LoveCompass Online Dating Weblog: Dating Tips Archives

April 05, 2005

How To Read A Guy’s Online Dating Profile

By Jason Jordan

It's hard enough to tell if a guy you meet in a club or at the grocery store is someone you want to date, let alone have a serious relationship with. When you're meeting a man online, it's even harder, since you can't hear the tone of his voice or see his body language—key clues to whether he's telling the truth. To separate the good guys from the creeps and save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted coffee dates, here are "8 Rules" to keep in mind to find a good date or maybe a soulmate online:

1.He is not Prince Charming. No matter how hot he looks in his pictures, no matter how successful he is or how smart he is or how much he says he loves his mother, the guy you are looking at on your computer screen is not Prince Charming, and he is not perfect. Not that there aren't some great guys online, there are. But all men have some bumps and warts. It's not a question of whether you're going to find them, it's a question of when.

2.If he sounds like a jerk, he probably is. Writing an essay for an online dating profile brings out the natural tendencies in a man's personality. If a guy sounds pushy in his essays, like he's mainly focused on himself and what he wants, evades the questions, and puts up narcissistic pictures, it's a pretty good bet he's not going to treat you with the respect you deserve. Unless you're into open shirts and over-sized gold medallions, move on.

3.If he sounds like a nerd, he is a nerd. The opposite is also true. If a guy is very shy or overly flowery in his profile, makes excuses for why he's on the site, comes across as totally plain and boring, and sounds like he's just trying to please people, expect him to be less confident, less social, and less fun in real life. It’s tempting to think, "Well, he sounds shy in his essay, but maybe that's just his profile. I bet he's fun in real life." He's probably not.

4.Always see a couple clear pictures before meeting. These days, everyone can get access to a decent digital camera. If he says he doesn't have pictures to put up yet, wait until he does, or move on. If he puts up only a single picture, or pictures that look old or are out of focus, be skeptical. Attractive guys have more than a few good pictures to post. If they don't, expect the worst.

5.Give a guy a break. While it's important to read profiles closely and be careful about who you meet online and how you meet them, don't be overly critical of a guy in his profile. Not everyone is a born writer and not everyone loves to brag about themselves on a web site for the whole world to see. As you're reading his profile, try to get a sense of whether he is basically the kind of guy you might like or might grow to like over time. If there are no obvious warning signs, take the next step and IM or talk by phone.

6.Always talk or IM before you meet. There is a limit to what you can tell about a guy from an online dating profile. He might have worked on his essays for weeks or even gotten someone else to write them for him. By IM’ing or talking on the phone you start to get a much better sense of what his personality is really like and whether you are compatible, and then you can decide if you want to meet.

7.If you have a bad feeling about him, don't meet. There is a lot you don't know about people online. Trust your instincts. If a guy says something in an email or on the phone that gives you a bad feeling, or makes you think he might be hiding something, don't meet him and break off communications. There are literally millions of great guys out there--there is no reason to waste your time or take an unnecessary chance to meet someone who might be dangerous.

8.Don't Get Your Hopes Up. No matter what you think you read in their profile, no matter how many butterflies you thought you felt when you talked on the phone, remember—you really don't have any idea if you're going to hit it off with a guy until you meet. And no matter how awesome you think your date is going, you have no idea if he is going to call you again until he actually does. Some guys will lie to be polite or to try to score on a first date. Don’t get your hopes up too soon and you won’t be disappointed.

Jason Jordan is co-founder of TrueDater.com, a free web site where online daters can share information and reviews of people they have met on other dating sites.

Posted by LC at 04:18 PM | TrackBack

March 03, 2005

Tips for Your First Date

Making the date

Make the first date a casual and short one for coffee or light lunch. Unless you are really comfortable, avoid dinner date. Set the time which you can keep. Changing the first date gives the wrong impression.

Although your objective is finding a new lover or friend, you don’t really know this person. Safety should be an important consideration. Always set up the first date at a public place where there are a lot of other people and you should be able to get away at will if you so desire. Let a friend or relative know about this date—time and place as well as whom you are meeting.

Before the Date:

You want your date to be natural, but you also want to appear interesting. Update yourself with current events, topics, new movies, books, and music, etc. If you regularly read newspapers and magazines, you are already prepared. Have some topics in mind in case you need to initiate a new conversation topic.

Wear clean and stylish cloths, and gloom yourself a bit—to show the better side of you. But do not overdress or over-gloom—you may not look natural or you may even scare your date away.

Do not accept ride to and from the meeting place from your date. You should arrange your own transportation until you become very comfortable. Do not include your children or friends in the date—you will have opportunities to do so later.

Bring some money, and offer to pay for your meal, etc. But if your date offers to pay, do not over-insist on paying for yourself.

When you meet that person:

Whether you are a man or woman, confidence makes you more attractive. Feel confident, be friendly, maintain your sense of humor and be light hearted. If you need to ease any nervousness, tell yourself “If it does not work out, it’s not the end of the world. There are thousands of others to date.” Being at ease with the situation will greatly enhance your ability to handle the date. Remember that the other side is just as anxious. You are more attractive when you are natural, honest and be yourself.

Call your date by her or his name, make frequent eye contacts and generally be warm—these gestures will make your date more comfortable and show the real her or him.

Most importantly, DO NOT TALK TOO MUCH. Usually nervous people tend to talk a lot. Let your date talk more than you do. Your date will feel it was a successful rendezvous, and you will have more opportunity to observe if this person is for you. Be honest about what you say. Listen to what he or she says with interest. Find something positive about your date, and compliment him or her. Stay away from heavy or controversial topics (politics and religion among them) at the first date. Upon completion, thank him/her for the date, but do not offer or promise to call unless you really mean it.

From:www.askout.com

Posted by LC at 10:00 AM | TrackBack

March 02, 2005

Dating tips step by step

Your personal image.

It only takes 4 seconds to make that first impression - seventy five percent of this is based on how you look whereas only two percent is based on what you say.

Sending out the right signals is vitally important. If you do not you will attract the wrong individual for you and the main idea of dating is attracting!

How you attract people is by conveying a correct and positive image that is a true indication of who you are. False messages will mean that you come across as false.

Everything you wear is a statement and reflects your self-image. People have psychological responses to your personal image and evaluate whom you are, what you do and what your interests may be all from how you look.

Understanding who you are
1. Work out your perceived value and then raise it by twenty points. Everyone has a market value, based on a combination of things like their looks, emotional literacy, income and sense of humour. You need to get really honest with yourself about your score out of 100. If you’re shooting for someone who’s more than 20 points out of your league you better upgrade yourself or prepare for misery.

Projecting who you are
1. Get out more. Triple your dates. If you’re serious about finding your perfect partner then it has to become a mission. Leaving it to fate may work for some people but it’s a very risky strategy that can go badly wrong. It’s important to get at least as serious as you would about looking for a great house to buy or a new career.

2. Face your fear
If you’re getting lots of exposure and no luck there’s something wrong. Get help. Learn to use your assets. You need to find out how you are getting in your own way both consciously and unconsciously. Do you need to learn how to appear more relaxed? Do you need to finesse your flirting? If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you always got.

3. Cultivate a love for life not just flashy dating skills.
It’s no good finding Mr or Miss Right if you’ve got nothing to keep the connection going. A flashy smile and a great body will only get you so far. They score very highly in terms of initial attraction but people are desperate for depth and connection. If you can uncover your love for life you’re more likely to find a lover for life.

4. Be the center of attention
Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the centre of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and internationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...) If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenders tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies. Dating patterns 1 Take out your trash.
You already have a relationship history that can tell you everything you need to know about why you’re not already in a long term, committed relationship. Make the time to observe the patterns you repeat in relationships as they are based on your past. If you’ve got any insecurity, fear or even desperation, it shows and needs to be dealt with. If you don’t complete your past you are doomed to repeat it.

2. Is this a romance or just a bit of raunch?
Know that the context a relationship begins in will generally determine its future. If you start out with a fling and then it becomes a more serious romance you need to know that at the first sign of trouble it’s very likely that one partner, will say something like "Oh well, it was only a fling, time to move on."

3. Pay attention to chemistry.
For a long term relationship to flourish you need three pieces of chemistry. You need best friend chemistry, you need sexual chemistry and you need practical chemistry. The last one is often overlooked, ideally you live in the same part of the country, you keep the same kind of hours and you’re both available for the relationship you want.

4. Listen out for your warning bells.
It’s very easy to waste months or even years in a relationship you know just won’t work in the long term. These are the ‘better than being alone’ types. Listen to your intuition, what do you know right now is going to be a problem a year or even three years from now. If it can be fixed now would be a good time to get started. Be discerning, relationships are easy to get into and yet, like a bullet wound, very messy on the way out.

5. Chuck out the checklist.
Whilst it’s important to know exactly what it is you need to be true in your perfect partner a list can become a liability. It’s important to work out what is essential as opposed to just a luxury. You’d be amazed at how many women are limiting their life looking for taller men. Be open to surprises in unpredictable packages.

6. Take it slowly.
Slow down, for most of us, things get a lot more complicated as soon as you start having penetrative sex. It makes much more sense to get to really know someone.

Body language

1. First Impressions
Boring but true, you have four seconds to make an impact and let the other person know you’re someone they want to spend more time with. We process so much information subconsciously that you really must make an effort to sort out your first impression. If you’re unsure about how you are perceived ask your friends to tell you the truth. Aim to smile brightly and pay the person a compliment as a starting point. Consider using a tooth whitener such as Pearldrops to ensure a dazzling smile.

2. Quality
Quality indicates how much you value yourself. Choose natural fabrics rather than made-made, a good cut garment and ...up your budget - although this does not guarantee better quality, you have a better chance of creating an impression that you care about yourself and therefore you care for your date too.

3. Authority
Authority indicates your status. Making a statement by wearing authoritative items will give you more credibility and make you appear more confident and capable. Items that project authority include a jacket, a belt, jewellery, make-up, shoes and a bag. Plus your accessories such as a mobile, wallet and a diary. Ensure you invest more in these items and incorporate them into your look. Your date will be impressed.

4. Grooming
Grooming – This indicates your respect for yourself and others. Avoid looking like you have just had a real hard day at the office or just come from the gym. Brushing your hair, cleaning your teeth, washing your face and touching up the make-up, will be appreciated. This is an intimate experience when you will be talking up close and personal with your date.

5. Work to date
From work to date – Unless you feel your work wardrobe reflects you as a person, change your clothes! A suit can appear too formal for some and as if you are fitting the date into your busy schedule. If you cannot change at least take off your tie – this will make you more approachable and open.

6. Finishing touches
Finishing Touches – What would you like others to know most about you? Think of that and add a finishing touch to your outfit that you feel reflects this. E.g. a joker – a comic slogan top; a glamour kitten – some glitzy eye shadow; a creative – an unusual texture or pattern.

7. Be the center of attention
Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the centre of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and internationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...)

If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenders tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.

8. Body talk that reels 'em in
How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex? If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life."

In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. " Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say.

For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive.

Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.

9. The power of a smile
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."

From:www.datemakeover.com

Posted by LC at 12:17 PM | TrackBack

March 01, 2005

Make your first dates

... Make your first dates and your life more spicy with the help of our dating tips, first date ideas, dating advice and first date tips. Interesting ideas for everyone.

Go to the movie
This is a terrific first date idea. Everybody likes watching movies. It's fun, entertaining, and it is not necessary to be alone with the person. There is even a posibility to save your money. You could go on a cheap day of the week for example. The only problem is that you can't talk during the show. On the other hand it makes a great first date for those people who are too shy. Comedies are a sure winner since everyone likes to laugh and it's a great conversation piece for afterwards.

Romantic Dinner
You can make a classic first date. You will have to spend some money for this date but it can help you to make for a romantic evening. If you want to get to know someone more intimately then this is the best way to do it. The main problem is that you will have to make up some topics to talk about for an extended period of time beforehand. If this is a problem for you then I suggest you ask your friends to help you. You could ask friends of opposite sex for a piece of advice about what to say, how to behave etc.

Dances
This is one of the most popular first dates.It is inexpensive, then you can have fun dancing and also have great conversations. Finaly, you will be surrounded by the people you are familiar with so it will make things much more comfortable. This is a great first/second date idea that can be used either by a girl or a guy.

Go to the Zoo
This is one of the greatest ideas for a first date. It's inexpensive, fun and a great conversation piece. You can make up lots of things to talk about while doing through all the different exhibits.

Parties
If you both know the person who is hosting the party or if you both know some other people who will be there it will turn out to be one of the best meetings in your life. If there aren't any parties around you could create one yourself? You can have a video party, beer party or even have a pizza party where everyone can make or bring their own pizza. You could combine such party with a picnic in the open air if the weather is good enough.

From:www.love-making-tips.com

Posted by LC at 10:22 AM | TrackBack

February 28, 2005

5 Body Language Tips

Apparently communication weighs more on HOW you say something, versus the content of your words. Now don’t overstep and assume that you can be the next Pootietang here people. Body language is a huge factor that influences both how other people will react to you, and how you will react to yourself. Here are 5 quick tips to improve your body language.

1.Smile. A frown can be the most expensive thing you own, so unless you look like a gap toothed Hillbilly, then flash those pearly whites and make your orthodontist proud. A smile is very hard to resist. Also, if ever you are feeling blue, try smiling like a huge dork for 30 seconds. You’ll be amazed by the result.

2.Maintain good eye contact without burning holes into someone. good eye contact involves maintaining a constant gaze, without making you look like a hypnotist. As a bonus, if you have trouble looking someone in the eye, look at their lower forehead instead. They’ll never know the difference.

3.Focus 100% on the person you are currently speaking with. The leggy blond will still be there when you are done chatting up Dave from the mail room. This will make them feel important, and you seem like a master of the game.

4.Practice Pleasant Posture. I think this is ingrained from way back in the monkey days, when the first to stand up straight broke the chain and continued the progression of the species. If you don’t want to look like an ape, stand up straight you lazy bum. As hokey as it sounds, you can practice by walking around the house with a small paperback book on your head. Also, doing crunches will also tighten your midsection, giving you added incentive to not lurch over.

5.Keep your gestures under control. Unless you are an interpreter for a school for the blind, you don’t need to flap your arms like a chicken in a hurricane every time you speak. Try using soft, controlled motions to help accentuate your main ideas, and to convey understanding. Great examples of gestures can be found by watching a political debate.

dankoleary.squarespace.com

Posted by LC at 09:17 AM | TrackBack

February 24, 2005

Ways To Show Your Love

This list is designed to be a quick check for you to review. Use it to give yourself ideas to maintain your relationship, to give it a positive boost or just simply for some ideas. Print this list off and give it to your partner and then take it in turns, fulfilling what each other wants from the list.

1.Hug her/him.

2.Write a love note.

3.Call her/him at work just to say "Hi."

4.Give a foot massage.

5.Tell a joke.

6.Caress her/him with slow gentle strokes.

7.Go for a walk with her/him.

8.Admit your mistakes.

9.Say: "I love you."

10.Indulge a whim.

11.Listen to her/him talk about an interest of hers/his.

12.Be trustworthy.

13.Instead of complaining, tell her/him what you would prefer.

14.Look at her/him when you're in a discussion.

15.Send her/him flowers. (They're not just for us girls.)

16.Compliment something she/he did.

17.Offer to help.

18.Ask her/him to show you how to do something.

19.Write a poem about how special she/he is to you.

20.Ask her/him what she'd/he'd like sexually.

21.Take an afternoon drive.

22.Go away together for a weekend holiday.

23.Do something she/he wants to do.

24.Listen to her/him (even if she/he is boring you.)

25.Plan a candlelit dinner.

26.Look at old photos together.

27.Serve her/him breakfast in bed.

28.Take a shower together.

29.Share sexual fantasies.

30.Do a work project together.

31.Give her/him an all over body massage.

32.Plan a picnic lunch.

33.Repeat what she/he says before answering.

34.Send her/him a card.

35.Surprise her/him with a gift.

36.Cook her/his favorite meal.

37.Put on some romantic music.

38.Put together a compilation tape of both your favorite songs.

39.Ask for her/his opinion.

40.Ask her/him how he feels.

41.Let her/him know when you are proud of her/him.

42.Invite her/him to a secret rendezvous.

43.Listen openly to her/his opposing opinion.

44.Watch her/his favourite TV programme with her/him.

45.Watch a sunset together.

46.Play a game together.

47.Have her/him teach you something he/she knows.

48.Go to a movie of his/her choice.

49.Meet him/her for lunch.

50.Let him/her know you care.

From:www.luvsource.com

Posted by LC at 11:42 AM | TrackBack

February 23, 2005

How to overkome shyness

Overcoming Rejection
Are you too shy regarding the first step? Are you afraid of failures? Then the dating tips below can help.

Practice
If you suffer from being alone, then ANY practice is better than no practice. Go and speak with old Grandmas in trams. Any practice is better than none. If you go shopping then go to the female cashier instead of the male and say "Hello" to her. Ask 20 women in a row "Where is the next Coca Cola factory?" or "What time is it?". Just random girls who pass by. After a little practice you can even start to say "Hello" to beautiful women on the street.

Make rejection your Goal
How can you survive a "turn-down" and a "failure of dating"?

Since a woman sitting alone in a bar is asked probably 10 times per night for a date she can (and will) turn you down easily (without further thought) while it may be very bitter FOR YOU.

Now there IS a strategy to work around this devastating experience: You should WANT to be rejected. This may sound strange but is one of the most effective strategies: Make it your goal to be turned down at least 10 times per night. Laugh at rejections. Treat them as sport (you can not always win, can you?).

You can even continue to keep this "goal to fail" during advanced stages of a dating (= when already talking, when going home with her, etc).

Let me make this clear for you: You WILL get rejected in about 90%-95% of the cases. But it's not because of YOU it's simply because how things work. After you are more experienced that figure may drop.

You could even "start a night" with the prettiest girls around. Get rejected. Try with less pretty girls. And so on.

Double Rejection
You can even refine Make rejection your goal: Go out with another single male and as each one of you gets rejected you have a lot to talk and laugh about. And, boy, can rejections be fun! And they surely are experiences.

After all, if you think about it, whether something is good or bad it's all a Point of View.

No date, no rejection
You can overcome dating failures by NOT TRYING TO PICK UP a girl. Why don't you just start a small talk for the sake of a small talk? Just say "Hello, do you like cats?" or anything similar "unrelated to dating". Talk to her about... stuff. Don't be romantic. Just talk as if to a boy. This is an advice related to An offer a woman cannot refuse.

And by the way: Women love to flirt in a non-sexual way. Just smalltalkin'.

Practice with a no-go partner
This is a side idea to No date, no rejection: You can approach a girl with whom you would never start a dating usually. Just to train how to talk to a woman.

Fear of failure
All rejection fears come down to the Fear of Failure. But how in the world can you be self-confident and able and have less fear of failure if you refuse to practice? Imagine you were afraid to go to the kitchen and to open the fridge and to get a Pepsi. Imagine instead of just doing that you would sit and think and think and think about the horror of failure. There is no sense in that is it?

After all it is you who decides whether you want to look back on "a life full of chances not taken" or "a life with many used opportunities and a few failures".

Women you should avoid
To lower the chances of a rejection you should NOT try to contact these women:

Women who are in a hurry
Women who looked stressed
Women who are upset
Woman who obviously have a boy-friend
Woman who fold their arms
Women who are known to fool men

Don't get me wrong: You can always TRY, because this is merely an advice to reduce the failure rate. If you don't mind about rejections then go ahead and talk to those stressed business women running to catch a taxi...

Please also read Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection.

You can not be liked by everyone
This is a side note to Make Rejection your Goal: It is practically impossible to be liked by 100% of people. Just visit the site AmIAnnoying.com. Compare the most disliked and the most liked celebrities: The most liked celebs are at 40% (= only 40% dislike them). The least liked celebs get 70% (= 70% dislike them, 30% like them)

Here are a few examples:

Usama Bin Ladin: 70% think he is annoying (= 30% think he is not annoying)
Adolf Hitler: 70% think he is annoying
Claudia Schiffer: 70% think she is annoying
Stalin: 70% think he is annoying
Britney Spears: 70% think she is annoying
Jack the Ripper: 70% think he is annoying
Michael Jackson: 70% think he is annoying
George W. Bush: 60% think he is annoying
Paul McCartney: 50% think he is annoying
Led Zeppelin: 40% think the group is annoying
Jesus: 40% think he is annoying

These are just examples, but as you see, WHATEVER YOU DO you don't get below 40% or above 70%.

Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection
Please also accept that THERE ARE legitimate reasons why a girl may reject you:

The girl just married
The girl has a boy-friend with whom she is happy
The girl has several lovers and doesn't need more
The girl has an incurable infectious disease
The girl has current body pains
The girl is a lesbian
The girl has religious reasons (e.g. she's a Jehova's witness and marries only other Jehovah's witnesses)
The girl has ethnical reasons (e.g. her parents are Turkish and only allow Turkish boy-friends)
The girl doesn't like you (yes, it's her right to like or dislike people at her own request)
You remind her of somebody she deeply dislikes. Ok, this is probably not a legitimate reason per se, but understandable.
...

Thus if she rejects you IT DOES NOT mean that it's YOUR fault. Yes, she might be a bit unfriendly (or maybe she doesn't anything at all), but the above reasons are legitimate for a rejection.

In other words #1:
Every guy (no matter how good looking) gets rejected from time to time.

In other words #2:
It's a number's game. The more girls you ask the more you can date.

In other words #3:
Move on. When she's not interested then it means..... she's not interested. No more than that.

In other words #4:
If you don't move on and try and try to convince her then you not only break some of the rules of this site, but you also run straight into a rejection... and you're the only one to blame.

Please also read Women you should avoid.

Reasons for shyness
Please read You can not be liked by everyone and Make Rejection your Goal and No date, no rejection first.

There are 2 main reasons for shyness/ lack of self-confidence: 1) You are afraid what others think of you 2) You are afraid of a failure

Reasons 1 & 2 can be "trained away".
1) Don't give a damn what others think of you. As long as you don't behave like the last Neanderthal jerk you shouldn't be afraid of anything. You won't see most of the women you fail to pick up ever again anyway (unless you live in a small village). So why worrying? Moreover if you are friendly and well behaving then there is no reason why she should scare you off. She will be friendly, too. If she is unfriendly for no reason then you learned enough about her to not date her anyway.

2) Imagine the worst failure there can be and realize that it isn't that bad even if it came true. You can train with another male single to reject you. You play the game of "Asking and Rejecting". You try to pick him up and he rejects you. Once you get used to get rejected it feels less painful. If you don't have anybody to train, then write down "rejection quotes" (see Rejection Quotes) and realize they are just words.

Think of that too: Most men are shy but they took action nevertheless. So what was the difference between you (shy) and them (shy)? The action! What is the difference between you (shy) and the jerk (who has a girlfriend)? The action!

Stop thinking about having a girl-friend and get one!

Rejection Quotes
Read the following female rejection quotes and realize they are just words. These quotes are about anything that can happen to you. Be prepared to hear them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.

"No thank you"
"Sorry, you're not my type"
"I have a boy-friend"
"Get off"
"Get off, you moron"
"You? Never!!"
"Shut up"
"Don't waste your time"
"Don't waste my time"
"No thanks, you are ugly!"
"No way"
"Phew!"
"Everybody has wishes"
"Fuck you"
"No, not with you"
"You can ask my dog. Maybe he will take you"
"Don't even dare!"
"Grow a bit more and come back later"
"If you were the last man on earth I wouldn't date you"
"Sorry, but I am concentrating on my career"
"Don't even try"
"You stink"
"Fuck off"
"Are you a man or a woman?"
"Get me a beer and get off"
"Sorry, I am not in the right mood for this"
"Sorry, I am not THAT kind of girl"
"Hey, girls, look at him"
"Oh, god, not again"
"Do I look like I would hang out with guys like you?"
"Go to Jerry Springer, you freak"
"With you? Why should I?"
"I don't date co-workers"
"Yeah, but I don't like YOU"
"It's not you. It's me"
"Would you please leave me alone"
"Where did they let YOU out?"
"I don't date neighbors"
"No, I just want to have friendly relationship. I need a friend not a lover"
"You're too old" "You're 20 years too old"
"You're too young"
"You're not my age"
"With you? Look at you!"
"You are too fat"
"YOU come to a girl like ME? Don't you have eyes in your head?"
"Sorry, I just talk to pretty men"
"My life is too complicated right now."
"Is here any nest where jerks like you come out?"
"You are too skinny"
"I just split up. I need some time out"
"I am a lesbian" "Sorry, mate, I am gay"
"You men suck"
"You wish"
"I don't date idiots"
"I don't date guys like you"
"You're so ugly"
"One more word and I call security"
"I hate men"
"I can't stand men like you"
...

All the above statements can be accompanied by gestures and facial expressions and emotional flows. Realize they are just gestures/emotional flows. Be prepared to see/feel them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.

Judging you disgusted from head to toe
Shaking her head
Making a disgusted face
Making a funny face (= you are an idiot)
Sending you away with a hand movement
Showing her palm (= stop)
Showing you her middle finger
"Sending" you a "being disgusted" flow
"Sending" you a "don't want you near" flow
"Sending" you a "bad luck wish" flow
Tipping her head with her forefinger (= you are an idiot)
Blowing cigarette smoke into your face
Wetting you with her drink on purpose
Showing you her tongue disgustingly
Making invalidating/devaluing noises
Running off to her friends and telling what an idiot you are and laughing at you
...

Please also read You can not be liked by everyone.

Important: If you have more rejection quotes then send them in!!

From:www.100-dating-tips.com

Posted by LC at 11:45 AM | TrackBack

February 17, 2005

TOP DATING PHOTO BLUNDERS

The following no-nonsense list was compiled from interviews with long-time online daters and the business executives and support staff of several major online dating services. What's the bottom line? The single most important part of online dating is how you handle the simple act of representing yourself with photos.

1.Not posting a photo at all. Not posting a photo at all is arguably the most serious mistake. You must have something to hide if your photo is a blank space. Trust us, everyone thinks so. And that jaundiced phrase "ask for my picture" is sounding pretty lame these days. Describing yourself in words is lame, too.

2.Posting a photo that is more than 2 or 3 years old. If you are too much older than your picture you've committed the sin of "age shaving" online. This is guaranteed to put your relationship on shaky ground from the start and is usually an instant "deal breaker." Ever wonder why that second date never happens? It's a sure bet they won't tell you if you "age shaved".

3.Is that little figure in the background you? See # 1. If your image is so small you can't be seen clearly you must be butt-ugly or have something to hide. Lame. Get a real photo of yourself. We've already seen Yosemite - in person.

4.Compromising by using a photo with a strange or goofy expression. If the only fairly close up, kinda' clear picture you have of yourself looks like you just smelled something unmentionable, it's time for a better photo. Even prose by Shakespeare in your profile can't overcome the awful first impression created by a drunken, or worse, that dreaded "deer in headlights" look.

5.Is that you - or is the one on the left you - or is the one in the background you? Why are you kissing that strange-looking man on the cheek? Who is that man with his hand on your ass? Are those your parents? If we have to guess or if you have to explain it in your profile text, it's too late. Try to avoid posting a photo with more people than you in it, especially if the other person(s) are of the opposite sex, even if you think the photo of you is good.

6.Take off those sunglasses. See #1. Going incognito are we? Playing Joe Hollywood? Wearing sunglasses just suggests you have something to hide.

7.You at the party, head tossed back in laughter, beer in hand, having so much fun you make us puke. It's not that we believe that you get drunk and party 5 nights a week, but why should we take the chance.

8.Trusting your mother or brother to tell you which photos you should use online. Your mother thinks even your goofiest picture looks absolutely charming. Your view is biased, too. That favorite photo that you think looks really, really good might not. Instead, ask someone of the opposite sex who you find attractive which photos you should use online. That's the single most accurate measure of your photo's effectiveness. Why? Because when you post your photo online, you'll be impressing just such people - or not impressing them - a thousand times a day.

9.Showing too much skin. This will get you just the wrong responses if you're a woman, and usually no responses at all if you're a man. There are exceptions, but not many.

10.Using your crappy snapshots because you think using professional photos is "cheating". Using professional quality photos is the first thing online dating experts suggest you do if you take your online dating seriously. You certainly don't trust your health, your vision or even your haircut to an amateur. So why trust your online image to one? Making a lasting first impression with professional photos is a sensible way to put your best face forward.

From:www.lookbetteronline.com

Posted by LC at 10:40 AM | TrackBack

February 15, 2005

First Mails and Dates

How do you start off an email love affair? What do you talk about on a first date? Whilst first impressions do count, long term success relies on getting to know each other. The problem for many of us is the inane way we date. Going to a movie for a first date whilst easy, may leave you feeling a bit empty. After 2 hours of sitting in the dark, chances are you'll still be in the dark about your prospective new partner.

The best way to get to know someone is to talk to them and get them to talk about themselves. Here's our top ten list of things to discuss (they may reveal a lot more than you expected!):

1. Whom do you admire? Why?
2. Tell me about your family: is there anything you would have changed?
3. What, if anything, is your most prized possession?
4. What's your greatest achievement?
5. Is there anything you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?
6. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
7. What's your greatest strength? ... and weakness?
8. What makes you angry or depressed?
9. What type of relationship are you looking for?
10. Where would you like to live?

Take it easy, with just one or two questions per email or date - you don't want to it to sound like an interrogation. Good luck.

From:ananzi.matchmaker.co.za

Posted by LC at 03:22 PM | TrackBack

February 08, 2005

Safety Tips for Online Dating

Online dating is a great way to meet many new people in a short period of time. But before you venture into the world of cyberdating, check out these five tips to be safe:

1.Show Patience
You may be anxious to start a new relationship but that doesn't mean you should rush into meetings with strangers. Take the time to make sure you're ready to move from the online world to an offline encounter.

2.Talk on the Phone
There's no need to jump from online chats to a face-to-face meeting. Use the phone as an additional checkpoint. You can tell a lot about people by their mannerisms on the phone. If your gut says something is amiss, call-off the get-together.

3.Ask for a Photo
While some people may go so far as to send a fake photo, in most cases you'll get the real deal.If something creeps you out about the face, leave it at that and move on to the next potential mate.

4.Choose a Safe Place
If you decide to meet face-to-face, be sure to pick a safe location, full of people, and familiar to you. Most predators will avoid taking action in broad daylight, surrounded by people.

5.Use Common Sense
It may sound obvious, but if you feel something is not right, listen to your gut and get out of the situation. Use your common sense to make good decisions and you'll lean toward meeting the right people.

Following these five tips will let you maximize your enjoyment of online sites while also minimizing your chances of a mishap.

From:dating.about.com

Posted by LC at 08:17 AM | TrackBack

February 07, 2005

Dating Tips for the Single Parent

...

Q: Dear April,

I'm newly divorced and dating a great guy (at least he seems great after five dates). Things seem to be progressing so quickly — I'm excited but also wary. He has a daughter, and he wants me and my son to go to a movie with him and his daughter, but I'm not sure if it's too soon to introduce him to my son. I'm afraid my son will think I'm trying to replace his father. Help! Signed, Divorced Mom Dating

A: Dear Divorced Mom Dating, Go slow. Don't introduce anyone you haven't been dating seriously (ie: mutually exclusively) for under six months, to your son. It's okay to let your son know you're dating. But let him know that this is grown up fun. Not a family affair. And stick to that. If things do go well, and there comes an appropriate time to introduce Mr. Right to your son, keep in mind that you know you're not replacing junior's dad. No one will replace his dad. If you know that, it'll be easier for your son and your boyfriend to "get it." You are (or may be), however, adding a lovely man to the mix, if in fact, at some point you decide to "add" him, to yours and your son's life. Just because you're divorced, doesn't mean you're broken. And neither is your son. Read more on this subject in "Parent Trapped".

Here's a few things to keep in mind:

1. You will never replace your child's dad. Whether you're in love or hate with your child's father, he is your child's dad. Don't denigrate him. If you denigrate the dad, you denigrate the child. Allow your child, and yourself, the notion that his father will always be his father. Read Dating After Divorce for more tips and suggestions on dating as a divorcee. 2. You may add a man to his life who is icing on the many layered cake. If you find happiness with another man, your child will be happy for you and for himself. If the child is jealous, it's because they are afraid that you will be taken away from them by this new person. It's a reasonable fear. And a good reason to go slow. Life changes, but usually for the good. 3. You don't have to feel guilty about adding a man to your life, and your child's. Your child will take the good from the different adults in his life. This new man may add some wonderful assets to all of your lives. Relax. Having an extended family doesn't mean yours was broken, and is now fixed. It's just what it is.

From:www.askapril.com

Posted by LC at 04:26 PM | TrackBack

February 03, 2005

Conversation Starters For First Dates

On first dates conversation can be uncomfortably slow at times. You don't know much about the person and you have no history with them so it can be difficult to find things to talk about. Add a little bit of nervousness and tension to the situation and things are downright awkward.

This article will give you a few ideas to help you start great conversations on a date with people that you may not know very well. But first, it's important to understand a few things about socializing on dates.

People like to talk about themselves! Most of us would rather talk about our life than listen to someone else talk about theirs. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just human nature. With that in mind the conversation starters I give you later in this article purposely focus the conversation on the other person.

It's a good idea to keep all conversation positive--never bring up negative things like death. It's also wise to avoid controversial subjects like religion, politics, and abortion until you get to know the person better.

Try desperately to keep away from all "canned" conversations like, "So, what do you do?" or, "Where are you from?" This stuff is important to know later on (maybe the second or third date) but it makes you seem dull and unoriginal... not the kind of image you want to portray on the first date.

Here are some good conversation starters that focus the conversation on the other person:

>>> "Have any pets?"

This should start up a lively conversation because people LOVE their pets and LOVE talking about them even more. If they don't have any pets then just move on to something else. Or, you could ask, "Really? Why not?"

>>> "Where did you get that _______?"

Ask them about a specific piece of jewelry or clothing. This conversation starter works particularly well with a really unique piece of jewelry or clothing... something they might be interested in telling the story behind.

>>> "Have you ever ________?"

Ask about something that you are knowledgeable about or enjoy doing. This is a good way to find out if you have common ground. If they do have that interest in common with you then you will have plenty to talk about. If they don't have that interest then just say, "Oh, I see." They will ask, "Why do ask, have you?" Then answer honestly but don't brag and don't go on about it for too long--just move onto something else.

>>> "Do you like sports?"

Men AND women are passionate about sports and all enthusiasts enjoy talking about them. Who knows, you both may enjoy the same sport... why not buy tickets and go to a game for your next date?

>>> "Have you ever been to ________?"

Ask them if they have ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it's a club, restaurant, or amusement park. If they HAVEN'T been there then this is a great way to get a second date... "You haven't been? You don't know what you are missing out on, we have GOT to go..."

All of these conversation starters are centered around topics that have the potential for interesting and exciting conversation.

If you really have trouble with keeping conversation going it may be a good idea to go out on a group date with another couple. This will take most of the pressure off of you two so conversation will flow more easily and naturally.

Good luck. And remember, your date wants to respect you-- don't make it hard for them!

by Brian Caniglia

Posted by LC at 09:09 AM | TrackBack

3 Things every Average Looking Guy must have if he wants to Seduce and Date Stunning Looking Women

Have you ever found yourself in a bar or club, taking a quiet moment to reflect upon why that average looking guy who just walked through the door has a stunning looking woman on his arm?

Does that in any way… get on your nerves, annoy or even anger you?

What is it about that guy… he's not rich and he's no Brad Pitt, so how come he has this gorgeous woman all over him?

Listen up, cause I'm gonna tell you. This guy has three distinct characteristics that magnetically attract women… gorgeous women… like a moth to a flame.

So let's break these characteristics down into these three pieces and examine them. The first thing about this guy, let's call him Bob, is that he is,

Popular!

Everybody likes Bob! People want and like to be around him.

Being important also entitles him to three bonuses and these bonuses are,

• Admiration - people admire Bob, they look up to him for advice, his opinion on things and so on.

• Courtesy - people are always nice to him, like to please him, do things for him and make him happy.

• Trust - people will automatically trust a guy that is deemed admirable.

The second magnetic characteristic about Bob is that he is,

Funny!

Again, because he is funny, people want to be around him. He makes people laugh - everybody loves to laugh.

"Laughter is like chicken soup for the soul."

He knows that by making others laugh, he can break down people's defensive barriers making anybody around him completely warm to him and his personality.

People also want him around, they know that when he's present, he fulfils one of the most important needs that any human being has… the need to be and feel happy!

The third and final thing about Bob is that he is,

Exciting!

Everyday is different. He knows how to enjoy himself. Again, people are drawn to him (see how this keeps popping up), they want to be around him.

He does different stuff. Whatever it may be you can be sure that it's not all 9 - 5, blue shirt, straight laced and tight underpants for this guy.

In fact, I bet he doesn't even need to do much sweet talking at all if he wants to get a woman into bed let alone a first date… Why?… Because most women would fight tooth and nail to be with this guy.

But why?

Well, he's exciting.

Let me ask you, why do most relationships fail… Because couples get bored with each other, sick of doing the same things day in day out.

Bob's different; every day's a different day… remember.

He's funny. Women love to laugh, it makes them feel happy and next to health, what's the most important thing in life?… HAPPINESS!

And now for the biggest secret of all. You see, women love popular guys for two reasons.

The first we all know, it's that whole dominant male thing, it really turns them on.

The second is a secret that nobody knows and I'm gonna tell you right now. Are you ready?… You see, when a woman dates this guy, she also becomes popular - she's the girl who's dating the guy that everybody loves.

And guess what? Because of her position, she is now also entitled to the three bonuses. She is popular, people like her, do things for her, make her feel special, loved, admire her.

Bob's girlfriend now has all her emotional needs taken care of.

You see, Bob's got the whole package. He doesn't need a fancy car, a big house, a swollen bank account, good looks or any of that stuff.

He's appealed to every woman's emotions. If you want to seduce gorgeous women, develop these three characteristics and I bet you women will be chasing you and then the tides will be turned.

To answer your question… that is why Bob, the average looking guy has got a stunning woman clinging to him.

Peace. Richard Fletcher.

Posted by LC at 08:33 AM | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

Will You Marry Me?

There is no other time, than the beginning of a relationship, when couples verbally express their love for each other. This is especially true for wedding proposals.

Proposals and vows are words said to your partner…special statements that summarize the entire relationship. They are significant because once they are said, the course of the relationship changes from casual to serious.

The beauty of proposals and vows is in their brevity. They capture the essence of your love, devotion, and commitment in just a few words.

I Want to Spend The Rest of My Life With You

Because a wedding proposal is a story that will be told and retold, it needs to be done in a way to create a storybook tale of the event. Basically, something that you will be proud to tell people the rest of your lives. Here are some guidelines to help you propose with style:

Choose a meaningful date that is easy to remember, such as Valentine's Day.

Choose a place that has personal meaning, such as the first place you went on a date.

Incorporate details that personalize the history of your relationship.

Plan the proposal for a day that your partner won't be too rushed or stressed to enjoy the moment.

Select a private place, unless you don't mind others watching.

by Nancy Fagan, M.S., ExpertLoveAdvice.com

Posted by LC at 11:02 AM | TrackBack

February 01, 2005

DON’T LET IT BE HIM!

We’ve all been on dates where we met someone to whom we were in some way attracted, had a drink or a meal together, enjoyed each other’s company and have gone home satisfied, ready either to continue seeing each other or say “that was nice, but s/he’s not “The One”. Those dates are no problem. It’s the others, the ones where you get out of your car and see them standing waiting…you do the “Five Second Survey” and find your insides are screaming; “pleeease don’t let it be him/her!” And it is. Those are the difficult dates and the ones we’re going to discuss this month.

So how do we end up in these situations? Don’t we look at a photo before we arrange these dates?

There was never an occasion where I went on a date arranged over the internet where I hadn’t seen a picture of the guy beforehand, but that didn’t stop me from getting that sinking feeling on more than one occasion . I don’t know, maybe the light was good, maybe it was simply a question of photos not capturing those indefinable physical signals that people give off in the flesh, but I was convinced that I’d been sent mugshots of a much better looking brother at least once.

The weird thing was I blamed myself. I felt bad because I realised that I was a shallow person because I set so much store on looks, much more than I’d previously thought. But hey, it’s natural.

So you’re in the car park, s/he’s waiting what do you do?

I’d suggest that you gather your wits, put on your best smile and go meet your date. After all, you’ve both gone out of your way to do this. Exchange a few pleasantries, enter the bar or restaurant and take some time out to do the Ten Minute Monitor. If the Five Second Survey was about animal magnetism, the Ten Minute Monitor is about all your date’s other qualities. How they carry themselves, walk, talk and what about. Does she have a winning smile? Can he make you laugh? Do you share stuff in common? Remember, if you avoid turning this date into a headhunting expedition for someone to share your life for eternity, you’re more likely to relax and simply have a good time hanging out with someone new for a little while.

Talk about the experience of doing this crazy internet dating thing a little. I know the other experts say avoid it , but I think it’s madness to pretend that you just met each other in the normal run of events; acknowledge your scepticism/wonderment/nervousness at the idea of it all, talk a little about what’s happened for you and move on.

Hopefully, you’ve opted to have a drink, with only the possible potential for a meal. That way, if you have to submit to the urge for Early Exit, you can do so without too much face being lost on either side.

By the end of the Ten Minute Monitor, you’ll probably have some idea about where this is all going for you. There’s still probably another 10 minutes left in your drink, but you can use that to think about what you want to do next.

Hopefully, you’ll have decided that you’re having enough fun to want to stick around, but if that Early Exit is calling, you’re going to have to be tough – with both yourself and your date. Don’t resort to stupid tactics like going to the WC and simply disappearing. Be upfront, but vague; “It’s been good to meet you, but I don’t think we’re well suited”. I’m not suggesting this always goes smoothly – you will occasionally come across dates who don’t understand the “rules” of the game and want to argue their case or get dreadfully upset, but just be firm, use that Broken Record and aim to leave soon after finishing that first drink. Remember, you have a social responsibility to be respectful of people’s feelings, but that doesn’t make you responsible for them.

I can’t guarantee that you will feel good at the close of this type of date. Disappointing and being disappointed isn’t likely to make you feel good. However, you will feel that you handled this situation as best you could, with dignity, and feel more able to risk the next date….which will be fine – trust me!!

From:www.theonlinedatingshop.com

Posted by LC at 10:44 AM | TrackBack

January 31, 2005

7 Secrets to Winning the One You Want!

Have you ever felt frustrated trying to get the one you want to want you back? Have you ever felt like the cause was hopeless and there's just nothing you can do to win their heart'

Such frustrations are common. All human beings are subject to them and while there is no way to completely avoid them there is a way through them to success. The way requires a basic understanding of those principles that motivate the human heart in the first place, and a patient application of those principles in the second.

If you will systematically apply those principles in a rationally thought out strategy which has been determined ahead of time, you will ultimately reap the rewards of your efforts.

Applying the principles is up to you, but today I would to share with you a few truths relating to love and romance:

"In Love" is a form of dependency. Therefore, if you want someone to be in love with you, you will have to make up your mind to meet their emotional needs so that they can grow dependent upon you. This includes hundreds of hours of listening to them while they talk and you, for the most part, are just attentively silent.

People are attracted to independence and repulsed by those who seem to cling. Therefore, to avoid scaring off a potential love you must throw in a lot of apparent aloofness while trying to win them. If you think this may confuse the one your want about your real intentions, you're right. Sorry, but that's just the way it needs to be in the early stages of romance.

People want what they can't have.

Therefore, you have to hold back form giving yourself completely to the one you want at the first indications they're starting to become attracted to you. Instead of giving the dog the whole steak at once, feed it to him/her one bite at a time, over an extended period of time.
I'm speaking here of deeply shared feeling and your valuable time. These should be rationed out. As to sexual involvement, that should be withheld until after the marriage vows, or you'll reduce their incentive to get there. Why buy the cow when the milk is free'

People's conscious decisions are really subconsciously motivated. Therefore, don't be too concerned by what the one you want says they think they want, or acts like they think they want. You just determine to act on principle and eventually they'll realize that what they really want is you.

People are most drawn to a person with a positive and confident self-image. Therefore, resist the temptation to spill your feeling of self-doubt. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than somebody who insists on bursting your bubble and destroying the image they want to have of you.

People's attitudes are really a reflection of what you think of them. Therefore, while not wearing your heart on your sleeve, you must still prove though your actions that your friendship to them is a committed one. This takes time.

The longer a relationship grows, the stronger it becomes. Therefore, if you mess up along the way, take comfort in the fact that tomorrow is another day, and the fact that you prove you have lasted and learned from yesterday's hardship, will in itself add to their feelings of commitment to you in the long run.

From:www.adultdatefind.com

Posted by LC at 10:33 AM | TrackBack

Getting Noticed

It's all about getting noticed! Here are a few tips to get the most out of flirting or dating online:
Your Profile
Think about it - if you were going out to hoping to meet someone, chances are you'd take a bit of time to dress up or down depending on your style and the type of person you'll be looking to meet. The same goes for your online profile.

The old saying about first impressions was never truer than now online; you may only have a few seconds to make the right impression. So take a while to get it right. Most importantly, be honest. If you claim to be Arnie in The Terminator and turn out to be a stand-in for Mr Bean, chances are you'll not be off to a great start.

Let's look at the basics:

Your Screen Name and Profile Headline
Choose something that says something about you and possibly the type of person you'd hope to get in touch with. If you call yourself JacuzziBabe, don't be surprised when you get hundreds of messages from guys not interested in 2.4 kids, a dog and station wagon. However, if you're after a bit of bubbly fun, then you're spot on.

Your Profile Content
You'll notice that most questions have the option of not being answered. Think about those that you leave blank. You may prefer not to answer a specific question (your religion, for example) but leaving some others (say, eye-colour) tends to just look like a sloppy profile. When it comes to the 'narrative' section, take some time over it. We can't all be Oscar Wilde, but a few well-written lines will go along way to getting noticed.

Photos
It's a fact: profiles with photos get much more attention. Choose photos that are clear and uncluttered. Ideally, use photos that have you as the only person in the picture to avoid confusion. Besides, your friends and family might not want to be published online, so respect their privacy.

Update Your Profile
Not getting the attention or responses you'd like? Review your profile regularly and update it every now and then. Keep it fresh!

A few simple ideas and you should be off to a flying start.

Posted by LC at 08:36 AM | TrackBack

Online Dating Safety

So you've taken the plunge and set up a profile online... (If you haven't, what are you waiting for!) What now? Sit back and wait for the messages to flow in, or go looking, the choice is yours. Whatever you choose to do, here are a few practical guidelines to think about.

Flirting and dating on-line is no different to doing it off-line, just a lot safer and easier if you do it right. Most of the 'rules' are common sense. Your mother was most probably right - you just don't have to admit it.

Create The Right Impression Make sure your profile is not misleading. Give the wrong idea and you'll be sure to get the wrong response or no responses at all.

Think About What You Say When contacting another member for the first time or responding to a message, think about it. As tempting as it may be to walk up to a stranger at a party and place a hand on their sexy butt, chances are you wouldn't. So don't do it online, unless of course there is a large sign that says 'Touch Me!'

Personal Details The greatest thing about being online is the safety and privacy it affords you. Just be careful! When you start corresponding with people don't give out your personal details too early. Build up a sense of mutual trust first. Keep your last name, telephone number, email address, place of work and exact family details private until you are ready to share them.

Don't be Pushed Watch out for people pressing you for your personal details too early and too often. Also, hang back on meeting off-line until you are ready.

Inconsistencies Keep an eye out for changes in content and style in the messages you receive. If Mr Loving Kindness suddenly starts sounding like Carlos the Jackal on testosterone it may be an idea to back off or move on.

Meeting Off-Line This is the big one! You mailed each other, chatted and are ready to take the plunge and meet for real. Whilst taking your brother from the commandos with you may ensure your safety, chances are your date may get nervous, or prefer him to you!

Make your first few meetings in public places, ideally at lunchtime if you can. If you have a mobile phone take it with you and possibly take a pre-arranged call. Tell someone where you are going and try to have plans for after your date - don't be caught out with "so what are you doing after dinner?". Have your answer ready. Don't give out your home or work address and don't give in to pressure.

And guys, all this applies to you to. The chances of being taken for a ride by women may be less, but don't discount it.

Most importantly, relax, have fun and keep things safe.

From:sareunited.datingbuzz.com

Posted by LC at 08:25 AM | TrackBack

January 29, 2005

Have Fun on your Date, don't just

10 Tips For Frugal Daters

You have found a possible soul mate, but now you are worried of the cost of the whole wooing process because you’re on a thrifty budget. Well, do not fret over it because there are alternative ideas. It is possible to date with little or no cash flow and it can allow you to be creative while having a frugally fun time.

1.Do some star gazing at a local college observatory. It is open to the public during the school year and it’s absolutely free.

2.Feel one with nature. Have a picnic and explore a state or national park (admission is typically under $10 or free).

3.See a music laser show at a planetarium for around $6.00.

4.Check out a poetry reading or other events at a bookstore. Sometimes snacks or beverages are provided.

5.Create a food themes night and cook each other a dinner and appetizer at home.

6.Check out local arts festivals, craft fairs, flea markets or antiques fairs. Admission is typically under $10.

7.Attend a beer or wine tasting. At less than $10 each, you get more buzz for your buck!

8.Swing is back. Take a dance lesson and tear up the dance floor with the hottest moves. Often, the first lesson is free.

9.Attend a student art show. Often the shows are free and refreshments follow.

10.Rent your favorite movies or see a Pay Per View movie for under $10.

By Dateable.com

Posted by LC at 10:25 AM | TrackBack

Dating expert Carolyn McKline trawls through the oodles of dating tips available and compiles her practical advice for real people

...

Speed Dating can be a great and easy way of meeting available people in your area, but the nature of this beast requires a little extra attention to detail. From the goodness of my heart (plus a paltry commission) I’ve compiled some guidelines to help you get the most from your evening. I even put it in a nice easy to read list so no excuses!
Do:

1. Use your flirting techniques- if you’re interested let them know! Eye contact, the occasional friendly touch and using the date’s name often are useful tools. Unless you really want them probably best to stay clear of licking your lips suggestively!
2. Have a number of stock questions ready. Five minutes may not seem a lot but there is nothing worse than drying up.
3. Dress well (and this applies to men too!) Speed Dating tends to attract the fashionable and well groomed.
4. Observe basic safety guidelines when meeting matches. Meet in a public place, tell a friend where you are going, don’t give out your home address to easily. In other words, USE YOUR COMMON SENSE!
5. Use the break and “after dating” times to chat and meet. If you fluffed your lines during your scheduled date, don’t be scared to make an approach later for a second chance.
6. Be careful what you eat, particularly if food is served during the dating. Is your date likely to enjoy the sight of you gorging on noodles? Probably not. Stick to simple, non-spicy food you can share.
7. Relax. Research has proven that over anxiety in potential partners is one of the 3rd biggest turn off for women and the 5th for men.

Do not:

1. Tell lies! Might seem like a good idea at the time, but how long could you pretend to be a brain surgeon/dolphin trainer/ballerina for if you met again?
2. Have unrealistic expectations. Speed Dating can be a great way of meeting available people in a short space of time but it may be unrealistic to expect a string of dates on the back of the evening.
3. Forget to fill out the Speed Dating cards after each rotation. There is nothing worse than getting to the end of the night and pondering that special person with the wonderful eyes and thinking: “Now what was their name?”
4. Use excessive swearing. This is often a big turn off for both sexes.
5. Talk overtly on controversial topics. Of course you don’t want to be completely bland, but think about it- would you really like to listen to your rant on Israel’s conduct in Palestine ?
6. Be tempted to give your personal contact details on the evening. Might seem like the most natural thing in the world at the time but email contact is safer, and more fun, to start with.
7. Get blind drunk. You can imagine it- the music pumping, the lights down low, meeting a string of attractive, unattached strangers…and you flat out on the floor telling the nearest person: “I love you, I’ve always loved you…” Watch those matches fly in. Not.

From:www.originaldating.com

Posted by LC at 10:04 AM | TrackBack

January 28, 2005

Dating Tips

... A Date

Two people organizing to meet, and partake in some sort of activity together. Such as going to dinner, having drinks, going to a dance club, going to the movies or a theatre production, going to a sports event.

Dating

To go on a date with someone more than once can be considered dating. Not limited to just one person, some people will be dating a couple of people at the same time.

Seeing someone

Same as dating. Usually you have gone on dates, met a few times just to talk to each other, and possibly even spent the night at each others houses.

Dating Exclusively

Dating only one person exclusively. A more serious relationship then just casual dating, becoming an official couple.

Blind date

Two people meeting for a date, who have never met before. Usually organised by mutual friends. Also known as a "Set Up".

Long Distance Relationship

When two people seeing each other exclusively live in different towns, cities, states, or even countries. The LDR can work if both parties are both extremely devoted to each other, and are willing to make sacrifices for the relationship.

Dating Rules - Do's

Always try to look your best and be on time for your dates.
Remember to have fun! Although finding Mr or Miss Right may be a serious issue for you, dating is suppose to be fun.
Flatter or compliment your date. Chances are they spent just as much time getting ready as you did, and its nice to hear praise for your efforts.
Be interested in what your date has to say.
Be honest with your date if you are not interested in seeing them again. Keeping their hopes up is a horrible thing, and you would hate to be lied to, so just tell them. In the nicest way possible.
Date the kind of people that you like and are attracted to, and forget about what type of person your friends like. Their approval proves nothing.
Stay positive even if your dates don't end well. We all have to date a few frogs before we find our prince, and who knows, you might make some great friends and contacts along the way.
Be proactive in the search for a date. You can't expect people to come knocking on your door, so get out there and meet some people. Be friendly to everyone and practice your flirting.
Surround yourself with positive like minded people who are also dating. Good friends assist each other in dating and romantic matters. Negative friends who disapprove of the dating scene or are not part of it, will only bring you down.

Dating Rules - Don'ts

Don't call someone more than once a day, unless they reply. Desperation is a huge turn off.
Don't repeat the same mistakes and date the same kind of people.
Men should never ever be late for a date, as chivalry is NOT dead and a woman should not be kept waiting and have to seat herself.
Don't lie to your date, or pretend to be something you are not. If things work out, having to confess a lie down the track could ruin things.
Never be available all the time. Keep a little mystery about yourself, and be interesting and not always available.
Don't tell everything about yourself from the start. Keep a little mystery about yourself, and your date will be left hanging for more.
Don't check out other people when you are on a date. No matter how subtle you think you are, chances are they will notice and it is just plain rude.
Don't get drunk on a date. You'll end up saying something you shouldn't.
Don't trust anyone until you get to know them. Think about your safety. Carry a mobile phone with you, tell your friends where you will be, and have your first dates in public places.
Don't give out too much personal information on the first date. Wait until you are sure of you date before giving your phone number and home address.
Don't have sex on the first date if you want to continue dating them.
Don't date a married person. If they are serious, they will leave their partner before pursuing another person. If you are married, separate first. If you are single, remember you deserve much better.

From:www.crush.com

Posted by LC at 03:00 PM | TrackBack

Online Dating - 8 Sizzling Tips To Make Your Profile Standout!

We know one of the hardest part of creating your profile is describing yourself to others.

Following are some time tested nuggets that can assist you in creating a compelling & attention grabbing profile.

Honesty is the Best Policy

As the saying goes, honesty is the best policy. Honesty is taken seriously at Dating pearl.com and it's the single most important thing to remember when writing a great profile. It's much easier to write about yourself if you are honest about who you are. It prevents you from having to spin ways to best sell yourself or guess at what you think other people want to read.

A major part of being honest is not misleading people down the road. People will assume that what you write is true � and you don't want to set people up for a surprise later by stretching the truth in your profile. For example, if you hate mountain climbing, don't say you love it just to grab the eye of an outdoorsy type.

Give Some Thought Of What Sets You Apart.

How are you different? What gives you your unique character? If your friends were describing you, what would be the three things they would all say about you? These are good questions to ask yourself as you get ready to write your profile.

Put Your Negativity Aside

Often times, people start their ad off with, �I�m sick of � !�, � I�m tired of�!� or � I hate Brunette�!� etc. It�s advisable not to include this as the first thing that you want to express in your profile ad. It just gives the impression of too many unhealthy relationships in the past. Instead, try to be more positive & upbeat in your profile. Soon enough you will notice a leap in the response rate.

Stay Open & Be Conversational.

Leave formality at the door and write your profile like you are talking to a good friend. Of course, there are some things you might tell a good friend that you probably don't want to include in your profile. It's a good idea to avoid mentioning past relationships and exes, or discoursing on being lonely or desperate. Be optimistic!

Show How, Don't Tell.

The best profiles show, don't tell, who you are at your best. If you are known for being funny, try explaining how or why you are funny - such as, "I've been known to show up to a party in a wig", instead of "I have a good sense of humor." Paint a picture in their minds of the kind of person you are.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

The importance of this point can�t be emphasized more. Your smile, the background that you're photographed in, what you're wearing; they all paint a picture of what you're truly like. And including a recent photo will get you 800% the attention.

Updating Your Profile Often.

Keep your profile fresh. Every now and then, go back to your profile and update it to let people know you're still out there.

Go Through Your Spelling & Grammar.

Check your profile for typos and spelling mistakes before you submit it. Show that you spent time thinking about them while writing your profile. Always proofread your ad & run it through a word processor, such as Microsoft Word so that you can have your spelling & grammar checked.

by: Amanda Lee

Posted by LC at 02:51 PM | TrackBack

January 27, 2005

7 Tips for a perfect first date.

Going into the world of dating and “first dates” can be intimidating, especially if you are coming off of a long single hiatus. Most likely, you were in a long term relationship that ended abruptly, and now you are lonely, tired of looking at internet porn, and lacking the confidence to get back out there and meet someone new. Even if you can’t even recall your last first date, if you follow these simple rules, you should come out on top. (Subtle?)

The 7 Steps that make for a great first date.

1. Don’t be stinky. No one likes either of the two extremes, so make sure you take it easy on the perfume and or cologne, and avoid aftershave- not only will it dry out your skin, but you’ll also smell like her Grandpa.

2. Be on time. I’m not suggesting you order up an atomic clock or anything, but be respectful of your time and your dates as well. The night before a big date, I’ll lay out what I’m going to wear, and plan the entire date out on a post it note, which really cuts down on the stress of the big evening. If you are running late, take the 38 seconds it takes to make a phone call- saving yourself an embarrassing moment.

3. Avoid talking about other people you’ve dated like it was Ebola. Look, everyone knows you are hurting, but that is why God invented Prozac and whiskey. No one cares about your heartache except for you, and by talking about your ex all the time, you will make it clear to your new hopeful that you aren’t over them yet. If you really want to dwell in the past, do it alone.

4. Look Presentable. “Yes Captain Obvious everyone knows you should dress up for a date.” Unfortunately for your unmatching ass, you can’t tell the difference between wool and tweed. (Ha fashion joke!) As Allah says, there is no second chance at a first impression, so make sure your socks match, you have a belt on, and your underwear is clean. As a fashion retard, I just go to the mall, see what everyone else is wearing, and copy it. You aren’t in school anymore, so cheat away. Besides, she may start thinking of you as arm candy, and want a little treat for later.0000.jpg

5. Be yourself. The NO-SHIT alert is going off, because this little rule is often overlooked. Don’t try to suddenly become and expert in Tibetan cave painting just because she is. Instead take the time to appreciate your dates depth of knowledge, and try to learn a thing or two. Also, you are not me, so don’t try to pull the same shit I do. When it comes to dating, I’m like Lebron James- tons of talent, developing my skills. So why you may lack my crossover tomahawk jam, you probably posses a fundamentally sound bank shot that I may never take the time to learn.

6. Shut up and listen. No one likes a date that rambles on to fill dead space in a conversation, so take some time out to catch your breath and listen for a minute. This rule is especially important if your date is shy, as they tend to be easily overwhelmed, and may end up having an awful time because of your verbosity. As another reminder, try and avoid highly controversial topics, unless you are a spokesman for PETA or something.

7. Don’t get nervous. If you find yourself feeling a little on edge, order a drink and sink into the lovely haze that is intoxication. While you are at it, order the same for your date, but make it a double. Just remember- both of you are on a first date, and most likely will be nervous and apprehensive. If you want to break the nervous barrier, maintain eye contact when you are talking as long as possible, even to the point of absurdity. If someone were to observe you from across a room, they ought to think you are engaged in some form of hypnosis. Without explaining the science, remember to maintain eye contact, and thank me later.

The final tip to remember is please- don’t try to close the deal on the first date. Consider the first date an interview for a second date, at which time you can get your nasty on.

From:dankoleary.squarespace.com

Posted by LC at 12:03 PM | TrackBack

10 Key Things Every Person Must Know About Dating

Dating, both online or off, can be scary and frustrating. Before jumping into some crazy fling with Pepe’ the gardener, follow these ten tips to help get you off (hehe get you off) to a good start.

1. Be Confident
Confidence, confidence, confidence! And then, repeat it about 10 more times. Nothing is more attractive than a person who is confident in their own skin. Once you are happy in your own skin and self-fulfilled, you will attract the matches you deserve, not just the ones you settle for. So relax and be your genuine self. If not, tell them you are “Dan O’Leary” and hope for the best.

2. Be Interesting
Read the newspaper and know what’s going on in the world. Current events are great conversation starters. Interesting conversation will attract others to start talking to you. I would recommend steering clear of the weather, sports, and politics however. Remember- Paris Hilton good, Israel and Palestine- bad.

3. Increase Your Chances
Don’t limit yourself by dating and approaching only one type of person. I like to pick up on plus size married Nascar fans, you know I’m just trying to keep life exciting. Seriously though, don’t pass on someone until you get to know them. Love happens at the most unexpected times with the most unexpected people- just ask Pepe’ the gardener.

4. Use Great Props
Never leave your home without a prop -a fluffy dog, kids (Should be your own), some cologne, a sweatshirt from your college, an interesting tie, or an interesting book. Whenever I go out, I have pictures on my cell phone of my dogs, my office, and places I’ve recently visited, making me seem significantly less likely to pull a Hannibal the Cannibal. When you meet someone, props can break the ice and help in starting up a conversation. On a related note, leave the dildo at home.

5. Network
Just as you network with your friends, colleagues and family for work, you can call on them to network for you on your dating quest. One of my favorite ways to network online is Myspace.com.

6. Be Honest
Be yourself from the start. If you can’t be yourself, at least pretend to have a giant cock or something. However, most people can sense when you are not being 100% honest and it is a turn off and leaves people feeling weary of you.

7. Be Proactive
Go after what you want. You have nothing to lose by trying, so get out there. Let me say this one more time- nothing ventured, nothing gained.

8. Stay Positive and Have Fun
Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Life can be a serious ordeal, and dating can often leave you feeling wornout and tired. (Yeah, boning all night can do that to you). My friend Mike always says, “A smile is the most attractive thing a person can wear”… idealist.

9. Start a Conversation
The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, or state an opinion. The worst opening line is, “I just got out of jail- wanna see my wiener?”

10. Be Patient
The first person (or second or third) you connect with may not be the right one for you (Ok, about 50 in my case). Have patience and realize that you may need to go home with a lot of fat uglies before you meet the person of your (wet) dreams.

From:dankoleary.squarespace.com

Posted by LC at 11:36 AM | TrackBack

January 26, 2005

5 INTERNET SAFETY TIPS

While Internet dating can open many doors for daters, you need to be smart and safe when meeting people online. Use these 5 Net SMART safety tips to protect your privacy.

In addition to these interviews, I personally tested 7 online dating sites, ended up with 4-7 dates/week and found my guy through an online matchmaker. You can also find love online.

When you search for love online, you need to be careful because not everyone has the same value systems. Be cautious when dealing with strangers and take precautions to shield your privacy at all costs.

While the flood of emails that you will receive from Internet dating can be a great ego boost, let these safety tips guide you through email, phone and live contacts.

1. Be Anonymous When Emailing

When you set up your Internet dating profile, matchmaking web sites will give you an account that allows you to stay anonymous. Avoid using anything that could identify you when you select your username or email address.
Set up an email account that is fun and anonymous. For example, if you have an email with your name in it, then do not use this account for online dating. Just figure out any kind of fictitious name or "handle." If you'd like, you can use an email address that reveals something about yourself such as a hobby or personal trivia. For example, my email address was tied to my interest in sailing (ex. pacificsails@hotmail.com). One of my male candidates used "greeneyes" as his username, which helped him stand out in the crowd.

2. Take a Second Look at the Photos

If you are suspicious about the age of a photo that you see on an Internet dating profile, you might want to ask the person for a recent photo. Check out the response and you might just be surprised by what comes back.
One of my dating coaching clients recently sent me two photos of a woman he met online with very different current versus profile photos. He was smart to ask for a recent photo.

I also interviewed a woman for SMART Man Hunting who had a surprising lunch with a guy who did not look anything like his profile photograph. The online photo made him look around 35 with dark hair, and when she went on the date, the guy was completely gray and closer to 50-years-old. You want to avoid this situation if possible.

3. SMART Phone Contact

After several safe email exchanges, you can cautiously move to the next Internet courtship level. Arrange time to speak on the phone and see if the conversation flows or is a struggle.

Because you are still dealing with a virtual stranger, you should use safety guidelines for connecting on the phone. First, if you are a woman, ask for the guy's phone number and use Caller ID blocking (*67) when you call him so that your phone number is not revealed. You can even use Caller ID blocking on most cell phones so always try using *67 when placing first calls.

If you get to the point where you are comfortable giving out your phone number, use a cell phone or alternate number to your home phone. If someone is really creepy and has your home or work phone number, they can search for your address online using whitepages.com.

Trust your gut instincts when you talk to someone on the phone. If someone makes you feel the least bit uneasy or puts you off in any way, just say Next. It won't get better if you meet in person. Remember there are plenty of other candidates out there. Next….

4. Continue to Put "Safety First" When Making Live Contact

When you decide to meet in person, pick a public place and make sure you are familiar with the area before you agree to the location (I skipped this research step and ended up meeting a guy in a restaurant that is in a Los Angeles gang neighborhood because I did not know the area - that mistake did not happen twice).

While you want to relax and have fun on your first date, you still need to play it safe. Meet your potential match at the rendezvous location--never rely on someone you don't know for a ride. Don't even accept a ride home even when you feel as though your date is on the up and up. If you drove, you also want to avoid allowing them to walk you to your car. It's best to even keep the make, model and license plate of your car a secret.
My favorite meeting place is a local coffee shop, but not one too close to your home. If you schedule a lunch or dinner date, use valet parking when possible so that the candidate, who is primarily a stranger at this stage, cannot follow you to your car when you leave.

As a back-up plan, you may also want to give your date details (time, date and location) to a friend. If you are nervous, ask a friend to call you on your cell phone to check-in during the date.

Lastly, hold your cards close to your chest. Be careful about the amount of information you share during these first meetings and phone calls. Never give out your last name or address until you are comfortable with someone's character.

5. Consider Background Checks

If you are curious, there are many ways to find out more about your potential mates. Internet search vehicles can help you find out details about candidates prior to meetings.

By searching on someone's name online, you can easily gather information about their background. For example, if you use Google.com, you might find out about their educational degrees, work history, and personal information (I found out about someone's marriage history and read a strange Valentine online from a guy's ex-wife that made me think twice).

You can also click on the "Groups" button to learn more about their interests or check genealogy sites for family history. And if you get serious with someone you meet online, you can even go to the extreme of hiring a professional investigator to check out their history more thoroughly.

You can make love happen online and protect your privacy. You are playing the dating numbers game and the odds are in your favor that you will find your match. Be smart, safe and trust your gut instincts when dating online.

by Liz H. Kelly

Posted by LC at 12:50 PM | TrackBack

First Date Tips

Dating can be tough and first dates can be painful. So what are you to do? Here is a list of dating tips to start the year out right!

· Meet your date out and drive yourself. If you want to bail out early, you won't be trapped. Also, when you have your own car. If things work out, you won't have any worries about inviting your date in or not. This helps protect you from your own impulses, because what's worse then "will he respect me in the morning?" is "How much will I hate myself when I wake up?". Also when you have your own car, no need to worry about safety, your date does not know where you live. This protects you from a date turned bad turning in to a stalking nightmare.

· Keep the date simple. You're nervous enough without making a big show, plus you don't want to lock yourself in to an evening you won't enjoy.

· Men, end the date first. You will make yourself stand out.

· Women, don't wear anything low cut or short. It sounds like an old cliché but your first date knows very little about the woman you are. He will take you at face value and you don't want to give the wrong impression.

A friend of mine went out for dinner on a blind date. She is a very conservative women, who really likes to take her time in relationships. All of us who know her know this about her. Her date didn't. She went out on the date wearing a sexy low cut cocktail dress. They went to dinner, had a wonderful evening, and when he walked her to her door, he pounced on her! She was of course surprised and upset, but her date didn't know her, he just took her at face value.

· Wear clothing that you are comfortable and confident in. First dates are uncomfortable enough without a tight belt biting you around the waist.

· Men, be specific about where you are going. This will make the date more comfortable, and will prevent her from wearing a cocktail dress when you are taking her bowling.

· Ask about your date. Each of us knows we are the most interesting subject :) But the most interesting conversationalists are people who ask about others. Great light topics are work, hobbies, sports, kids (if they have any).

· Easy on the perfume. You want to knock his socks off, but you don't want to knock him out!

· Don't forget to use mouthwash before you go out.

· Don't order sloppy food. If you are not paying for what you order, try to stay in the middle of the menu.

· Keep the conversation light! Don't talk or ask about old boyfriends, girlfriends, or ex-spouse. This is a first date, not a therapy session.

· Find out about your dates eating habits before you plan the evening. Make sure you choose a place where they will be able to find something to eat.

· Be attentive! There is nothing worse then a date peering over your shoulder making you feel as if they are looking for something better.

· If you are not paying be considerate of what you order. Try to stay in the middle of the menu.

· And last, but not least, have fun and be yourself!

By Jennifer Klein, Dateable.com

Posted by LC at 09:02 AM |

Online Dating and Personals Network - LoveCompass - Weblog