me?

There is no other time, than the beginning of a relationship, when couples verbally express their love for each other. This is especially true for wedding proposals.

Proposals and vows are words said to your partner…special statements that summarize the entire relationship. They are significant because once they are said, the course of the relationship changes from casual to serious.

The beauty of proposals and vows is in their brevity. They capture the essence of your love, devotion, and commitment in just a few words.

I Want to Spend The Rest of My Life With You

Because a wedding proposal is a story that will be told and retold, it needs to be done in a way to create a storybook tale of the event. Basically, something that you will be proud to tell people the rest of your lives. Here are some guidelines to help you propose with style:
  • Choose a meaningful date that is easy to remember, such as Valentine's Day.
  • Choose a place that has personal meaning, such as the first place you went on a date.
  • Incorporate details that personalize the history of your relationship.
  • Plan the proposal for a day that your partner won't be too rushed or stressed to enjoy the moment.
  • Select a private place, unless you don't mind others watching.

    by Nancy Fagan, M.S., ExpertLoveAdvice.com
    Posted by LC at 11:02 AM | TrackBack
  • February 01, 2005

    DON’T LET IT BE HIM!

    We’ve all been on dates where we met someone to whom we were in some way attracted, had a drink or a meal together, enjoyed each other’s company and have gone home satisfied, ready either to continue seeing each other or say “that was nice, but s/he’s not “The One”. Those dates are no problem. It’s the others, the ones where you get out of your car and see them standing waiting…you do the “Five Second Survey” and find your insides are screaming; “pleeease don’t let it be him/her!” And it is. Those are the difficult dates and the ones we’re going to discuss this month.

    So how do we end up in these situations? Don’t we look at a photo before we arrange these dates?

    There was never an occasion where I went on a date arranged over the internet where I hadn’t seen a picture of the guy beforehand, but that didn’t stop me from getting that sinking feeling on more than one occasion . I don’t know, maybe the light was good, maybe it was simply a question of photos not capturing those indefinable physical signals that people give off in the flesh, but I was convinced that I’d been sent mugshots of a much better looking brother at least once.

    The weird thing was I blamed myself. I felt bad because I realised that I was a shallow person because I set so much store on looks, much more than I’d previously thought. But hey, it’s natural.

    So you’re in the car park, s/he’s waiting what do you do?

    I’d suggest that you gather your wits, put on your best smile and go meet your date. After all, you’ve both gone out of your way to do this. Exchange a few pleasantries, enter the bar or restaurant and take some time out to do the Ten Minute Monitor. If the Five Second Survey was about animal magnetism, the Ten Minute Monitor is about all your date’s other qualities. How they carry themselves, walk, talk and what about. Does she have a winning smile? Can he make you laugh? Do you share stuff in common? Remember, if you avoid turning this date into a headhunting expedition for someone to share your life for eternity, you’re more likely to relax and simply have a good time hanging out with someone new for a little while.

    Talk about the experience of doing this crazy internet dating thing a little. I know the other experts say avoid it , but I think it’s madness to pretend that you just met each other in the normal run of events; acknowledge your scepticism/wonderment/nervousness at the idea of it all, talk a little about what’s happened for you and move on.

    Hopefully, you’ve opted to have a drink, with only the possible potential for a meal. That way, if you have to submit to the urge for Early Exit, you can do so without too much face being lost on either side.

    By the end of the Ten Minute Monitor, you’ll probably have some idea about where this is all going for you. There’s still probably another 10 minutes left in your drink, but you can use that to think about what you want to do next.

    Hopefully, you’ll have decided that you’re having enough fun to want to stick around, but if that Early Exit is calling, you’re going to have to be tough – with both yourself and your date. Don’t resort to stupid tactics like going to the WC and simply disappearing. Be upfront, but vague; “It’s been good to meet you, but I don’t think we’re well suited”. I’m not suggesting this always goes smoothly – you will occasionally come across dates who don’t understand the “rules” of the game and want to argue their case or get dreadfully upset, but just be firm, use that Broken Record and aim to leave soon after finishing that first drink. Remember, you have a social responsibility to be respectful of people’s feelings, but that doesn’t make you responsible for them.

    I can’t guarantee that you will feel good at the close of this type of date. Disappointing and being disappointed isn’t likely to make you feel good. However, you will feel that you handled this situation as best you could, with dignity, and feel more able to risk the next date….which will be fine – trust me!!


    From:www.theonlinedatingshop.com
    Posted by LC at 10:44 AM | TrackBack

    Great Places to Date

    Where are the best places to go on a date someone asked me the other day and I had to admit I didn't have a ready reply so I decided to give it some thought. I suppose we take it for granted that when someone likes us enough to agree to spend time with us that we just know where to go for some social company. The fact is most of the time we don't. As we are put on the spot we have some quick thinking to do to look decisive and original. Where shall I meet you, he asks and you are saying "ehm ehm -let me think". Well it occurred to me that we need a little planning here if we are serious about dating.

    Usually I would just suggest my favorite bar or coffee shop or somewhere nearby as a great place to date, but without really thinking how that will affect the date and how it may help things go well. I can concentrate on my dress , on my chat, on my appearance, but the place itself is often ignored. And yet the place can make the date so it is time to think about this one.

    Okay the first thing is, do you date at lunchtime or after work? If you date at lunchtime then I am supposing it is close to your place of work. If it is, then what establishments are near enough to be practical and at the same time atmospheric? Clearly some cities are better at providing great places than others. For example when I lived in Paris there were a million cafes to meet in, but when in Singapore I usually had to meet in food halls which lacked the same ambiance. I would always recommend dating at lunchtime if possible for a first date as there is a fixed time limit and an escape route implied. You can grab a coffee for 30 minutes and you don't need to worry about looking smart as much as you may be in work wear.

    If this makes sense then spend a few lunchtimes going to a few places with friends to see which would suit you best as a work venue. Remember never to let on where you work in the early stages of dating. Keep safe. Try out a few small restaurants, tapas bars, coffee shops, diners and sandwich bars and see which you think would make a great place to check your new date out.

    If you are dating after work then maybe it will be a bar downtown or an early evening restaurant etc. I would always advise somewhere informal to begin with so that you can both relax over a drink. A formal evening dinner for a first date is a recipe for letdowns in my opinion. There is a great build up, a lot of effort, expense only to find the date lasts 20 minutes. So don't bother initially, get into the groove of short snappy dates that are relaxed and a lot of fun. This will demonstrate your creative part.

    Almost every major city has some kind of cool art gallery. In my opinion these are tailor made for dating and great places to date. You can appreciate the finer things in life, or look like you appreciate them, whilst at the same time spend time in the presence of your date whilst at the same time have a distraction in the art itself. Popping to the toilet also acts as the perfect escape route if you have made a grave mistake!

    Comedy clubs are a great place to date. You can meet for a drink beforehand and relax and have a chat. You then have the marvelous facility of built-in comedic entertainment that rubs off as showing you as being funny too because the whole atmosphere lends itself to humor. Although you can't chat as much throughout the show it will quickly demonstrate sense of humor levels and you will be able to sense if you are on the same wave length. If you can laugh together you may be on to a winner.

    I love going on dates to Zoos, particularly out of season. I don't necessarily agree with keeping wild animals in cages but as they are there and zoos are trying to keep species from extinction that it is the least we can do to try and help. But as animals show our softer side and are interesting to go see then they are the perfect backdrop for a date. There are plenty of discussion points, plenty of things to chat about which relate to past experiences and lots of walking together. There are small cafes dotted around and places to sit and talk.

    Sports activities are great fun, especially if there is lots of physical involvement. Going bowling or ice skating are perfect dating activities. I have never been anywhere so romantic as ice skating in Central Park in the snow one winter. The great thing about bowling is that you have a challenge from the first moment. The man can show his masculinity by dealing with the ridiculously complex scoring computer whilst the lady can show her adept handling of a 12lb ball, usually in orange. No kidding, its fun and its a great place to chat as well as grab a coffee. Ice skating allows you to fall into each others arms and therefore I think it speaks for itself. The worse you are, the better the date!

    So rather than depending on my list of places to date, grab a good food guide, and start looking around you at the places that would be great for a date. When someone agrees next time you will be fully armored with lots of choices that you have tested out. By being prepared you will reduce your stress levels by 50% before your date even begins.

    by Ian McNeice
    Posted by LC at 10:37 AM | TrackBack

    The Best Dates We Ever Had

    The best dates we have ever been on are the ones that were the most fun with the best company. hey may not end in blinding love or marriage but they may have lived on with us because we enjoyed them so much. There was something memorable about them. Lots of dates are mundane, dull, meaningless repetition of standard question and answer sessions punctuated by some forced humor and and attempt to keep things genuine whilst knowing the moment you exit the cafe, you will never see that person again. Personally I have traveled all over the country on dates and some have been truly awful and the odd one, spectacular.

    The best dates are the simplest, the least forced, the most natural. The best dates can happen with a complete stranger out of nowhere, or are planned weeks in advance by making special plans to win your date's heart. I remember chatting with a person on an Internet dating site on Saturday evening and within an hour of first chatting we had met for a drink. That Saturday evening in Chicago was tremendous fun, the person fantastic company, 4 hours of laughter and great food. We swapped life stories and details of the smallest things about our lives and for those briefest of hours everything was fabulous. Due to travel etc., we never met again but the point is that a perfect date can really be that unplanned.

    I think it's true that when we plan something too far in advance we can get carried away and build things up to much higher levels than is really justified. If I know we are going on a date three weeks on Saturday I will start planning, however much I try not to. What will I wear, how will I wear my hair, what will they be like, will anything come of it. And so on. Before you know it, a simple date has turned into the planning of Woodstock.

    In other words, simple spontaneous dates are the best. Formality too tends to wreck the best dates. Somewhere too formal doesn't allow both parties to relax and can be oppressive and stifling. The worry of getting everything right, ordering the correct dishes, selecting the right wine, even paying the check. Particularly the right clothes. A self assured dating partner will allow things to flow more smoothly and put you at your ease but the point is, the best dates involve somewhere far more relaxed. It could be a diner an a walk in the park, a beach bar and a stroll on the beach. So always choose something where both people can be comfortable, kick off their shoes and just chill.

    The best dates are ones that begin with few expectations and open into something much greater. A short meeting over a coffee ends up being a day long passionate conversation. A lunch hour one afternoon ends up taking over the whole day, even weekend. They are the best dates. Not expecting your date to be anything special and discovering that they are amazing, that is a good date too. Two people who end up becoming a couple will always remember how they met and what they did so it is always important to put some thought into every date you go on.

    I think if you date continually for the sake of it then you will have some idea of your idea of a perfect date and how it would go. Even if you haven't met anyone fabulous lately you can still imagine what best dates should be like for you. There are a great many clichés surrounding dates, from sunsets over blue lagoons to romantic restaurants in Rome. They are things we can aspire to in our fantasies. But having great dates means being open minded, being open to new people, new ideas and very good conversation. I often observe friends with their lists of questions that they reel off as they go through the motions on a first date and wonder why they get nowhere.

    My method always involves meeting and greeting my date like I have know them years. In this way I put myself and them at easy. I love to talk so I always try and get us both to chat about anything and everything over a glass of wine. If it flows naturally then great, if it doesn't then its fine as I always set a mental time limit at first. My favorite best dates have always been with charming individuals who are interesting and interested. They have always been brief encounters the first time where I am dying to meet them again. They are instant adrenaline shots, they are eye opening meetings that me salivate with anticipation. I put some of that down to trying to date the kind of people I get along with but also being extremely receptive to new ideas.

    Your best dates with differ from mine probably, but the point is, treasure best dates as excellent memories and experiences. You have met some great people and you are going to meet a few more along the way before your dating is done.


    by Ian McNeice
    Posted by LC at 08:22 AM | TrackBack