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March 19, 2005

Mike’s Dating Story

(Black Couch Tales) By: Devlyn Steele

Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking a long drink of water, he slumped onto my black leather couch and sighed.

“Coach,” he said. “I need to get out of my relationship.”

Mike is 38 years old and a successful screenwriter. Mike was also perpetually single with a long history of failed relationships. His situation is typical: he wasn’t necessary afraid of something long-term, he just could never find “the One”. Mike could never stay in a romantic situation for long before moving to something new.

Today’s session was no different. Once again he found himself feeling stuck with someone he didn’t want to be with. He told me his story.

“I met Lexy about a year ago. I was at a bar and there she was. She looked awesome and had a great smile. I was attracted and I just had to get to know her.”

For Mike it always started with physical attraction. He continued, “We really hit it off. The next thing you know, we are heavily involved. Things were great at least…the first six months were a blast…really fun. I think I gained ten pounds though. My buddy calls it the Love Diet. You stop going to the gym, order in, and stay in bed day and night.”

Mike’s enthusiasm began to fade as he said, “After the first six months things slowly started to change. We started to get to know each other outside of the bedroom. The more we talked, the more I realized that I had nothing in common with her. And to be honest…this is sort of rough to admit…I wasn’t interested in a thing she had to say.”

“Our relationship became tense at worst and polite at best. Little things started to bug me. The way she chewed her food drove me insane. The way she laughed…it was this high-pitched squeal that I think only dogs could hear…it made me nuts.”

He sighed. “I’m getting on her nerves too. Last week Lexy nearly shoved me out of bed because she said I was snoring too loud.”

Mike straightened up and locked eyes with me. “We need to break up and it’s been a long time coming anyhow. I’m okay with that. But what I really need to figure out is: what the heck is going on in my relationships? It’s always the same. Is it me? Am I meeting the right women? I’m 38 and I still haven’t figured it out.”

Dating often starts as a chance meeting where physical attraction leads us to relationships we “end up in” rather than a choice we stop and think about. We get caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new. We give in to the rush!
But eventually the “chemical reaction” of attraction begins to sputter. The excitement fades and we often find ourselves with a person we don’t know that well. In Mike’s case, he realized he was with someone he couldn’t stand to be around.

This leads us to online dating. There are aspects of character and personality that will create a bond beyond the initial stage of attraction, and online dating allows us to go beyond the chance meeting, beyond the physical attraction. We can search out potential matches that we might never meet in our everyday lives. With the click of a mouse we have access to a wealth of information: interests, hobbies, passions, lifestyle, beliefs, and more.

Online dating allows us to approach dating from an entirely different angle. Instead of getting to know someone from the outside-in, we can establish a relationship from the inside-out.

Does this “more informed” method your romantic life lead to a more compatible and satisfying relationship? Unfortunately the answer is “No!”

Just like physical attraction alone isn’t enough to carry a long-term relationship, having things in common alone won’t satisfy you. You still need physical attraction. You may find tons of people online who will seem perfect. Then you meet face-to-face and you know in a split-second that this person is not for you. You never really know what will happen until you meet.

But imagine if you are attracted! The reason you decided to meet in the first place was because you have things in common and your personalities meshed. You’ve already laid the foundation to take your dating beyond the physical.

. What online dating really offers is opportunity to find and communicate with lots of people with whom we share common interests and qualities. It’s not the holy grail of dating, but it’s an excellent way to increase your chances of finding something long-term. You may still have to go on many dates to find your match, but that is why the Internet is so exciting! There are always new people to find, and always the opportunity for that next date.

Mike is currently online dating and loving it! I encourage you to give it a try for yourself.

About the Author...
Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life Coach.
A Columnist as well as radio host. Devlyn has also developed As a Relationship-Coach Devlyn has created the which teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own and offers a complementary e-book at no cost on “How To Choose The Right Dating Site For You.”
Posted by LC at 10:54 AM | TrackBack

March 18, 2005

Essential Top Dating Tips

I thought I would bring you the key dating tips I have gathered along the way in the hope of assisting and enlightening those who need assistance. If you are new to the dating scene, a regular or just simply someone trying to meet someone new there should always be time for top dating tips, advice, information and things to consider. None of us are dating experts otherwise we would have a magic formula to present to others. And no, looks are not the magic formula otherwise all supermodels would be blissfully happy - which they are not my friend. Good looking people the world over struggle when it comes to affairs of the heart. Think of all the major figures in history who have fallen in matters of romance.

The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no perfect tricks of the trade, no cunning ways of trapping Mr. or Miss Right and no top dating tips that wave a magic wand. But there are some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that - tips, they are not promises written in stone and different things will always work differently for different people. However, I have noticed that there are some threads of advice that keep cropping up and therefore it is worth reiterating them here.

My Top Dating Tips
  • Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, decide who you are looking for, do your research and be ready to commit to dating. Half heartedness won't work. Also prepare for some let downs along the way but don't take dating too seriously either.
  • Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself.
  • Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't go overboard and look like someone you are not but maybe its time to throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. People appreciate appearance.
  • Have a good think about what your dating goals are and timescales. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.
  • Sort out your confidence levels in advance. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Do all the things that will boost your confidence from avoiding negative friends (often the married ones) to attending the right kind of social functions. Couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.
  • Choose those you have a good chance of dating, don't aim low but do aim realistically. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous then good for you, but be prepared and be realistic about your chances.
  • Work out in advance where in your neighborhood you are likely to meet people and join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups, anything where you are likely to meet potential partners. The kind of partners you are looking for. I know its a cliché but you will not meet people by staying indoors.
  • Take time off from dating occasionally if its not going well or causing dating fatigue. Dating is an ongoing process and so recharging the batteries and keeping the confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. So date in phases if necessary.
  • Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not bring you a sparkle. The fact is, most people are interesting and whilst you may not be out there looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.
  • Never ever make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. In keeping with this do not sleep with your dates early on if you want them to progress, so keep sex until later. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. Peak too early and you have little left to offer and emotions may never have had the time to develop.
  • Do Join a quality Internet dating agency for free and do post a photo profile if possible. Take your time and check your mail occasionally. Even if you never date online at least it will boost your confidence and spirits and allow you to Practise your opening lines and chat up skills. Internet dating is fun and secure and introduces you to the world of dating safely and gently.

    by Ian McNeice
    Posted by LC at 12:37 PM | TrackBack

March 16, 2005

Saying 'I love you' often risks rejection

Often it's the case in relationships that one person gets to the point of saying 'I love you' before the other.

The person who says 'I love you' often risks rejection. I am collecting a list of rejections that you may have used or may have heard other people use.

Examples are:

'I love you'

'Yeah, right'

'I love you'

'It's about time'

It is important in minimizing the risk (and also not causally tossing the words around) to make sure your feelings really are genuine; which would be followed by your understanding of your soul mate well enough to know her feelings for you.

When a woman loves you there is no question in the world about it and the words are just icing on the cake.

Some look for a good friend and find a lover -- we were looking for a lover and ended up friends.

You can simply be silent and accept the statement. "I love you" should NEVER be a "yeah, me too" sentiment.

Immaturity in a relationship and messed-up hearts

Do NOT say "I love you" unless you are 150% certain that you truly do love the person you are saying it to -- even and especially if that person has just said the same to you.

Immaturity is the greatest reason for screwed-up lives and messed-up hearts. But a warning to any other women (or men) who know or suspect that someone is falling for them.

NEVER underestimate the capacity of a human being to fool themselves, to become obsessive, to fall in love with someone who has given no sign whatsoever that they're even interested.

Take courage to express undying love

Falling in love with someone you have never met, or only briefly is all too possible and all too frequent. How much easier is it then to fall for someone who is going out with you, flirting with you, hugging and snuggling up to you, ostensibly all in the name of friendship?

Watch what you do, and who you do it to, and don't assume that "oh, it's ok - he knows I don't mean it", or be prepared for some man, or woman, to express their undying love for you when you least expect it.
Posted by LC at 11:51 AM | TrackBack

March 14, 2005

Dating Success Story

Many people wonder if online dating really works. Sure, you see great stories and testimonials on each of the websites but are they real or merely a way of advertising the services? In truth, for many people, online dating does work. By knowing the best services to join, how to flirt and communicate, the right questions to ask members and having a great attitude are what make for the perfect winning combination. The success story below is 100% true and will show you that online dating can be a success story for you!

Taking a Dare

Mark was a senior in high school, spending most of his time playing football as a running back and baseball as the star pitcher. He was tall, had dark hair, dimples, and the most amazing crystal blue eyes. Mark had girls throwing themselves at him every day. In addition to being athletic he was also a great student and had an amazing personality. Okay, so why would Mark join an online dating service? It all started with a dare.

One night while with his football buddies surfing the net, they saw a pop-up ad for a dating service. Deciding to check it out, they entered the site, browsed around, and found it to be quite interesting. Mark snubbed his nose at it saying that it was bogus and only losers used online dating services. Well, that was all it took for his friends to make a dare. "Okay Mark, you think you're so great, you get a date on here and we�ll carry your football equipment for you, for one full month!" With a dare like that, Mark could not refuse.

Having some spare time the following night, Mark began his quest. He went back to the online dating service where they had been the night before. He was not too impressed so he started looking at other sites. Then he came upon one that focused solely on people ranging in age from 16 to 24 and, it offered a full month free trail! Taking his time, he browsed through various photos. After 10 minutes, he opened a photo of a girl his age and Mark�s mouth dropped.

She was naturally pretty but more than that, there was something different, something special about her. Better yet, she lived just 40 minutes from him! Now, the typical in-control Mark felt very vulnerable. If he sent her a message, would she respond? Remembering his dare, he went ahead and wrote a very quick e-mail just to say hi. About 20 minutes later after reading Angie�s profile and browsing other photos, he received an instant message, "Hi Mark � it�s Angie." His heart literally skipped a beat. Nervous, Mark responded, "Hey there".

Well, that conversation led to more conversations and within two weeks, they decided to meet face-to-face. Making matters worse, Mark pulled up to the most gorgeous mansion where Angie, her mother, and her Plastic Surgeon father lived. Now, his old two-tone blue Chevy was not so impressive. What would she think? Bravely knocking on the door, Angie�s father answered, invited him in, and then they chatted before Angie entered the room. That moment, Mark will tell you, was magical. She was truly beautiful and upon seeing Mark, she was just as happy.

That meeting took place five years ago. Both Mark and Angie have finished high school and college, and today, Angie is sporting a beautiful engagement ring, as the two of them plan for their upcoming wedding.

The great thing about online dating is that you can be 16, 50, or 92 and find friends or make a love connection. After all, what do you have to lose but a missed opportunity!
Posted by LC at 12:13 PM | TrackBack

March 09, 2005

Finding a Safe Dating Site

Seems like everywhere we surf on the Internet nowadays we run across this little advertisement: 'Free online personals'. They are everywhere, they are dating sites, and more are opening up shop every day.

Welcome to the newest internet gold rush. More and more people are signing up to these new and "free" dating sites. What they are really getting is a place on the web where they can post their profile and let strangers contact them. As more and more dating sites pile up on the web, more people are ending up with very distasteful experiences because of this. Why? 99% of today's (and tomorrow's) dating sites do not screen their members at all. This means there are sex offenders, predators, scam artists mixed in with genuine people who are looking to find a match. Dating services need to be very discretionary and much safer, until that time comes here are some important things to consider when thinking about joining a dating site.

1). Examine the site's physical properties. Is it poorly constructed with missing graphics or jagged fonts, mis-aligned sections? If so, this indicates a lack of attention to detail in the construction and layout of the site. It may have been pre purchased and the owner does not have the skill to alter it correctly. Why would you care? Well, a site in a state like this gives a clue that the back end program probably is also in a state of disarray or disregard. If the webmaster cannot construct the face of the site, then it is likely they cannot also construct important safety features behind the site. A hacker then could easily penetrate it and get your personal information including your photo. If you eventually pay this site, your credit information could be stolen as well! A nicely designed site means careful construction and a better chance of good quality code running the site in the background.

2). Look at some sample profiles on the site before you sign up by running a quick search.Do the profiles look a little bogus? A lot of them are. Many sites (especially new ones that have just started up) pad their membership database with photos of models or random (usually good-looking people) to attract new members. Do the profiles have a lot of jibberish characters or nonsensical phrases in the descriptions? That means the dating site you are at does NOT screen the people who sign up. This welcomes people with ill-intent. You should get out of there immediately and go to one that does.

3). Does the site have a privacy link?Look at the bottom of the site's main page. If they have a privacy link, click it and examine. Make sure they specifically state that they do NOT sell your information to anyone. This is an invitation to a spam and junk-mail nightmare. Also look for some sort of a web site rules page or a terms of use page. Check to see if they screen their profiles or somehow >disallow racial, hate or overly sexual material. If they don't state this than, anything goes for this site, another reason to leave.

4). Does the site have a links page?If so click and examine. See who they are affiliated with. Usually, there will be graphical banners or icons next to the names of their associations. Are they sex-sites? Spam sites? Even a quick glance in this area could tell you what kind of a dating site you are at.

5). What is the copyright date at the bottom?This could indicate the age of the site. If it is very young, this could help you determine if the site has worked out all the kinks (program bugs) and how many members they have accumulated.

6). Be wary of statementslike "You are the 4697th member to join today." and "Search through millions of profiles." these statements are usually false. Major sites, which have been running for YEARS usually can support these statements. look for a "whos online" link. If you are the only person (1 guest online means JUST you are there) then you know these claims are false. A site with millions or even thousands of members will always have a bunch of people currently online. If you detect this in a dating site, it is better to leave than to take a chance with a dishonest site. This is just a short list of ideas to help keep you safe when dating online.
Posted by LC at 12:08 PM | TrackBack

March 07, 2005

Women Want To Date You

Most guys have a mind set of when they go out to meet and approach women that it is up to them to do all the work.

Most guys forget that women think the exact same thing. When girls go out they are as interested in getting a date as the guys who approach them.

When a girl goes out she spends double the amount of time we spend getting ready, they are a lot more interested in clothes than we are, they were make up. I hope you get the point.

Women use every measure possible to look good.

Being men we don't have to go to such measures but we still try are best to impress.

Learning to get out of the mind set that men want to date women more than women want to date men can be difficult. For so long it is we must approach women, we must impress women, if women don't like us it is our fault.

When you meet new people in work, college, groups how long does it take you to adjust and feel totally comfortable with your surroundings and people around you.

Then imagine when you approach a girl, you have to gain this same feeling of karma in a much less period of time.

Girls are exactly the same. They need to adjust.

Someone they don't know is speaking to her, she is taking a while to adjust. It is normal.

Most men assume that when you approach a girl and she doesn't greet you with open arms and a huge smile that you are going to be unsuccessful.

If I counted the amount of women I approached I can assure you that over 70% of them look uptight, nervous and unsure.

That is why you have to use the power of words and body language.

For example if you are going onto a game show and everyone sounds and looks nervous it will in turn make you feel nervous no matter how confident you were feeling before hand.

To be successful with women you have to close the barrier of stranger to friend quickly. The quicker you do this the more successful you will be.

Humor, smiling, eye contact, is all a great way to do this. Confidence makes women feel more at ease.

by Chris Fox
Posted by LC at 03:23 PM | TrackBack

March 05, 2005

Online Dates

... Probably everyone is being tired, once in a while, of a daily routine of his life. You begin looking for something new, and online dates, in this case, is the best way to get what you are looking for. Be it a long-term relationship or a short-term, it's some kind of a new experience, refreshing and easy going, if only you want it to be so. And there are virtually no limits to your choice: you may have online dates from any part of the world.

Though, some limits there are, of course. It's your ability to make contacts, to express yourself, to put into words what you feel, what you think, what you worry about. And not in the least degree - the number of languages you can actively use. For your online dates might be from any continent, and you need a mutual understanding.

At the same time it's an impulse for you for learning, for advancing in this or that direction, and you are giving the same impulse to those, with whom you've come in contact through internet, that is to your online dates. If you feel that learning something new is making your life more interesting and richer, this is exactly the kind of experience you need.

Surely, it may happen also that your relationship will turn out to be a real romance and will provide you with a life partner, but in any case your online dates make your life more fruitful, more vivid even. It's the opportunity one must never reject.
Posted by LC at 04:08 PM | TrackBack

February 26, 2005

It was going so well...what happened??

There seems to be a new phenomenon of late whereby a first date seems to go extremely well and may well lead on to a second date and then all of a sudden it's over. Why would this happen when everything seemed so right? The chemistry was there, shared interests and the kissing was good too so what happened? I wish I had an answer to this one as it has happened to me a couple of times and each time it has left me pondering how many different variables are involved in making a successful relationship. I do however have some theories that may at least ease the pain of the rejection.

Firstly, people are complicated when it comes to issues of the heart and to the most part we have spent many years cultivating in our heads just what our ideal partner would be. These expectations we have of people can put an enormous strain on a forming relationship and it is important to give people a little leeway. Understandably, people do make allowances for failed expectations however the truth is that a little too much wine can lower our expectations a little too much and make us act in a way that is not true to our real feelings. It's only when the date is over and the effects of alcohol subside do we realize that the person really isn't suitable at all.

Secondly, most people have some sort of emotional baggage whether that takes the form of an unresolved previous relationship or emotional fear of becoming attached again. I have often wished that people could be more up front about any concerns like this but often they are not and unfortunately, people find it easier to lie themselves out of a difficult emotional situation.

Thirdly, an old boyfriend or girlfriend wants them back and your date was in a sense using you to see if they are up to starting another relationship or not. This situation is probably the worst as you will find it extremely difficult to compete with someone your date has history with. On old partner will not require all the time and effort involved in starting again and represents a comfortable way out of the dating scene.

Finally, and possibly the most difficult to swallow is that perhaps you were just too keen and got a little carried away. It's such a hard balancing act to do, knowing when the time is right to open up your emotions to someone and yet be sure that you're not making yourself too vulnerable. It's even harder when all the signals are telling you that it's ok to be swept away, especially if the date has taken on quite an intimate nature.

So what can you do now? The most sensible thing you can do is to reflect on what has happened and file it away in your experience drawer in the safe knowledge that you are that much wiser on the dating scene. Take it slower next time and don't be too quick to allow yourself to fall. Be sure the signs are right and trust your instincts. If there is a niggling doubt in your mind about something, generally there is something wrong and it's only the ecstasy of falling in love that is preventing you from facing it.
Posted by LC at 09:57 AM | TrackBack

February 25, 2005

Don't be alone for the holidays

Okay, guys. Being single is especially difficult around the holidays when people are having tree-trimmings and office parties every time you turn around. It can be a lonely time. But if you participate in the holiday gatherings and activities alone, you may end up meeting some eligible women — and possibly someone special. Life is ironic that way. So consider the following options:

Don’t skip your holiday office party because you haven't got a romantic date. Go with a platonic co-worker and encourage each other to hook up. You probably never knew your company had so many attractive employees!

Holiday work parties — even the smaller ones — can be a great place to mingle and meet women. You might finally get a chance to talk with that woman you've been staring at for months. If you hit it off, ask her out for a holiday drink, and maybe surprise her with a horse drawn sleigh ride.

This time of year is romantic, and many guys hit it off with the women who help them as sales assistants. Nothing melts a girl's heart like a man trying to find that perfect gift for his mom or sister. Be clear that it isn't for that special someone because you're single!

Attend some sort of fundraiser or volunteer food drive for the needy. This not only shows how sensitive you are, you also put yourself in the position to meet women with whom you have common values. You get a chance to do something to improve the quality of others' lives and possibly improve your love life too!

Attend your friends' holiday parties and wear a Santa hat (not an elf hat!) or some other festive, playful gear. This sets you apart from the boring guys and obviously gets the attention of women who have a playful sense of humor. If you are more of an introvert, just attend as many parties as you can without the get-up and bring a friend along. This way you increase your chances of meeting women in a friendly, familiar atmosphere.

Have your own holiday party. Invite your single friends and have them bring along at least one other single friend. This could be a tree trimming party or a hip little holiday cocktail party — complete with hot toddies, warm (spiked) apple cider and eggnog.

Whatever you decide to do, remember to think of the holiday season as an opportunity to meet women and date — not just a reminder that you're single this season. If you play your cards right, it could be your last holiday season as a single guy.

Still uneasy about spending the holidays alone? Start a quick search today and find other sexy singles in your area.

By Christopher DeLorenzo
Posted by LC at 12:08 PM | TrackBack

February 22, 2005

You can't hurry love, at least that's what the songwriters say. Well some people want to disagree. For them there's the new phenomenon of speed dating.


If your quest for love has so far proved fruitless and you feel that time is running out - how about spending a night speed dating? You could meet a dozen potential matches and still get home in time to peruse the personals before bed.

It works like this: an equal number of men and women meet at a café, pair up and chat for a predetermined number of minutes, then when a bell rings it's time to move on to your next mini-date.

A grown up version of musical chairs? Well speed daters say it saves time and provides a safer way to meet - no more waiting for the evening to end when you've worked out in the first couple of minutes that your date's a dud.

After you've speed-dated everyone in the room it's time to come up with your wish-list. You write down who's hot and who's not and if your top picks feel the same about you then the organisers will pass on contact details.

Speed dating, unsurprisingly, comes from the States. It started in January 1999 as a scheme for L.A. Jewish singles to meet. It quickly broke out of that community and has become the hippest way to look for love.

The appeal is that you can meet a lot of people very quickly, which traditionally could have meant months of dating. It is also in some ways less demoralising than regularly trawling singles columns or dating websites.

David, a speed dater from the South East, says, "I think it's for those people who are cash rich time poor. It's a very good way of meeting a large number of the opposite sex in a fun environment and in a condensed period of time. I would definitely do it again and encourage a friend of either sex to come along and give it a whirl".

Luci, another speed dater, says, "It's a great way to meet new people but a gamble as to whether you're going to meet anyone".

However efficiency isn't everything. If your life means that you find it difficult to devote time to finding love, will you have enough time to nurture love if you find it?

If speed dating represents the modern solution for the "cash rich; time poor" to find love, does it also mark the death of romance, or just another evolutionary step in human courtship?

Speed dating may be the new way to meet, but after that first date it's down to more traditional methods of dating to ensure love blossoms.

Then it comes down to care, consideration and time. The challenge is whether speed daters can find time for another in their busy schedules.

Perhaps there will be a growth in speed relationships where you don't ever to have to spend more than a few minutes at a time with your "partner".

In the mean time your three minutes start now - Good luck, find your dreams!
Posted by LC at 10:44 AM | TrackBack

February 21, 2005

Dealing with unwanted attention

“I think we should be friends.”

If you’re a veteran of the dating world, you’ve heard it more than a few times from relationships that ended with a loud thud.

Odds are you decoded it correctly: “The thrill is gone. It’s time to move on.”

But regardless of how many times you’ve been on the receiving end of this demoralizing little chestnut, it may leave you wondering: “What’s wrong with me?”

In truth, probably nothing. If you have enough dating experiences under your belt, you know that relationships fizzle out more often than they lead to wedding invitations.

For some men and women, however, the end of a relationship feels like the end of the world. Their level of despair is directly related to how secure they are.

“It is important for people to develop good self-esteem and not look to others to give them self-esteem,” explains Dr. Beverly Whipple, vice president of the World Association for Sexology; past president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists; and coauthor of the international bestseller “The G Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality,” which has been translated into 19 languages.

“We have to feel good about ourselves, know ourselves and know what we want in a relationship,” she tells “Others cannot define that for us.”

Try telling that to the person you no longer wish to date. It certainly helps if you can terminate a relationship compassionately, instead of dumping someone cruelly. Why stomp on someone’s ego with unnecessarily callous comments when you can gently explain that your relationship has gone cold and there’s no longer any chemistry? It’s really no one’s fault.

In a perfect world, you and your partner will return to the dating pool a bit shaken, but relatively unscathed.

Not So Fast…

But what happens when your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t get the message—or refuses to take no for an answer?
  • He begs for a second chance on your answering machine…at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and at 3 a.m.
  • She remains in denial, calling your office every half hour to see if you’d like to “have dinner and talk.”
  • He continues to send flowers, hoping a dozen roses will cure your ennui.
While the old adage asserts that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, many men are no less indignant when they feel rejected.

You can spare yourself a great deal of misery by being honest and direct, instead of dumping someone with no explanation. You don’t need to apologize for your decision. Just be forthright, to the point and respectful, says Dr. Joy Davidson, a psychotherapist, sex therapist and author of “Fearless Sex: A Babe’s Guide to Overcoming Your Romantic Obsessions and Getting the Sex Life You Deserve.”

“If someone presses the issue and wants to know why the chemistry isn’t there for you, it may be because he really wants to know how he’s perceived—even if the truth isn't pretty,” she tells “In that case, be blunt, without being cruel.”

“You’re not my type" is a reasonable start.

“If someone wants more,” Dr. Davidson says, “you can say, ‘I tend to be attracted to men/women who are taller/shorter, thinner/bulkier, more ambitious, more artistic, etc.’ It’s a fair response.”

If the discussion morphs into a debate or argument, it’s time to end the conversation—without any obligation to justify your feelings, she says.

Unwelcome Advances

Being pursued after you’ve ended a relationship may feel flattering at first, but you need to set boundaries. Avoid the temptation to respond to continued advances, or you’ll inadvertently encourage them.

“Be very direct in saying, ‘I'm not interested in you sexually or romantically’—or whatever the situation calls for,” Dr. Davidson advises. “If you want to continue a friendship, but the person isn't taking your ‘no’ to romance seriously, monitor your own behavior to ensure you aren’t giving him or her mixed messages. Nothing will secure another’s attachment like intermittent reinforcement.”

Be clear and consistent—and don’t waffle.

“If they persist, you need to tell them that their approach is not only unwelcome, but smacks of disrespect toward you and your boundaries,” Dr. Davidson says. “If they still don't give up, take a break from the relationship altogether. Tell them you’re going to stop responding to emails or phone calls in order to make your point unmistakable. Follow through with 100% reliability. Anything less is like sending an engraved invitation to further the chase.”
Posted by LC at 10:09 AM | TrackBack

February 14, 2005


Great Date Tips

You know what I love about dating shows?

The producers, in an effort to make good TV, rack their brains to come up with really fun and interesting ways for a couple to interact.

Forget just meeting for coffee or a meal. They have them learn how to polka. Go to a ceramics class and make personalized mugs. Walk dogs for charity. All terrific Great Date "Dos". Sure, all their good intentions get shot to hell later on with the prerequisite drunken-hot-tub thing, but I think those first fifteen minutes are pure inspiration!

If you want your own Great Date Production, it's up to you to do a little behind-the-scenes producing and planning to make the magic happen. (Minus the martinis and bikinis, of course, unless that's your idea of a worthy dating experience . . .)

Oh sure, in a perfect world, the big dating scene will go like this: Guy calls, has two exciting plans for you to choose from, and executes the details perfectly. The female lead's only responsibility is to look cute, provide fabulous conversation, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Cut! Not as in "cut and print." As in cut that out!


A good date is all about what you put into it. The date may not be perfect, but if you want a production that's at the least fun, memorable, and has the possibility of a sequel, then it's up to you to help direct this date.

So, with Oscar in mind (the award, silly, not some guy!), here are some ideas to get you pumped about your Great Date Production.

Where to Go

Oh, sure, everyone knows the rule: Whoever does the asking out should have an idea of what to do. (They are also "expected" to pay, but very often, men will insist on footing the bill or at least allow you to just leave the tip. Either way, you should be prepared with extra dough on top of your emergency twenties if you do the asking.)

Do you have a clue what you'll say when you make the call?

Wait... did you just say you never do the asking?

Oh, no you didn't. Because you know being dateworthy means taking the fullest advantage of fate date moments when you may have to get the ball rolling!

So I ask again: What will you say when you make the call? And, on the what-I'm-sure-would-be-preferable flip side, what if they call you and asks, "What would you like to do?"

Personally, I think the ideal comeback in that instance would be: "I'll tell you what: Why don't you tell me what you were thinking, and I'll tell you what I was thinking, and we'll see which one is the favorite?"

That way, you'll see whether he really wants to hear what you think... or he's just a man who didn't care enough about the date to make a plan. If they say "I don't know..." you should say, "Know what? I really want you to have an idea of what you want to do to, so . . . think about it and call me back!" Click.

Talk about a challenge. You didn't just throw down the gauntlet - you smacked them upside the head with it.

If it's the former -- that they did have a plan, but wanted to hear your ideas -- then you should be prepared to respond with an activity that includes at least some of the following:

It promotes conversation: That means no movies or loud concerts or anything that keeps you both from talking to each other.

It's wallet-favorable: The last thing anyone needs is to blow the bank on a first date. It's unfair to whoever is paying, and, from what I've read in reader letters, it's a huge source of discomfort to women who often feel pressure when dates go overboard.

It's male friendly: Unless he brings up dancing or a flower show, save that for a later date suggestion. Think in terms of activities that have to do with eating and nothing to do with him tripping or looking stupid or in any way being detrimental to the all-important male ego.

It helps you K.I.S.S.: That is, helps you Keep It Short and Simple. If you have a preset time limit ("I'll meet you at four, but I really have to leave at about six"), you can exit a not-so-great date gracefully . . . and leave a great date with anticipation about the next one.

You might also want to consider:

  • Amusement parks. Ride the rides, go to the funhouse, and share nutrient-questionable food. It's actually a great place to get them talking about his family and childhood.

  • Cooking classes. No fooling . . . or drooling! Guys love to cook. And eat. And actually have a picture in their heads of what you look like in the kitchen. (They don't have to know it's the last time he'll see you in the kitchen . . . just kidding.)

  • "It's not just paintings" museums. Whether its sports or music or a chocolate exhibit, find something that you both don't have to be incredibly art-knowledgeable to enjoy. Walking around also encourages hand-holding, a bonus for them.

  • "Old man" sports. Bowling. Playing pool. Golf. Traditionally for old dudes -- now trendy. They're games that are slow-paced with good talking downtime in between, but they're enjoyable to do and encourage fun competition.

  • Brunch. Affordable in even five-star budget-busting restaurants and it's early enough to... have another date later but not too early that you can't still get some good sleep after your Saturday night date.

Just remember, included in your 'where to go' list should also be 'where to meet' plans. Bottom line? If they are a fate date or someone you've been corresponding with online, tell them you'll meet them at the venue. If they are a relative or friend fix-up, a former coworker — anyone where there's already a built-in knowledge of each other and of each other's friends — it's okay to have them pick you up at your place, but I suggest being ready to go when they get there so that you can get back into a public space.

And finally, make sure that you both know exactly where and when you're supposed to meet, and that you both know how to get there. If neither of you have an exact address, offer to call the restaurant for the specific information, and then offer to leave it on their machine. The last thing you want is to end up at Famous Johns on Sixth Avenue while they are waiting for you at John's Famous on Sixth Street.

By Dennie Hughes
Posted by LC at 08:13 AM | TrackBack

February 12, 2005

The Differences That Make A Difference

There is a guy out there that attracts w0men so easily you'd think it was magic. Whenever he goes out... at the grocery store, at work, or at the bar... women turn around to look at him, they go out of their way to be around him hoping that he will talk to them. The guy has absolutely no problem getting dates any time he wishes. With the ladies, he has it made.

The funny thing is that he's a lot like you. He has similar looks, he's about the same height, drives a similar car, and makes the same amount of money.

So what's so different about this guy? Why do all the women want to be with him?

There are 5 differences between this guy and the guy's that wish they could be like this guy. Surprisingly, it's the little things that make the big difference. Little things that are completely within your control.

When he walks in people notice This man walks into a room with confidence that you can sense. A type of confidence that can't be faked. His head is held high, his gaze is calm and unapologetic. He doesn't glance around like a nervous freshman at homecoming to see if anyone is looking at him. Rather, he expects people to be looking at him and he is comfortable with this.

His grooming is impeccable and his clothes are neat and fashionable, not gaudy or outdated. He takes pride in his appearance (however humble or average it may be) and it shows. His walk is deliberate and even-paced - never rushed or nervous.

If you didn't know any better, from your first impression anyway, you would think that this guy has everything. But, he doesn't. He's just like you.

He knows that you don't have to have a perfect life to be perfectly confident.

He talks and people listen When he says something it's not to get attention. He's not worried about being the life of the crowd or talking just to hear his voice. Because of this, when he says something people look at him and listen since they know that there will be more than just nonsense coming out of his mouth.

He never talks trash. He knows that this makes him look petty, untrustworthy, and insecure.

He acts natural. He doesn't try to be something he's not. He has "that something," that charisma, that personal magnetism that comes with being genuine and congruent. People are drawn to this quality and admire it.

He knows that people can sense when people are being fake, trying too hard, or trying to give a false impression so he avoids these things at all costs. Though it sounds cheesy, sometimes he consciously, deliberately centers himself to be sure that he's "being real" and not trying to impress others.

He's a doer, not a thinker At the bar there is a beautiful woman and, of course, there is a group of guys in the corner who want her number. They appear to be working up the courage to start a conversation with her. It's difficult though because she is with a friend who won't leave her alone so that they can make their move. Meanwhile, This guy notices the woman and, in spite of the fact that she is with a friend and you would think she is way out of his league given his looks, he walks right up, introduces himself the same way he would to anyone, and begins asking the same normal questions you would ask anyone that you want to know better:

Where are you from?
What do you do?
What are you doing at a place like this?

Sure, it's not great conversation but this man knows that it's better to act than to wait for the perfect moment and the perfect thing to say. When most men approach her and try to talk this woman isn't receptive but this guy, because he is so obviously genuine, doesn't put of that needy and, paradoxically, condescending vibe that most other guys do. She likes that.

He's easy to talk to During the conversation he's calm, relaxed. If you didn't know any better, you would think he was talking to an old friend from way back.

He keeps the conversation light-hearted, friendly, and pleasant by smiling and maintaining eye contact. He's not cracking great jokes or sweeping her off her feet with Don Juanesque romantic banterings. He's more or less just genuinely interested in listening to her and she likes that.

But, perhaps the most important thing is that there is absolutely no hint that a "pick-up" is in progress. If you were observing from across the room you'd think he was only talking to her because he was killing time, you may even think that he was married by how relaxed and not needy he was.

You may even say to yourself "That guy has no game, he's doing it all wrong"

He knows what to say At the end of the night he knows what he wants. He wants to get to know that woman he was talking to better. Some guys would silently wish to themselves that they could see her again, curse themselves for not knowing how to ask, miss the opportunity, go home, and fall asleep wondering if they will ever run into that incredible girl again.

Not this guy, he understands that if he wants something then he needs to do everything in his power to get it.

These are the exact words he uses:

"I had a great time talking to you tonight. I'd like to see you again. Can I get your number?"

Lame? Canned? Predictable? Yes, definitely. But, oddly enough, it works. It worked this time, it worked in the past, and it will continue to work in the future.

This guy doesn't wonder how to ask, he doesn't try to come up with the perfect line to get her number. Asking IS simple and he doesn't make things so complicated that he misses opportunities.

That's it. Five differences. Too simple? Perhaps, but if it were this simple, wouldn't it be worth the effort to give it a shot and find out?

Your goal should be to become this man. It's very, very possible. After all, it's only 5 things.
Posted by LC at 09:05 AM | TrackBack

February 10, 2005


Do My Looks Matter?..,yeah but not as much as you think...

For a (heterosexual) man, a woman's looks are what initially "trances" him out, whereas women tend to be seduced more by words and actions - unless the man is some kind of male supermodel or superstar in which case women will trance out on him in the same way a man will trance out on any beautiful woman.

It is only natural that men think the same rules about looks apply to women as they do men. To a certain extent, yes. A woman, however, places much less importance to how a man looks compared to how he can make her feel. Looks might better help you get the "audition" but that's all. Techniques like spoken NLP patterns, eliciting and mirroring values, Mr. Smooth, kino, etc. are strategies based on direct derivations of that understanding. Good looks, the right (symmetrical) face, decent body, nice clothes, will provide you an opportunity to "audition" for a woman much more easily than bad looks but that's all you get - an audition. From that point on it still comes down to how you can make her feel. It's your ability to make women feel warm, happy, and magical deep down inside them that makes them actually want you, not how you look. That doesn't mean, though, that you shouldn't always try to look and feel your best. Why handicap yourself?

Look and Feel Your Best

If you want to be able to talk to girls everywhere, you have to be primed at all times, in both the physical and emotional sense. That means looking as good as you can as often as possible. People meet each other in the strangest and most unexpected places. If you never never know when to look your best, looking your best at all times is the optimal default.

Yes, some women like thick stubble on a man's face, or messy sweatshirts, or sloppy hair, but most women prefer a neat & clean look. That doesn't mean you have to shave twice a day and walk around in Armani suits all the time, just that you should take care to be clean, organized (yet casual) in your appearance, your clothes match, your hair is not a mess, and you're wearing a good pair of shoes (women like shoes - just accept it). Also, it means exercising regularly, eating healthier, and getting enough sleep.

When you look your best, you feel your best and you need to feel great to properly approach someone you like. Feeling great adds to your confidence. When you have confidence, your rapport building skills with beautiful women will come more naturally.
Posted by LC at 05:14 PM | TrackBack

February 09, 2005

"Don't overlook what counts"

For many men, dating seems to go great the first date, but they never get a second date. Obviously, they overlooked some of the most important issues of impressing a female. If she went out with him, she must find him attractive enough to date, so that's not the problem. So what is the problem? Well, a lot of it is what girls call, "the little things." If you're dating a normal girl ("normal" means not a stripper, tomboy, or circus freak), chivalry is still alive. Awkward as it may seem in this day and age, every little bit counts. This includes pulling out the chair at dinner, opening the car door, and giving compliments (though too many). Don't use common cheesy compliments either, like "nice dress", or "you look wonderful." Think of something original. Another thing males continually screw up is being a man, and thus, making decisions. Some guys put all the decisions on the girl. For example, she asks, "Where do you want to eat?" and the guy says, "I don't know. Where do you want to eat?" Don't do this, step up and at least throw out a place or ask her what kind of food she likes. Never throw the same question back at a girl. Girls hate this! On the flip side, never act too overbearing. Girls like men, not overbearing assholes. Just make sure that you allow her to be a part of the decision-making process. An example of being overbearing would be taking her on a date, completely planned by you, to events you are not sure she will even like. There's no problem with planning a date completely on your own. Many girls love this! Just make sure that it's within reason. "Don'ts" would be (without knowing her tastes), truck rallies, horseback riding, mountain biking, or skiing. Girls are very picky when it comes to things they like and dislike. It may not be that she doesn't like it; it could be that she's scared to death of the activity. A first date is usually a one-time chance to prove yourself, so don't mess it up. Find out what she likes first, and then go skydiving. A date may seem simple - dinner, movie, and a drink; however, it's everything in-between that's not.
Posted by LC at 08:26 AM | TrackBack

February 04, 2005

Dating and Fear - A Dilemma

... More than anything else, fear when dating will get you off to a bad start. Your date can sense that you are scared a mile away. It shows, it comes across and it is hard to disguise. Fear makes the person on the receiving end feel unattractive and unsteady. It makes them not want to be in this situation with you and you will find that rejection comes quickly. It is a viscous circle because the reason often why you will feel fear is because you fear rejection.

Fear of rejection is debilitating. It prevents you from functioning properly. It affects your movements and speech and most certainly prevents you from displaying the glorious aspects of your relaxed character. You are uptight so you can't talk fluently, your words come out all wrong, you don't come across properly. In some circumstances I have seen people come across as aggressive merely because they were frightened of being rejected.

We want to be loved, we want to be liked, we want to attract, we want to be popular and we want to succeed in the things we try. But something inside us tells us in advance of our actions that we are going to fail. The girl we approach won't like us and she will reject our advances so we are not sure why we will try, but we will. The problem with this approach is that your fear shows through already, so its not you who is allowing you to be rejected, but that your fear of rejection is in itself causing the rejection to happen.

What is lacking here my friends is confidence. If your confidence levels are up - you are on form. You are interesting as well as interested. You are smiling and you can take a joke. You can approach and have fun and make light of any situation. In turn this makes the person you have approached feel relaxed in your company and able to judge how your character truly comes across. If you make someone laugh, you have them interested already. If you are frightened you will cease up.

Now I know how fear of rejection can be because I have felt this way. I see a beautiful girl and she is waiting to be approached. She has caught my eye and she appears receptive. However, I would either not approach or if I did it would take me so long that the moment had passed and she could already tell that I was scared. In a previous article I spelled it out for guys, one of the most attractive qualities in a man is confidence. You cannot become confident overnight and using drugs and alcohol to assist is a huge mistake. What you can do is look at how you can change things you don't like about yourself to increase your confidence levels.

You may fear rejection because you have been rejected so many times already. In which case you are already scared. Well it is true that dating is a numbers game and that eventually someone will say yes, but then perhaps you are introducing yourself to the wrong type of girls in the wrong way. If you use chat-up lines, stop instantly and start being more natural.

Interestingly there is a recent report in the London Times* relating to a study by the Social Issues Research center in Oxford as to why men get their approach wrong so often and mistake the signals women give out which may assist in dealing with the fear of rejection. Men often mistake the signs of friendliness from a woman as an overture for something else when this is not what is actually happening. If you are scared of being rejected yet again after making a pass at a woman there may be a very good reason. Women appear to be sending out very subtle but misleading flirtatious signals known as "proteans".

The man will read this "proteans" as flirtatious signals giving him the green light to act. However the woman is in fact assessing and working out whether you are a suitable mate or not. All potential suitors are interrogated through these signals in the same way. When you first meet a prospective date she will bombard you for the first few minutes with many confusing protean signals (named after the Greek river god Proteus who was able to change his form to evade enemies !). These ambiguous signals confuse the man allowing women to gain the upper hand by finding out what the man is truly like very quickly. Because of this, it is hardly surprising therefore that men become confused and consequently face rejection.

The most surprising outcome from the study was that in two-thirds of cases, the opening flirtatious gambit was initiated by the woman , most likely through a flirtatious gaze, repeated to attract your attention. It goes to prove therefore what I always believed, in that when you enter the room the woman has already decided whether you area good candidate or not, even if you are led to believe it was all your idea. Men appear to make the approach but it is in fact the woman using very very subtle techniques.

This survey and general information on this subject is significant because it helps us understand and combat our fear of rejection. Women in modern society are able and willing to make the move for partners they like. Women are not wallflowers. If we are to readily accept findings like those above then we should consider that we are being tested in our initial approach and that it is clear fear will make us fail from the outset. So its critical that you deal with your confidence levels in advance of an approach.

What is also important to add is that we have heard it said that women hate to be ignored and can find a man more attractive initially if men are not fawning all over them. This must be highly linked to these protean signals. The woman is checking you out as a potential mate but you are not reciprocating. If you are not displaying fear, but nonchalance or disinterest, this may confuse the woman and increase her interest in you. We can categorize this behavior as a game, and it most certainly is a game of courtship yes.

Fear in dating has to be dealt with, it will not assist you in meeting the person of your dreams. It is almost always linked to how you view yourself in terms of looks and skills and almost all of these issues can be dealt with. If you increase your confidence levels and then combine this with a sensible approach to who you approach then your success rate in the initial approach will soar. If you combine this with pre-armed knowledge that you will be bombarded with confusing signals you can decide that rejection is all part of the natural dating game and isn't so serious after all. Have fun and don't fear.

by Ian McNeice
Posted by LC at 10:00 AM | TrackBack

February 03, 2005

Build Confidence by Online Dating

Most of us have different levels of confidence. I�m sure you have met a variety of confident types. I�m just as sure, that all of us have had our own confidence shaken once or twice. I know I have.

In relationships most of us have different degrees of confidence. There were times I felt like I could do no wrong and other times I couldn�t do anything right. The ups and downs of relationships are still a mystery to me. I don�t have all the answers, but most of us have in common some the same feelings: the hope when you see someone you can�t take your eyes off of; the anticipation of being on a first date; the moment when you kiss; the bliss of love; and also: the slap when someone says no; the hopelessness when someone walks away, the emptiness when someone you love cheats on you and so on. We all have been their.

What happens when the worse has happen to you. I can give you a glimpse of the male�s perspective. You are in love. She is everything you could want. She�s beautiful, sexy, and makes you feel alive. You can�t wait to be with her or near her. You are on top of the world and life couldn�t be better. Then she walks away. No amount of begging will bring her back. The signs of her leaving were probably there, but you were too in love to see them. You cry, you drink, cry some more and the emptiness won�t go away. You are lost.

Then there is the guy who drinks a case a beer, cries for a night, says the hell with it then parties the next night. This over exuberant soul creates such a whirlwind he leaves himself no time to grieve or to contemplate his state of loss. When he crashes, his recovery is usually a tough road.

For me, the old adage that time heals, had value. I had no desire to go clubbing. I was lonely, still grieving and didn�t have the confidence to get back in to the dating world again. As time went on, I found a comfortable, yet boring routine. I wanted to date again, but the thought of it would give me flash backs of unpleasant moments. Sigh, loneliness was becoming my friend.

Online dating was something I heard about and decided to check it out. I was tired of watching reruns on TV. It didn�t take long to search out the many dating sites available on the net. I searched, researched, and joined. I was slowly and comfortably getting involved again. I could sit at home in my sweats, converse with ladies online, and not have to face a crowd in a smoky bar room if a lady said �no�. Yet, the no�s were rare online. This was not a face to face ritual, but me on my keyboard and her on her keyboard that gave us both the needed space to get acquainted. It was fun, relaxing and a confidence booster. Yes, I�ll say it again, a confidence booster.

How can online dating boost your confidence versus traditional dating? It has to do with vulnerability. Think about it. If you just lost your confidence, would you rather face a lady in a crowd of others, or at home while using MSN chat or email. After a huge letdown, most of us struggle with the thought of going out in the harsh dating world were appearance is premium versus the power of words and feelings you converse online. Whatever your state of mind may be at that moment, you can find another person online feeling as you do. That's hard to find in a smoky bar room under the influence of alcohol.

Eventually my confidence did return to an adequate level to venture out to the dance clubs. I had online dating to thank for that. For a while, I was playing in both worlds and saw some stark difference in what was real and what was not. Both have their pitfalls, but eventually I realized that the typical dating world had many more masks and traps that was not present in the online world. That�s another article. For now, I just want to say if you have lost your confidence because of a relationship disaster, give your self time to heal and see if you can find yourself again by joining a good online dating site. I guarantee you will find your confidence again and if you are lucky, like me, you will find the love of your love.
Posted by LC at 10:08 AM | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

Secrets Of Dating Younger Women

>>>Important Note: As I was finishing up writing this newsletter, something very interesting happened. Read all the way to the very, very end for the story<<<

Ah, younger women.

It's taken me a long time now to finally see clearly that the appeal of younger women is not just "slight".

I recently read somewhere that when men get married for the SECOND time, they marry women an AVERAGE of 10 years younger.

Something like 20% of men who marry for a second time wind up marrying a woman that is over 20 YEARS YOUNGER.

I also recall reading somewhere that women are universally attracted to men who are older than them, and that the "average" relationship contains a man that is four years older than the woman.

Interesting stuff.

Remember Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall?


Or how about Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones?

I hate him, too.

In my own family there are age gaps ranging from 10 years to over 40 years.

Yea, you read that one right. Over 40 years.

I won't even go there...

Let's just say that it brings a whole new meaning to "I traded my 40 in for two 20s".

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that this pattern of older men dating and marrying younger women isn't going away anytime soon.

In fact, I personally believe that the more "socially acceptable" it becomes, the MORE it's going to happen.

For most of my adult life, I've dated women that were either my own age, or very close.

But for some reason, right about when I turned 30, I began sometimes dating women who were younger than me.

At first it was a little bit strange.

I didn't feel like I had anything to talk about with a woman who was five or ten years younger than me.

But the more it happened, the more I realized that younger women have a certain appeal that goes far beyond just the "physical beauty".

Younger women just have a different VIBE.

If you meet the right younger woman, you'll find that she can bring an amazing energy, vibe, and youthful atmosphere to your life.

After having the experience myself, talking to other guys who have shared it, and reading about it a lot, I can say that many guys have the experience of FEELING YOUNGER and MORE VITAL when dating a younger woman.

It can be a blast.

Now, I'm not saying that it's a bad idea to date women your own age, or women who are older than you.

Not at all, in fact.

I'm just saying that if you find yourself attracted to younger women, it's perfectly OK.

And I want to devote this newsletter to the topic of how to successfully date younger women.

Keep your eye out in the near future for a newsletter titled "How to date women that are old enough to be your grandma". Somehow I don't expect that one to be quite as popular as this one... lol.

OK, let's get to it.

First I want to talk about my take on younger women in general, then I'd like to share some specific techniques and ideas for dating them...


Now, we've all heard that "Women mature faster than men", right?

Well if you could have the opportunity to listen to a group of four 20-year-old models standing in front of the bathroom mirror at an A-List club in Los Angeles or New York, I think you might change your mind...

My personal view is that SOME women mature faster than most men... and that SOME women have a SIDE of them that matures faster than most men.

All women don't mature faster than all men.

But there are those women that DO mature faster... and these younger women can be VERY interesting to hang out with.

Take a minute and imagine what it would be like to be an attractive 18-year-old young woman who has just graduated from high school and is starting her first year in college.

Let's assume that she's above average in the looks department, smart, and beginning to enjoy her new-found freedom and independence.

What would be going through your mind?

How would you be approaching the world?

Well, I think that you'd probably have begun to realize (in a big way, most likely) that you have a certain POWER over most men.

You've probably also begun to realize that there are certain types of "boyz" that hold a certain appeal... and ones that trigger a certain type of magnetic attraction in you.

(If you've had a chance to go through my Advanced Dating Techniques Program, then you understand that this ATTRACTION is being triggered by certain traits, and not just good looks.)

Now, without taking too long to explain the point, if you think about it, the traits that trigger ATTRACTION in women are MORE likely to be found in an OLDER man than a YOUNGER one.

Traits like higher status, masculinity, leadership, mystery, challenge, confidence, and composure... and many others.

It often takes men DECADES to cultivate the traits that are attractive to women... and you'll notice that when they do, they often act like they just discovered the concept of FRICTION... and they behave accordingly.

And if you were an attractive younger woman who was just "finding her wings" in life, you'd be responding to this in a way that you probably wouldn't be able to explain.

The point?

Younger women are more likely to feel ATTRACTION for a man who is older.

This principle has proven itself to me over and over... and the more I look around, the more I see it in action.


One thing that makes this particular topic very interesting to me is that it often evokes VERY emotional responses from people.

Some people say "It's sick for an older man to date a younger woman"... some people see it as perfectly normal... and some see it as MORE normal than men dating women their own age.

Everyone has an opinion about it, one way or another.

The reason that this is important is that the younger women you'd like to date have a wide range of opinions as well.

IN other words, one 20-year-old woman might think that the idea of dating a guy who is 27 is TOTALLY GROSS, while the next one might only find herself attracted to men who are over 30.

The point I'm making here is that if you are going to date younger women, you must not let yourself be overly influenced by the opinions of others... especially the women you would like to date.

Just because one woman says "I think that any guy who asks a woman out who is more than three years younger is sick" doesn't mean that ALL women think that way.

The girl right behind her might say "I just don't have a clue why ANY woman would want to date ANY guy who's under 40... they're all immature".

If you wind up talking to a woman who isn't interested because you're "too old", just move on... and don't let it distract you.


I've found that women usually fit into one of the following three categories when it comes to how they view this topic:

1) "It's perfectly normal" Maybe 20%)

2) "It's taboo, and very intriguing" (Maybe 20%)

3) "It's GROSS!" (Maybe 60%)

I just made these numbers up based on my personal experience and my personal observations.

Some guys I know ONLY date women who are much younger than themselves... and their experience is that MOST younger women want to date guys who are older... see for yourself.

Next, I personally think that maybe only 25% of the younger women you meet are even worth your time and attention.

75% are in the categories of not interested in older guys, not attractive physically or personality-wise, too immature, etc.

Of those that ARE worth pursuing, most fit into one of a few categories:

1) Damn smart, high standards, and on the path to bettering herself.

This young woman will often respect you and admire you for your experience in life, and look to you for approval, advice, and input.

She will probably get a thrill from being with a guy who is mature, sophisticated, and who knows how to make her feel good physically.

This woman might be the daughter of a strict and/or religious family who is now experimenting with her independence.

2) Attractive, and overly-concerned with what others think... very competitive, life revolves around boys.

If you meet a woman who is between 18 and 23, and she's a model, actress, dancer, or other "entertainer", you'll often find this personality type...

Often these girls like to PARTY.

Drama usually isn't far away.

These women often enjoy the thrill that being with an older guy brings.

They are often found on the arm of rich, playboy types... because they like the attention and material gifts and advantages.

WARNING: These women, in my experience, are more likely to be users, cheaters, and the types that turn your emotional life upside-down with all kinds of unimaginable drama.

Buyer beware.

3) The nice girl who likes you. Maybe not stunning, and maybe not a super-genius, but likes the fact that she's met a man who is a MAN... and who makes her feel good.

Most of these women have a common realization that guys their age just don't "get it".

They're tired of hearing about dumb "guy stuff", and they are fascinated by a man who is both clearly in control of himself and his environment, and very aware of how to treat a woman... how to make her feel good... how to take his time.

These women can be great fun, and they can be a real joy to be around. They often bring a fun, spontaneous energy to the relationship, and they make things a little unpredictable.

Now this isn't a complete list.

And it's not exact.

But it's pretty accurate, and if you use these categories as general guides, you'll begin to understand and have more success in your interactions with younger women.


Here are some specific ideas for dating younger women.

REMEMBER: These are WOMEN. They're not a different species, and everything else that you've learned from me applies as well.

1) Be Cool, Dude.

When most older guys meet a younger woman that they feel attracted to, they immediately begin to act WEIRD.

They stop acting like "themselves".

Now, women don't know what you're like "normally", but they can tell INSTANTLY if you're NOT ACTING LIKE YOURSELF.

Us guys do all kinds of subtle and not-so- subtle little things when we're feeling nervous... and these things give women the HEEBIE JEEBIES!

So be cool.


Don't act like a Wussbag.

2) Treat her like a BRATTY LITTLE SISTER.

Now that you're being "cool", take it to the NEXT LEVEL...

Use one of my favorite personal techniques, and treat her like your BRATTY LITTLE SIS.

Tease her.

Make fun.

It's OK, go for it.

Say all the things you never had a chance to say when you were a freshman.

Now's your big chance!

And don't worry about it when she plays "fake mad". Just turn it up some more.

Oh, and call her on everything she does or says that's immature.

I can't go into all the reasons why this is a great idea, but it is. You keep your power, you have all kinds of opportunities to be Cocky & Funny, and you can always keep things interesting and challenging.

Oh, and it's COMPLETELY different than the way most Wussies treat her... which is good.

3) Don't try to follow or get her to lead.

Women in general are not attracted to men who don't take the lead... and younger women are no exception.

In fact, younger women have less experience in life, so trying to get them to lead and tell you what they want you to do is just a horrible idea.

Don't do it.

You lead. You decide where you're going. You make the rules.

If you try to make her the boss, you'll run her off faster than you can say "I touch myself".

4) Don't try to take advantage of the situation.

Most attractive young women have had at LEAST one "icky older guy" that "tried something" with her.

Younger women are HYPER-ALERT when it comes to sketchy behavior.

If you try to take advantage of the situation or try to "make a move" too early, you'll most likely signal to her that you're a "perv" and that you aren't to be trusted.

Lean back.


Give her room.

when you walk down the street with her, bump into her and push her AWAY from you.

Tell her not to walk too close to you... tell her that other people might think something.

If you're alone with her in your living room, don't sit right next to her.

If she touches you while talking, don't touch her back... or even make fun of it and say "Keep your hands off the goods".

5) Don't intrude on or interfere with her life.

You must remember that younger women have lives of their own.

Often they're very close to their families, and they're unsure of how their families would respond if they found out that their pride and joy daughter was dating an older guy.

Remember, she just got FREE of the overbearing father... and she doesn't need a new one.

Don't call her at work, don't show up to see her unexpectedly, and don't embarrass her.

If you want to make an attractive young woman perform magic (the instant disappearing act), just interfere with her life.

She's free, so let her be free. Encourage it, even. Don't interfere.

6) Let her come to you... don't chase her.

If you want to make friends with a cat, the best tactic is to IGNORE IT.

Cats are interesting creatures.

Have you ever noticed that if you chase a cat, it will run... but if you sit and ignore it, you'll soon find yourself pushing it off of your lap?

Same goes for younger women.

Like I just mentioned, younger women have often just "escaped" from controlling parents, structured lives, and zero freedom.

If she's attracted to you, it's not because you're creating the environment that she just left... it's because you represent something different.

You'll find that if you call her all the time and chase her, she'll be harder to get a hold of, and less likely to continue to see you.

If you let her go, let her live her life, and make yourself more scarce, you'll be more likely to have her pursuing YOU.

Be the man that she's always dreamed about, and then don't chase her.

7) EXPECT her to change.

If you're dating a woman between the ages of 18 and 23, you need to remember that her life is probably going to change DRAMATICALLY over the next few years.

You need to keep an open mind, and not try to restrict or hinder her options.

You need to expect and even encourage her to grow, change, and become all she can be.

The reality is that the chances are SLIM that she's going to be with you in a few years.

In fact, the chances are slim that she's even going to be the same person in a few years.

Get over it, and be OK with it.

Challenge her to grow, achieve, and be her best... and don't accept second-class behavior from her.

But she's going to change, so expect it.


Most younger women have had VERY FEW men in their lives who even know what the word "Chivalry" means.

If you're one of those men, then you need to LEARN what the word means.

Opening doors, walking on the outside of the curb, and pulling out chairs makes a BIG impression on younger women.

When you combine a masculine, powerful presence with chivalry, you will stand out and make yourself VERY intriguing and attractive.

9) Stay totally calm in the face of drama.

Younger women often have a lot of drama happening around them, and they often act dramatic.

I could write an entire book about all the things that a young woman has going on around her that are TOTALLY UNSTABLE...

And the most influential one is the other people in her life.

If she freaks out about something, don't let it get to you.

Stay cool and calm.

Don't try to fix all her problems, and don't try to stand in for her dad.

She isn't looking for advice, so don't give it to her (unless she asks seriously, and in a non-emotional tone).

One of the things that makes you attractive as an older man is the stability that you bring.


10) Be conscious of how often you see her and speak with her.

Younger women are less in-control of their emotions... and can become attached more quickly and easily.

The "trigger" for a woman "becoming attached" is how often you see her and talk to her.

If you want to trigger the "relationship" mechanism, spend a lot of time with her.

If you DON'T want to trigger those emotions, you need to limit the time you spend with her.

As a rule of thumb, don't see her more than once a week, and don't talk to her more than once or twice a week unless you want her to start becoming very attached to you.

And I don't care what you SAY... it's the AMOUNT OF TIME you spend with her that makes this determination.

Trust me.


As always, the most IMPORTANT thing you must understand when dating younger women is how ATTRACTION WORKS.

If you don't understand ATTRACTION, then none of what I just taught you will make a damn bit of difference...

In fact, if you don't understand ATTRACTION, then most of the things I just taught you above will probably BACKFIRE on you.

So what's the best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you?

In fact, what's the fastest, most efficient, most complete, most EFFECTIVE way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you available in the world?

I'd say that it's my eBook, Double Your Dating.

And after spending YEARS figuring all of this stuff out, you can believe me when I say that this is the book that I wish I would have had when I first started.

If you put a young, beautiful woman in a guys house on his couch, he doesn't know the FIRST THING about how to make her feel ATTRACTION for him. He'll do things to please her, hoping that at some point she begins to get "into the mood"... and then somehow lets him know.


But if that guy knows the secrets of how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION... and how to smoothly take things to a physical level without triggering resistance and rejection... then he will be successful almost every time.

If you want to be that guy, then you need to get yourself a copy of my eBook.

It is literally JAM PACKED with hundreds and hundreds of techniques for making women, young and not-so-young, feel ATTRACTION for you.

And if that wasn't enough, I now publish a free dating tips newsletter that teaches any guy how to increase his success with women DRAMATICALLY.

It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).


As I sit here in Starbucks writing this newsletter on my laptop, across from me is a couple sitting at a table talking.

And guess what? He's obviously older.

He's probably in his early 30s.

She looks and sounds like she's around 19 or 20 years old.

It's obvious that this is the first time that they've met (they're wrapping up their conversation, and she just said "It was nice meeting you").

He wasn't saying much, and she was basically doing all the talking... and boy was she ever talking. About a million miles a minute...

She was leading the entire conversation, and he was trying to be a "nice guy" and let her lead things.

She was talking about what life was like before she moved away from her parents.

She was saying "My parents were overbearing" and talking about what it was like to live at home.

The guy was sitting there nervously talking to her... and fidgeting.

She was asking him questions like "What is your family like", and he was trying to give her "good answers" like "My family is nice, and my parents are sweet" etc.

It was obvious that she was trying to keep the conversation going, and he was trying his best not to "say anything stupid"... he was trying to seem like a "nice guy".

At one point when she asked him a question, he sat forward, turned his hands up in the air in a "I'm just a regular guy, nothing special here" gesture, and answered about himself.

They just got up and left.

It was PAINFULLY CLEAR to me that this guy did NOT understand what to do in this situation.

He probably met her online in a chat or on a personals website.

He was probably all excited about meeting her.

He probably offered to take her to dinner, and paid for an expensive meal... and maybe even a movie before winding up at Starbucks.

He probably has no idea whether or not she is interested in him, and he will probably go home tonight wishing he would have kissed her... and wishing he would have "made a move".

He didn't get it.


OK, enough of my ranting.

By David DeAngelo
Posted by LC at 11:33 AM | TrackBack

A Secret Women Know But Men Don't

I'd like to tell you a story...

It's a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don't be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a man who was very attracted to a particular woman.

At first, she was just another attractive woman... but the more he got to know her, the more he began to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for her.

But there was one problem.

As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, he also grew more and more insecure.


Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt the same way towards him.

Sometimes she would say things like "You are so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship" stage.

There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss on the cheek from her... and once she even held his hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional issue.

But something was wrong with the picture.

She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling in love". She was acting like a friend.

The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecure he became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend.

Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time she seemed to want to spend with him.

After spending many days and nights obsessing over this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would feel the same way.

So he made a bold move.

He TOLD HER how he was felt.

He confessed that he was in love, and that he would do anything to be with her.

She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're too important to me...".

This only confused the man more.

He didn't know how to take it...

Did it mean that she really loved him too, but that she was afraid of something?

Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long- term relationship?

Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that she was trying to give him a hint?

Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?

Did it mean that he needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?

He finally decided that he couldn't go on like this anymore... he had to be with her.

He had to make sure that she knew just how much he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step, bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long, long letter... again confessing his feelings.

And then the unthinkable happened.

She didn't reply.

He called her three times a day for almost a week before reaching her.

She made an excuse about being very busy, and said "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"... and hung up...

...but he never got a call back.

Over the following months, the man tried desperately to understand what went wrong... and what happened.


OK, I'm back.

Now, wasn't that a sweet story?

Heart warming, huh?

I know, I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels...

Now, let's talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

And I'm not talking about FICTION here.

I'm talking about a story that rings true for a great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for most men?

Because we've all been there in one way or another... at one time or another... and many of us have been there OFTEN in our lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative experiences that it reminds us of...

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.

In this particular situation I think there is a solution.

And it lies in understanding a secret that women know but MEN DON'T.

And that secret comes down to the reality that if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts to confess his love, convince her to like him, and court her BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a man does to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like him. They make her run.

All those great intentions and emotional dedication actual cause the man feeling them to do things that make her go away.

It sucks.

And I hope that by explaining the process of how this happens to you I'll help you avoid this painful situation in your own future...


I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans don't always understand the message that we're communicating to others...

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.

Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself... with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor...?

Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't think that car is communicating the message to women that he thinks it is"...?

Yea, I have too.

Well here's the deal:

If you do something to "let a woman know how you feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.

It's going to trigger a feeling that like to call the "Instant Ewww".

The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.

It's over.

It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.

Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start behaving differently.

In short, she'll disappear.

So where did I get the concept of the "Instant Ewww"?

I got it from WOMEN.

I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that was "confessing his love"... of course, these were guys that weren't loved in return.

So what causes the Instant Ewww?

And why would a woman feel it towards a man who was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her a gift or telling her how he feels?

Because if you think about it from HER perspective, you'll realize that the moment a you do something to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, women always know how men feel.

She already knew you wanted her.

She knew it from the beginning.

But now that you've started pursuing her and talking about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.

You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to women. And it does repel them.

In summary...

You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how she feels about you" by doing nice things for her...

Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll NEVER like you.

Men make this mistake over and over again in life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're doing it because they don't have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them, and you want to make them like you more... and you do some nice thing for them, they will probably like you more.

On the other hand...

If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic way, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do something nice for her because you want HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself from you.

Guys think that they need to communicate when they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary process of getting a girl.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you

Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to BACKFIRE.

If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:

She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants to be around you again...


There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you're in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don't know if she likes you back.


Don't buy her a big gift and write a love letter...

Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says "From your secret admirer".

Don't call her three times a day.


If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you learned on my website and in my book).

As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels... and if you don't know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a woman if she's interested in your in a romantic way, or if you are "her type" will actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you.


The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why women have the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.

One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you'd never ask...

The very best way to learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself a copy of my eBook, Double Your Dating.

I've spent several years now studying the ways that men who are "naturals" communicate using their words, voice tone, and body language that makes them MAGNETIC to women.

And I'll tell you... it's not magic.

You don't have to be rich, handsome, or young.

And you don't have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY man can learn it if he wants.

But you're not likely to figure it out by "trial and error". Many of the keys to making women feel ATTRACTION aren't "obvious" at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense... and they're the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation if you didn't know the SECRETS.

I'm telling you, this book will show you the way. I guarantee that this program will INSTANTLY change how you behave around women.

And it will start getting you results IMMEDIATELY.

In addition, I'd also like to invite you to sign up for my free dating tips newsletter.

It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).

It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and advice on how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.

By David DeAngelo
Posted by LC at 11:13 AM | TrackBack

February 01, 2005

Great Places to Date

Where are the best places to go on a date someone asked me the other day and I had to admit I didn't have a ready reply so I decided to give it some thought. I suppose we take it for granted that when someone likes us enough to agree to spend time with us that we just know where to go for some social company. The fact is most of the time we don't. As we are put on the spot we have some quick thinking to do to look decisive and original. Where shall I meet you, he asks and you are saying "ehm ehm -let me think". Well it occurred to me that we need a little planning here if we are serious about dating.

Usually I would just suggest my favorite bar or coffee shop or somewhere nearby as a great place to date, but without really thinking how that will affect the date and how it may help things go well. I can concentrate on my dress , on my chat, on my appearance, but the place itself is often ignored. And yet the place can make the date so it is time to think about this one.

Okay the first thing is, do you date at lunchtime or after work? If you date at lunchtime then I am supposing it is close to your place of work. If it is, then what establishments are near enough to be practical and at the same time atmospheric? Clearly some cities are better at providing great places than others. For example when I lived in Paris there were a million cafes to meet in, but when in Singapore I usually had to meet in food halls which lacked the same ambiance. I would always recommend dating at lunchtime if possible for a first date as there is a fixed time limit and an escape route implied. You can grab a coffee for 30 minutes and you don't need to worry about looking smart as much as you may be in work wear.

If this makes sense then spend a few lunchtimes going to a few places with friends to see which would suit you best as a work venue. Remember never to let on where you work in the early stages of dating. Keep safe. Try out a few small restaurants, tapas bars, coffee shops, diners and sandwich bars and see which you think would make a great place to check your new date out.

If you are dating after work then maybe it will be a bar downtown or an early evening restaurant etc. I would always advise somewhere informal to begin with so that you can both relax over a drink. A formal evening dinner for a first date is a recipe for letdowns in my opinion. There is a great build up, a lot of effort, expense only to find the date lasts 20 minutes. So don't bother initially, get into the groove of short snappy dates that are relaxed and a lot of fun. This will demonstrate your creative part.

Almost every major city has some kind of cool art gallery. In my opinion these are tailor made for dating and great places to date. You can appreciate the finer things in life, or look like you appreciate them, whilst at the same time spend time in the presence of your date whilst at the same time have a distraction in the art itself. Popping to the toilet also acts as the perfect escape route if you have made a grave mistake!

Comedy clubs are a great place to date. You can meet for a drink beforehand and relax and have a chat. You then have the marvelous facility of built-in comedic entertainment that rubs off as showing you as being funny too because the whole atmosphere lends itself to humor. Although you can't chat as much throughout the show it will quickly demonstrate sense of humor levels and you will be able to sense if you are on the same wave length. If you can laugh together you may be on to a winner.

I love going on dates to Zoos, particularly out of season. I don't necessarily agree with keeping wild animals in cages but as they are there and zoos are trying to keep species from extinction that it is the least we can do to try and help. But as animals show our softer side and are interesting to go see then they are the perfect backdrop for a date. There are plenty of discussion points, plenty of things to chat about which relate to past experiences and lots of walking together. There are small cafes dotted around and places to sit and talk.

Sports activities are great fun, especially if there is lots of physical involvement. Going bowling or ice skating are perfect dating activities. I have never been anywhere so romantic as ice skating in Central Park in the snow one winter. The great thing about bowling is that you have a challenge from the first moment. The man can show his masculinity by dealing with the ridiculously complex scoring computer whilst the lady can show her adept handling of a 12lb ball, usually in orange. No kidding, its fun and its a great place to chat as well as grab a coffee. Ice skating allows you to fall into each others arms and therefore I think it speaks for itself. The worse you are, the better the date!

So rather than depending on my list of places to date, grab a good food guide, and start looking around you at the places that would be great for a date. When someone agrees next time you will be fully armored with lots of choices that you have tested out. By being prepared you will reduce your stress levels by 50% before your date even begins.

by Ian McNeice
Posted by LC at 10:37 AM | TrackBack

The Best Dates We Ever Had

The best dates we have ever been on are the ones that were the most fun with the best company. hey may not end in blinding love or marriage but they may have lived on with us because we enjoyed them so much. There was something memorable about them. Lots of dates are mundane, dull, meaningless repetition of standard question and answer sessions punctuated by some forced humor and and attempt to keep things genuine whilst knowing the moment you exit the cafe, you will never see that person again. Personally I have traveled all over the country on dates and some have been truly awful and the odd one, spectacular.

The best dates are the simplest, the least forced, the most natural. The best dates can happen with a complete stranger out of nowhere, or are planned weeks in advance by making special plans to win your date's heart. I remember chatting with a person on an Internet dating site on Saturday evening and within an hour of first chatting we had met for a drink. That Saturday evening in Chicago was tremendous fun, the person fantastic company, 4 hours of laughter and great food. We swapped life stories and details of the smallest things about our lives and for those briefest of hours everything was fabulous. Due to travel etc., we never met again but the point is that a perfect date can really be that unplanned.

I think it's true that when we plan something too far in advance we can get carried away and build things up to much higher levels than is really justified. If I know we are going on a date three weeks on Saturday I will start planning, however much I try not to. What will I wear, how will I wear my hair, what will they be like, will anything come of it. And so on. Before you know it, a simple date has turned into the planning of Woodstock.

In other words, simple spontaneous dates are the best. Formality too tends to wreck the best dates. Somewhere too formal doesn't allow both parties to relax and can be oppressive and stifling. The worry of getting everything right, ordering the correct dishes, selecting the right wine, even paying the check. Particularly the right clothes. A self assured dating partner will allow things to flow more smoothly and put you at your ease but the point is, the best dates involve somewhere far more relaxed. It could be a diner an a walk in the park, a beach bar and a stroll on the beach. So always choose something where both people can be comfortable, kick off their shoes and just chill.

The best dates are ones that begin with few expectations and open into something much greater. A short meeting over a coffee ends up being a day long passionate conversation. A lunch hour one afternoon ends up taking over the whole day, even weekend. They are the best dates. Not expecting your date to be anything special and discovering that they are amazing, that is a good date too. Two people who end up becoming a couple will always remember how they met and what they did so it is always important to put some thought into every date you go on.

I think if you date continually for the sake of it then you will have some idea of your idea of a perfect date and how it would go. Even if you haven't met anyone fabulous lately you can still imagine what best dates should be like for you. There are a great many clichés surrounding dates, from sunsets over blue lagoons to romantic restaurants in Rome. They are things we can aspire to in our fantasies. But having great dates means being open minded, being open to new people, new ideas and very good conversation. I often observe friends with their lists of questions that they reel off as they go through the motions on a first date and wonder why they get nowhere.

My method always involves meeting and greeting my date like I have know them years. In this way I put myself and them at easy. I love to talk so I always try and get us both to chat about anything and everything over a glass of wine. If it flows naturally then great, if it doesn't then its fine as I always set a mental time limit at first. My favorite best dates have always been with charming individuals who are interesting and interested. They have always been brief encounters the first time where I am dying to meet them again. They are instant adrenaline shots, they are eye opening meetings that me salivate with anticipation. I put some of that down to trying to date the kind of people I get along with but also being extremely receptive to new ideas.

Your best dates with differ from mine probably, but the point is, treasure best dates as excellent memories and experiences. You have met some great people and you are going to meet a few more along the way before your dating is done.

by Ian McNeice
Posted by LC at 08:22 AM | TrackBack

January 29, 2005

Dating After a Divorce or Break Up...


Will I Learn To Date Again?
After a divorce, many people are worried about starting to date again. It is common for individuals to feel like starting over is helpless. Others ask themselves, "would someone really want me?" To this I suggest that you take some time to make yourself the best you can be. Work on improving your own self and self-esteem. Do things that lift you up and make you feel more confident. Once you have done this you will be more prepared to start dating. Dating requires confidence in self.

Dating During A Divorce
Q: How long should I wait to date someone who is going through a divorce?

A: Going through a divorce is a difficult thing to do. Often people who quickly jump into relationships--during a divorce are not ready for to deal with a new relationship. They will try to, because they want to feel wanted and needed. However, it is important for them to deal with their past, and resolve any issues before moving on. I don't think there should be a time frame on healing from a divorce. However, I do think that a relationship after dating should be taken slowly and carefully.

One caution I would offer is that you don't get caught between the person you are wanting to date and their soon to be ex-spouse. In general, it is not wise to date someone until their divorce is over. This can prevent you from unknown issues and problems with ex-spouses, children, potential in-laws, etc.--

It is also to watch out for someone who wants to date you and is pressuring you into a quick marriage or relationship. This is a "red flag." It is always wise to take your time and get to know someone in many situations before you get too serious in a relationship.

Take Your Time
After going through a divorce many people feel lonely and desire the companionship of someone. All too often individuals in this situation find someone who will give them a little attention and loving. Unfortunately, this type of relationship is built on a weak foundation. Therefore, I suggest to people who are just ending a marriage to take their time. Rushing into a new relationship, all to often leads to the same kind of a marriage that was just ended.

Will Anyone Ever Find Me Attractive?
Sometimes after we have been through a divorce we feel like no one could find us attractive. Often this occurs because our previous spouse was abusive and told us that we weren't attractive. If you have bought such a line, I suggest that you step back and look at what you have to offer. An ex-spouse may have told you that you would never find someone, but don't believe it. If you work to make yourself the best you can be, then you can go forward with confidence in who you are.

These after divorce dating tips provided by:
Posted by LC at 10:35 AM | TrackBack

Do you Want to be a Good Guy or a Bad Guy ?

Listen, it all depends on what you want, if you want sex than you need to be a bad guy and never be emotional, but if you want love and if you want a girl to be honest with you when she tell's you how much she loves you, than you need to be a good guy!

Bad Guy's = Get Sex, and nothing more... they are being used.... and after sometime these popular bad guy's with all the chicks become alcoholics or addicted to drugs, do to the depression that naturally comes when being used by chicks without feelings... ( Believe me I've seen this happen many times to the most popular men! )

Good Guy's = Get less sex, but are more happy... because they know that someone somewhere is thinking of them everyday... Also having sex with someone you love, feels like you're having sex with 100 women alltogether you get maximum orgasm!

Our life on earth is a journey, where we are allways in the search of the questions we cannot seem to answer and all the unanswered questions keeps making us feel as if we only exist and die into nothingness, it can feel at times as if we were never born and only dream this life, which can make our stay on earth very lonely!

There has only been one thing proven to mankind which can beat the lonelyness forever, and it is LOVE my friend, just find it and you will feel it!

So how do you know if you have found "TRUE LOVE" well if you date a girl and the tears from your eyes starts to fall as soon as you look deep inside her eyes or as soon as her gentle skin touches you, then this is love and when you're not with her you will see her beautiful eyes where ever you look, and you will be so afraid, afraid that you might someday loose the one you love, so all you will be wanting to do will be to hold on tight to her and keep whispering in her ears how much you love her!

This feeling is what I call = To Feel Heaven here on earth!

But be warned my friend....
Before you jump into true love, make sure you can survive if something goes wrong...

If the one you love someday tells you that she doesn't love you anymore or she goes away, you will feel the greatest of all pains, it will feel as if you had to die to survive....

The Joy Love brings is the greatest joy of all, and the sadness is the worst you can feel....

If you ask me this is a risk I would take, after all do you really know how much time you got left here on earth ?

Thankyou for reading my friend I'm allways here to help my fellow human beings, may God Bless.

Women Will No Longer Be a Mystery!

For most women, it seems we hit a soft spot. In taking on this project our purpose wasn't to put women down, or to put them in check; instead it was to explain in-depth the fronts that many women unconsciously put up, the emotional processes that motivate their actions towards you, how to play off their emotional processes to make them think you're the man, how to recognize the signs of a girl that's leading you on, and then how to make her fall for you when you do.

This is absolutely THE DATING GUIDE TO END ALL DATING GUIDES. Women nowadays have a lot of attitude, and if you're a single guy there's a lot you need to know if you want a relationship, or just a one night affair. The truth is, women like the attention they get from guys, and that's why many of them go from one to the next. You have probably seen this for yourself. Susie Homemaker is a thing of the past. Many of today's young women are manipulative and scandalous and most guys have found out the hard way.

Make Your Dreams Come True!
Posted by LC at 08:18 AM | TrackBack

January 28, 2005

Nice Guys Finish Last


Besides being the title of a catchy 90’s pop song, the phrase “nice guys finish last” is invariably proven on a regular basis by jerks like me. You may not know me, but I’m sure you know someone like me- loud, aggressive, and wholly unfit to hold a relationship. However, I still seem to get my fair share of attention from the ladies, and you are left scratching your head in bewilderment. Don’t worry you nice guys, it really isn’t your fault.

Back in the day, and I’m talking when we humans were hunter gatherers hunting wooly mammoths, relationships were a lot like what you’d see on Animal Planet. If two of us males were out hunting, and we came across a beautiful woman, whoever got her first would sling her over his shoulder and lumber off into the sunset, even if it meant beating you in the head with my club. Once I had impressed them with my ability to protect them, I had immediately sealed the deal.

Ok, so you don’t live in a cave (Unless you live in the basement) but you can still learn a valuable lesson here. People, not just women are attracted to power, and to status. While you may lack bulging biceps, you might still have a stunning intellect, or a fat trust fund. Every person has a unique angle they can use to show that they are capable of being the provider for a woman, so make sure you play to your individual strengths. Also, remember we are talking long term strengths here, so don’t go bragging about how much you can bench press. No one cares, trust me. What you should do, is tell her you are planning to be the best bodybuilder in the world, or whatever line you can come up with.

I am living proof that you really don’t need money, good looks, or much else to successfully meet women. What I am very good at, and I do mean talented and super skilled, is being able to convey a message clearly. (Ok, my car and what not don’t hurt, but I keep that on the DL as much as possible). Be like the ape on Animal Planet, beat your chest and show off what you got, because if you don’t every other ape in the jungle is going to anyways so get in the game.
Posted by LC at 02:46 PM | TrackBack

January 27, 2005

Why has internet dating become a great way to meet people from your town ?


ou live in Sydney ; you work in Sydney , but darned if you can meet a decent gal in Sydney that you’ve really hit it off with. Isn’t it funny how you just know there’s a city full of wonderful people out there just beyond the horizon that you’re never going to meet?

The sad fact is, most of the great people out there have run up against the same stumbling blocks to dating that you have. They’ve probably tried the bar scene and gotten tired of it or decided it just wasn’t all that safe. Maybe they’ve suffered through a few awful blind dates, too. So what is there left? You could keep your fingers crossed and hope you bump into someone special at the coffee shop on the corner, but the odds are against you.

That’s why internet dating is perfect – you can search for someone special right in your town and find out a little bit about them right from the beginning. With detailed profiles and criteria you can specify, internet dating can help you find people in Sydney (or Toowoomba or Melbourne…) who have lots of interests in common with you – and they could be just around the corner or across town.

In fact, you might have passed them on the street and never known it, but with internet dating you can safely email them and strike up a correspondence, chat, and get to know one another to see if you really click before you eventually meet. All without having to go to a bar or slog through another blind date!

Posted by LC at 11:30 AM | TrackBack

January 26, 2005

Online Personals Are Cool


The musty print classified was never a great way to find a date. Most of the time, all it ever offered was a terse mumble of data: ''SWF, 26, brown eyes and brown hair.'' The online personal is completely different. The ''profile'' of someone looking for romance on a site can overflow with tantalizing information, as when a single woman named Lovebundlenyc reveals that her favorite books include Hunter S. Thompson's ''Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,'' the ''Jeeves Omnibus'' and that children's story about Ferdinand the Bull. Some people make strange, bold proclamations: ''I'm a smooth operator with great hands.'' Others use verbal wit to play with the conventions of the form: ''Unscrupulous Man Seeks Patsy,'' writes one online lonely heart.

Americans have fallen hard for the online personal. While other Internet businesses have been sputtering, online personals are a full-throttle success.

The bigger this pool gets, the more normalized (and less geeky) the process becomes. As with other online social behavior, early adopters had to battle the scary hype: Pedophiles are out there! Liars, creeps and dweebs! But when newlyweds on the Times weddings page casually mention their ''magical'' first e-mail exchange, you know the switch has flipped.

The popularity of online personals has tossed some interesting behavioral mutations into the dating pool. Because potential dates often engage in intimate e-mail before meeting, the first date is far less blind. But the very ease and anonymity of the initial experience -- the way you can browse at 2 a.m., zap a promising profile to a friend for feedback or change your profile or photo at any time -- also encourages social experimentation. This is a particular benefit for women, for whom flirtation with strangers in the wee hours has always carried greater risk. For both men and women, Internet dating may allow singles to make contact with dates outside their social circles. Online glances go beyond the crowded room of one's own insular demographic.

Pundits have denounced the gamelike quality of pointing and clicking at online profiles. And there's some truth to this: with the eBay ease of Internet romance, it's simple to continually dip back in, looking for an improved model. But then, is it really such a crime to make dating more fun?

By: Emily Nussbaum
Posted by LC at 09:23 AM | TrackBack

January 25, 2005

Blind Date by Lu Huskey

The phone rings at 3:00 Monday afternoon and it is your best girlfriend Jenny, inviting you to dinner next weekend. What a nice thought, until she tells you there is “this guy she just knows you’ll like”.

Do these “arranged situations” ever work out; these blind dates that well meaning friends and families attempt to arrange for all of us at some point in our lives? What do we have to lose anyway? Well, let’s just look at what happened when Jenny tried to do this favor for her friend Lisa!

It had been a long Monday for Lisa, and she was ready for a friendly voice on the telephone. When she heard from Jenny, it was the bright spot in her day. Little did Lisa know what an impact this call would have on her life for the next few weeks. Jenny invited her to a restaurant they had both been anxious to try out; a new little Italian place with red checked tablecloths, a real live violinist, and a tempting selection of wonderful foods and wines. This was just what she was needed to plan for to help her get through her week!

But wait, there’s a catch, and he has a name. Jenny knows this fellow named Bob who just moved to town and is a really nice guy. She thought it would be “fun” to do a double date Saturday night with Bob and his friend from work. It sounded harmless since they’ve both wanted to try out the new place, so Lisa accepted Jenny’s invitation and they both made plans to meet at Berelli’s Saturday night.

So far, these girls are doing the right thing by meeting these guys at the restaurant and not being picked up. They don’t know them very well and if for some reason, one (or both) need to duck out, neither will be stuck without wheels.

The weekend rolled around soon enough and Jenny and Lisa had taken a little trip the mall to shop for a couple of cute dresses and matching shoes. They helped each other with their hair that Saturday afternoon, and almost felt like young schoolgirls going out on their first date. In a way it was, for Lisa, since it was her first blind date. She had never done anything like this before, and although she was looking forward to being with her friend, she was a little hesitant about meeting this guy Bob. Anyway, it was just a dinner and that would be it.

They jumped into the car and drove over to Berelli’s, making sure they were “fashionably” late (but just 10 minutes), not to appear over anxious to their gentleman waiting. Bob and William had already gotten a nice table and ordered a bottle of wine, so the scene was set for a lovely evening. What a cute place this new little restaurant was! It looked like a page right out of Italy, with the tables set so beautifully, music filling the room, and Jenny even noticed a quaint little dance floor near the violinist for those who wished to become a little romantic. This was just what she needed, and Bob looked pretty good too. He had a nice smile, good looking suit, and pulled out her chair for her when she sat down. This man is right out of a storybook! Who ever said blind dates are a mistake anyway?

As the evening progressed, the couples seemed to enjoy each other’s company and all four were convinced Berelli’s was a dining experience that they would recommend to their other friends. Lisa was so glad that she decided to take Jenny up on her offer. Actually she had never tried blind dating until that night because of all the horror stories told in the past. She had heard tales of all sorts, and although they were true, perhaps they were exaggerated a bit. They planned another date the next weekend and Jenny hoped that her first blind date would be her last. Bob very well just may be the “Mr. Right” she had been waiting for.

Now that is the way a story should always go, with a happy ending; however, girls (and guys) beware of the blind date. Make sure you handle yourself in a manner that doesn’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of in any way, especially with wine flowing freely all night long. Many times if you have “let your guard down” you can find yourself in a situation you may not be able to handle. For example, if you are really attracted to someone and let him know it, he can sometimes get the wrong impression. It just is always a good idea not to be too friendly on first dates (and sometimes second and third dates) until you really get to know the person and you are certain he respects your wishes.

When employers hire new people, they many times do reference checks, and sometimes even background checks before they hire. You can do the same type of thing by making sure someone knows this person you plan to go out with and hopefully knows something about his past. The last thing you want is to fall in love with some guy or gal who ends up with the reputation of violence or some other seedy problem. These kinds of situations happen all the time. “But they would never happen to me…” we all believe; but they can, so we much be smart about where we go and with whom we go out with.

Lisa got lucky and met the man of her dreams, but unfortunately, that isn’t always the way it works. Thinking back to her story, she originally just planned to have a nice evening and things just happened to work out much better than she expected. Meeting new people is fun; just be sure and use good common sense and keep a safe distance until you know exactly what you are getting into.
Posted by LC at 10:16 AM | TrackBack

Comparative rating of the 10 most typical complexes of men and women

Women: 1. Extra weight.Men: 1. Small penis.
Mass media has done its black deed. Not absence of a good family, not career aspirations, not even success with men tops the list of women's worst phobias. Extra weight - that is what women fear most. Psychologists note that with many ladies this fear is so strong, that it crosses the line between reasonable corresponding to existing norms of beauty, and psychosomatic changes of the body. In which case not the result, but the process of becoming a nymphet comes to the forefront. The problem is that this has provoked an unseen outburst of anorexia and bulimia suffered mostly by young women and teenagers.On the contrary, this is the case lost by mass media to common wisdom, society stereotypes and other forms of popular obscurantism. The fact that every magazine - from glossies to specialized medical ones - insists on calling micropenis an organ less than 2 sm. in a non-erected state does not lessen the number of those willing to enlarge their genitalia. Proving to men that size in sex is not important is just as meaningless as proving to women how appetizingly sexy plumpness can be.
Men: 2. Low social status.Women: 2. Cellulite.
This is men's analogue of cellulite. The second place in the rating doesn't mean that absolute majority of men are homeless people or janitors. Boys' chorus, singing "I'm a looser, baby" consists of clerks, white collars, middle-level managers, etc. Those who know - theoretically - that to be a well-to-do member of society one has to have a platinum credit card, a covergirl for a girlfriend and a small castle with turrets for a home. And who start singing when reality hits them: covergirls and castles belong to their former D-grade classmate, now an oil magnate, while all the ambitious "black coats" have is annual financial reports and long-time perspective to move out of 2-bedroom apartment into a larger one.Unlike men, who are being constantly convinced that mind - not centimeters - is of greater importance, women firmly know that even the highest IQ will not make the "orange peel" skin more attractive. Hundreds of books have been written on the problem, including the ones suggesting how to fight it, although no scientist has yet clearly explained where it comes from. The most popular version shows cellulite as a consequence of too much estrogen in the body. What a paradox - "orange peel" is an inseparable companion of femininity. And an inexhaustible source of income for beauty parlors and psychoanalysts.
Women: 3. Fear of age.Men: 3. Fear of impotence.
Beauty industry applying revolutionary know-hows, cosmetic surgeons working wonders with faces and bodies, 70-year old movie stars looking younger than their granddaughters - none of this eliminates women's fear of becoming old and faded. Mostly these are women aged 30 to 50, used to taking care of their appearance. Specialists say age dictatorship has to be defeated on a psychological level. Probably when job offers are not limited by "age of 30 and less" or when stating date of birth in passport is outlawed.Fear of non-performance in bed - that is fear of being humiliated in front of a woman - is even worse than a good dressing down from the boss. Fiasco in bed is especially dangerous because it can ruin men's self-esteem even faster than a brick coming down from a skyscraper. Searching for the origins of the problem should start in the past. In most cases the reason is one of the very first unlucky sexual experiences, which pops up in the head at a most inappropriate moment. The fear of loosing one's masculine power is subconscious - the nature must once have decided that only extremely self-assured species with nerves of rope are worthy of leaving their genes in posterity.
Men: 4. Insufficient material well-being.Women: 4. Absence of success with men.
Money at present period of time has become the main symbol of one's virility, having ruled out even such values as intelligence and physical strength. Unfortunately, women are mostly very tactless in this matter, proving by their behavior that "rich can never be small". And although sociologists note constant growth of families where wife earns more than husband, this does not mean that all those husbands easily accept it. Men nowadays can afford living at the expense of their women, but to great detriment of their self-esteem.Flirting, love affairs and sex are the greatest entertainment presented to humankind by Providence. Being left out of this never-ending holiday is painful, hurting and humiliating. When lack of adoring fans reaches its critical level, woman's organism turns on every "defensive mechanism" existing in it: extreme diffidence, anguish and disgust for life finally turn into desire to change something. That means going to a boutique, beauty parlor or plastic surgeon for a different nose. The most advanced ones get rid of the "bluestocking" complex in a psychoanalyst's chair, also not unsuccessfully.
Women: 5. Frigidity.Men: 5. Fears about one's health.
Feminists have declared women's right to enjoy such creature comforts as suffrage, ability to be elected member of Parliament and cunnilingus. And sexologists proclaimed that women not only can, but must derive real pleasure from sexual games. Those who can't they call frigid, thus introducing into women's souls permanent disarray. In reality, cases of true frigidity are very rare. More often inability to derive pleasure from sex is just auto-suggestion or result of incongruity with one's partner.Who always suffers migraines, gets crazy about whitening one's teeth and spends every spare minute in a SPA-center? That's right. And who never ever goes to any doctor, but in one's heart of hearts constantly fears falling ill with something terrifying like St. Vitus's dance or stomatitis? Such fears are rather frequent visitors of the most healthy and reasonable males. Men are far less tolerant to pain. It might be connected with their much more fertile imagination
Men: 6. Getting bald.Women: 6. Fear of being "worse than others".
Although of course getting bald cannot compare with women's pangs about "follicular insufficiency" of cellulite, they still can gloat over this misfortune. How pleasant it must be to think about pathetic line of bald men in the hair transplant clinic, waiting to transplant hair from undue places! And television doesn't express its usual delicate approach - "baldness is so attractively aesthetic". Hair transplantation lobby must be much more influential than one could presume.Men are more interested in real achievements and victories, while women are more inclined to "seem" rather than "be". Women are more prone to suggestion, so they are more often guided by "public opinion". It can be stated that a woman's success is only seen in comparison. Even if her family life is a total mess, she will still dye gray hair every week and accept guests as a model mother and wife.
Women: 7. Fear of being alone.Men: 7. Impossibility of self-realization.
A megalopolis civilization - that is the actual name for the ugliness most of us are forced to live in - cultivates individuality and dissociation. Loneliness in a big city has long been declared a neurosis, subject to treatment. And women suffer of it much more frequently then men, and more painfully. For women - even if they are quite successful in business - can fully realize their potential only in the family, while men have other ways of realization. Lack of people a woman can care about, lack of family can provoke not only a neurotic dissonance, but consequences of a more harmful nature.As a rule hits a man at the age of about 40-45 and called "middle-age crisis". Women are more lucky - by this time most of them have already had one or more children. And men start soul-searching, and not only that. All achievements in life are scrupulously counted up and discounted as unsatisfactory. It seems that none of them correspond to the grandeur of starting possibilities. These calculations have nothing to do with real life. The most typical result of such "self-inventory" is desire to have a younger woman for a partner.
Men: 8. Femininity in behavior.Women: 8. Inability to reach orgasm.
Psychologists proclaim existence of double standard in social treatment of men and women. Men's behavioral model is considered to be a priori positive, that is why to be masculine for a woman is acceptable, while to be feminine for a man is disgraceful. Men conform to the situation and dread any display of femininity, the worst of them being tears (the supreme manifestation of womanhood) and habit of living at someone other's expense.According to statistical research, about 30% of women do not ever reach orgasm, which came to be considered a disease. In reality such data seems doubtful as research doesn't reveal the reasons for anorgasmic sex. The nature of the recently discovered phenomenon of women's orgasm is not so thoroughly explored as to be able to say why some women cannot reach it. So it is just as unclear why this phobia is at all in the rating of women's fears. It must again be the fault of the patriarchal society with its habit of accusing women of all vices.
Women: 9. Low intellect.Men: 9. Being short.
"I know only that I don't know anything" is the phrase once said by Socrates, still considered one of the brightest intellects of all times. So the ladies who think that their IQ level is not very high are not in the worst company in the world.It is common knowledge that being a short man has always been a most powerful stimulus for historical progress and life achievements. But it is also true that the height of most losers does not exceed 1,6 meters. So it must be the lack of brain, not centimeters ...
Men: 10. No sense of humor.Women: 10. Unsuccessful career.
Men are funny creatures. To suffer from not being able to make a good joke is almost as unreasonable as to suffer from not being able to reach orgasm. But only funnier.Women are interested in home, family and "what neighbors will say". Successful career is only a newcomer in the list of the successful woman's phobias - fear of not achieving anything career-wise in only about a decade old.

Posted by LC at 09:35 AM | TrackBack

January 24, 2005

Why Your Tribal Brain Makes You Nervous

Let me share with you a little secret about how all men's brains - including YOURS - is wired when approaching woman.

Have you ever thought to yourself, WHY do I get nervous or anxious when approaching a woman? After all, if you approach 5 or 6 new women every day, if you could be absolutely fearless and confident with women, your love and sex life would probably explode. So why would you get nervous and anxious at all -- seems like your brain isn't doing what's best for you does it?

Just take me, for example. Normally, I can approach any women, anytime, anywhere. Even if I screw an approach up, I usually feel fine about it and it doesn't stop me from making the next one.

However, last weekend I was at one of my sister's parties. The place was packed with single girls. Yet when I saw a girl I liked, I would freeze up and this little voice in my head would tell me, "What if you screw up... maybe you shouldn't do this... be careful!"

I just couldn't get that little voice out of my head and I left the party after only an hour because I was getting frustrated with myself.

So how come I could approach an anonymous woman on the street who I'll probably never see again, and yet feel anxious about approaching a woman at one of my sister's parties?

The answer lies in how humans evolved. For most of history, men and women lived in small groups of hunters and gatherers of no more than 100 individuals. If you made a move on ANY woman - and she rejected your advances - EVERYONE would know about it. And that would mean MASSIVE negative social proof with all of your potential mates. Because if one woman rejected you, you'd look like a loser to ALL of the other women you could mate with. You'd seriously jeopardize your ability to ever get laid again and have children.

So your shyness and nervousness is actually a DEFENSE to protect you from looking like a reject in the tribal setting. And that's why, when my sister and her friends were watching me that night at the party, I FROZE UP. After all, if I screwed my approach up with any girl, my sister and ALL of her friends would have seen me - and that would have looked really bad!

However, in today's world we DON'T live in small bands of hunters and gatherers. We DON'T have to worry about one rejection influencing all of the other females (potential mates) we know. In fact, in today's world, when we have the opportunity to approach a woman, we're COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS. We can screw up badly and there are ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCES!

So we've spent millions of years adapting to an environment where rejection from a girl could mean disastrous consequences - and only in the last few hundred years has the situation completely changed. In other words, what was once a useful strategy for being genetically successful (i.e. being cautious when approaching women) is no longer a successful genetic strategy at all!

In today's modern society of anonymity, being nervous, shy, or cautious is DISASTROUS as far as getting laid. Shyness is a computer program in your brain, evolved over millions of years, that is meant to help you and protect you -- but now only hinders you. Times have changed, but your brain hasn't.

That's why you need advanced techniques that change the very core of your psychology from the inside out! And that's one of the reasons you need advanced seduction technology, including hypnosis and NLP... so that you won't be prisoner to millions of years of evolutionary programming like everyone else.

By Derek Vitalio
Posted by LC at 11:07 AM | TrackBack

January 06, 2005

Speed Dating

Speed dating has recently become a popular alternative to blind dates or going to singles bars. It’s a fun, efficient way to meet several people in one evening instead of spending lots of time and money on one date with someone you’ve just met and may not hit it off with.

Speed dating is popular because it’s so much fun and gives you so many opportunities in one evening. Generally in one evening you’ll have the chance to meet about eight different people for “mini dates” that are not longer than ten minutes each.

You have just enough time to talk to them, find out the basics and see if there’s any chemistry, then it’s on to the next date. At the end of the evening, you mark down the first name of anyone you’d like to get in touch with and if they also express interest, you are given each other’s information.

There’s an intermission when you can mingle and meet other people you weren’t matched with, and if you came with a friend the two of you can compare notes over drinks and appetizers. It’s a great girls or guys night out combined with the opportunity to safely “meet and greet” others who are interested in dating.

So for the cost of one evening out, you’ve met at least eight people you know are interested in the same things you are and are open to dating. You’ve had a few drinks and some great food, and when you leave you may be looking forward to a real date with the third speed date of the night, but the next time for the whole evening. No wonder it’s popular!
Posted by LC at 12:25 PM | TrackBack

After the break-up, your "first love" never really leaves you, according to student research at UC Berkeley

... Berkeley - Whether your heart belongs to anyone this Valentine's Day may depend on what happened the first time you fell in love.

This new finding, by University of California, Berkeley, graduate student Jennifer Beer, challenges the notion commonly held since Freud that the stability of the parent-child relationship sets the stage for attachment later in life.

With romance, said Beer, "Some of the problems you have in the romantic domain may have more to do with your first love than with your parents." She based her work on the first-love stories of 303 UC Berkeley undergraduates, mostly juniors, collected in 1997.

By "first love," Beer doesn't mean a childhood crush on a teacher or movie star, but the first real relationship of a romantic nature between two individuals, often experienced in adolescence or early adult years. Those who remember the experience positively are more likely to consider themselves securely attached to their current romantic partners, she said, and to perceive their romantic partners as securely attached to them.

She now is looking at how such recent and distant "vivid" representations of self and partner are stored in different memory systems in the brain and what this might reveal about self-perception.

"Vivid memories are very detailed, self-defining, something you recall a lot, stories and anecdotes you dwell on or tell all the time," Beer said.

In the case of first love, such memories often range from bittersweet but fond - perhaps recollections of a poignant puppy love tinged with regard or regret for a long-ago sweetheart - to deeply painful, soul-crushing experiences.

Whatever happened, "it can set you up as thinking, 'This is what I am like as a relationship partner,' " Beer said.

People who recollect their first romantic experience as involving good feelings, for instance, citing memories of happiness, excitement, strength, inspiration, pride and enthusiasm, were more likely to be in stable relationships years later than those recalling hostility, upset, stress, guilt, fright or shame, Beer found.

"First love relationships often break up. So people say, 'What do you mean, good feelings? It was a breakup,' " she said. "But even though the relationship ended, which seems like it might be negative, the vivid memories surrounding the experience can be good or bad."

As an example of a good experience, Beer cited one respondent who suffered greatly because her former boyfriend dated other women immediately after their relationship ended. But, prior to that, the experience had been a positive taste of what love could be, and the woman learned what made her happy in a relationship.

Alternatively, Beer described a stormier experience that left the respondent years later with the unshakeable suspicion that all men were untrustworthy.

"This is wrong, but I cannot help myself," the respondent commented. "One negative experience has been enough to change my entire outlook on men."

Beer identified four patterns of perception surrounding relationships:

  • Secure - A secure, positive sense of both self and partner in a relationship.

  • Dismissive -A positive sense of self, but not of partner.

  • Preoccupied - A positive sense of partner, but not of self.

  • Fearful - Negative recollections of both.

Those with memories of positive emotion and outcomes from their first relationship "were more likely to have positive views of self and others in romantic relationships," Beer said. "Those with more negative emotions and outcome were more likely to show one of the other three patterns."

By Kathleen Scalis e, Media Relations
Posted by LC at 11:47 AM | TrackBack

January 05, 2005

The Girl Next Door

When you think about the girl next door, usually it brings pleasant thoughts. She is a lady we have seen around, exchanged greetings and smiles – walked away feeling good. The part about feeling good has a lot to do with the calm atmosphere and the casual meeting. There was no crowd, no expectations of trying to be picked up, and you were not concerned about being rejected. Instead, it was you and a lady exchanging some small talk with no pressure or competition. Over time as you get to know each other the conversation may get a little more personal and you may decide to get together for dinner or drinks. It seems to come natural.

In a club, the atmosphere is completely different. There is competition and much more intensity in the air. The women don’t know who you are and if they seen you around, they can only judge you by your actions – which may be effected by alcohol. When you do walk up to one of these ladies in a club, right away you are inviting her to go out, have a drink, etc., without her really knowing who you are. No wonder this type of atmosphere is ripe with rejection. Granted a lady may get to know you in a club over time, but there always seems to be another guy around the corner trying to take your place. Probably this competition is the reason for the hurried invite for a personal connection. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But I bet, must guys have had more then their share of rejections in a club and really don’t care for the feeling.

Meeting a girl online is similar to the girl next door concept. She may not be next door, but the atmosphere of little pressure, casual conversation and getting to know each other by online exchange (email, online chatting, etc.), make it a more pleasant feeling. In time, this exchange may blossom into more then friendship. If sparks connect, you will find yourself in love with the girl next door though she may be miles even oceans away.

A lady in a bar who doesn’t know who you are, may say no for that reason alone. She may get to know you in time, but more then likely you have asked her out before she got the chance to know who you are. After a guy has been rejected, more then likely he won’t return to the scene of the accident. You may tell yourself you will let the lady get to know you before making any advances, which is not a bad idea, but by the time she gets to know you, three other guys have asked her out. The girl next door concept in a bar could work, but the competition and the odds are stacked against you.

With the girl next door concept on the internet, you get to know each other before asking intimate questions. And when the time comes to invite the lady into a romantic encounter, she knows who you are and rejection is less likely. Granted, there are jerks on the net whose first email may say “baby, I want to make love to you all night,” but that line seems out of place for a first email. Yet that same line may not seem so out of place the first time you meet a lady in a club. See the difference? I doubt if you would say “baby, I want to make love to you all night” the first time you meet your new lady neighbor. Yet in a club, after a few drinks, you will say just that and it is almost expected.

You can see why the girl next door concept works well with online dating. Ladies get to know the guys, rejection is less, and finding love is more likely. I can’t imagine a better way to get to know the girl next door then from the comfort of your home and computer. The girl next door is as close as your fingers on the keyboard – you just got to go out and find her. With so many online dating services, finding the girl next door should be as easy as ringing her door bell.

sub-title: Online Dating for Guys
Posted by LC at 02:55 PM | TrackBack

"It’s a Gut Feeling – Finding love"

Most single guys are settled in their life. Their mornings, afternoons and evenings have a routine they are comfortable with and rarely will they go beyond the boundaries of that routine. Even a single guy’s loneliness can become his norm and if someone crosses his path that interest him, he rationalizes instead of trying to adapt. Many times this leads to confusion – he just isn’t sure if she is the one. He over thinks, he pauses, rewinds, goes forward until nothing makes sense about being involved. Soon he is back to his comfortable routine of drinking beer and watching football on Sunday. The loneliness he feels won’t go away and after many beer drinking Sundays, he may try to fill that emptiness again. But just like before, he soon feels he is out of his comfort zone and the story repeats itself. After awhile, he is asking himself, how do I find love?

This problem persist because he wants the girl to instantly fit into his comfort zone. At first, when he sees her, he is excited and this is enough to keep the relationship alive. In time the lady’s personality and feelings make him over think the relationship and the excitement dissipates. At one time it was exciting, but it loses its luster as the relationship moves forward – especially when the lady’s discussion involves changes in his life. He feels the pressure and wants out. Soon, he is back to filling his emptiness with beer and Sunday afternoon football.

You see ladies, guys don’t have the same type of instinct as you do and don’t easily trust intuitive feelings. He’ll over think what’s in his heart, especially if he feels the only way he can love you is for him to make major changes in his life (they may not be major to you, but to him missing a Sunday afternoon of football may seem worse than going through hurricane Ivan). The gap will widen until it is beyond closing, no matter how he may truly feel about you. Whatever he felt at first now rest in a place that has no understanding of intuition. It may still be there, but buried in a cluster of confusion. What can you do ladies? Not much, except maybe back off a little. What can you do guys? Don’t think about it – trust your gut feeling.

I just got done saying that a guy’s feelings may be buried in confusion. What a man doesn’t realize that this is what separate men from women’s intuition. What we interrupt as confusion, a lady calls intuition and has complete trust in those feelings no matter how chaotic it may seem. In other words, guys, they go with the flow. We will fight it, we will rationalize it, we will try to hide it with alcohol, cover it with masculine bravo, but instead, we should listen to it. Don’t run, don’t hide, just let it be and let it take its course. Scary, thought, isn’t it, guys? But if you are tired of the merry-go-round of emptiness you may want to give it a chance.

I know some of you guys are still looking for clarity, so here goes. Our visual instincts are in tune when we first see a lady. All she needs to do is give us a little sign of encouragement and our hormones are in high gear. We don’t think beyond the moment, care about house payments or closet space, our eyes see what we like, a signal says it is ok to like what we see and we are in heaven. Simple! Now let’s move ahead where the lady starts thinking about how life would be beyond the weekend movie, sexual encounters and the occasional dinner together. She wants more. If you fight it, she is gone, so you let the door open. She is in with some feelings – you thought you could handle it, but now you seem to be reacting to her feelings. Is this bad, guys, that you are reacting to her feelings? We seem to interrupt a reaction, even if it is a positive one, as being bad. At this stage we begin the debate between what we feel and what we know. We know we like to watch foot ball, but how will my feelings change me being able to watch football on Sunday? (I know ladies, you just can’t believe it’s that hard to decide between football and love, but for guys, it can be). When there is a debate between our head and our heart, ladies, the head usually wins. What I’m telling guys, if what you feel inside is positive, don’t cloud it with other possible scenarios. Let it flow – trust that what you feel inside can be a positive in all aspects of your life. But for now, don’t think, just be.

Guys, I’m not saying that in time you may realize that she is not right for you and shouldn’t get out, but what I am saying is we usually kill the chance to find out before we let time take its course. Usually, we over think our reactions until the only reaction left is we feel she is an intrusion in our life. Than she’s gone and the loneliness comes back – another Sunday, another 6 pack or two of beer and you are getting older, lonelier and maybe, just maybe, wiser.

I say wiser because I think younger guys fit the above sort better than an older gent. As a guy gets older, he may realize not to react so quickly, but trust that what he feels may actually enhance other aspects of his life. This is why a lot of younger Filipina ladies like older men. To them, older men are more settled, accepting and willing.

Obviously, guys have met a lady and after the first date knew she wasn’t the one. Even then a guy will call it a mistake rather than a gut feeling. He’ll say something like, “I don’t know what I saw in her, but man she isn’t for me.” It is when it goes beyond the first date and his gut has already said, “man she is the one” that he will start to talk himself out of any involvement when the lady wants a little more than the two of them getting together on Friday and Saturday nights. I”m telling you guys, trust that initial feeling, let the confusion in, don’t fight it and give it time. You may find that you can still watch your football game on Sundays while she is nibbling on your ear.

That’s it, short and sweet. Guys, if you feel she is the one after a date or two, trust your gut feeling and don’t talk yourself out of it. There is more to life than Sunday afternoon football. There is Monday night football also. Just kidding, smile, let what you feel be your guide and forget thinking too hard about how those feelings may change your life. Let it flow and let her love you.
Posted by LC at 02:35 PM | TrackBack

Sex Between Older Men and Much Younger Women

The reality is that sexual desire does not stop once a man reaches the age of fifty. Most of these men are very happy to have a sex partner their own age or close to it. But, there is a percentage of these men, who are looking for sex and possibly a life partner who is much younger than them. This is especially true when men are trying to meet, then date, through the Internet.

In the every day world it is very difficult to start a relationship between older men and much younger women but for some reason that barrier appears greatly diminished if the relationship starts through the Internet. People seem less likely to be concerned about the age difference and love begins to flourish, which often times leads to marriage. Only after they physically get together or are married, that problems begin to crop up.

There is no doubt that the younger woman always makes her partner feel younger. During the first months of the relationship or marriage, it seems as though the man can beat all sexual records. The question is, how long will he stay in the same sexual peak once the honeymoon is over and life returns to a normal routine?

With age a variety of physical and emotional changes happen to the human body. A fact of nature that has nothing to do with our wishes. Unfortunately we cannot cheat mother nature but that does not mean the sex drive disappears. What it does suggest is the approach to sex will often change.

The successful sex life of these couples is enhanced by the manner of approach. Successful couples have taken the time to learn the secrets and tricks that allows them to survive the difficult moments. If both partners really love each other they will develop their own form of Karma Sutra. But in doing so, they have to trust each other and share their problems and sexual desires, openly.

Older men need to understand that although they probably cannot maintain the same fast and furious pace as they did in their twenties, their life experiences should more than make up for the physical aspect of love making.

Older men usually have more control over the physical and mental state of their being and a much greater knowledge of what elicits pleasure for a woman. This “experience factor” grants them the ability of understanding the female body to stimulate and satisfy a woman which in turn should culminate in prolonged sexual stimulation prior to orgasm

It can be a very exciting surprise for a young woman, whose only sexual experience may have been young men her own age. Women often complain that they need more foreplay in their love making and not all of them get it from young men.

Most men after 50 also need some kind of foreplay to achieve an erection. So, they turn this kind of situation into win-win arena for both! For older men, this foreplay can be very exiting as well and helps him to prepare his body for sex. Surprisingly, he can do it much quicker then he can expect , because playing and touching a young woman’s body will arouse his ability to perform sex, dramatically!

by: Marina Smiley
Posted by LC at 12:56 PM | TrackBack

January 04, 2005

Why are Russian women so popular in the West?

This question is constantly asked by Russian women willing to marry a foreign man…

They all have their reasons to search for a husband abroad, which nevertheless can be counted down to just three.

First and most important - lack of men in Russia (according to the last census data, the number of women exceeds that of men by 10 million, and for the age of 40 and over the ratio goes up to terrifying 1:10!). Secondly, those few who are still available are simply not competitive, suffering from alcoholism, unable to provide for the family, etc. And the last basic reason is unstable economic situation in Russia, while it is only natural that people always look for better place to live… So it is all clear with Russian ladies.

The more interesting question is what the men want! What do they lack so much that they, being quite well-off and financially secure, are going overseas to search a wife, who is more often than not is unsettled, with lots of problems, totally different mentality and no language skills? Don't they have their own women? That's right! According to statistics, in all economically advanced countries number of men significantly exceeds number of women. What are the reasons? There is quite a number of them, but they also can be counted down to just two. First is high level of medical service, which facilitates successful birth of male babies and prolongs their life in declining years (in Russia too there are more baby boys than girls, but grown men live much shorter life than women).

Another reason is a great number of immigrants enlarging male population of well-to-do countries. For example, USA accepts about 1 million official immigrants every year. Who are they? Mostly single young men, or families. It is very hard to imagine a young woman changing her life so drastically. We don't say that there are no such women, we just say that there are very few of them. What does it lead to? It leads to the fact that the United States have 8 million more men than women. That's where your potential husbands live! And I don't even mention the point of American men being pitifully disappointed in their women, that is old news now.

The suffrage, that is, feminist movement of the 50s has done its black deed - American women have gained full equality of rights, and lost just as much. Men see them as way too calculating and unattractive (which is not altogether untrue. Due to the infamous sexual harassment law many women have stopped taking care of their appearance, wear only jeans, eat too much junk food and have turned into manlike sexless creatures).

Believe me, I don't think so - there are just as many sexually appealing and well-groomed American ladies - this is just the common opinion of men going East looking for a wife. Yeah, about East… When the whole territory of the Soviet Union was hidden behind the iron curtain, many Americans have turned their gazes to the very open Philippines, Thailand and other exotic oriental countries. They brought narrow-eyed beauties back home, had their babies and now worry from time to time about white population of America being rapidly assimilated by the yellow race. Especially taking into consideration all Chinese, who had promptly left their country during Mao dze Dun reign, and neighbors-Mexicans constantly flooding USA in search of better job and better life, and who are not all that white either.

Frank Colleman has very well expressed this idea in his book To Russia for Love. He went to Russia several times, starting from the first so-called "socials" in the early 90s, until he found a great Russian woman Tatiana and brought her back to his native Oklahoma. He wrote simply "I want my kid to look like my kid." J And that's it. Russian sexuality is already legendary in the West, beauty of our women is valued all over the world and for good reason! Talking about this could take ages, but I don't want to bore you. I hope something got clearer now, at least a bit? Good luck in searching for your love and happiness!

Posted by LC at 05:16 PM | TrackBack

Where is YOUR place in global markets? Internet dating and globalization

Internet has changed our world fast and forever.

The whole world is watching �American Idol�, �Survivor� and �Friends�, listening to Eminem and Britney Spears, admiring �The Lord Of The Rings� and �Titanic�, and reading the latest New York bestsellers.

We wear Malaysian-made jeans, Korean-made running shoes and our kids play with Chinese-made toys.

When you call to a tall-free number, someone in India, via Internet, handles your call.

Jobs are increasingly shipped overseas where companies can save thousands of $$$ using discrepancies in the income level. Why pay someone $100 per hour for a programming job when you can pay $20 per hour to someone in Eastern Europe and have the job done just as well?

Whether you like it or not, you are a part of global markets!

You can either be the object of globalization, the passive element of the world growing smaller -- or you can jump on the opportunity and become the subject and the user.

Those opportunities are everywhere!

You might be astounded to find an offshore company that can handle your website needs for a fraction of the money you are paying to your current employees!

Even if you do most of the work yourself, you might be in better off paying somebody overseas to save your valuable time for something that no one but you can perform.

And not only business-like!

Your business may be run by other people but there are certain things in your life that only YOU can do; one of them is finding a love partner.

Global markets are on this one, too!

International romance is no longer something people or newspapers are interested in talking about; it�s kind of ordinary. Every day thousands people are chatting to somebody overseas via online dating sites. If you ever grow tired of your local dating market, you can always explore new global markets where you can score more!

The demographics of a particular country may provide an exciting opportunity for you to meet a partner of better quality than is available for you at home.

Men to women ratios differ dramatically between the countries.

For example, the latest figures from The Economist show that in United Arab Emirates there are 186 males for 100 females! It�s clear the competition for eligible females should be stiff there. If you are a single guy, getting a woman would be hard in Emirates!

The lowest men to women ratios are in Eastern Europe, with countries like Russia and Ukraine having only 88 males for 100 females. There the situation is exactly the opposite way around: eligible bachelors are more precious than gold.

The latest Russian census provided astounding figures of 10 million more women than men! No wonders modern Russian women utilize global markets and seek love and romance elsewhere!

So if you were a single male, exploring your dating options in Russia would make the perfect sense.

Global markets not only influence the economy on a wide scale; they also affect people�s personal lives. One can choose to be a passive element of globalization, or an active user of the new exciting opportunities offered by it.

What is YOUR place in global markets?

By Elena Petrova
Posted by LC at 05:10 PM | TrackBack

Sexy, beautiful, intelligent and educated women� Mail Order Brides!

There is no single man who would not want to meet a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, educated, fit, stylish and sexy.

All men want a girlfriend like this!

The problem is there are not many girls possessing those qualities that are unattached and available. Girls like this usually have a string of admirers and an attitude. You might even think they are out of your league.

Think again!

In your country, this may be true� But the world is so much bigger than that! In some countries, things are exactly the opposite way around: there is a huge shortage of nice, intelligent and stable single men!

Take Eastern Europe for example: the latest statistics from The Economist show that in places like Russia and Ukraine there are only 88 men for 100 women! In Russia alone, there are 10 million more women than men!

It means there are TEN MILLION WOMEN that will NEVER find a partner!

Historically, during 20th century, women in Russia always outnumbered men, with World War 2 that took lives of 20 million Soviet people, and other 20 million people that died in Stalin�s concentration camps. 90% of them were men.

At that time, for a Russian woman, simply having a man was a blessing!

This created a unique situation between the genders where women were forced to perfect their looks in order to find and keep a mate.

Check Russian dating sites: you will find there thousands beautiful girls that are looking for a partner: well groomed, fashionable and stylish, they will leave you breathless.

Read about their education and you will be stunned: most of them possess advanced university degrees.

Don�t be surprised: about 60% of people in Russia have college or university degrees, others have completed at least 2-year professional training. The system of professional education was inherited from the Soviet times, where young people were required to attend professional training after completing the mandatory high school qualification. They don�t have equivalents of associate or honors degrees, and the person has to complete at least 4-year degree, or they don�t receive ANY qualification. This is how the state convinces young people to complete their studies. (By the way, education and medical are still f*r*e*e in Russia.)

On Russian dating sites, you will find thousands women that are beautiful, intelligent, educated, fit, stylish and sexy � and at the same time unattached and available.

And they are looking for nice, intelligent and stable guys - just like you!

The bad news is, you will never be able to meet them�


Because you never look at Russian dating sites. You have this attitude that �mail order brides� are something a decent man will never consider: it is only desperate losers that would look for a partner at such sites. You read in press horror stories about �mail order brides� and this phrase is strongly connected in your mind with such topics as violence, abuse, sexual exploitation, trafficking in women and immigration scams. You believe that men that seek wives abroad simply cannot find anybody in their own country and seek obedient, submissive wives. Do you?

Well, then you are for a wake up call. There is no such a thing as �Russian mail order brides� � no more than there is Santa Claus!

There are Russian women seeking suitable partners. Those women are not desperate to leave their country and are proud of their inheritance and culture. They are educated, intelligent, and smart. They are not going to become intimate submissives or maids. They will not tolerate infidelity or abuse. They truly seek SUITABLE partners and will not jump on anybody, just to get out of their misery.

In fact, they do NOT consider their life miserable! On her average salary, a Russian woman can afford to attend live performances and beauty saloons a few times a month, buy best-selling books, latest fashion and Italian shoes.

Actually, I used to have much more exciting life in Russia with overseas vacations and quality entertainment than I have now, living in the west!

The same is applicable to many Russian women seeking partners abroad. They are articulate, sophisticated, well read and well traveled.

P.S. Personally, I hate this label �mail order brides�. I believe it is a disgrace to imply a human being can be ordered as an item, and the sacred companionship of marriage may be purchased as an electrical toothbrush from mail order catalog.

C�mon guys! So called �mail order brides� services do not sell women. They sell access to contact information of their members, that�s it � just like you join a local singles club and they give you contact details of people that may be interested in meeting you. Russian dating agencies also have socials like speed dating services where interested men and women can meet each other. Only men and women, themselves, decide whom they want to date. You cannot buy a bride!

It is 21st century, pals!

Wake up � and smell the roses! :-))

By Elena Petrova
Posted by LC at 04:52 PM | TrackBack