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All about dating services business, online personals websites, changes in overall e-commerce world affecting dating, matchmaking, mail-order brides and online personals websites. Most recent LoveCompass announcements, reports, and plans. 

April 05, 2005

How To Read A Guy’s Online Dating Profile

By Jason Jordan

It's hard enough to tell if a guy you meet in a club or at the grocery store is someone you want to date, let alone have a serious relationship with. When you're meeting a man online, it's even harder, since you can't hear the tone of his voice or see his body language—key clues to whether he's telling the truth. To separate the good guys from the creeps and save yourself a lot of heartache and wasted coffee dates, here are "8 Rules" to keep in mind to find a good date or maybe a soulmate online:

1.He is not Prince Charming. No matter how hot he looks in his pictures, no matter how successful he is or how smart he is or how much he says he loves his mother, the guy you are looking at on your computer screen is not Prince Charming, and he is not perfect. Not that there aren't some great guys online, there are. But all men have some bumps and warts. It's not a question of whether you're going to find them, it's a question of when.

2.If he sounds like a jerk, he probably is. Writing an essay for an online dating profile brings out the natural tendencies in a man's personality. If a guy sounds pushy in his essays, like he's mainly focused on himself and what he wants, evades the questions, and puts up narcissistic pictures, it's a pretty good bet he's not going to treat you with the respect you deserve. Unless you're into open shirts and over-sized gold medallions, move on.

3.If he sounds like a nerd, he is a nerd. The opposite is also true. If a guy is very shy or overly flowery in his profile, makes excuses for why he's on the site, comes across as totally plain and boring, and sounds like he's just trying to please people, expect him to be less confident, less social, and less fun in real life. It’s tempting to think, "Well, he sounds shy in his essay, but maybe that's just his profile. I bet he's fun in real life." He's probably not.

4.Always see a couple clear pictures before meeting. These days, everyone can get access to a decent digital camera. If he says he doesn't have pictures to put up yet, wait until he does, or move on. If he puts up only a single picture, or pictures that look old or are out of focus, be skeptical. Attractive guys have more than a few good pictures to post. If they don't, expect the worst.

5.Give a guy a break. While it's important to read profiles closely and be careful about who you meet online and how you meet them, don't be overly critical of a guy in his profile. Not everyone is a born writer and not everyone loves to brag about themselves on a web site for the whole world to see. As you're reading his profile, try to get a sense of whether he is basically the kind of guy you might like or might grow to like over time. If there are no obvious warning signs, take the next step and IM or talk by phone.

6.Always talk or IM before you meet. There is a limit to what you can tell about a guy from an online dating profile. He might have worked on his essays for weeks or even gotten someone else to write them for him. By IM’ing or talking on the phone you start to get a much better sense of what his personality is really like and whether you are compatible, and then you can decide if you want to meet.

7.If you have a bad feeling about him, don't meet. There is a lot you don't know about people online. Trust your instincts. If a guy says something in an email or on the phone that gives you a bad feeling, or makes you think he might be hiding something, don't meet him and break off communications. There are literally millions of great guys out there--there is no reason to waste your time or take an unnecessary chance to meet someone who might be dangerous.

8.Don't Get Your Hopes Up. No matter what you think you read in their profile, no matter how many butterflies you thought you felt when you talked on the phone, remember—you really don't have any idea if you're going to hit it off with a guy until you meet. And no matter how awesome you think your date is going, you have no idea if he is going to call you again until he actually does. Some guys will lie to be polite or to try to score on a first date. Don’t get your hopes up too soon and you won’t be disappointed.

Jason Jordan is co-founder of, a free web site where online daters can share information and reviews of people they have met on other dating sites.
Posted by LC at 04:18 PM | TrackBack

March 03, 2005

Tips for Your First Date

Making the date

Make the first date a casual and short one for coffee or light lunch. Unless you are really comfortable, avoid dinner date. Set the time which you can keep. Changing the first date gives the wrong impression.

Although your objective is finding a new lover or friend, you don’t really know this person. Safety should be an important consideration. Always set up the first date at a public place where there are a lot of other people and you should be able to get away at will if you so desire. Let a friend or relative know about this date—time and place as well as whom you are meeting.

Before the Date:

You want your date to be natural, but you also want to appear interesting. Update yourself with current events, topics, new movies, books, and music, etc. If you regularly read newspapers and magazines, you are already prepared. Have some topics in mind in case you need to initiate a new conversation topic.

Wear clean and stylish cloths, and gloom yourself a bit—to show the better side of you. But do not overdress or over-gloom—you may not look natural or you may even scare your date away.

Do not accept ride to and from the meeting place from your date. You should arrange your own transportation until you become very comfortable. Do not include your children or friends in the date—you will have opportunities to do so later.

Bring some money, and offer to pay for your meal, etc. But if your date offers to pay, do not over-insist on paying for yourself.

When you meet that person:

Whether you are a man or woman, confidence makes you more attractive. Feel confident, be friendly, maintain your sense of humor and be light hearted. If you need to ease any nervousness, tell yourself “If it does not work out, it’s not the end of the world. There are thousands of others to date.” Being at ease with the situation will greatly enhance your ability to handle the date. Remember that the other side is just as anxious. You are more attractive when you are natural, honest and be yourself.

Call your date by her or his name, make frequent eye contacts and generally be warm—these gestures will make your date more comfortable and show the real her or him.

Most importantly, DO NOT TALK TOO MUCH. Usually nervous people tend to talk a lot. Let your date talk more than you do. Your date will feel it was a successful rendezvous, and you will have more opportunity to observe if this person is for you. Be honest about what you say. Listen to what he or she says with interest. Find something positive about your date, and compliment him or her. Stay away from heavy or controversial topics (politics and religion among them) at the first date. Upon completion, thank him/her for the date, but do not offer or promise to call unless you really mean it.
Posted by LC at 10:00 AM | TrackBack

March 02, 2005

Dating tips step by step

Your personal image.

It only takes 4 seconds to make that first impression - seventy five percent of this is based on how you look whereas only two percent is based on what you say.

Sending out the right signals is vitally important. If you do not you will attract the wrong individual for you and the main idea of dating is attracting!

How you attract people is by conveying a correct and positive image that is a true indication of who you are. False messages will mean that you come across as false.

Everything you wear is a statement and reflects your self-image. People have psychological responses to your personal image and evaluate whom you are, what you do and what your interests may be all from how you look.

Understanding who you are
1. Work out your perceived value and then raise it by twenty points. Everyone has a market value, based on a combination of things like their looks, emotional literacy, income and sense of humour. You need to get really honest with yourself about your score out of 100. If you’re shooting for someone who’s more than 20 points out of your league you better upgrade yourself or prepare for misery.

Projecting who you are
1. Get out more. Triple your dates. If you’re serious about finding your perfect partner then it has to become a mission. Leaving it to fate may work for some people but it’s a very risky strategy that can go badly wrong. It’s important to get at least as serious as you would about looking for a great house to buy or a new career.

2. Face your fear
If you’re getting lots of exposure and no luck there’s something wrong. Get help. Learn to use your assets. You need to find out how you are getting in your own way both consciously and unconsciously. Do you need to learn how to appear more relaxed? Do you need to finesse your flirting? If you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you always got.

3. Cultivate a love for life not just flashy dating skills.
It’s no good finding Mr or Miss Right if you’ve got nothing to keep the connection going. A flashy smile and a great body will only get you so far. They score very highly in terms of initial attraction but people are desperate for depth and connection. If you can uncover your love for life you’re more likely to find a lover for life.

4. Be the center of attention
Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the centre of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and internationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...) If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenders tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies. Dating patterns 1 Take out your trash.
You already have a relationship history that can tell you everything you need to know about why you’re not already in a long term, committed relationship. Make the time to observe the patterns you repeat in relationships as they are based on your past. If you’ve got any insecurity, fear or even desperation, it shows and needs to be dealt with. If you don’t complete your past you are doomed to repeat it.

2. Is this a romance or just a bit of raunch?
Know that the context a relationship begins in will generally determine its future. If you start out with a fling and then it becomes a more serious romance you need to know that at the first sign of trouble it’s very likely that one partner, will say something like "Oh well, it was only a fling, time to move on."

3. Pay attention to chemistry.
For a long term relationship to flourish you need three pieces of chemistry. You need best friend chemistry, you need sexual chemistry and you need practical chemistry. The last one is often overlooked, ideally you live in the same part of the country, you keep the same kind of hours and you’re both available for the relationship you want.

4. Listen out for your warning bells.
It’s very easy to waste months or even years in a relationship you know just won’t work in the long term. These are the ‘better than being alone’ types. Listen to your intuition, what do you know right now is going to be a problem a year or even three years from now. If it can be fixed now would be a good time to get started. Be discerning, relationships are easy to get into and yet, like a bullet wound, very messy on the way out.

5. Chuck out the checklist.
Whilst it’s important to know exactly what it is you need to be true in your perfect partner a list can become a liability. It’s important to work out what is essential as opposed to just a luxury. You’d be amazed at how many women are limiting their life looking for taller men. Be open to surprises in unpredictable packages.

6. Take it slowly.
Slow down, for most of us, things get a lot more complicated as soon as you start having penetrative sex. It makes much more sense to get to really know someone.

Body language

1. First Impressions
Boring but true, you have four seconds to make an impact and let the other person know you’re someone they want to spend more time with. We process so much information subconsciously that you really must make an effort to sort out your first impression. If you’re unsure about how you are perceived ask your friends to tell you the truth. Aim to smile brightly and pay the person a compliment as a starting point. Consider using a tooth whitener such as Pearldrops to ensure a dazzling smile.

2. Quality
Quality indicates how much you value yourself. Choose natural fabrics rather than made-made, a good cut garment and ...up your budget - although this does not guarantee better quality, you have a better chance of creating an impression that you care about yourself and therefore you care for your date too.

3. Authority
Authority indicates your status. Making a statement by wearing authoritative items will give you more credibility and make you appear more confident and capable. Items that project authority include a jacket, a belt, jewellery, make-up, shoes and a bag. Plus your accessories such as a mobile, wallet and a diary. Ensure you invest more in these items and incorporate them into your look. Your date will be impressed.

4. Grooming
Grooming – This indicates your respect for yourself and others. Avoid looking like you have just had a real hard day at the office or just come from the gym. Brushing your hair, cleaning your teeth, washing your face and touching up the make-up, will be appreciated. This is an intimate experience when you will be talking up close and personal with your date.

5. Work to date
From work to date – Unless you feel your work wardrobe reflects you as a person, change your clothes! A suit can appear too formal for some and as if you are fitting the date into your busy schedule. If you cannot change at least take off your tie – this will make you more approachable and open.

6. Finishing touches
Finishing Touches – What would you like others to know most about you? Think of that and add a finishing touch to your outfit that you feel reflects this. E.g. a joker – a comic slogan top; a glamour kitten – some glitzy eye shadow; a creative – an unusual texture or pattern.

7. Be the center of attention
Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the centre of the room. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, the author of several books and internationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. (But don't pace a track on the carpet for goodness sake...)

If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenders tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven. The worst place to be seen? Hanging out near the wall or sitting at a table. That hot stranger approaching your table and asking "may I join you" only happens in the movies.

8. Body talk that reels 'em in
How do you use body language to attract the opposite sex? If you're a woman, the key is to make yourself approachable. According to nationally-respected body language expert and professional speaker, Patti Wood, you want to make yourself a "safe" (read approachable) target. How do you accomplish that? Don't take up a lot of space (which is a sign of power and superiority.) Wood says, "we are strong women, but remember, we're trying to get a man to come over and talk to us." She explains, "you have to show you have room for someone else in your life."

In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly inward. " Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - signal you're listening to what the other person has to say.

For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward. Feel free to take up some space. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge, or who appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin. According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive.

Body language tips for both sexes: Don't fold your arms and don't chew on gum, ice or your fingernails. According to Wood, the chewing indicates anxiety or frustration, neither of which are very attractive emotions.

9. The power of a smile
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to smile. Not a great big plastic game-show smile, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness."
Posted by LC at 12:17 PM | TrackBack

March 01, 2005

Make your first dates

... Make your first dates and your life more spicy with the help of our dating tips, first date ideas, dating advice and first date tips. Interesting ideas for everyone.

Go to the movie
This is a terrific first date idea. Everybody likes watching movies. It's fun, entertaining, and it is not necessary to be alone with the person. There is even a posibility to save your money. You could go on a cheap day of the week for example. The only problem is that you can't talk during the show. On the other hand it makes a great first date for those people who are too shy. Comedies are a sure winner since everyone likes to laugh and it's a great conversation piece for afterwards.

Romantic Dinner
You can make a classic first date. You will have to spend some money for this date but it can help you to make for a romantic evening. If you want to get to know someone more intimately then this is the best way to do it. The main problem is that you will have to make up some topics to talk about for an extended period of time beforehand. If this is a problem for you then I suggest you ask your friends to help you. You could ask friends of opposite sex for a piece of advice about what to say, how to behave etc.

This is one of the most popular first dates.It is inexpensive, then you can have fun dancing and also have great conversations. Finaly, you will be surrounded by the people you are familiar with so it will make things much more comfortable. This is a great first/second date idea that can be used either by a girl or a guy.

Go to the Zoo
This is one of the greatest ideas for a first date. It's inexpensive, fun and a great conversation piece. You can make up lots of things to talk about while doing through all the different exhibits.

If you both know the person who is hosting the party or if you both know some other people who will be there it will turn out to be one of the best meetings in your life. If there aren't any parties around you could create one yourself? You can have a video party, beer party or even have a pizza party where everyone can make or bring their own pizza. You could combine such party with a picnic in the open air if the weather is good enough.
Posted by LC at 10:22 AM | TrackBack

February 28, 2005

5 Body Language Tips

Apparently communication weighs more on HOW you say something, versus the content of your words. Now don’t overstep and assume that you can be the next Pootietang here people. Body language is a huge factor that influences both how other people will react to you, and how you will react to yourself. Here are 5 quick tips to improve your body language.

1.Smile. A frown can be the most expensive thing you own, so unless you look like a gap toothed Hillbilly, then flash those pearly whites and make your orthodontist proud. A smile is very hard to resist. Also, if ever you are feeling blue, try smiling like a huge dork for 30 seconds. You’ll be amazed by the result.

2.Maintain good eye contact without burning holes into someone. good eye contact involves maintaining a constant gaze, without making you look like a hypnotist. As a bonus, if you have trouble looking someone in the eye, look at their lower forehead instead. They’ll never know the difference.

3.Focus 100% on the person you are currently speaking with. The leggy blond will still be there when you are done chatting up Dave from the mail room. This will make them feel important, and you seem like a master of the game.

4.Practice Pleasant Posture. I think this is ingrained from way back in the monkey days, when the first to stand up straight broke the chain and continued the progression of the species. If you don’t want to look like an ape, stand up straight you lazy bum. As hokey as it sounds, you can practice by walking around the house with a small paperback book on your head. Also, doing crunches will also tighten your midsection, giving you added incentive to not lurch over.

5.Keep your gestures under control. Unless you are an interpreter for a school for the blind, you don’t need to flap your arms like a chicken in a hurricane every time you speak. Try using soft, controlled motions to help accentuate your main ideas, and to convey understanding. Great examples of gestures can be found by watching a political debate.
Posted by LC at 09:17 AM | TrackBack

February 24, 2005

Ways To Show Your Love

This list is designed to be a quick check for you to review. Use it to give yourself ideas to maintain your relationship, to give it a positive boost or just simply for some ideas. Print this list off and give it to your partner and then take it in turns, fulfilling what each other wants from the list.

1.Hug her/him.

2.Write a love note.

3.Call her/him at work just to say "Hi."

4.Give a foot massage.

5.Tell a joke.

6.Caress her/him with slow gentle strokes.

7.Go for a walk with her/him.

8.Admit your mistakes.

9.Say: "I love you."

10.Indulge a whim.

11.Listen to her/him talk about an interest of hers/his.

12.Be trustworthy.

13.Instead of complaining, tell her/him what you would prefer.

14.Look at her/him when you're in a discussion.

15.Send her/him flowers. (They're not just for us girls.)

16.Compliment something she/he did.

17.Offer to help.

18.Ask her/him to show you how to do something.

19.Write a poem about how special she/he is to you.

20.Ask her/him what she'd/he'd like sexually.

21.Take an afternoon drive.

22.Go away together for a weekend holiday.

23.Do something she/he wants to do.

24.Listen to her/him (even if she/he is boring you.)

25.Plan a candlelit dinner.

26.Look at old photos together.

27.Serve her/him breakfast in bed.

28.Take a shower together.

29.Share sexual fantasies.

30.Do a work project together.

31.Give her/him an all over body massage.

32.Plan a picnic lunch.

33.Repeat what she/he says before answering.

34.Send her/him a card.

35.Surprise her/him with a gift.

36.Cook her/his favorite meal.

37.Put on some romantic music.

38.Put together a compilation tape of both your favorite songs.

39.Ask for her/his opinion.

40.Ask her/him how he feels.

41.Let her/him know when you are proud of her/him.

42.Invite her/him to a secret rendezvous.

43.Listen openly to her/his opposing opinion.

44.Watch her/his favourite TV programme with her/him.

45.Watch a sunset together.

46.Play a game together.

47.Have her/him teach you something he/she knows.

48.Go to a movie of his/her choice.

49.Meet him/her for lunch.

50.Let him/her know you care.
Posted by LC at 11:42 AM | TrackBack

February 23, 2005

How to overkome shyness

Overcoming Rejection
Are you too shy regarding the first step? Are you afraid of failures? Then the dating tips below can help.

If you suffer from being alone, then ANY practice is better than no practice. Go and speak with old Grandmas in trams. Any practice is better than none. If you go shopping then go to the female cashier instead of the male and say "Hello" to her. Ask 20 women in a row "Where is the next Coca Cola factory?" or "What time is it?". Just random girls who pass by. After a little practice you can even start to say "Hello" to beautiful women on the street.

Make rejection your Goal
How can you survive a "turn-down" and a "failure of dating"?

Since a woman sitting alone in a bar is asked probably 10 times per night for a date she can (and will) turn you down easily (without further thought) while it may be very bitter FOR YOU.

Now there IS a strategy to work around this devastating experience: You should WANT to be rejected. This may sound strange but is one of the most effective strategies: Make it your goal to be turned down at least 10 times per night. Laugh at rejections. Treat them as sport (you can not always win, can you?).

You can even continue to keep this "goal to fail" during advanced stages of a dating (= when already talking, when going home with her, etc).

Let me make this clear for you: You WILL get rejected in about 90%-95% of the cases. But it's not because of YOU it's simply because how things work. After you are more experienced that figure may drop.

You could even "start a night" with the prettiest girls around. Get rejected. Try with less pretty girls. And so on.

Double Rejection
You can even refine Make rejection your goal: Go out with another single male and as each one of you gets rejected you have a lot to talk and laugh about. And, boy, can rejections be fun! And they surely are experiences.

After all, if you think about it, whether something is good or bad it's all a Point of View.

No date, no rejection
You can overcome dating failures by NOT TRYING TO PICK UP a girl. Why don't you just start a small talk for the sake of a small talk? Just say "Hello, do you like cats?" or anything similar "unrelated to dating". Talk to her about... stuff. Don't be romantic. Just talk as if to a boy. This is an advice related to An offer a woman cannot refuse.

And by the way: Women love to flirt in a non-sexual way. Just smalltalkin'.

Practice with a no-go partner
This is a side idea to No date, no rejection: You can approach a girl with whom you would never start a dating usually. Just to train how to talk to a woman.

Fear of failure
All rejection fears come down to the Fear of Failure. But how in the world can you be self-confident and able and have less fear of failure if you refuse to practice? Imagine you were afraid to go to the kitchen and to open the fridge and to get a Pepsi. Imagine instead of just doing that you would sit and think and think and think about the horror of failure. There is no sense in that is it?

After all it is you who decides whether you want to look back on "a life full of chances not taken" or "a life with many used opportunities and a few failures".

Women you should avoid
To lower the chances of a rejection you should NOT try to contact these women:
  • Women who are in a hurry
  • Women who looked stressed
  • Women who are upset
  • Woman who obviously have a boy-friend
  • Woman who fold their arms
  • Women who are known to fool men
Don't get me wrong: You can always TRY, because this is merely an advice to reduce the failure rate. If you don't mind about rejections then go ahead and talk to those stressed business women running to catch a taxi...

Please also read Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection.

You can not be liked by everyone
This is a side note to Make Rejection your Goal: It is practically impossible to be liked by 100% of people. Just visit the site Compare the most disliked and the most liked celebrities: The most liked celebs are at 40% (= only 40% dislike them). The least liked celebs get 70% (= 70% dislike them, 30% like them)

Here are a few examples:
  • Usama Bin Ladin: 70% think he is annoying (= 30% think he is not annoying)
  • Adolf Hitler: 70% think he is annoying
  • Claudia Schiffer: 70% think she is annoying
  • Stalin: 70% think he is annoying
  • Britney Spears: 70% think she is annoying
  • Jack the Ripper: 70% think he is annoying
  • Michael Jackson: 70% think he is annoying
  • George W. Bush: 60% think he is annoying
  • Paul McCartney: 50% think he is annoying
  • Led Zeppelin: 40% think the group is annoying
  • Jesus: 40% think he is annoying
These are just examples, but as you see, WHATEVER YOU DO you don't get below 40% or above 70%.

Legitimate Reasons for a Rejection
Please also accept that THERE ARE legitimate reasons why a girl may reject you:
  • The girl just married
  • The girl has a boy-friend with whom she is happy
  • The girl has several lovers and doesn't need more
  • The girl has an incurable infectious disease
  • The girl has current body pains
  • The girl is a lesbian
  • The girl has religious reasons (e.g. she's a Jehova's witness and marries only other Jehovah's witnesses)
  • The girl has ethnical reasons (e.g. her parents are Turkish and only allow Turkish boy-friends)
  • The girl doesn't like you (yes, it's her right to like or dislike people at her own request)
  • You remind her of somebody she deeply dislikes. Ok, this is probably not a legitimate reason per se, but understandable.
  • ...
Thus if she rejects you IT DOES NOT mean that it's YOUR fault. Yes, she might be a bit unfriendly (or maybe she doesn't anything at all), but the above reasons are legitimate for a rejection.

In other words #1:
Every guy (no matter how good looking) gets rejected from time to time.

In other words #2:
It's a number's game. The more girls you ask the more you can date.

In other words #3:
Move on. When she's not interested then it means..... she's not interested. No more than that.

In other words #4:
If you don't move on and try and try to convince her then you not only break some of the rules of this site, but you also run straight into a rejection... and you're the only one to blame.

Please also read Women you should avoid.

Reasons for shyness
Please read You can not be liked by everyone and Make Rejection your Goal and No date, no rejection first.

There are 2 main reasons for shyness/ lack of self-confidence: 1) You are afraid what others think of you 2) You are afraid of a failure

Reasons 1 & 2 can be "trained away".
1) Don't give a damn what others think of you. As long as you don't behave like the last Neanderthal jerk you shouldn't be afraid of anything. You won't see most of the women you fail to pick up ever again anyway (unless you live in a small village). So why worrying? Moreover if you are friendly and well behaving then there is no reason why she should scare you off. She will be friendly, too. If she is unfriendly for no reason then you learned enough about her to not date her anyway.

2) Imagine the worst failure there can be and realize that it isn't that bad even if it came true. You can train with another male single to reject you. You play the game of "Asking and Rejecting". You try to pick him up and he rejects you. Once you get used to get rejected it feels less painful. If you don't have anybody to train, then write down "rejection quotes" (see Rejection Quotes) and realize they are just words.

Think of that too: Most men are shy but they took action nevertheless. So what was the difference between you (shy) and them (shy)? The action! What is the difference between you (shy) and the jerk (who has a girlfriend)? The action!

Stop thinking about having a girl-friend and get one!

Rejection Quotes
Read the following female rejection quotes and realize they are just words. These quotes are about anything that can happen to you. Be prepared to hear them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.
  • "No thank you"
  • "Sorry, you're not my type"
  • "I have a boy-friend"
  • "Get off"
  • "Get off, you moron"
  • "You? Never!!"
  • "Shut up"
  • "Don't waste your time"
  • "Don't waste my time"
  • "No thanks, you are ugly!"
  • "No way"
  • "Phew!"
  • "Everybody has wishes"
  • "Fuck you"
  • "No, not with you"
  • "You can ask my dog. Maybe he will take you"
  • "Don't even dare!"
  • "Grow a bit more and come back later"
  • "If you were the last man on earth I wouldn't date you"
  • "Sorry, but I am concentrating on my career"
  • "Don't even try"
  • "You stink"
  • "Fuck off"
  • "Are you a man or a woman?"
  • "Get me a beer and get off"
  • "Sorry, I am not in the right mood for this"
  • "Sorry, I am not THAT kind of girl"
  • "Hey, girls, look at him"
  • "Oh, god, not again"
  • "Do I look like I would hang out with guys like you?"
  • "Go to Jerry Springer, you freak"
  • "With you? Why should I?"
  • "I don't date co-workers"
  • "Yeah, but I don't like YOU"
  • "It's not you. It's me"
  • "Would you please leave me alone"
  • "Where did they let YOU out?"
  • "I don't date neighbors"
  • "No, I just want to have friendly relationship. I need a friend not a lover"
  • "You're too old" "You're 20 years too old"
    "You're too young"
    "You're not my age"
  • "With you? Look at you!"
  • "You are too fat"
  • "YOU come to a girl like ME? Don't you have eyes in your head?"
  • "Sorry, I just talk to pretty men"
  • "My life is too complicated right now."
  • "Is here any nest where jerks like you come out?"
  • "You are too skinny"
  • "I just split up. I need some time out"
  • "I am a lesbian" "Sorry, mate, I am gay"
  • "You men suck"
  • "You wish"
  • "I don't date idiots"
  • "I don't date guys like you"
  • "You're so ugly"
  • "One more word and I call security"
  • "I hate men"
  • "I can't stand men like you"
  • ...
All the above statements can be accompanied by gestures and facial expressions and emotional flows. Realize they are just gestures/emotional flows. Be prepared to see/feel them and prepare yourself not to become the effect of them.
  • Judging you disgusted from head to toe
  • Shaking her head
  • Making a disgusted face
  • Making a funny face (= you are an idiot)
  • Sending you away with a hand movement
  • Showing her palm (= stop)
  • Showing you her middle finger
  • "Sending" you a "being disgusted" flow
  • "Sending" you a "don't want you near" flow
  • "Sending" you a "bad luck wish" flow
  • Tipping her head with her forefinger (= you are an idiot)
  • Blowing cigarette smoke into your face
  • Wetting you with her drink on purpose
  • Showing you her tongue disgustingly
  • Making invalidating/devaluing noises
  • Running off to her friends and telling what an idiot you are and laughing at you
  • ...
Please also read You can not be liked by everyone.

Important: If you have more rejection quotes then send them in!!
Posted by LC at 11:45 AM | TrackBack

February 17, 2005


The following no-nonsense list was compiled from interviews with long-time online daters and the business executives and support staff of several major online dating services. What's the bottom line? The single most important part of online dating is how you handle the simple act of representing yourself with photos.

1.Not posting a photo at all. Not posting a photo at all is arguably the most serious mistake. You must have something to hide if your photo is a blank space. Trust us, everyone thinks so. And that jaundiced phrase "ask for my picture" is sounding pretty lame these days. Describing yourself in words is lame, too.

2.Posting a photo that is more than 2 or 3 years old. If you are too much older than your picture you've committed the sin of "age shaving" online. This is guaranteed to put your relationship on shaky ground from the start and is usually an instant "deal breaker." Ever wonder why that second date never happens? It's a sure bet they won't tell you if you "age shaved".

3.Is that little figure in the background you? See # 1. If your image is so small you can't be seen clearly you must be butt-ugly or have something to hide. Lame. Get a real photo of yourself. We've already seen Yosemite - in person.

4.Compromising by using a photo with a strange or goofy expression. If the only fairly close up, kinda' clear picture you have of yourself looks like you just smelled something unmentionable, it's time for a better photo. Even prose by Shakespeare in your profile can't overcome the awful first impression created by a drunken, or worse, that dreaded "deer in headlights" look.

5.Is that you - or is the one on the left you - or is the one in the background you? Why are you kissing that strange-looking man on the cheek? Who is that man with his hand on your ass? Are those your parents? If we have to guess or if you have to explain it in your profile text, it's too late. Try to avoid posting a photo with more people than you in it, especially if the other person(s) are of the opposite sex, even if you think the photo of you is good.

6.Take off those sunglasses. See #1. Going incognito are we? Playing Joe Hollywood? Wearing sunglasses just suggests you have something to hide.

7.You at the party, head tossed back in laughter, beer in hand, having so much fun you make us puke. It's not that we believe that you get drunk and party 5 nights a week, but why should we take the chance.

8.Trusting your mother or brother to tell you which photos you should use online. Your mother thinks even your goofiest picture looks absolutely charming. Your view is biased, too. That favorite photo that you think looks really, really good might not. Instead, ask someone of the opposite sex who you find attractive which photos you should use online. That's the single most accurate measure of your photo's effectiveness. Why? Because when you post your photo online, you'll be impressing just such people - or not impressing them - a thousand times a day.

9.Showing too much skin. This will get you just the wrong responses if you're a woman, and usually no responses at all if you're a man. There are exceptions, but not many.

10.Using your crappy snapshots because you think using professional photos is "cheating". Using professional quality photos is the first thing online dating experts suggest you do if you take your online dating seriously. You certainly don't trust your health, your vision or even your haircut to an amateur. So why trust your online image to one? Making a lasting first impression with professional photos is a sensible way to put your best face forward.
Posted by LC at 10:40 AM | TrackBack

February 15, 2005

First Mails and Dates

How do you start off an email love affair? What do you talk about on a first date? Whilst first impressions do count, long term success relies on getting to know each other. The problem for many of us is the inane way we date. Going to a movie for a first date whilst easy, may leave you feeling a bit empty. After 2 hours of sitting in the dark, chances are you'll still be in the dark about your prospective new partner.

The best way to get to know someone is to talk to them and get them to talk about themselves. Here's our top ten list of things to discuss (they may reveal a lot more than you expected!):
  • 1. Whom do you admire? Why?
  • 2. Tell me about your family: is there anything you would have changed?
  • 3. What, if anything, is your most prized possession?
  • 4. What's your greatest achievement?
  • 5. Is there anything you've dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?
  • 6. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
  • 7. What's your greatest strength? ... and weakness?
  • 8. What makes you angry or depressed?
  • 9. What type of relationship are you looking for?
  • 10. Where would you like to live?
Take it easy, with just one or two questions per email or date - you don't want to it to sound like an interrogation. Good luck.
Posted by LC at 03:22 PM | TrackBack

February 08, 2005

Safety Tips for Online Dating

Online dating is a great way to meet many new people in a short period of time. But before you venture into the world of cyberdating, check out these five tips to be safe:

1.Show Patience
You may be anxious to start a new relationship but that doesn't mean you should rush into meetings with strangers. Take the time to make sure you're ready to move from the online world to an offline encounter.

2.Talk on the Phone
There's no need to jump from online chats to a face-to-face meeting. Use the phone as an additional checkpoint. You can tell a lot about people by their mannerisms on the phone. If your gut says something is amiss, call-off the get-together.

3.Ask for a Photo
While some people may go so far as to send a fake photo, in most cases you'll get the real deal.If something creeps you out about the face, leave it at that and move on to the next potential mate.

4.Choose a Safe Place
If you decide to meet face-to-face, be sure to pick a safe location, full of people, and familiar to you. Most predators will avoid taking action in broad daylight, surrounded by people.

5.Use Common Sense
It may sound obvious, but if you feel something is not right, listen to your gut and get out of the situation. Use your common sense to make good decisions and you'll lean toward meeting the right people.

Following these five tips will let you maximize your enjoyment of online sites while also minimizing your chances of a mishap.
Posted by LC at 08:17 AM | TrackBack

February 07, 2005

Dating Tips for the Single Parent


Q: Dear April,

I'm newly divorced and dating a great guy (at least he seems great after five dates). Things seem to be progressing so quickly — I'm excited but also wary. He has a daughter, and he wants me and my son to go to a movie with him and his daughter, but I'm not sure if it's too soon to introduce him to my son. I'm afraid my son will think I'm trying to replace his father. Help! Signed, Divorced Mom Dating

A: Dear Divorced Mom Dating, Go slow. Don't introduce anyone you haven't been dating seriously (ie: mutually exclusively) for under six months, to your son. It's okay to let your son know you're dating. But let him know that this is grown up fun. Not a family affair. And stick to that. If things do go well, and there comes an appropriate time to introduce Mr. Right to your son, keep in mind that you know you're not replacing junior's dad. No one will replace his dad. If you know that, it'll be easier for your son and your boyfriend to "get it." You are (or may be), however, adding a lovely man to the mix, if in fact, at some point you decide to "add" him, to yours and your son's life. Just because you're divorced, doesn't mean you're broken. And neither is your son. Read more on this subject in "Parent Trapped".

Here's a few things to keep in mind:

1. You will never replace your child's dad. Whether you're in love or hate with your child's father, he is your child's dad. Don't denigrate him. If you denigrate the dad, you denigrate the child. Allow your child, and yourself, the notion that his father will always be his father. Read Dating After Divorce for more tips and suggestions on dating as a divorcee. 2. You may add a man to his life who is icing on the many layered cake. If you find happiness with another man, your child will be happy for you and for himself. If the child is jealous, it's because they are afraid that you will be taken away from them by this new person. It's a reasonable fear. And a good reason to go slow. Life changes, but usually for the good. 3. You don't have to feel guilty about adding a man to your life, and your child's. Your child will take the good from the different adults in his life. This new man may add some wonderful assets to all of your lives. Relax. Having an extended family doesn't mean yours was broken, and is now fixed. It's just what it is.
Posted by LC at 04:26 PM | TrackBack

February 03, 2005

Conversation Starters For First Dates

On first dates conversation can be uncomfortably slow at times. You don't know much about the person and you have no history with them so it can be difficult to find things to talk about. Add a little bit of nervousness and tension to the situation and things are downright awkward.

This article will give you a few ideas to help you start great conversations on a date with people that you may not know very well. But first, it's important to understand a few things about socializing on dates.

People like to talk about themselves! Most of us would rather talk about our life than listen to someone else talk about theirs. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just human nature. With that in mind the conversation starters I give you later in this article purposely focus the conversation on the other person.

It's a good idea to keep all conversation positive--never bring up negative things like death. It's also wise to avoid controversial subjects like religion, politics, and abortion until you get to know the person better.

Try desperately to keep away from all "canned" conversations like, "So, what do you do?" or, "Where are you from?" This stuff is important to know later on (maybe the second or third date) but it makes you seem dull and unoriginal... not the kind of image you want to portray on the first date.

Here are some good conversation starters that focus the conversation on the other person:

>>> "Have any pets?"

This should start up a lively conversation because people LOVE their pets and LOVE talking about them even more. If they don't have any pets then just move on to something else. Or, you could ask, "Really? Why not?"

>>> "Where did you get that _______?"

Ask them about a specific piece of jewelry or clothing. This conversation starter works particularly well with a really unique piece of jewelry or clothing... something they might be interested in telling the story behind.

>>> "Have you ever ________?"

Ask about something that you are knowledgeable about or enjoy doing. This is a good way to find out if you have common ground. If they do have that interest in common with you then you will have plenty to talk about. If they don't have that interest then just say, "Oh, I see." They will ask, "Why do ask, have you?" Then answer honestly but don't brag and don't go on about it for too long--just move onto something else.

>>> "Do you like sports?"

Men AND women are passionate about sports and all enthusiasts enjoy talking about them. Who knows, you both may enjoy the same sport... why not buy tickets and go to a game for your next date?

>>> "Have you ever been to ________?"

Ask them if they have ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it's a club, restaurant, or amusement park. If they HAVEN'T been there then this is a great way to get a second date... "You haven't been? You don't know what you are missing out on, we have GOT to go..."

All of these conversation starters are centered around topics that have the potential for interesting and exciting conversation.

If you really have trouble with keeping conversation going it may be a good idea to go out on a group date with another couple. This will take most of the pressure off of you two so conversation will flow more easily and naturally.

Good luck. And remember, your date wants to respect you-- don't make it hard for them!

by Brian Caniglia
Posted by LC at 09:09 AM | TrackBack

3 Things every Average Looking Guy must have if he wants to Seduce and Date Stunning Looking Women

Have you ever found yourself in a bar or club, taking a quiet moment to reflect upon why that average looking guy who just walked through the door has a stunning looking woman on his arm?

Does that in any way… get on your nerves, annoy or even anger you?

What is it about that guy… he's not rich and he's no Brad Pitt, so how come he has this gorgeous woman all over him?

Listen up, cause I'm gonna tell you. This guy has three distinct characteristics that magnetically attract women… gorgeous women… like a moth to a flame.

So let's break these characteristics down into these three pieces and examine them. The first thing about this guy, let's call him Bob, is that he is,


Everybody likes Bob! People want and like to be around him.

Being important also entitles him to three bonuses and these bonuses are,

• Admiration - people admire Bob, they look up to him for advice, his opinion on things and so on.

• Courtesy - people are always nice to him, like to please him, do things for him and make him happy.

• Trust - people will automatically trust a guy that is deemed admirable.

The second magnetic characteristic about Bob is that he is,


Again, because he is funny, people want to be around him. He makes people laugh - everybody loves to laugh.

"Laughter is like chicken soup for the soul."

He knows that by making others laugh, he can break down people's defensive barriers making anybody around him completely warm to him and his personality.

People also want him around, they know that when he's present, he fulfils one of the most important needs that any human being has… the need to be and feel happy!

The third and final thing about Bob is that he is,


Everyday is different. He knows how to enjoy himself. Again, people are drawn to him (see how this keeps popping up), they want to be around him.

He does different stuff. Whatever it may be you can be sure that it's not all 9 - 5, blue shirt, straight laced and tight underpants for this guy.

In fact, I bet he doesn't even need to do much sweet talking at all if he wants to get a woman into bed let alone a first date… Why?… Because most women would fight tooth and nail to be with this guy.

But why?

Well, he's exciting.

Let me ask you, why do most relationships fail… Because couples get bored with each other, sick of doing the same things day in day out.

Bob's different; every day's a different day… remember.

He's funny. Women love to laugh, it makes them feel happy and next to health, what's the most important thing in life?… HAPPINESS!

And now for the biggest secret of all. You see, women love popular guys for two reasons.

The first we all know, it's that whole dominant male thing, it really turns them on.

The second is a secret that nobody knows and I'm gonna tell you right now. Are you ready?… You see, when a woman dates this guy, she also becomes popular - she's the girl who's dating the guy that everybody loves.

And guess what? Because of her position, she is now also entitled to the three bonuses. She is popular, people like her, do things for her, make her feel special, loved, admire her.

Bob's girlfriend now has all her emotional needs taken care of.

You see, Bob's got the whole package. He doesn't need a fancy car, a big house, a swollen bank account, good looks or any of that stuff.

He's appealed to every woman's emotions. If you want to seduce gorgeous women, develop these three characteristics and I bet you women will be chasing you and then the tides will be turned.

To answer your question… that is why Bob, the average looking guy has got a stunning woman clinging to him.

Peace. Richard Fletcher.
Posted by LC at 08:33 AM | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

Will You Marry Me?

There is no other time, than the beginning of a relationship, when couples verbally express their love for each other. This is especially true for wedding proposals.

Proposals and vows are words said to your partner…special statements that summarize the entire relationship. They are significant because once they are said, the course of the relationship changes from casual to serious.

The beauty of proposals and vows is in their brevity. They capture the essence of your love, devotion, and commitment in just a few words.

I Want to Spend The Rest of My Life With You

Because a wedding proposal is a story that will be told and retold, it needs to be done in a way to create a storybook tale of the event. Basically, something that you will be proud to tell people the rest of your lives. Here are some guidelines to help you propose with style:
  • Choose a meaningful date that is easy to remember, such as Valentine's Day.
  • Choose a place that has personal meaning, such as the first place you went on a date.
  • Incorporate details that personalize the history of your relationship.
  • Plan the proposal for a day that your partner won't be too rushed or stressed to enjoy the moment.
  • Select a private place, unless you don't mind others watching.

    by Nancy Fagan, M.S.,
    Posted by LC at 11:02 AM | TrackBack
  • February 01, 2005


    We’ve all been on dates where we met someone to whom we were in some way attracted, had a drink or a meal together, enjoyed each other’s company and have gone home satisfied, ready either to continue seeing each other or say “that was nice, but s/he’s not “The One”. Those dates are no problem. It’s the others, the ones where you get out of your car and see them standing waiting…you do the “Five Second Survey” and find your insides are screaming; “pleeease don’t let it be him/her!” And it is. Those are the difficult dates and the ones we’re going to discuss this month.

    So how do we end up in these situations? Don’t we look at a photo before we arrange these dates?

    There was never an occasion where I went on a date arranged over the internet where I hadn’t seen a picture of the guy beforehand, but that didn’t stop me from getting that sinking feeling on more than one occasion . I don’t know, maybe the light was good, maybe it was simply a question of photos not capturing those indefinable physical signals that people give off in the flesh, but I was convinced that I’d been sent mugshots of a much better looking brother at least once.

    The weird thing was I blamed myself. I felt bad because I realised that I was a shallow person because I set so much store on looks, much more than I’d previously thought. But hey, it’s natural.

    So you’re in the car park, s/he’s waiting what do you do?

    I’d suggest that you gather your wits, put on your best smile and go meet your date. After all, you’ve both gone out of your way to do this. Exchange a few pleasantries, enter the bar or restaurant and take some time out to do the Ten Minute Monitor. If the Five Second Survey was about animal magnetism, the Ten Minute Monitor is about all your date’s other qualities. How they carry themselves, walk, talk and what about. Does she have a winning smile? Can he make you laugh? Do you share stuff in common? Remember, if you avoid turning this date into a headhunting expedition for someone to share your life for eternity, you’re more likely to relax and simply have a good time hanging out with someone new for a little while.

    Talk about the experience of doing this crazy internet dating thing a little. I know the other experts say avoid it , but I think it’s madness to pretend that you just met each other in the normal run of events; acknowledge your scepticism/wonderment/nervousness at the idea of it all, talk a little about what’s happened for you and move on.

    Hopefully, you’ve opted to have a drink, with only the possible potential for a meal. That way, if you have to submit to the urge for Early Exit, you can do so without too much face being lost on either side.

    By the end of the Ten Minute Monitor, you’ll probably have some idea about where this is all going for you. There’s still probably another 10 minutes left in your drink, but you can use that to think about what you want to do next.

    Hopefully, you’ll have decided that you’re having enough fun to want to stick around, but if that Early Exit is calling, you’re going to have to be tough – with both yourself and your date. Don’t resort to stupid tactics like going to the WC and simply disappearing. Be upfront, but vague; “It’s been good to meet you, but I don’t think we’re well suited”. I’m not suggesting this always goes smoothly – you will occasionally come across dates who don’t understand the “rules” of the game and want to argue their case or get dreadfully upset, but just be firm, use that Broken Record and aim to leave soon after finishing that first drink. Remember, you have a social responsibility to be respectful of people’s feelings, but that doesn’t make you responsible for them.

    I can’t guarantee that you will feel good at the close of this type of date. Disappointing and being disappointed isn’t likely to make you feel good. However, you will feel that you handled this situation as best you could, with dignity, and feel more able to risk the next date….which will be fine – trust me!!
    Posted by LC at 10:44 AM | TrackBack

    January 31, 2005

    7 Secrets to Winning the One You Want!

    Have you ever felt frustrated trying to get the one you want to want you back? Have you ever felt like the cause was hopeless and there's just nothing you can do to win their heart'

    Such frustrations are common. All human beings are subject to them and while there is no way to completely avoid them there is a way through them to success. The way requires a basic understanding of those principles that motivate the human heart in the first place, and a patient application of those principles in the second.

    If you will systematically apply those principles in a rationally thought out strategy which has been determined ahead of time, you will ultimately reap the rewards of your efforts.

    Applying the principles is up to you, but today I would to share with you a few truths relating to love and romance:

    "In Love" is a form of dependency. Therefore, if you want someone to be in love with you, you will have to make up your mind to meet their emotional needs so that they can grow dependent upon you. This includes hundreds of hours of listening to them while they talk and you, for the most part, are just attentively silent.

    People are attracted to independence and repulsed by those who seem to cling. Therefore, to avoid scaring off a potential love you must throw in a lot of apparent aloofness while trying to win them. If you think this may confuse the one your want about your real intentions, you're right. Sorry, but that's just the way it needs to be in the early stages of romance.

    People want what they can't have.

    Therefore, you have to hold back form giving yourself completely to the one you want at the first indications they're starting to become attracted to you. Instead of giving the dog the whole steak at once, feed it to him/her one bite at a time, over an extended period of time.
    I'm speaking here of deeply shared feeling and your valuable time. These should be rationed out. As to sexual involvement, that should be withheld until after the marriage vows, or you'll reduce their incentive to get there. Why buy the cow when the milk is free'

    People's conscious decisions are really subconsciously motivated. Therefore, don't be too concerned by what the one you want says they think they want, or acts like they think they want. You just determine to act on principle and eventually they'll realize that what they really want is you.

    People are most drawn to a person with a positive and confident self-image. Therefore, resist the temptation to spill your feeling of self-doubt. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than somebody who insists on bursting your bubble and destroying the image they want to have of you.

    People's attitudes are really a reflection of what you think of them. Therefore, while not wearing your heart on your sleeve, you must still prove though your actions that your friendship to them is a committed one. This takes time.

    The longer a relationship grows, the stronger it becomes. Therefore, if you mess up along the way, take comfort in the fact that tomorrow is another day, and the fact that you prove you have lasted and learned from yesterday's hardship, will in itself add to their feelings of commitment to you in the long run.
    Posted by LC at 10:33 AM | TrackBack

    Getting Noticed

    It's all about getting noticed! Here are a few tips to get the most out of flirting or dating online:
    Your Profile
    Think about it - if you were going out to hoping to meet someone, chances are you'd take a bit of time to dress up or down depending on your style and the type of person you'll be looking to meet. The same goes for your online profile.

    The old saying about first impressions was never truer than now online; you may only have a few seconds to make the right impression. So take a while to get it right. Most importantly, be honest. If you claim to be Arnie in The Terminator and turn out to be a stand-in for Mr Bean, chances are you'll not be off to a great start.

    Let's look at the basics:

    Your Screen Name and Profile Headline
    Choose something that says something about you and possibly the type of person you'd hope to get in touch with. If you call yourself JacuzziBabe, don't be surprised when you get hundreds of messages from guys not interested in 2.4 kids, a dog and station wagon. However, if you're after a bit of bubbly fun, then you're spot on.

    Your Profile Content
    You'll notice that most questions have the option of not being answered. Think about those that you leave blank. You may prefer not to answer a specific question (your religion, for example) but leaving some others (say, eye-colour) tends to just look like a sloppy profile. When it comes to the 'narrative' section, take some time over it. We can't all be Oscar Wilde, but a few well-written lines will go along way to getting noticed.

    It's a fact: profiles with photos get much more attention. Choose photos that are clear and uncluttered. Ideally, use photos that have you as the only person in the picture to avoid confusion. Besides, your friends and family might not want to be published online, so respect their privacy.

    Update Your Profile
    Not getting the attention or responses you'd like? Review your profile regularly and update it every now and then. Keep it fresh!

    A few simple ideas and you should be off to a flying start.
    Posted by LC at 08:36 AM | TrackBack

    Online Dating Safety

    So you've taken the plunge and set up a profile online... (If you haven't, what are you waiting for!) What now? Sit back and wait for the messages to flow in, or go looking, the choice is yours. Whatever you choose to do, here are a few practical guidelines to think about.

    Flirting and dating on-line is no different to doing it off-line, just a lot safer and easier if you do it right. Most of the 'rules' are common sense. Your mother was most probably right - you just don't have to admit it.

    Create The Right Impression Make sure your profile is not misleading. Give the wrong idea and you'll be sure to get the wrong response or no responses at all.

    Think About What You Say When contacting another member for the first time or responding to a message, think about it. As tempting as it may be to walk up to a stranger at a party and place a hand on their sexy butt, chances are you wouldn't. So don't do it online, unless of course there is a large sign that says 'Touch Me!'

    Personal Details The greatest thing about being online is the safety and privacy it affords you. Just be careful! When you start corresponding with people don't give out your personal details too early. Build up a sense of mutual trust first. Keep your last name, telephone number, email address, place of work and exact family details private until you are ready to share them.

    Don't be Pushed Watch out for people pressing you for your personal details too early and too often. Also, hang back on meeting off-line until you are ready.

    Inconsistencies Keep an eye out for changes in content and style in the messages you receive. If Mr Loving Kindness suddenly starts sounding like Carlos the Jackal on testosterone it may be an idea to back off or move on.

    Meeting Off-Line This is the big one! You mailed each other, chatted and are ready to take the plunge and meet for real. Whilst taking your brother from the commandos with you may ensure your safety, chances are your date may get nervous, or prefer him to you!

    Make your first few meetings in public places, ideally at lunchtime if you can. If you have a mobile phone take it with you and possibly take a pre-arranged call. Tell someone where you are going and try to have plans for after your date - don't be caught out with "so what are you doing after dinner?". Have your answer ready. Don't give out your home or work address and don't give in to pressure.

    And guys, all this applies to you to. The chances of being taken for a ride by women may be less, but don't discount it.

    Most importantly, relax, have fun and keep things safe.
    Posted by LC at 08:25 AM | TrackBack

    January 29, 2005

    Have Fun on your Date, don't just

    10 Tips For Frugal Daters

    You have found a possible soul mate, but now you are worried of the cost of the whole wooing process because you’re on a thrifty budget. Well, do not fret over it because there are alternative ideas. It is possible to date with little or no cash flow and it can allow you to be creative while having a frugally fun time.

    1.Do some star gazing at a local college observatory. It is open to the public during the school year and it’s absolutely free.

    2.Feel one with nature. Have a picnic and explore a state or national park (admission is typically under $10 or free).

    3.See a music laser show at a planetarium for around $6.00.

    4.Check out a poetry reading or other events at a bookstore. Sometimes snacks or beverages are provided.

    5.Create a food themes night and cook each other a dinner and appetizer at home.

    6.Check out local arts festivals, craft fairs, flea markets or antiques fairs. Admission is typically under $10.

    7.Attend a beer or wine tasting. At less than $10 each, you get more buzz for your buck!

    8.Swing is back. Take a dance lesson and tear up the dance floor with the hottest moves. Often, the first lesson is free.

    9.Attend a student art show. Often the shows are free and refreshments follow.

    10.Rent your favorite movies or see a Pay Per View movie for under $10.

    Posted by LC at 10:25 AM | TrackBack

    Dating expert Carolyn McKline trawls through the oodles of dating tips available and compiles her practical advice for real people


    Speed Dating can be a great and easy way of meeting available people in your area, but the nature of this beast requires a little extra attention to detail. From the goodness of my heart (plus a paltry commission) I’ve compiled some guidelines to help you get the most from your evening. I even put it in a nice easy to read list so no excuses!
    • 1. Use your flirting techniques- if you’re interested let them know! Eye contact, the occasional friendly touch and using the date’s name often are useful tools. Unless you really want them probably best to stay clear of licking your lips suggestively!
    • 2. Have a number of stock questions ready. Five minutes may not seem a lot but there is nothing worse than drying up.
    • 3. Dress well (and this applies to men too!) Speed Dating tends to attract the fashionable and well groomed.
    • 4. Observe basic safety guidelines when meeting matches. Meet in a public place, tell a friend where you are going, don’t give out your home address to easily. In other words, USE YOUR COMMON SENSE!
    • 5. Use the break and “after dating” times to chat and meet. If you fluffed your lines during your scheduled date, don’t be scared to make an approach later for a second chance.
    • 6. Be careful what you eat, particularly if food is served during the dating. Is your date likely to enjoy the sight of you gorging on noodles? Probably not. Stick to simple, non-spicy food you can share.
    • 7. Relax. Research has proven that over anxiety in potential partners is one of the 3rd biggest turn off for women and the 5th for men.
    Do not:
    • 1. Tell lies! Might seem like a good idea at the time, but how long could you pretend to be a brain surgeon/dolphin trainer/ballerina for if you met again?
    • 2. Have unrealistic expectations. Speed Dating can be a great way of meeting available people in a short space of time but it may be unrealistic to expect a string of dates on the back of the evening.
    • 3. Forget to fill out the Speed Dating cards after each rotation. There is nothing worse than getting to the end of the night and pondering that special person with the wonderful eyes and thinking: “Now what was their name?”
    • 4. Use excessive swearing. This is often a big turn off for both sexes.
    • 5. Talk overtly on controversial topics. Of course you don’t want to be completely bland, but think about it- would you really like to listen to your rant on Israel’s conduct in Palestine ?
    • 6. Be tempted to give your personal contact details on the evening. Might seem like the most natural thing in the world at the time but email contact is safer, and more fun, to start with.
    • 7. Get blind drunk. You can imagine it- the music pumping, the lights down low, meeting a string of attractive, unattached strangers…and you flat out on the floor telling the nearest person: “I love you, I’ve always loved you…” Watch those matches fly in. Not.
    Posted by LC at 10:04 AM | TrackBack

    January 28, 2005

    Dating Tips

    ... A Date

    Two people organizing to meet, and partake in some sort of activity together. Such as going to dinner, having drinks, going to a dance club, going to the movies or a theatre production, going to a sports event.


    To go on a date with someone more than once can be considered dating. Not limited to just one person, some people will be dating a couple of people at the same time.

    Seeing someone

    Same as dating. Usually you have gone on dates, met a few times just to talk to each other, and possibly even spent the night at each others houses.

    Dating Exclusively

    Dating only one person exclusively. A more serious relationship then just casual dating, becoming an official couple.

    Blind date

    Two people meeting for a date, who have never met before. Usually organised by mutual friends. Also known as a "Set Up".

    Long Distance Relationship

    When two people seeing each other exclusively live in different towns, cities, states, or even countries. The LDR can work if both parties are both extremely devoted to each other, and are willing to make sacrifices for the relationship.

    Dating Rules - Do's

    • Always try to look your best and be on time for your dates.
    • Remember to have fun! Although finding Mr or Miss Right may be a serious issue for you, dating is suppose to be fun.
    • Flatter or compliment your date. Chances are they spent just as much time getting ready as you did, and its nice to hear praise for your efforts.
    • Be interested in what your date has to say.
    • Be honest with your date if you are not interested in seeing them again. Keeping their hopes up is a horrible thing, and you would hate to be lied to, so just tell them. In the nicest way possible.
    • Date the kind of people that you like and are attracted to, and forget about what type of person your friends like. Their approval proves nothing.
    • Stay positive even if your dates don't end well. We all have to date a few frogs before we find our prince, and who knows, you might make some great friends and contacts along the way.
    • Be proactive in the search for a date. You can't expect people to come knocking on your door, so get out there and meet some people. Be friendly to everyone and practice your flirting.
    • Surround yourself with positive like minded people who are also dating. Good friends assist each other in dating and romantic matters. Negative friends who disapprove of the dating scene or are not part of it, will only bring you down.

    Dating Rules - Don'ts

    • Don't call someone more than once a day, unless they reply. Desperation is a huge turn off.
    • Don't repeat the same mistakes and date the same kind of people.
    • Men should never ever be late for a date, as chivalry is NOT dead and a woman should not be kept waiting and have to seat herself.
    • Don't lie to your date, or pretend to be something you are not. If things work out, having to confess a lie down the track could ruin things.
    • Never be available all the time. Keep a little mystery about yourself, and be interesting and not always available.
    • Don't tell everything about yourself from the start. Keep a little mystery about yourself, and your date will be left hanging for more.
    • Don't check out other people when you are on a date. No matter how subtle you think you are, chances are they will notice and it is just plain rude.
    • Don't get drunk on a date. You'll end up saying something you shouldn't.
    • Don't trust anyone until you get to know them. Think about your safety. Carry a mobile phone with you, tell your friends where you will be, and have your first dates in public places.
    • Don't give out too much personal information on the first date. Wait until you are sure of you date before giving your phone number and home address.
    • Don't have sex on the first date if you want to continue dating them.
    • Don't date a married person. If they are serious, they will leave their partner before pursuing another person. If you are married, separate first. If you are single, remember you deserve much better.
    Posted by LC at 03:00 PM | TrackBack

    Online Dating - 8 Sizzling Tips To Make Your Profile Standout!

    We know one of the hardest part of creating your profile is describing yourself to others.

    Following are some time tested nuggets that can assist you in creating a compelling & attention grabbing profile.

    Honesty is the Best Policy

    As the saying goes, honesty is the best policy. Honesty is taken seriously at Dating and it's the single most important thing to remember when writing a great profile. It's much easier to write about yourself if you are honest about who you are. It prevents you from having to spin ways to best sell yourself or guess at what you think other people want to read.

    A major part of being honest is not misleading people down the road. People will assume that what you write is true � and you don't want to set people up for a surprise later by stretching the truth in your profile. For example, if you hate mountain climbing, don't say you love it just to grab the eye of an outdoorsy type.

    Give Some Thought Of What Sets You Apart.

    How are you different? What gives you your unique character? If your friends were describing you, what would be the three things they would all say about you? These are good questions to ask yourself as you get ready to write your profile.

    Put Your Negativity Aside

    Often times, people start their ad off with, �I�m sick of � !�, � I�m tired of�!� or � I hate Brunette�!� etc. It�s advisable not to include this as the first thing that you want to express in your profile ad. It just gives the impression of too many unhealthy relationships in the past. Instead, try to be more positive & upbeat in your profile. Soon enough you will notice a leap in the response rate.

    Stay Open & Be Conversational.

    Leave formality at the door and write your profile like you are talking to a good friend. Of course, there are some things you might tell a good friend that you probably don't want to include in your profile. It's a good idea to avoid mentioning past relationships and exes, or discoursing on being lonely or desperate. Be optimistic!

    Show How, Don't Tell.

    The best profiles show, don't tell, who you are at your best. If you are known for being funny, try explaining how or why you are funny - such as, "I've been known to show up to a party in a wig", instead of "I have a good sense of humor." Paint a picture in their minds of the kind of person you are.

    A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

    The importance of this point can�t be emphasized more. Your smile, the background that you're photographed in, what you're wearing; they all paint a picture of what you're truly like. And including a recent photo will get you 800% the attention.

    Updating Your Profile Often.

    Keep your profile fresh. Every now and then, go back to your profile and update it to let people know you're still out there.

    Go Through Your Spelling & Grammar.

    Check your profile for typos and spelling mistakes before you submit it. Show that you spent time thinking about them while writing your profile. Always proofread your ad & run it through a word processor, such as Microsoft Word so that you can have your spelling & grammar checked.

    by: Amanda Lee
    Posted by LC at 02:51 PM | TrackBack

    January 27, 2005

    7 Tips for a perfect first date.

    Going into the world of dating and “first dates” can be intimidating, especially if you are coming off of a long single hiatus. Most likely, you were in a long term relationship that ended abruptly, and now you are lonely, tired of looking at internet porn, and lacking the confidence to get back out there and meet someone new. Even if you can’t even recall your last first date, if you follow these simple rules, you should come out on top. (Subtle?)

    The 7 Steps that make for a great first date.

    1. Don’t be stinky. No one likes either of the two extremes, so make sure you take it easy on the perfume and or cologne, and avoid aftershave- not only will it dry out your skin, but you’ll also smell like her Grandpa.

    2. Be on time. I’m not suggesting you order up an atomic clock or anything, but be respectful of your time and your dates as well. The night before a big date, I’ll lay out what I’m going to wear, and plan the entire date out on a post it note, which really cuts down on the stress of the big evening. If you are running late, take the 38 seconds it takes to make a phone call- saving yourself an embarrassing moment.

    3. Avoid talking about other people you’ve dated like it was Ebola. Look, everyone knows you are hurting, but that is why God invented Prozac and whiskey. No one cares about your heartache except for you, and by talking about your ex all the time, you will make it clear to your new hopeful that you aren’t over them yet. If you really want to dwell in the past, do it alone.

    4. Look Presentable. “Yes Captain Obvious everyone knows you should dress up for a date.” Unfortunately for your unmatching ass, you can’t tell the difference between wool and tweed. (Ha fashion joke!) As Allah says, there is no second chance at a first impression, so make sure your socks match, you have a belt on, and your underwear is clean. As a fashion retard, I just go to the mall, see what everyone else is wearing, and copy it. You aren’t in school anymore, so cheat away. Besides, she may start thinking of you as arm candy, and want a little treat for later.0000.jpg

    5. Be yourself. The NO-SHIT alert is going off, because this little rule is often overlooked. Don’t try to suddenly become and expert in Tibetan cave painting just because she is. Instead take the time to appreciate your dates depth of knowledge, and try to learn a thing or two. Also, you are not me, so don’t try to pull the same shit I do. When it comes to dating, I’m like Lebron James- tons of talent, developing my skills. So why you may lack my crossover tomahawk jam, you probably posses a fundamentally sound bank shot that I may never take the time to learn.

    6. Shut up and listen. No one likes a date that rambles on to fill dead space in a conversation, so take some time out to catch your breath and listen for a minute. This rule is especially important if your date is shy, as they tend to be easily overwhelmed, and may end up having an awful time because of your verbosity. As another reminder, try and avoid highly controversial topics, unless you are a spokesman for PETA or something.

    7. Don’t get nervous. If you find yourself feeling a little on edge, order a drink and sink into the lovely haze that is intoxication. While you are at it, order the same for your date, but make it a double. Just remember- both of you are on a first date, and most likely will be nervous and apprehensive. If you want to break the nervous barrier, maintain eye contact when you are talking as long as possible, even to the point of absurdity. If someone were to observe you from across a room, they ought to think you are engaged in some form of hypnosis. Without explaining the science, remember to maintain eye contact, and thank me later.

    The final tip to remember is please- don’t try to close the deal on the first date. Consider the first date an interview for a second date, at which time you can get your nasty on.
    Posted by LC at 12:03 PM | TrackBack

    10 Key Things Every Person Must Know About Dating

    Dating, both online or off, can be scary and frustrating. Before jumping into some crazy fling with Pepe’ the gardener, follow these ten tips to help get you off (hehe get you off) to a good start.

    1. Be Confident
    Confidence, confidence, confidence! And then, repeat it about 10 more times. Nothing is more attractive than a person who is confident in their own skin. Once you are happy in your own skin and self-fulfilled, you will attract the matches you deserve, not just the ones you settle for. So relax and be your genuine self. If not, tell them you are “Dan O’Leary” and hope for the best.

    2. Be Interesting
    Read the newspaper and know what’s going on in the world. Current events are great conversation starters. Interesting conversation will attract others to start talking to you. I would recommend steering clear of the weather, sports, and politics however. Remember- Paris Hilton good, Israel and Palestine- bad.

    3. Increase Your Chances
    Don’t limit yourself by dating and approaching only one type of person. I like to pick up on plus size married Nascar fans, you know I’m just trying to keep life exciting. Seriously though, don’t pass on someone until you get to know them. Love happens at the most unexpected times with the most unexpected people- just ask Pepe’ the gardener.

    4. Use Great Props
    Never leave your home without a prop -a fluffy dog, kids (Should be your own), some cologne, a sweatshirt from your college, an interesting tie, or an interesting book. Whenever I go out, I have pictures on my cell phone of my dogs, my office, and places I’ve recently visited, making me seem significantly less likely to pull a Hannibal the Cannibal. When you meet someone, props can break the ice and help in starting up a conversation. On a related note, leave the dildo at home.

    5. Network
    Just as you network with your friends, colleagues and family for work, you can call on them to network for you on your dating quest. One of my favorite ways to network online is

    6. Be Honest
    Be yourself from the start. If you can’t be yourself, at least pretend to have a giant cock or something. However, most people can sense when you are not being 100% honest and it is a turn off and leaves people feeling weary of you.

    7. Be Proactive
    Go after what you want. You have nothing to lose by trying, so get out there. Let me say this one more time- nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    8. Stay Positive and Have Fun
    Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Life can be a serious ordeal, and dating can often leave you feeling wornout and tired. (Yeah, boning all night can do that to you). My friend Mike always says, “A smile is the most attractive thing a person can wear”… idealist.

    9. Start a Conversation
    The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, or state an opinion. The worst opening line is, “I just got out of jail- wanna see my wiener?”

    10. Be Patient
    The first person (or second or third) you connect with may not be the right one for you (Ok, about 50 in my case). Have patience and realize that you may need to go home with a lot of fat uglies before you meet the person of your (wet) dreams.
    Posted by LC at 11:36 AM | TrackBack

    January 26, 2005


    While Internet dating can open many doors for daters, you need to be smart and safe when meeting people online. Use these 5 Net SMART safety tips to protect your privacy.

    In addition to these interviews, I personally tested 7 online dating sites, ended up with 4-7 dates/week and found my guy through an online matchmaker. You can also find love online.

    When you search for love online, you need to be careful because not everyone has the same value systems. Be cautious when dealing with strangers and take precautions to shield your privacy at all costs.

    While the flood of emails that you will receive from Internet dating can be a great ego boost, let these safety tips guide you through email, phone and live contacts.

    1. Be Anonymous When Emailing

    When you set up your Internet dating profile, matchmaking web sites will give you an account that allows you to stay anonymous. Avoid using anything that could identify you when you select your username or email address.
    Set up an email account that is fun and anonymous. For example, if you have an email with your name in it, then do not use this account for online dating. Just figure out any kind of fictitious name or "handle." If you'd like, you can use an email address that reveals something about yourself such as a hobby or personal trivia. For example, my email address was tied to my interest in sailing (ex. One of my male candidates used "greeneyes" as his username, which helped him stand out in the crowd.

    2. Take a Second Look at the Photos

    If you are suspicious about the age of a photo that you see on an Internet dating profile, you might want to ask the person for a recent photo. Check out the response and you might just be surprised by what comes back.
    One of my dating coaching clients recently sent me two photos of a woman he met online with very different current versus profile photos. He was smart to ask for a recent photo.

    I also interviewed a woman for SMART Man Hunting who had a surprising lunch with a guy who did not look anything like his profile photograph. The online photo made him look around 35 with dark hair, and when she went on the date, the guy was completely gray and closer to 50-years-old. You want to avoid this situation if possible.

    3. SMART Phone Contact

    After several safe email exchanges, you can cautiously move to the next Internet courtship level. Arrange time to speak on the phone and see if the conversation flows or is a struggle.

    Because you are still dealing with a virtual stranger, you should use safety guidelines for connecting on the phone. First, if you are a woman, ask for the guy's phone number and use Caller ID blocking (*67) when you call him so that your phone number is not revealed. You can even use Caller ID blocking on most cell phones so always try using *67 when placing first calls.

    If you get to the point where you are comfortable giving out your phone number, use a cell phone or alternate number to your home phone. If someone is really creepy and has your home or work phone number, they can search for your address online using

    Trust your gut instincts when you talk to someone on the phone. If someone makes you feel the least bit uneasy or puts you off in any way, just say Next. It won't get better if you meet in person. Remember there are plenty of other candidates out there. Next….

    4. Continue to Put "Safety First" When Making Live Contact

    When you decide to meet in person, pick a public place and make sure you are familiar with the area before you agree to the location (I skipped this research step and ended up meeting a guy in a restaurant that is in a Los Angeles gang neighborhood because I did not know the area - that mistake did not happen twice).

    While you want to relax and have fun on your first date, you still need to play it safe. Meet your potential match at the rendezvous location--never rely on someone you don't know for a ride. Don't even accept a ride home even when you feel as though your date is on the up and up. If you drove, you also want to avoid allowing them to walk you to your car. It's best to even keep the make, model and license plate of your car a secret.
    My favorite meeting place is a local coffee shop, but not one too close to your home. If you schedule a lunch or dinner date, use valet parking when possible so that the candidate, who is primarily a stranger at this stage, cannot follow you to your car when you leave.

    As a back-up plan, you may also want to give your date details (time, date and location) to a friend. If you are nervous, ask a friend to call you on your cell phone to check-in during the date.

    Lastly, hold your cards close to your chest. Be careful about the amount of information you share during these first meetings and phone calls. Never give out your last name or address until you are comfortable with someone's character.

    5. Consider Background Checks

    If you are curious, there are many ways to find out more about your potential mates. Internet search vehicles can help you find out details about candidates prior to meetings.

    By searching on someone's name online, you can easily gather information about their background. For example, if you use, you might find out about their educational degrees, work history, and personal information (I found out about someone's marriage history and read a strange Valentine online from a guy's ex-wife that made me think twice).

    You can also click on the "Groups" button to learn more about their interests or check genealogy sites for family history. And if you get serious with someone you meet online, you can even go to the extreme of hiring a professional investigator to check out their history more thoroughly.

    You can make love happen online and protect your privacy. You are playing the dating numbers game and the odds are in your favor that you will find your match. Be smart, safe and trust your gut instincts when dating online.

    by Liz H. Kelly
    Posted by LC at 12:50 PM | TrackBack

    First Date Tips

    Dating can be tough and first dates can be painful. So what are you to do? Here is a list of dating tips to start the year out right!

    · Meet your date out and drive yourself. If you want to bail out early, you won't be trapped. Also, when you have your own car. If things work out, you won't have any worries about inviting your date in or not. This helps protect you from your own impulses, because what's worse then "will he respect me in the morning?" is "How much will I hate myself when I wake up?". Also when you have your own car, no need to worry about safety, your date does not know where you live. This protects you from a date turned bad turning in to a stalking nightmare.

    · Keep the date simple. You're nervous enough without making a big show, plus you don't want to lock yourself in to an evening you won't enjoy.

    · Men, end the date first. You will make yourself stand out.

    · Women, don't wear anything low cut or short. It sounds like an old cliché but your first date knows very little about the woman you are. He will take you at face value and you don't want to give the wrong impression.

    A friend of mine went out for dinner on a blind date. She is a very conservative women, who really likes to take her time in relationships. All of us who know her know this about her. Her date didn't. She went out on the date wearing a sexy low cut cocktail dress. They went to dinner, had a wonderful evening, and when he walked her to her door, he pounced on her! She was of course surprised and upset, but her date didn't know her, he just took her at face value.

    · Wear clothing that you are comfortable and confident in. First dates are uncomfortable enough without a tight belt biting you around the waist.

    · Men, be specific about where you are going. This will make the date more comfortable, and will prevent her from wearing a cocktail dress when you are taking her bowling.

    · Ask about your date. Each of us knows we are the most interesting subject :) But the most interesting conversationalists are people who ask about others. Great light topics are work, hobbies, sports, kids (if they have any).

    · Easy on the perfume. You want to knock his socks off, but you don't want to knock him out!

    · Don't forget to use mouthwash before you go out.

    · Don't order sloppy food. If you are not paying for what you order, try to stay in the middle of the menu.

    · Keep the conversation light! Don't talk or ask about old boyfriends, girlfriends, or ex-spouse. This is a first date, not a therapy session.

    · Find out about your dates eating habits before you plan the evening. Make sure you choose a place where they will be able to find something to eat.

    · Be attentive! There is nothing worse then a date peering over your shoulder making you feel as if they are looking for something better.

    · If you are not paying be considerate of what you order. Try to stay in the middle of the menu.

    · And last, but not least, have fun and be yourself!

    By Jennifer Klein,
    Posted by LC at 09:02 AM | TrackBack

    January 25, 2005

    How to make a good photo?


    The main thing is to be natural and look relaxed. Your picture has to radiate openness, warmth, sexual appeal, approachability, but at the same time speak of confidence and self-respect. Generally speaking, to receive many letters your appearance has to be that of a "covergirl" - a bit mysterious and alluring. On the contrary, the most beautiful girls who look haughty don't get any correspondence at all. So you have to look amiable and friendly.

    Almost all men using the services of marriage agencies experience certain difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex. This doesn't imply any psychological deviations, it is just that these men are more diffident than others. If a girl looks haughty and hard to approach, they will not even try to contact her.

    An open and unrestrained gaze is vitally important for a good photo. Opened just a bit lips will impart your look with the necessary sexuality.

    Another way to receive many responses to your ad is to show the brightest of your smiles. If your face is far from the generally accepted standards of beauty, a bright smile will make it more attractive. Ordinary girls with open smiles and quality make-up can look outright gorgeous in the picture.

    Some women say that "smile doesn't fit them". That's untrue! Smile fits any face, the only thing that it has to be sincere and open, not forced. Think of something nice and funny, or someone you like - your kid, mother, or your friends. If you can't manage "Hollywood" smile, try semi-smile (so-called "Mona Lisa" smile). Try to avoid "crooked" smiles, they are very unattractive and scare potential partners away.

    Relax, the photographer will not eat you. Tell him about the aim of your photo session - this will help you. You might feel a bit awkward telling about it, but he'll guess anyway. Knowing about the ultimate aim of the session will make it easier for him to "catch" the right moment when you look your best.

    Remember that looking on the photo men try to guess your character. If you look amiable and friendly they decide that you are just like that in real life. If you look strained and detached (as most of us in front of the camera!), they decide that you are a tight-lipped pessimist.

    And of course you have to look young, or at least youngish. It is common knowledge that men go crazy about 50-year old women with loose hair, taking no notice of younger women with up-done hair-dos. Your real age is no importance whatsoever. You have to look young, and that's that.

    If you feel that your appearance "doesn't make it", add a little sexuality: uncover your hands and shoulders, cleavage, legs. Even if you know that you are not a beauty, looking sexy in the photo will help receive many letters.

    Posted by LC at 08:24 AM | TrackBack

    January 24, 2005

    Dating Tips

    Hints on how to make it hot...

    Choose somewhere easy
    Avoid crowded places on your first date so you can spot each other easily. Maybe wear something distinctive, although you'll probably want to avoid the carnations or silly hats.

    Tell a friend
    Always tell a friend where you are going, and meet somewhere public for your first date. It's also best to make your own way to and from the venue - don't get your date to pick you up. After your first meeting, if you don't feel comfortable, don't continue the relationship. Simple as that.

    Don't break the bank
    You don't have to flash your cash on a first date, so why not meet for a coffee or lunch? You can then decide if you'd like to spend more time and money on another date.

    Go dutch
    It's sometimes a good idea to agree to split the bill before your date, so you'll avoid any awkward situations when the plates have been cleared.

    Be considerate
    If you need to cancel a date, call the other person in good time.

    Don't get disheartened
    You might not meet the right person straight away - don't be disappointed. Relax, be yourself and most importantly, have fun. Every week we attract new advertisers and respondents.

    Make it safe
    Arrange meetings in public places, eg restaurants, pubs, etc, not in your home. Don't give your address until you are sure that you want to continue the relationship. Trust your instincts and don't meet again if you have any doubts. On your first meeting, it is best to make your own way to and from the venue. It is best not to accept an offer of transport. Leave details of your meeting with family or friends when seeing a respondent for the first time.These points may seem over-cautious, but if the person you meet is genuine, they will understand.
    Posted by LC at 12:31 PM | TrackBack

    Safe Dating Tips

    You know, online dating on the web is generally extremely safe, especially friendly and great fun It is safe dating because it is distance dating - simple. You do not come into contact with others initially and this may well provide you with a comfort factor that also allows you to pace yourself and be rightly choosey.

    If possible though, you should try and follow a few basic online safe dating principles before deciding to pass over personal contact information to a relative stranger or arrange to meet them. It's all too easy to get a little carried away when viewing personal ads so take things slowly and take a rain check every now and again.The tips here may appear obvious to you but we think that if you do try and follow them, it can only assist you in ensuring you have happy online dating experiences. And you never know, Mr. or Miss Right may be just round the corner. We really hope so.
    • Always trust your instinct, after all it has got you this far in life already.
    • Take your time and view plenty of personal ads first.
    • Do not publish your phone number or email address in personal ads.
    • Don't take everything at face value.
    • Do ask lots of questions when chatting.
    • Ensure you feel comfortable at all times whoever you are chatting with.
    • If someone is abusive to you, block them straight away.
    • Don't provide your home or work address to anyone you have not met.
    • Before agreeing to a date, check that you know as much as possible
    Don't allow yourself to be talked into anything, whatsoever! You are the one in charge.

    Also consider the following:
    • Take your time to get to know someone. Don't be rushed
    • A patient person will be happy to wait until you are ready to meet
    • Make sure you see plenty of photos if possible of the person you make friends with
    • Ask your date to leave a message in your voicemail box before hand if possible
    • Chat on the phone for a while before arranging a date, get to know each other
    • Always meet in a public place that is well known and convenient to you
    • Always tell a good friend where you are going, and who you are meeting
    • If possible phone your friend during the date to confirm all is fine
    And perhaps consider these points too:
    • Always carry a cellular phone on a date if you have one
    • Lunchtimes are good for dating, convenient, and they have a time limit
    • Always make your own travel arrangements on a date initially
    • Do not accept a lift home on the first date or reveal your address
    • If travelling far, organize your own accommodation and confirm it
    • Ensure you have as much information about your date as possible
    • Keep your first date to a time limit so that you have an "exit" point
    • Don't feel you owe it to someone to meet them, you do not!
    When we think of safe dating by sets of rules like this it can all get pretty silly and scary but the fact is that we are introducing ourselves to strangers without the company of friends. It will always be a wise choice to have a friend close by even if they are sitting at a nearby table. But whatever you decide is best for you, keep your wits about you and enjoy your date !!

    by Ian McNeice
    Posted by LC at 09:40 AM | TrackBack

    January 08, 2005

    Ten Ways to Keep Romance Alive

    1. Don't Stockpile Anger: Deal with whatever is bothering you in the moment. Stored resentments destroy romance in two ways: 1) they cut off positive feelings; and 2) they eventually explode in words or actions that destroy the relationship. No relationship, no romance.

    2. Play Together: Sharing fun times builds intimacy, the soil for romance. Make a snowman. Have a pillow fight. Play together like you did when you were young.

    3. Grow Together: Trees grow until they die, so why shouldn't people. If either of you stop growing, the relationship will feel stuck in a rut. A relationship in a rut means no romance. To break out of the rut, and rekindle romance, start growing together. For example, take a course on a subject that interests you both.

    4. Make a Date: A fun way to keep romance alive is to recreate one of your first dates. Dress the same as you did way back when, visit the same restaurant. Doing so will resurrect the old feelings of excitement.

    5. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane: Travel together to a spot you visited when you were lovers. If you can't get there in person, then look at the photos of one of your early trips. Remember the smells, sights and sounds. Recall how you felt back then. Recreate a special moment from that trip, right in your own livingroom.

    6. Take Initiative: An excellent way to rebuild and maintain romance is to take initiative. Do something for your mate that you know he or she likes (like, a candlelit massage. Or prepare a favorite dish). The point is: taking initiative, conveys your love, boosts intimacy and sparks romance.

    7. Keep Listening: If you have been together for a while, you may assume that you know everything about your partner. Many long-term couples stop asking what the other partner needs, thinks or feels; this pattern leads to feelings of neglect--a major romance killer. Never assume that you know what your mate thinks, feels or wants, no matter how long you've been together. Keep asking and keep listening in order to keep romance alive.

    8. Keep Sex on the Front Burner: Many couples that have been together for a while, cut back on sex. Research says that unresolved anger kills sex drive. Follow step one (don't stockpile anger) and keep on trucking in the sex department. Make sex dates, try new positions and locations. Do whatever you know turns your mate on. Good sex boosts romantic feelings.

    9. Say I Love You: If you remember to say "I love you" (or other caring statements) five times a day, romance will stay. Remember five times a day and the romance will stay.

    10. Isn't It Romantic?: Never assume that you know what your mate finds romantic. For one spouse, watching a football game, clutching a beer, is the height of romance. For the other, this scenario might be the height of boring. So, make sure you find out, what rings your mate's chimes. Then, don't file the information away, like an old research project. Put your information into practice and say and do what your mate finds romantic. romantic.

    by Dr.Love
    Posted by LC at 04:25 PM | TrackBack

    January 06, 2005

    Dating someone with kids. Straight talk to men and women about dating, when one or both have kids.

    A ready-made family can be a blessing or a deal-breaker when it comes to dating. Many single parents are afraid to begin dating again, because they think their children make them less desirable. By the same token, many non-parents are put off by the idea of dating someone with kids because they don’t want to seen as a convenient surrogate parent. Yet many relationships flourish despite, or even because, of the children. In many cases, the joys of a “blended family” can be more than the sum of its parts.

    We asked the experts – single parents who found love and romance through Internet dating – for their tips, cautions, and advice when it comes to dating with children.

      • Are you looking for a partner for yourself, or a parent for your child? Some of our members told us that single parents who put too much emphasis on their kids can scare off potential dates.

      • Don’t bring the kids with you on a first date. Wait until a relationship has had a chance to develop before you begin doing things together as a family.

      • You do not need to introduce every date to your children – in fact this may be disruptive and confusing for them. Then again, don’t wait until you’re ready to announce your engagement before breaking the news to the children. When a relationship starts to get serious, it’s appropriate for everyone to start getting to know each other.

      • Consider the feelings of your kids. If you’re single because of a divorce or separation, kids often feel they are somehow to blame. Bringing a new partner into the relationship can cause the kids to feel emotional confusion and even resentment. Be sure to let the kids know that your date is not meant to replace their “real” mom or dad.

      • A loving partner deserves his or her fair share of attention. You are more than just a parent – if your life revolves around your children, your adult relationships can suffer unless you consciously make time for your partner as well as for your kids.

      • Before the relationship develops too far, you should discuss and establish child discipline roles with a new partner. House rules need to be applied consistently, and both adults need to support each other’s decisions.

      • Child support, custody and relations with your ex are matters for you and your ex-spouse to deal with privately. It’s inappropriate to expect a new partner to take sides.

      • Do either or both of you want more children? This can be a big source of conflict in a relationship if one does, but the other doesn’t or can’t. Also consider the emotional effect on the children – a new baby may make the older kids feel they’ve been displaced in your affections.

      • Kids are kids, friends are friends. Your kids are not appropriate confidantes about your dating and relationship issues, unless the kids are adults themselves. Don’t add to their confusion by putting them in adult roles.

      • Although this is something nobody wants to think about, a small percentage of people seek out single parents as a way to gain access to children for potential abuse. For the safety and well-being of your family, please do the necessary background investigations before you get too involved with someone.

      • Little pitchers have big ears. Be sure that your behavior in front of the kids is appropriate. In particular, be careful about displaying physical affection when the children are around. They know more – and understand less – than you may think. Don’t do anything in front of the kids that would embarrass you if they were to report back to the other parent.

      • Children use their parents’ behavior as a model for their own lives. Though they may not express it all the time, you’re not just a parent, you’re their hero. The examples you set for your kids will influence them over a lifetime.

    Remember, these are just guidelines. A lot will depend on the age of the children. Are there one, two or three? Are they 5 or 15, big difference. In talking with many of our singles who have re-entered the dating world, most agreed on these key points:

    1) Don't introduce the kids to your date until the relationship has matured and you really know this person. Your kids don't need to grow an attachment only to feel the same hurt or pain when a relationship breaks off. Too many parents don't understand that their kids actually hurt for their mom or dad when they know a relationship didn't work out. They don't have the maturity to understand the dating world. Protect them, leave them out of it for the first three months, period. Yes, it's difficult, yes you have a life too, three months is still our recommendation.

    2) Okay, so it's been three months, you meet her kid(s), she's cooking dinner for you. Guys, don't do sleepovers. Yes, it's tempting. Yes, I know you don't want to leave. When the kids go to bed, only to wake up and see you still there, it causes all kinds of confusion. Trust me, you’d better be seriously considering putting a ring on her finger if you're going to start doing sleepovers. Kids will not easily forget the person who shared Mom or Dad's bed. You may not understand the damage it causes until they reach 14 years of age, but by then you will.

    3) Single parents need to be able to sit down with their kids before they introduce these key relationship milestones. Remember, as parents we are teachers. Our kids are our students. Think about the lessons we're teaching them, and ask yourself, "Do they understand?". If not, you need to work harder.

    Until the relationship matures into something serious, we recommend you keep the kids "out" of it. Have a date night, but don't let the kids feel threatened by it. You only have your kids living with you for a very short time, think about them first. Both of you!

    Posted by LC at 12:18 PM | TrackBack

    Is he married? Straight talk to women about "game players'.

    It is believed around the online dating circuit that a full one-third of the men on most of the national dating sites are married. Another one-third are in a bad relationship and they're out "hunting". Some dating sites cater to the Married but Looking crowd, others ask people to pledge honesty about their marriage status and don't accept married members. So, how do you find out if he's married without hiring a private investigator? We hope this article helps:

    Picture this scenario: You’re a woman on her own, with or without a relationship or two in your past. While the single life can be carefree and exciting, you also look forward to the companionship of a man who can be your best friend, your romantic partner, and, possibly, your future husband.

    There’s just one catch. The last thing you want is to get involved with a married man, and not all men are forthcoming about their status. How do you find out if he’s already “taken”?

    The one answer we heard from everyone we asked was "Be direct". Before you go to the trouble of typing his name into a search engine such as or, or even paying for an online background check, ask up front if he’s married or currently in a relationship. Remind him "married" means not legally divorced - some guys think separated is divorced, go figure!

    We also learned from dating experts that married men often give clues about their real lives, whether they mean to or not. Here are some tips on what to look for:

    • Where do you typically go for dates? Does he avoid places near where he lives or works? Have you been to his home? Met his family? Is he nervous about being seen with you in public?

    • Does he give you a cell phone number or a work number, but never a home phone number? Does he tell you only to call him at work because he’s never home?

    • Does he call off dates with frequent tales of bad luck? A car that breaks down, a forgotten appointment, a sudden change in work schedule? Bad luck happens to everyone now and then, but people with something to hide seem to have more than their fair share of it.

    • Not all married men wear a wedding band, and not all rings are wedding rings, but if you see a tan line or a groove where he would ordinarily be wearing a ring, that may be cause for suspicion.

    • Ask him what he likes to eat. Single men either cook for themselves, or they go out to eat. If he looks well nourished but is vague about his dining-in preferences, someone, probably his wife, is feeding him.

    • Does he use the words “we” or “I” when he talks about vacations, adventures, or day to day activities? If he unconsciously refers to himself in the plural, there may well be a wife and family involved.

    • Does he keep an odd schedule? If he works regular daytime hours but can never seem to meet you for dinner during the week, or if he’s oddly strict about when you can call, he may be trying to coordinate his home life and his extracurricular activities.

    What's his attitude about relationships? Does he admit to, or mention previous infidelities? Does he think monogamy is boring, stifling, or impossible to achieve?

    Romance and excitement are wonderful, but the best relationships are based on trust, friendship and fidelity. Use your best judgment in deciding whether to continue a relationship with a man you know (or suspect) is married, but give some thought to how you would feel about the “other woman” if you were his wife.
    Posted by LC at 12:01 PM | TrackBack

    January 05, 2005

    10 ways to attract a man

    Once your loser boyfriend left your life, you figured it was time to celebrate. Go out with the girls, live it up, have some “me” time.

    Well, it’s been about six months, and if you have to read one more article called “I Will Survive,” you’re going to scream. If you’re ready to get out there again, you’re gonna need some ammo. Here are 10 tips to get you going:

    1. Work it
    You know what I mean: I’m talking about you and your fear of skin. Show a little. I don’t mean Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich, but maybe something from her Mystic Pizza days. 2. Work out
    Did I mention that Tip #1 is contingent upon the success of Tip #2? If you don’t work out, you can’t work it. Get yourself on the elliptical a few times a week, and not only will you look better in your new, revealing wardrobe, but you’ll feel better and exude confidence.

    3. Shut up
    Enough with the long stories already. First meetings call for shallow conversation, not your memoirs.

    4. Be mysterious
    This is the 21st century version of playing hard to get. Girls in the 20th century took this too far — never acting interested, never calling back ... You know who you are. These days, hold back some information. Don’t divulge the details of your brief stint as Tori Spelling’s personal assistant; just allude to it. He’ll be begging for more.

    5. No scowling
    My gorgeous friend Miranda is a scowler. Scowls at everyone in the place. When she asks, “Why can’t I get a guy?” our friends tell her she intimidates men. She looks like a bitch. No one will tell her, so I’m telling you.

    6. Show your smarts
    Acting ditzy is like so 1996. You watch CNN. Dazzle him with your knowledge of the Nasdaq, not Nickelodeon.

    7. Be seen
    You’ve got a VCR, so you can tape "Buffy." Just get out there and let the world know you’re available ... without looking available. Make him say, “Who’s that girl I keep seeing around? She certainly looks mysterious and smart.”

    8. Network
    You may think your best friend’s boyfriend is a waste of time, but don’t count him out. No, I don’t mean steal him — talk to him. Talk to all guys even if they’re taken. They have friends, co-workers and second cousins.

    9. Graduate from seventh grade
    Hey, you’re an adult. Don’t giggle with your friends and send one of them over to tell the guy you think he’s fine. I don’t care how many tequila shots you’ve had. You wouldn’t write his name on your book covers, would you?

    10. If all else fails, girl ... make the move
    Why should we always leave it up to them? If you’ve followed the first nine tips, then you just may have the confidence to approach the guy yourself. What’s the worst that could happen? Wait, don’t answer that.

    By:Elsa Weidman
    Posted by LC at 03:14 PM | TrackBack

    January 04, 2005

    The Art of Flirting

    Flirting is the way most people determine whether or not a member of the opposite sex is interested in them. Following is a quick outline on how you should go about the complex, sometimes fun, sometimes not so fun, task of flirting. It all beings with your approach.

    The Approach

    One person approaches the other. They move into closer physical proximity. This much is clear: NO approach equals NO possibility of initiating contact. You must approach!
    Example: A woman sits down next to a man in a coffee shop, or a man stands near a woman in a dance club. This is the first step. Once you approach, you begin looking for the signs.

    The Signs

    The person who has been approached will always signal the other’s presence in some way…a sign. This signal is not like a train whistle, however, more a subtle body language which you can learn to recognize. For example, he or she simply may look up, move over to make room, nod slightly, or signal with a glancing eye contact.
    A display of total obliviousness to the one who is approaching generally indicates lack of interest altogether. Don’t be discouraged. But if the one you approached shows absolutely no interest, then it’s time to re-group and try again. But let’s say the approach works. You have your positive acknowledgement, now what? Time to talk

    The Verbal Exchange

    The two people may then engage in a mild verbal exchange about impersonal, unimportant matters such as the weather or the scene around them. The key word here is MILD.
    This is the classic place for the clever “line,” but cleverness is not required. At this point, a verbal exchange is not for the purpose of sharing valuable insights about life or determining philosophical compatibility. It is just a vehicle to further the developing contact.
    Examples: Verbal overtures might include anything from “please pass the pickles” to “your looking great tonight”, to “have you seen the waitress?”. Without some form of verbal response, it is highly unlikely that the next step will occur. Let’s say all is going as planned. Time for body language.

    Body Language

    Over a period of time, a couple that has begun to talk may also begin to orient themselves physically to one another, to turn toward one another until, if all is goes well, they are fully facing one another. This is your goal.
    This step can take minutes or hours . . . or weeks or months . . . to achieve. Yet, without this physical reorientation toward one another, not very much can ever happen, so give up on people who turn their back toward you for long periods of time! But if they don’t…


    The woman or the man (most often the woman) touches the other in a light, fleeting way. Examples: A couple might accidentally brush their hands against one another while reaching for a drink, or the woman might pat the man on the arm in the middle of a shared joke. The exchange of very subtle, almost glancing touches may continue for some while, and if all goes well, can escalate into the casual affections shown by couples who are dating. If you’ve reached this point, then flirting has now become the beginning of a relationship. The Art of Flirting should always end with the beginning of a relationship. Now get out there and flirt.
    The Art of Flirting is really the Art of making first contact. You only have one shot at making a great first impression. By following some of the guidelines we’ve established in this article, you should now be equipped to locate, approach, and ascertain whether or not your subtle flirting has opened the doors to a new and exciting relationship.

    by Joe Vetromile
    Posted by LC at 05:28 PM | TrackBack

    January 03, 2005

    Find a Date

    Find a date so your friends say Join us for dinner and find a date to bring this weekend they ask you. Where do I begin finding a date? And then you panic! Maybe you just want to find someone for yourself, and it has nothing to do with a social situation. Well done, I am glad. Now that you are in a positive frame of mind, finding a date should not be as daunting as it first sounds. You can perhaps think of seeking out a date as a military campaign, as your life work, or just as part of your everyday relaxed social life routine. You never know, one of these days they may well turn into something more than a date. Well, that’s if that’s what you want of course. In the meantime let us concentrate on the task in hand. Finding any date is never easy that’s true, but it can be relatively easy or hard depending on your attitude to it.

    First of all, why are you trying to find a date? Are you looking for a date to fulfill a social function? If you are why not just borrow a friend to help you out. Why not even hire a date from one of the many outlets if you can afford it. Now there is a huge difference between hiring a social companion for an event and, well, you know what. Yes I am not in anyway condoning the other. I am simply suggesting that there are professional agencies who can help you pay for a good looking date if that’s the situation. That aside we are concentrating here on those who are looking for a date with the purpose of romance.

    Well this is presupposing that you don’t usually meet people and there are not too many of us who never meet anyone. What is true though is that we often believe we don’t meet anyone suitable. Maybe we are a single parent with home responsibilities, or someone who works from home. Perhaps we work unsociable hours and never meet anyone to date. Maybe we work with people much younger or older, or perhaps we really don’t have finely honed social skills. It could be that we are shy, private, quiet in a group or just unwilling to make the first move.

    Well whatever the situation you need to take action. The first thing you want to do is top ensure your self esteem is at an all time high. You want to find a date you are going to have a great time with so make them feel special by looking good yourself

    Give yourself a makeover
    Buy some new clothes and update your image
    Get a new haircut or hairstyle
    Get a full beauty treatment and makeover
    Visit your dentist and get those teeth looking pearl white
    Get a tan and freshen your skin
    Get to grips with latest styles and fashions
    Treat yourself to a rejuvenating break
    Read some new magazines and go shopping just to get the feel
    Join a health club and get into a new health routine
    Go on a diet and lose a few pounds or kilos if needed.
    Take up a martial art or self defense classes
    Have an increased positive mental attitude

    The next thing you need to do in preparation to find a date is to think long and hard as to what you really hope to achieve and whether you have any fixed aims and timescales. Have a clear idea of the person you are kind of looking for, but do not be too specific. Keep your aim as broad as you can and finding a date will be easier. The other thing I want to point out is to be realistic when looking to find a date. Don’t aim to date a Hollywood superstar if it’s not likely to happen. Keep your feet on the ground and take a long hard look at your own life before walking into someone else’s. If you are a multimillionaire then keep that detail to yourself for now.

    Here are things you can do to help yourself find a date...

    Dating Close to Home

    Begin by looking close to home. Is there anyone in your neighborhood or family circle who is single with who you get on great. Often, people stay single simply because they are not asked out on a date by anyone, not because they themselves are lonely. It’s time to do the asking. And yes, that includes the good looking people in this world. There are lots of local clubs and activity places including evening classes. It is often the best place to introduce yourself to people of the opposite sex in your local community. Try to choose something that involves both sexes. I once met a fantastic date due to being involved in pottery classes which I greatly enjoyed.

    Dating At Work

    It is claimed that 87% of people working in London who are attached, met through work or started dating at work. This doesn’t mean that they work together, but that in some way, work brought them into contact. Indeed one of my best friends met his wife through a work related phone call. I do not think personally that dating at work or dating someone within your own office is a good idea due to the possibilities of fallout and neither do I think it is constructive to your career. Relationship tensions within an office can cause problems with other workers and can antagonize work related issues. So on that score I recommend you steer well clear.

    However most organization are linked to other firms, there are many offices with many groups of working. If you don’t attend the office parties, then maybe begin. Try joining in after work or attending after work social events, from bowling to trips to the bar or comedy store. It is all about making new friends as much as finding a date.

    If you really don’t have many people you work with or work from home like me then you are going to need to look at other ways of extending your social circle.

    Get Physical

    That’s right, join the gym. To find a date you should look your best. After all if you have set your sights high then doesn’t your potential date deserve the best too? Good, so get down to the local health club and look at the possibilities of getting involved in a regular health regime. If you do so already, expand your horizons and make sure you are not just at a unisex gym. Try other sports and healthy activities from yachting to running to baseball to anything you may not have tried before. You will make fabulous new friends as well as finding a date. And you will be fit.

    Ask Your Friends

    The most common complaint amongst people who are in their late 20’s and thirties is that all their friends are married. In which case my friends, it is time to adapt. Married friends will not help you find a date. They tell you they will when they can and they may if you are lucky even introduce you in a well meaning way to people who happen to be single. This can work. Double dating can sometimes do the trick. After all you should trust your friends. But more often that not it doesn’t help you find a date because your friends do not necessarily know who you are looking to meet. Really you need to be taking control and finding a date yourself.

    In which case you need some single friends. Flash - its easier finding a date with a group of like-minded people. Oh yes. I know your married friends are your longest companions and I know that they may not approve of a group of new single friends, but trying to fond a date alone can be a lot harder than seeing a date with a group of like minded friends. In other words, there is confidence and safety when socializing in numbers. This will in turn open up new places and venues for you to visit. Your confidence levels may well increase exponentially too.

    You can find new single friends everywhere. They are at work, close to home, at your clubs in your gym. You simply need to make some new friends and then join in. It is not as hard as you think. If you sat at home you will not find them, if you go out you will. When was the last time you phoned your old friends to catch up? Go do it now.

    Join a Club

    Activities really do bring people together and create new friends. If you are involved in something like a craft, or hobby, or sport then you are with like minded people already. You have something in common and it is a great icebreaker. If you are not a member of any club then consider what you are interested in and then consider if such an activity will introduce you to others. In most cases it will do. And consider this, there are many people also looking for a date who are also joining clubs for the same reason.

    Join a Dating Agency

    Dating agencies used to have a stigma attached but not anymore. Now its extremely fashionable finding a date online. Well your friends may suggest this is crazy but why is it? What do they know about it anyway? Nothing, exactly! Dating and finding a date is fun and very enjoyable. After all dating is about meeting new people and searching for a special connection. Dating agencies fall into two camps; traditional and Internet. The first are those traditional dating agencies which help you find a date but charge many hundreds of dollars to offer you the chance of meeting a few people they have manually matched you with in their database. They will then offer you the chance of meeting that person if both agree. It’s slow and long winded but it does work sometimes, though rarely are there guarantees of any kind. The main thing about such dating agencies is that they are often specialized in a certain area, maybe profession or financial level etc. Some may concentrate on the medical or legal profession; others may focus on say, executives in a certain region.

    Internet Dating Agencies

    The second kind of agency is the professional Internet dating and friendship agency accessible from your home PC. Most often they are free to register with so that you can see who is in their database. The beauty of Internet dating agencies is that they are instantly accessible and you can search people you match with in private and comfort without spending a penny. You can view online photo Personals to help you find a date and you can take your time.

    It is important when seeking a date to choose a reputable Internet dating agency which can provide you not just with personal ads but also a safe and secure environment with advice and articles to read. When you are ready you can make contact with a database member anonymously through onsite email, chat rooms and private instant messaging. Companies like LoveBrowser now even include voicemail services so you can listen to a prospective date’s voice.

    After paying a small fee, you can communicate with as many members as you wish , safely and securely and very soon you may find that you have arranged not just one date but you have found dates for whenever you like. It is down to you. No standing in singles bars or being hit upon by strangers, or having to think up opening lines. Just convenient and relaxed dating whenever you choose.

    If you aim to find a date, you should begin straight away. It is not always easy to take a step like this if you have been out of the dating arena for years. Maybe you have separated or divorce or been bereaved. In which case, do try and lift your spirits and take your romantic life back into your grasp. Think through the ideas I suggest and add some yourself also and maybe now take the initiative. Life is meant for living, but even more importantly, I believe its means for sharing with someone special. Find a date for yourself this week but more importantly, feel good about yourself.

    by Ian McNeice
    Posted by LC at 09:48 AM | TrackBack

    Dating Tips For Being Romantic

    Romance is at the heart of any dating experience. If you don't consider yourself romantic then you are wrong. I don't know of anyone on this planet who doesn't have the ability to fall in love. Therefore if you can fall in love, you can be romantic too. Romance is not in the grand gestures , it is in the small details. Women will often say that it is the small things that matter. The small gestures but it is down to both men and women to start being romantic. It is a two-way process and both parties get an immense amount of pleasure from showing they care about someone. Yes we would all love to have a romantic picnic on a deserted Caribbean beach with the person of our dreams but romance begins closer to home with tips such as these:

    • Understand what romance means and why it is important and learn what romantic aspects there are to your own character. No one has a heart made of stone, however tough their exterior.
    • Understand that romance is not the sole domain of women and that men who are romantic are far more successful when dating
    • Romance has nothing whatsoever to do with masculinity. In fact, being romantic can enhance your masculinity and reputation with girls.
    • Not all women are naturally romantic either but that doesn't have to be the case.
    • The key to being romantic is thoughtfulness. So start being a little less thoughtless and selfish.
    • Communicate with your partner on every level and anticipate their desires and needs.
    • Look at your partner when they are talking and hold their gaze
    • Learn that mood, location, situation and ambience can heighten romance with dramatic effect
    • Phone just to say hello, I love you and surprise your partner
    • Learn to say, I love you and mean it. Don't say it ever, if you don't mean it
    • Send them notes and small cards telling them you are thinking of them
    • Be spontaneous and do little deeds that show you are thinking about them
    • Start going for walks together, whatever the weather
    • Put your partner first, particularly as a surprise with a spontaneous trip away
    • Think creatively and plan a surprise weekend away
    • Buy flowers any time of the year, nice ones not just roses
    • Remember birthdays, anniversaries and landmark days such as the day you first met and plan something
    • Listen to the clues your partner gives you, such as things they like and books they read and buy little gifts
    • Keep being romantic. In a good relationship, romance never ends
    • Compromise. Putting yourself first is not romantic.
    • Write him/her a letter and let them know that you love them and you mean it. People send far few letters these days. Use good quality stationery too.
    • Watch romantic movies together and invest quality time doing the things you share and both enjoy
    • Make cards rather than buying them. It shows thought and inspiration.
    • Take your partner on a picnic to the park or beach and prepare in advance without involving them. Initiative illustrates romance nicely
    • Don't be a cold fish. Learn how to hug, cuddle and make physical contact. Touching without sex is far more romantic but don't always hug without kissing!
    • Kiss your date and learn to appreciate the finer qualities of kissing for its own sake
    • Dance together when the occasion arises and show them special attention
    • Hold hands and do anything make your partner feel close to you
    • Hold and hug your partner in bed, especially after sex
    • Talk chat and converse about anything and everything
    • Allow your partner to breathe and do separate things to heighten the sense of romance when you are together
    • If you don't cook dinner for your date, start learning my friend. A surprise dinner with candles is romantic
    • Buy small gifts spontaneously that show great thought in what they enjoy. But not too many otherwise it has the opposite effect
    • Remember that romance is often about giving of yourself, even if it is simply your precious time when you could have had other plans. Making your partner a priority is vital
    • Do things that make you both laugh. Laughter and romance go hand in hand
    • Remember that romance is in the small details and does not need to be expensive in any way. I'd rather receive a handmade card any day than an expensive gift
    • Anticipate your partner's wishes and desires to show them you are listening to them and that you care
    • Expect rightfully that romance is a two-way process though the romance you provide is simply giving of yourself
    by Ian McNeice
    Posted by LC at 09:33 AM | TrackBack

    Using Photos in Your Personal Ads

    Photo personals are now extremely popular on the web. When using top internet dating agencies like you will get the opportunity to post maybe four different photos of yourself along with your profile for people to see. If you choose not to post any photos then generally you will not get many replies to your ad and you won't be making the most of your membership.

    When you first meet some you look at their face, you look into their eyes, you hold their gaze and within a single second you may have stored 2 million separate pieces of information about that face. Instinctively you will either be drawn to its appearance or not. Much research tells us that we like symmetrical faces most of all, but we also take great notice of hair colour, length, nose, lips, smile and anything else of key initial importance in judging attraction.

    Why then do people find if so hard to post photos of themselves on their profile? Believe me when I say, photo personals work! I cannot stress this enough. If you want to be successful when internet dating then begin by adding at least a single photo. Research varies on actual statistics but generally you can expect to get up to eight times more replies with a photo than without. This is because people can see what you look like and all those who are attracted to you will feel able to form a link with you and make contact.

    It certainly appears to make sense to add a profile photo but many don't. The reason is often that people don't view themselves as photogenic. What they mean is that they don't look attractive in film. Maybe the camera adds weight to their features or they just don't like to see themselves as others do. its a self confidence issue. The argument goes that they don't have any nice photos available or the scanner is broken or they should really get round to scanning some in. The truth is that they don't like seeing themselves. This can be rectified by having some nice photos taken by a professional photographer which can then be scanned in later.

    Another way of solving the problem and keeping the cost down is to buy a digital camera which you can then use to take thousands of photos of yourself time after time until you get the image you like the best. However if you do that you should only select the photos that actually resemble you. I have seen many disasters of people using internet dating services and misleading other members by suing photos that were taken 10 years ago or that aren't a true reflection of them day to day. This in turn leads to instant disappointment on meeting.

    Don't fool yourselves, when internet dating someone may indeed fall in love with you online and get to know your personality in depth but the moment you meet, if you don't look like your photograph it will mean nothing. People do NOT understand when they feel they have been misled so capturing someone by using no photo or a photo that is not a truthful representation is a complete waste of time. You are underestimating the power of physical attraction. Now I don't know how many countless times I have heard it said by people that they have learned to look deeper, beyond the outer shell and I am impressed. But its not entirely true. If someone likes the look of you, they like the look of you. If they don't, they won't be interested.

    So it is crucial therefore that you use a realistic and recent photo of yourself that is an accurate and in focus portrayal of who you are. Don't even think of using a photo of someone else because its fake and it convinces no one. I often see photos of models on the internet and I know instantly that they are of models. This means that I am unlikely to contact them. A nice natural photo of a real girl will attract me to write. A glamour studio shot won't.

    Smiling is critical to the photo you use in your personal ad and you should always try to present a happy face. Smouldering and sultry can work too as can moody, windswept and interesting. But do give some thought to the image you want to portray. You are promoting yourself online so take some care and time to get your image right. Any old photo to hand may not help you much.

    The photo you post should be a JPG or a BMP file. Commonly known as a JPEG or Bitmap. Both are easily created through standard window camera software and they don't take up a large file size. However do ensure for most dating websites that you keep the final resolution down so that the file is accepted on the website. for example allows 4 photos of 100kb each. If you don't know much about cameras and photo images, recruit a friend to assist and they can take some nice shots of you too.

    Begin by posting a couple of your favourite photos (no more than a year old) and see what kind of reaction you get. If you don't get the reaction you like, change your photo profile in your personal ad until things change. Try not to use fuzzy web cam shots if possible and definitely do not post sexually explicit photos as you come across in a terrible light - you will look like a tramp or sleaze merchant. Also be aware that some web cam images are of a different standard and although they are listed as JPG files they will not post onto dating websites.

    Look at the photo personals of other people on the dating site you joined and see if you can match their style of shot. It will be immediately obvious which ones work best because you will like to look at them more than others. I like side profiles with head turned towards the camera in close up with a nice smile. It tells me everything I need to know. As they say - every picture tells a story.

    Here are some tips to remember when using photo personals and internet dating services:

    Always add a photo to your profile

    Take a lot of photos and use the best

    Buy a digital camera for its versatility and it helps reduce the cost in the long run. Its fun too.

    Ensure the photos are recent

    Ensure you are smiling in them or at least presenting the best image

    Try and keep the photo file size down

    Ensure the photo is bright and clear

    Ensure it is an accurate portrait of you now

    Add more than one photo if possible and swap periodically

    Don't add revealing sexy shots

    Try and avoid web cam shots which are grainy

    If you don't want to use a photo start to think about your levels of self confidence and appearance and how things can be altered

    Remember that photo personals are very popular

    by Ian McNeice
    Posted by LC at 09:15 AM | TrackBack

    Commitment - essentials of long-lasting relationships

    I think I've nailed down the important things in any relationship (whether friendship or more...).
    (1) Commitment

    Needs no explanation.

    Well, I think it's one of those things you may not understand until it's tested. Seeing what people do rather than what they say best discovers character things. Perhaps it might help to have a commitment to continuous renewal of the relationship.

    (2) Communication

    We talk about our feelings and our opinions, including about problems we might have--we know we aren't mind readers.

    I believe a lot of this is being willing and able to understand the other person's perspective.

    (3) Compatibility

    We got to have *some* things in common, esp. the major things, like values, kids, etc.

    The more deep rooted it is, the more it should be compatible. For instance, the fundamental values of people's lives (the things that make it worthwhile, the things they wake up for in the morning) should be compatible.

    (4) Cooperation

    Translation: Give-and-take.

    I think each person should be willing to give in about 80% of the time, because during various years, that's what each person will be doing.

    (5) Sex

    Sex is the superglue of marriage!

    There is nothing that replaces it for expressing total love and also for making up with someone that is driving you crazy. Sometimes sitting around "talking about THE RELATIONSHIP" is a crashing bore.

    Doing something about it in a non-verbal form is never boring.

    Posted by LC at 08:50 AM | TrackBack

    December 30, 2004

    Magic Personified

    Real or make-believe?... that is the question. Can we find a way to determine if the person we are falling for online is REAL??

    This is one question that comes to mind a lot in online connections, be it emails or instant messages, and is peculiar to ONLY online communications. This cannot occur in any other venue except maybe writing letters back and forth to someone you have never met, such as pen pals, women who write to incarcerated men, etc.

    Since we cannot see the person's reactions to what we say, nor can we be distracted by a million other forms of sensory input that happen in person-to-person interaction, ONLINE communication becomes something nebulous falling somewhere between REALITY and FANTASY in our mind.

    We are real people talking to each other, but our mind has to find a place of security that is alien to its natural process. If one has spent a lot of time online interacting with others, one develops a place of security in one's mind whereby we can launch a scenario that is optimum for each particular person/case involved.

    For instance, if we are talking to someone who fits the criteria that we have set for ourselves to be able to explore a possible meeting, we have imposed a certain chain of events that will certainly take us to that end.

    Systematically, we ask certain questions, interpret the answers, which lead to more questions, which lead to more answers that finally give us the specific information we need to make an educated guess as to the risk factor involved in actually meeting this person face to face.

    After assessing all the things we have to assess, after eliminating a series of reasons why to meet or not meet this person, we ultimately whittle it down to whatever action we want to take.

    On one hand, with online dating, before we meet face to face, we have a hell of a lot MORE information than we would have if we just met on the street. Assuming they have told the truth, we usually know their age, where they live, what they like sexually, and a lot of other personal things we've demanded they answer before we determine a quasi match.

    But on the other hand, we have a whole lot LESS information than we would have if we had met this person in real time (seeing how they dress, carry themselves, relate to the world around them, how friendly they really are etc).

    So, within this nebulous space we now have to create a whole new set of rules for ourselves. We have to come up with extra sensory perception that will guide us in our decision-making so that we can find the lowest risk factor possible for making the best assessment for success. Not only do we have to decide if this person is compatible, but we have to give ourselves the OK to bite the bullet and go for it.

    The more we meet people this way, the more we learn how our new sensory perception has to develop. Each time we meet someone, we get the opportunity to develop our skill.

    Once we have this person in our face, the brain has to switch from that nebulous place between REAL and FANTASY to REAL time. Now we fall back on what has always been familiar to us and that is CHEMISTRY.

    Chemistry has a way of overriding much of the aforementioned data. New sensory input invades the senses and qualifies or disqualifies all previous information. This is the point where we go from the nebulous zone to a comfort zone.

    At least we can trust chemistry. It's almost an absolute for us. Chemistry is cut and dried. There is no question. We are in our comfort zone and know exactly if this person is energetically in tune with us or not.

    But, what if the guy has a nervous twitch or looks at every woman's ass that walks by, or what if the woman has an obnoxious high-pitched laugh? That nebulous zone never factored these types of things in to the equation.

    The solution to this is to have a web cam. You can see how the person responds to your words, see their facial movements, see their body, how they look when you make them smile, hell you can even see their pets, kids, and whatever else they care to show you.

    You can't, however, see how they react to the world around them, or know how friendly they are to senior citizens, or whether or not they have money in the bank, but if you are wondering if you are at least physically attracted to this person, the cam will show you a heck of a lot.

    I think we create in our nebulous zone, how we want the person to be. When the other person doesn't meet that expectation, we tend to then say, "they weren't for REAL." I am thinking that we create this person as we want to see them to make it OK in our mind to meet them.

    But when they aren't THAT way really, aren't WE ourselves to blame for making up this super being?? How many times have you said, "This is absolutely CRAZY!!?? I think I am madly in love and we haven't even met!!" What we are "in love" with is the IDEA of this person being everything we have made them out to be which is of course, our perfect mate!!!

    Is saying the person really wasn't as they alluded to be, perhaps a "self imposed" mistake or lack of awareness? Could it be that we are deluding ourselves? If we can realize that we have done all we can in a limited venue to find someone who for all intents and purposes matches our criteria for romance, BUT that the hold out is the actual face-to-face meeting as the be all and end all of ascertaining REAL attraction, I think there would be a whole lot less disappointment, and a lot more success stories.

    Expectations are SELF-IMPOSED and we ourselves need to be accountable for this. If the other person does NOT meet our expectations, it might just be that we built up a persona to suit our fantasy, and perhaps WE indeed, haven't been realistic.

    The other thing that we run into a lot, unfortunately, are the liars and deceivers who get their rocks off by hurting others or just seeing how well they can con their way into getting a date.

    That is where experience at meeting comes in handy. There are a lot of ways to detect these people because they forget from one day to the next what lies they told and their stories aren't consistent.

    I avoid these like the plague but even an experienced b*llsh*t detector like myself can still be fooled on occasion. BUT, I still prefer this venue for meeting potential dates over all others and have learned that the bottom line is to keep a very open mind, realizing that I am probably grandiosizing a wee bit because I so earnestly want to meet people with whom I can relate to and be myself with and I truly believe that with the masses at my fingertips, I have much higher odds of being successful.

    There is a magical dynamic that happens online that is not found in any other venue and I sincerely believe it CAN be translated into real time, with caution, awareness, and the ability to make the smooth transition from that nebulous zone to REAL time, and allow yourself the grace to let chemistry and face-to-face attraction be the deciding factor. Limit your fantasies and know that they are the fuel, but they are not the REAL fire!!!

    by WiseWoman
    Posted by LC at 05:51 PM | TrackBack

    Reading Between the Lines

    Reading through the personal ads can be a skill, an art in its own. You may find that skimming through the personal ads has become your latest habit, searching for the person that meets your profile needs and desires but without success. Have you been looking for love but in the wrong profiles, or are you searching for more that is not written in the lines of a personal ad? If you read more into a personal ad than what is actually written in the profile and in the pages of the personal classifieds, you may find yourself conversing or dating a person that does not have the same personal dating ideas as you or the same objective in a relationship which puts you back at the beginning of the process again.

    You already know that the listings in the personal section are from people just like you, people who want to meet someone special to fit into their life so starting with the personal ads is a great way to meet someone. However, maybe you are reading the profile of someone wanting to find just a friend, or maybe the profiles you are reading is someone that is also hinting towards a search for love in a relationship. You need to be a distinctive reader.

    The odds are in your favor when searching the personal ads for in finding a companion or lover. You already know that if the profiles you are reading are not seeking some type of friendship or relationship, they would not have created a profile for others to review. However, the steps in deciding who you will make contact with can be one of the most difficult in your search.

    Your journey reading the personal classified section will require the need to look within yourself discovering what you type of relationship you are truly in search of. Are you searching for a friend, for a lover, or are you searching for a true lifetime commitment? Whatever category you place yourself in, choose the replies and profiles that meet your standards in your search for a relationship helping you narrow your search, which will make the personals much easier to sort through. If you would sit in front of your computer and continue reading all of the personal ads presented, you may find yourself overwhelmed with information and choices to be made. Narrowing your criteria and the idea of what type of relationship you are searching for creates the best results.

    If you are searching for a friend or companion only through the personal ads, start with profiles that state this specifically in their profile, which you will find many. In discussing profiles of those who are not looking for a serious relationship, you may find the following phrases used: "want to have a good time", "not looking for a relationship" and "not willing to give my heart away", "just want to spend some time with you" or "seeking another with a great listening ear". There are various words used expressing friendship, companionship and those just looking to date. Use these expressions and words to help you sort through the personal ads narrowing your decision among the many people listed.

    Profiles of people searching for friendship use words that stick out like: "looking for fun", "friendship", "no commitments", "companion wanted", "only looking for a good time", "need help in building my confidence", "I want to roller blade in the park all day", finding words that express fun and friendship stating no commitments or relationship will help you sort through the profiles you are reading.

    Are you in search of that someone special to be more than just friends are? Learn to read more into the written words. Find descriptions such as "looking for love", "searching for that someone special", "more than friends", "quiet and cozy", "easy going and lovable", "special times", "treasured moments", and words similar to "lovable".

    So what about your profile, read over the words again. Does the profile really express your thoughts about a relationship, what type of relationship you are seeking and whom you are expecting to meet using the personal classifieds? Deciding what type of person you are searching for, what qualities you desire, and how far you want the relationship to mature are steps in realizing you are taking the right direction for meeting that someone special through the classifieds. Clarify your words, express your real thoughts and ideas about who you are seeking clearly which will aid those that are reading your profile connect easily with you.

    Matching your personality and the relationship you are seeking with the personal profile or description of another person that is seeking similar relationships can be tough but using your feelings of what you want from a relationship as a basis when reading and sorting through the personals is a great beginning.

    by Cheryl Lewis
    Posted by LC at 05:39 PM | TrackBack

    What is good lovemaking

    • How to... making love?

    • Physical stuff can be worked on

    • What to expect from relationship?

    Different people's perception on what ‘good’ lovemaking is varies greatly.

    I tend to 'thrive' on the mental aspect...

    If mentally and emotionally we are connected, then the lovemaking can be out of this world.

    How to... making love

    How to... making love ... If your making love... be reminded that there is a person attached to it. Feelings.. Emotions, trust, respect... and when it's all in place.. My knowledge tells me that the lovemaking is fabulous..

    Physical stuff can be worked on

    On the other hand perhaps you just need to realize that it is not easy to find your "soulmate" (she just may be someone you have a lot of chemistry with) and that you should just enjoy what it is you have with her but keep on looking for someone else...

    What to expect from relationship?

    Remember one very important thing...

    People are who they are and it is always better to simply see if who they are fits in with who you are rather than to try to "force" the issue to make yourselves fit with each other which is, in the long run, close to impossibility to do as 99% of the time it fails.

    Posted by LC at 05:07 PM | TrackBack

    December 29, 2004

    Overcome your shyness

    What is shyness?

    One definition of shyness is "having difficulty in creating a good rapport with the people one meets."

    For some people, the problem of shyness may simply be having trouble thinking of things to say in social situations. For others, it may involve crippling physical manifestations of uneasiness. For most, shyness involves a combination of both symptoms to a greater or lesser degree. In any event, the effects of shyness can be devastating.

    Behaviors that come spontaneously for the average person (smiling, thinking of suitable conversational topics, assuming a relaxed posture, making good eye-contact, etc.) may simply not be an inherent part of the shy person's makeup.

    Another problem of shyness is that shy people may not know how to behave in certain situations. Wrote Dr. Phillip G. Zimbardo, one of the country's foremost authorities on the subject of shyness, "Some don't have the social skills necessary for keeping the machinery of human relationships functioning smoothly. They don't know how to start a conversation or ask for a raise or speak up in class."

    Thus, there's more to shyness than merely not knowing what to say. The severely shy may find it difficult to do something as simple as smile and say "hello" to someone. If they don't tend to smile easily, they may be afraid to "force" a smile out of the subconscious fear that it will be seen as "phony" by others.

    Also, if a shy person does not have an easy smile or a ready laugh, he may be viewed as overly serious, even humorless. According to The Single's Almanac by Jeffrey Ullman, (1986, World Almanac Publications,) the first thing women look at in men is the smile and the laugh. (A comparable predisposition is reported in men's judgments of women.)

    Now let's look at some of the behavioral components of shyness :

    • Anxiety or lack of self-confidence around other people
    • Difficulty thinking of things to say in conversation
    • Lack of knowledge of expected modes of behavior for various social situations
    • Absence of outgoing mannerisms such as good eye contact, an easy smile, a relaxed posture, and so forth
    Further, the element of willpower (or the lack of it) enters into the picture. The shy person must sometimes force himself to do such things as go to a party or to strike up a conversation with a classmate. These, for the shy person, can require a tremendous amount of effort.

    Also, sometimes shyness can be much like a phobia-an irrational fear that cripples our behavior. We know it's foolish to be afraid of people. We know that people are more inclined to like us if we're relaxed and cheerful than if we're awkward or clumsy. Still, we seem to be predisposed somehow to behave in a certain way. Though the fear that accompanies a "true" phobia is usually more extreme than the fear that accompanies shyness, there do seem to be common elements. (There is even such a thing as a true phobia of other people; it's called anthrophobia.)

    How to overcome shyness?

    Probably the best way to overcome shyness is Systematic (or Graduated) Desensitization. This is contrasted with a technique called "flooding," in which the shy person is immediately exposed to a feared situation. This experience is supposed to be cathartic.

    This is the advice that is often given shy people. "You've got to mix and mingle with people-that's the only way you're going to overcome your shyness! Go to a party, and plunge right in!" This is something akin to telling someone who's deathly afraid of water to plunge into the deep end of a swimming pool!

    Systematic desensitization, on the other hand, involves discovering what you are afraid of, breaking that feared activity down into smaller steps and finally taking those steps on one at a time, gradually moving from the easiest step to the most difficult.

    The first step toward practicing systematic desensitization is to list those situations which cause you shyness or anxiety. The list should be arranged in increasing order of difficulty; that is, with the easiest interactions listed first, progressing down toward those which cause greater and greater anxiety. To make this task easier, below is a list of social situations arranged in what I think will be roughly increasing difficulty for most shy people. You can use this list as a framework for your own list. The list progresses from the mildest social situations to the most difficult.

    The next step is to tackle these shyness-producing situations one at a time, progressing from the easiest to the most difficult. To do this, you must set goals for yourself.

    Set aside a couple of weeks for each shyness situation. Every day, make a deliberate point of getting into a situation in which you will have an opportunity to practice a skill on your list which you have set aside to practice during that week. When you have practiced a particular skill on your list every day for two weeks, move on to the next one. Continue this way until you have worked your way completely down the list.

    This technique doesn't work perfectly, because life doesn't always hand out experiences in the order we've decided would be best, but don't worry; the technique will still be effective.

    Another tip: most of these situations can be made more challenging by increasing how much time you spend in that situation, or by increasing the difficulty in some other way. For example, you may have no trouble asking a librarian to help you find something, but entering into a brief conversation with him or her may be a little more difficult. Or, a short conversation with someone you meet at school may be easy, but a longer one may be more challenging. In this way you can "fine tune" your graduated desensitization regimen in a way that allows you to achieve a very smooth increase in its difficulty level.

    One of the easiest ways to begin is to try striking up little conversations with store clerks. This gives you an opportunity to practice overcoming your shyness every time you pick up a magazine or buy a candy bar. The conversations don't have to be long ones, and you can close the conversation whenever you wish. Another advantage is that since you have no need to see these people again, you have no reason to be upset if you say something you later decide was less than brilliant. Of course, make sure there isn't a long line of other shoppers waiting behind you when you try this technique!

    What is visualization?

    "Visualization," "imaging," or "cognitive behavioral rehearsal" is the process of creating detailed mental pictures of behaviors you wish to assume. It can be a useful supplement to your other efforts at overcoming shyness. In effect, it is a way of practicing in your mind behaviors that you wish to acquire in real life.

    And research shows that visualization can really help. Researchers at Louisiana State University found that people could actually increase the amount of weight they could lift by visualizing themselves doing so.

    Daydreaming is a form of visualization. The difference between visualization and daydreaming, however, is that there are gaps in daydreams, and we picture some hypothetical event that will probably never take place. In the visualization process, by contrast, we picture something that is more likely to happen and imagine the step-by-step process by which we will handle it.

    You need to practice visualization when you know you can relax without fear of interruption. Try to choose a time when nobody else is home, or, if this is not possible, go to a room by yourself and hang a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. (It is okay to tell people what you are doing.)

    Before you begin your visualization session, you should relax for a few minutes. You need no special regimen. If you are familiar with yoga, meditation, or another relaxation discipline you may practice it briefly before beginning visualization. Otherwise, kicking off your shoes, putting your feet up, and going into a quiet mood will be fine.

    It is important, however, to be relaxed when visualizing because you want to subconsciously associate a feeling of relaxation with the social situations that you are about to mentally rehearse. When you actually enter into a situation you visualized, you want to be able to recall that relaxed state vividly.

    When you feel you are sufficiently relaxed you are ready to start the visualization process.

    1: Close your eyes and picture the scene that causes you shyness as vividly and accurately as possible. Picture the people who are involved in the scene. What do they say? How do you respond?

    2: If you are visualizing something that happened in the past, picture the scene as it actually happened as vividly as possible. What is it that was difficult about this situation? 3: What did the other person (or people) say? What did you say? What do you feel was inadequate about your performance?

    4: Now visualize the exact same scene again. Picture what the other person said to you. But this time, picture yourself responding as you wish you had responded. Or, if you initiated the interaction, picture yourself doing so as you wish you had, effectively, self-confidently. If you have trouble knowing what this would be, think of an outgoing person you admire and picture how he or she would handle the situation. Imagine yourself behaving the same way.

    5: Now picture how you think the other person might have responded to you had you acted the way you wished. Then visualize your next move or statement, his or her response, and so on, until you think the interaction is completed.

    6:If you are visualizing something that will happen in the future, you must make a number of suppositions. Who do you expect to be talking to? Is it likely to be a man or a woman? Have you met this person before? What is the setting? What do you wish to accomplish with the interaction? How should you approach this person? What do you think you should say? What do you expect the other person to say? How will you respond? Visualize this scene repeatedly until you think you have worked out all the details and have determined what your best approach will be and how you will respond to various possible behaviors on the part of the other person. Picture yourself being relaxed, friendly, confident.

    The important thing to remember when visualizing is not simply to think "I must be more outgoing," but to actually see yourself being more outgoing. See every step of your desired behavior as if it were projected on a movie screen. Just as you mentally "see" various scenarios acted out when you daydream, so must you "see" them when you visualize. As with any other skill, your ability to visualize will improve with practice.

    A few other tips: First, be realistic about what you're visualizing. Don't see yourself as being the "life of the party" right away. Instead, look at the graduated desensitization list that you made up in the previous section, start visualizing the first thing that causes you shyness, and work your way up from there.

    20-30 minutes a day is a good amount of time to devote to visualization.
    Posted by LC at 12:19 PM | TrackBack

    Learn How To Eat A Girl Out

    Having sex and making love are two entirely different things? The former refers to the having intercourse while the latter refer to intercourse but the essence of the act is centered on giving and receiving pleasure. You'd be wondering why you have to learn how to eat a girl out. Read on to find out it is very important that you do it right !

    It is a known fact that women take a far longer time when compared to men to reach sexual climax and rarely do they achieve climax thru intercourse alone. So, therein lies the question of how do you go about pleasing your women? Answer� Cunnilingus! Or in lay man's term - eating her out! That is by far the best way to give your girl the big 'O'. And the good news is women simply love it when her man eats her out.

    Next question is: How Do You Do It? For starters, you got to have some knowledge on a woman's anatomy. Believe it or not, eating her out involves more that just your tongue and her vagina; it actually involves her whole body. While there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to eating a woman out, here are a couple of guidelines�

    The actual act of eating out a woman usually concentrates on the vagina and clitoris and also the stimulation of her G spot. However, constant clitoral licking alone won't get the job done. Worse, you'll numb her clit and leave her feeling raw. Start by spending a little time licking and circling her clit with the tip of your tongue and from there slowly lick your way down her labia to her slit and slowly work your way up again to her clit. Repeat a couple of times all the while making sure that you caress her body especially the inner thighs, calves and feet with your free hands.

    At this point, the area between her labia and the top of her thighs are extremely sensitive. Slowly kiss and lick this area all the while teasing her and working your kisses towards her clit but just when she expects you to go for her clit, stop and move your attention to the other side. You can repeat the same process with her inner thighs, calves nipping her skin lightly as you work your way up her thighs.

    The idea here is to do anything that comes to mind and TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't rush! Tease her and drive her nuts to the point where every nerve in her body is tingling and her entire body is extremely sensitive and screaming for your touch. She's so turn on by now that you'd need a fire hose to douse the fire you started in her! Now for the kill, lean forward with your mouth less than an inch from her vagina and let her feel your warm breath caressing her before you proceed to lick her up between her legs. Besides eating her out you're your tongue, you can also use your fingers to increase her pleasure.

    If you've done this properly, your woman would have had her big 'O' or on the verge of getting one. Here on the choice is yours whether to take her over the edge or have sex with her and you can both come together.

    There you have it, all about how to eat a girl out! Let's not forget that the whole point of you learning how to eat a girl out is to give your woman pleasure NOT to "get her ready" for SEX.

    Good Luck !
    Posted by LC at 12:05 PM | TrackBack

    How To Keep Women Engaged

    Hey guys...

    Many a man has been at a bar, spotted an attractive woman and thought to himself, "Wow! She really works those breasts, bouncy bouncy." Next, he went up to talk to her and within the first thirty seconds of conversation the poor bastard went belly up as she hammered him to jelly. He, then, walked away hunchbacked and long faced, wearing an existential funk ten times the size of his deflated ego.

    You can probably relate. I know I can. I've been there about a billion times. Heck! - I used to be so scared to approach an attractive woman that I'd imagine her steamrolling me, leaving me for road kill in her wake. How cool is that - I'd disqualify myself without even talking to her.

    Meeting and approaching women is no easy business for those who haven't mastered the necessary skills. Let's take a look at why this is so.

    Realize this: We approach women in the wake of their cuteness - and they know it. Without them uttering a single word, they hook us in. Half the time, even if you find them less attractive than the stench of foot and *ass* combined, they'll still genuinely believe you're hitting on them.

    This, of course, is about to change. So keep reading.

    Watching most men approach an attractive woman is as depressing as a costume ball for demented children. The woman is like a pro fisherman with top notch bait and the guy is like a poor little fish, soon to be chopped up, fried, and eaten for dinner. Even if he's a fighter, it's too late - he's already on the hook (Albeit, if he happens to be her physical type, he's got a shot at success).

    I'm also a fish - but an F-ed up, twisted, �ber alien barracuda. Just when they feel that they have me on their hook I start throwing bait at them. They start chomping away at the bait and, then, bam - they're on my hook and I'm reeling them in.

    Let me give you an example. If I'm at a nightclub, I might stand in a crowed area - maybe near the bar or ladies restroom. As a woman walks by I'll stick out my elbow making it inevitable that she'll bump into it. And then in an overdramatic and offended tone I'll utter: " hurt me." Ninety-seven percent of the time, women will stick their hand out to touch me and apologize with some variant of, "Oh my...I'm so sorry." I'll usually shoot back with, "You can touch me but...only if you tell me an interesting story or a funny joke."

    Not only is this a bundle of fun but also a powerful means of emotionally hooking a woman. Once most guys find a woman attractive - usually within the first few seconds of meeting her - they start thinking of ways to get her approval, win her over, and prove themselves to her. Put simply, she has them emotionally hooked and she knows it. Just about anything they do to impress her, is a sign she is reeling them in even closer. With my example above, however, I'm doing the opposite. Instead of me proving myself to her, I'm making her prove herself to me. I'm the sought after Prize, not her.

    A caveat: In many contexts it is useful to praise and acknowledge qualities about a woman you find worthy. This only works, however, if you communicate to her that your worth is - at the very least - slightly higher than hers.

    In every male/female interaction only one person can be the Prize at a given time. Two people can't simultaneously chase each other. There are exceptions but, generally speaking, you want the woman chasing you as a Prize she is trying to win over.

    The advantage of having looks, money, fame...or whatever is that sometimes you have a built in hook with women. In and of it self, though, this is not enough to hook most women.

    That's why the only foolproof road to success with women is having the knowledge to emotionally hook them regardless of having these things.

    I don't care if you have the best pickup lines in the world or the funniest stories or the coolest car or massive biceps...or whatever. If you can't emotionally hook a woman in the first few minutes of meeting her, your chances of success are very slim.

    By Your Loyal Dating Coach, Swinggcat
    Posted by LC at 11:57 AM | TrackBack

    December 25, 2004

    When Women Want to Have Sex With You

    How do you know when a woman is making advances to sleep with you ? Some women seem to do the things that you think mean they want sex, like invite you to their apartment after a date, but what does that behavior really mean ?

    If I'm understanding you correctly, you're confused about the signals she's throwing off at you, and you'd like some better indicator as to whether you should try to sleep with her. Is that it ?

    This is interesting, because there are typically two sides to this situation:

    • 1. The guy is aggressive and goes forward - often times too far too fast - to get sex from a woman. He gets rejected out of haste and poor approach.
    • 2. The guy is watching for every indication to go forward before he actually tries. As a result, even when she does want sex, he misses out by not taking an opportunity when she presents it.

    It's tough. How do you REALLY know when she wants sex with you ?

    Some guys will interpret her inviting him inside as meaning that she wants to get naked and do the wild mambo. Others will not believe she's really into it or wanting them unless she's tearing off her own clothing.

    Well, consider this: It's rare that a woman will want sex with you while you're not in the preliminary stages of touching and foreplay. She's not just going to walk across a room and reach out to tell you to bang her. She's usually going to need a good amount of warming up before you get on the raceway. Even if she has mentally made up her mind to sleep with you, you would still have to go through the physical motions of the initial steps.

    When a woman puts you in a circumstance where sex is possible, it does NOT mean that sex is ASSURED. She's only giving you an opportunity to move forward and progress.

    When a woman invites you up to her apartment, she's not saying she WILL have sex with you. She's only leaving the possibility open, which is always hers to revoke. The opportunity is there, if you know how to take it.

    It's up to you to watch for and use the opportunity.

    Now, your goal is still the same. You must WORK to the goal if you want to sleep with her. Your effort translates into sexual gratification.

    In another way: You will still need to go through the progressive steps of seduction.

    When you're in her apartment, you need to go from getting the drink or ice-breaker over to sitting on the couch. Try to get music going. Then get to touching. Then to kissing.

    From there, you need only handle the progression the way I've instructed in the e-books to keep things moving toward your goal.

    Once you've worked through the physical steps, moving two steps forward, one step back the whole way, you'll get the true indications as to whether she will sleep with you.

    (Just make sure you're prepared for the event when it happens...)

    You see, you're going to do one of two things when it comes to meeting women and seduction :

    • 1. Learn because you had the sense to build and invest in your own understanding - possibly because you wound up getting the crap kicked out of you by the women out there, or
    • 2. NEVER learn - and suffer for the rest of your life.

    And I'm not talking about learning some weird voodoo ritual that hypnotizes her with special magic words - because THEY DON'T EXIST! Beware of the snake oil out there that promises you INSTANT success with women. That only happens in porn movies and with hookers.

    Men have also been taught that if we're not successful with women, it's THEIR fault. "I just can't understand WOMEN." "WOMEN are so different." "I just don't get why WOMEN act so strangely." "She must be a lesbian."

    No, she's probably NOT a lesbian, dude. (Even if you hope to watch her with another woman.)

    The truth is that women are acting just fine. Women consistently misbehave in ways we can analyze and understand. We men are simply not learning enough about THEIR motivations, or what actually is going on beneath the surface.

    That's where The Seduction Method comes in. Imagine getting 300 pages of top-quality advice and in-depth strategies to turn your game around with women. Wouldn't that be the ultimate addition to any man's library ?

    If there's one book in the world you would love to have, wouldn't it be this? Learning how to finally get your dating and sex life under YOUR control.

    You've always hoped there was a book like this available, and now there is. Detailing the secrets that women have had for years.
    Posted by LC at 04:28 PM | TrackBack

    December 24, 2004

    Meeting in Person for the First Time

    After spending adequate time chatting with someone, you have finally reached a point that the two of you want to meet...

    After all, with online dating, this is the goal in the first place so seeing it come to fruition is exciting! Just as you took precautions when first starting out on the dating service, you now need to use a new set of precautions when meeting in person.

    • Always meet in a safe, public location where there are other people around. Make sure a friend or family member knows where you are meeting, the time you are meeting, and the time you will be leaving. If you are not sure how long the meeting will take, use your cell phone to call the friend or family member when you leave so they know you are on your way home. Typically, a restaurant or coffee shop would be the best choices. If you change your plans, always let someone know.

    • Never have the person pick you up in his or her car. Instead, you need to drive your own car so you have the opportunity to leave if you feel uncomfortable or things do not go as planned.

    • Set up the encounter on a day and at a time when YOU are comfortable. Do not feel pushed into meeting at a precise time or place. If the other person insists that you meet where they say and when they say, then cancel the meeting altogether.

    • Do not feel bad if you decide to cancel at the last minute. Too often, people from online dating services are eager to get things going, bypassing the friendship/courtship phase. Just follow your instincts and if the person is not understanding about you changing your mind or becomes angry, then you know it was not meant to be.

    • If you need to fly or drive to another city or state to meet this person, make your own hotel arrangements in a reputable hotel and do not share the information. Rent a car at the airport upon arrival so you can drive yourself to the hotel and to the meeting. Do not agree to meet at the hotel lobby, as the purpose is to have a safe haven should you need it.

      To give you an idea of the favorite places to meet, consider the following statistics:

    • Coffeehouses � 47% meet at a coffeehouse where the atmosphere is relaxed and low-key, inexpensive, and provides the opportunity to talk in a safe environment.

    • Restaurants � 28% choose to meet at a restaurant, preferably at lunch or early dinner. You want to choose a warm and cozy restaurant that is not too intimate so you both feel at ease.

    • Bar � 22% meet at a bar to have a few drinks and perhaps dance. While this is not a bad option, it does have disadvantages in that talking is usually difficult because of the music and noise. Additionally, the scene of the bar usually creates too many distractions so you and your date are no focusing fully on each other.

    • Home � Only 3% meet at home and in reality, this should be 0%! This is never a good option in that you really do not yet know the person.

    • Parent�s Home � About 1% will meet at the parent�s house but again, even thought the individual seems nice and everything seems to be on the up and up, you do not know this person. Therefore, this too is a bad choice.
      Posted by LC at 03:40 PM | TrackBack

    The Five Essential Keys to Plan a Romantic Date

    What five elements do all romantic dates contain? Never have a dull date again! Find the keys to fun, romantic dates with your sweetheart...

    Candlelight, flowers, and mood music are nice...but they do not necessarily a romantic date make. We at Romancetips spend a lot time offering suggestions for specific date ideas -- like taking him for a midnight picnic on the beach, or creating a "favorite things" date for her by making her favorite dinner and watching her favorite movie. However, we haven't offered much in the way of principles for romantic and fun dates. Until now, that is.

    In our tireless research and extensive dating research (going on hundreds of dates is hard work, let me tell you,) we've noticed five elements that the most romantic and successful dates always contain. And in our effort to make the world a more loving and romantic place, we've decided to let you in on them.

    1. Surprise--The element of surprise is a very powerful tool. It shows foresight and planning, it says "I care enough about you to go to lengths to, well, surprise you." Women especially seem to relate surprise with romance. It doesn't need to be an elaborate scheme, either. For your next date try telling your sweetie to be ready at a certain time but do not tell them where you're going or what you'll be doing. Pick them up and blindfold them for the drive, then take them to a new spot -- perhaps a park or restaurant that has just opened. Tell your love that you found this spot and it made you long to surprise him/her with it.

    2. Creativity-- Do you find your dating life or marriage falling into a rut of the "same old's?" Same old Friday night dinner and a movie date, same old lingerie, same old conversations? Creativity in your dating life keeps things fresh and passionate. When was the last time you did something silly on a date? Had a pillow fight or water war? Finger painted? Read poetry out loud? Dressed in strange clothing? If you've never done one of these things, try it on your next date. Better yet, combine two or more of these activities!

    3. Interest-- Okay, this seems like a no-brainer, but for a successful date one or both of you need to be interested in the activity. Its best if both of you have a modicum of interest, but not absolutely necessary as long as the bored party is keeping an open mind. For greatest success in planning a romantic date, seek to celebrate your partner's hobbies or passions. Does he like basketball? Surprise him with two tickets. Does she love art? Take her to a new museum exhibit. Even if you can't tell Michael Jordan from Pablo Picasso, grin and bear it. Chances are your beloved makes similar concessions for you so there.

    4. Planning-- The most romantic date I've ever been started at 4:45 am. I was very reluctantly roused out of bed by my then-boyfriend who drove us to St. Augustine Beach to catch the sunrise. We spent most of the day at St. Augustine until he drove us to the other coast of Florida to catch the sunset. I was so impressed by his planning out the entire day -- timing it all just right, making meal reservations, etc. Planning is what separates a truly impressive and memorable romantic date from a mediocre one, a sunrise and sunset shared from just another meal and a movie.

    5. A Sense of Humor-- As much as I've waxed poetic about my beloved's great planning skills, what if it'd rained that day? With great advance planning, of course, he'd have had a Plan B but he'd still need a great sense of humor. Even with the other four elements -- surprise, creativity, interest, and planning-- dates can still be affected by circumstances beyond our control. The ability to laugh together is the mark of great romance. Horribly ruined dates can become private jokes and fond memories if you keep your sense of humor intact.

    So go on out there and break some hearts, killer. Now that you know the elements of all great dates you have no excuse for ever planning a bad one again. (And if you do at least we hope you can laugh about it later!)
    Posted by LC at 03:22 PM | TrackBack

    December 23, 2004

    A Common Sense Guide to Cyber Dating

    Oh the good ole days. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. The two get married, have 3.5 kids and a dog and live happily ever after. Will the days we’re now living in eventually be somebody’s “good ole days”? Sure they will. Some things will be different. Their stories won’t include talk of the Great Depression, walking 10 miles to school in the snow, or falling in love as Elvis Presley sang Love Me Tender. The clothes in the hope chest will be different styles… that is, if there even is a hope chest. Oh, and one of the most obvious changes will be the place where Mom met Dad. Stories of high school science class and “the girl next door” could be replaced by tales of cyberspace chat rooms and online dating services. That’s right. Cyber dating is a real thing, and even with horrible tales of deceit and danger, its popularity does not seem to be diminishing For those who are not afraid to venture out into the online dating world, you should arm yourselves with knowledge. A very old piece of wisdom says, “people perish when they lack knowledge.” Well, let’s hope nobody is physically perishing out there, but in actual fact, there have been cases of attempted and even successful murder as a result of careless online dating. And if you’re not worried about your life, you should at least be concerned about your wallet! There are dangers and scams out there that you should educate yourself on. For women, the primary concern is probably bodily safety. For men, there are probably more scams than dangers waiting in the wings for you. Let’s explore some safety issues to begin with; and although these may primarily apply to women, men should use safe policies as well. Remember that when you are chatting in cyberspace, you really have no idea who is sitting behind the computer screen at the other end of the conversation. When a woman wades out into the world of Internet dating, she should keep her guard up. While many women think about the protection they will need if and when this fellow ever comes to visit, many do not really think about information they are giving out on the web. Here are a few guidelines to follow:
    • Watch how much personal information you give out. Provide as little as possible.
    • If someone wants you to send them anything of value or money, be suspicious. As a matter of fact, if he wants you to send him money, go ahead and drop him now. What he will ask for over the web will multiply in a real-life dating situation.
    • Trust your woman’s intuition. If something “just doesn’t feel right”, stop communicating with him.
    • Never, ever, ever agree to send any kind of suggestive photos or videos to him. Save those for after marriage. If he loves you, he’ll wait.
    • If your e-mail account can be easily traced to give someone your address or other personal information, consider opening a remote e-mail account that would show information no where near your real address. Playing it safe is worth the trouble.
    • Never give out your home telephone number. And keep in mind that if you call him direct or collect, his phone bill and/or his caller ID can easily identify you and your phone number.
    • Unless you live in an incredibly large city, do not even give out the name of the city you live in. A state maybe, but not a city.
    • Remember that if you send him pictures of yourself or your children over the Internet, you really have no control on where those pictures go from there. Again, play it safe. No pictures. Your wedding pictures will be just fine.
    • If someone meets you in one dating service and then asks you to switch to another, be suspicious. Also, if someone meets you under one e-mail address, then changes their e-mail address, raise an eyebrow. This is suspicious behavior.
    Okay, ladies, so you play it very safe over the web. You do everything right and this cyber friendship/relationship is really taking off. After quite a long time, you decide you really do want to meet him in person. What should you do? Well, first of all, remember that this is a risky meeting. Do not deceive yourself into thinking that you know someone whom you’ve never met. Several experts even use the example that you don’t truly know if the person you’ve been communicating with is male or female. You are making assumptions based on what they have told you. Numerous successful online relationships actually branched out beyond the two people involved before a personal meeting was arranged. For example, one online newlywed said she “met” her husband’s parents, bosses, friends and so on over the phone and the web before the two of them ever met face to face. That does not guarantee security, but the more people who get involved the less likely it is that you’re dealing with a real whacko. Not impossible, mind you. Just less likely. So, you’ve now talked to “Mom” on the phone and she’s told you what a good boy her son is; you believe her and you’re ready to meet him. What should you do?
    • As odd as this may seem, you may want to run a background check on him. (As a matter of fact, you may not want to wait until this late stage to do so. You can do this after your first conversation if you’d like.) It is definitely a wise move before a face-to-face meeting.There are numerous web companies that will do the check for you
    • Never agree to meet in a private place. Meet somewhere publicly. It’s even better if you meet with a group of people you know and trust.
    • Never agree to let him pick you up in his car. Drive yourself and meet him.
    • Go home alone. (No matter how great this first date was, go home alone. And make sure he doesn’t follow you.)
    • Keep the first date short. Short and sweet.
    • If you happen to travel to his city, stay in a hotel. Never agree to stay with him, his parents or his girl friends. Stay in a reputable hotel.
    • Make sure that you tell someone where you’re going, who you’re with and when you expect to return home. Arrange to check in with a friend mid-way through the date and when you get home. Let your date know you’re checking in. Provide your friend with your date’s picture if possible.
    Seem a little overboard, huh? The old saying “Better Safe than Sorry” definitely applies in the cyber world. While there are wonderful love stories told about cyber romance, there are sad and tragic stories as well. Using a little wisdom and some security measures will ensure safe dating. After all, you would never give a stranger at the mall your phone number or address. You’d never agree to meet them privately. So why would you do it with a stranger on the web? Use some common sense girls… (and guys!) Now most of you guys are probably reading this, and thinking that you are not in the same dangerous situation that many women may find themselves in. Well, it is true that while you could get ahold of a whacko too, it’s probably not as likely. However, men are more likely to fall p
    Posted by LC at 02:59 PM

    December 22, 2004

    Women and "Bad Boys": What Is The Attraction?

    "Bad Boys". If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself. There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"! So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist. So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?
    • calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together
    • not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology
    • never having any money when you are out
    • forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates
    • flirting openly with other women when you are together
    • hitting on your good friend(s)
    • making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others
    • is doing time for a serious felony
    Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar.
    • "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting."
    • "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him."
    • "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together."
    • "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does."
    • "He's so charming and passionate."
    • "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me."
    • "He needs me."
    • "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate."
    • "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him." Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem? Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?" The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues:
    • level of self-esteem
    • capacity for intimacy
    • roles that she has been in throughout her life If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs. If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers. If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available. If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction. If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships. Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship. Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you.
      Posted by LC at 02:13 PM | TrackBack

    December 21, 2004

    Make Her Want You & More

    What should a guy do when he meets a girl he really likes and wants to have a relationship with her?

    Well first of all, pause. Take deep breaths. Sit in the lotus position or something.

    Here's the formula for making a girl want to be with you:

    Great Experiences + Missing You

    Got it?

    When you're with her, make it enjoyable. Don't put any kind of weird emotional pressure on her.

    Don't ask: "Do you think you could be with someone like me in a long-term relationship?" Don't cling. Don't call her all the time.

    When you do spend time with her, make sure you and she are having a great time.

    And then, end every interaction with her while it's on an up note, and just a little bit too soon. Like a great movie, end it at a "climax."

    And as you've heard me say before, give her the gift of missing you.

    Stay on the right track by playing it cool. Don't forget to add fun, excitement, and mystery to the equation.

    Give her experiences she can't forget, and then give her room to think about you, wonder where you are, and chase you.

    How to pick her up if there are other people around and what to do if two women like you...

    What should a guy do when he meets a woman he would like to date, but doesn't want to make an "obvious" come-on because there are other people around?

    Say what?

    He doesn't want to make an "obvious come-on because there are other people around"?

    What? Did he want to become her friend and shopping buddy, then two years later spring an "I love you" on her in the middle of the girdle aisle at Macy's?

    Or did he miss the part in the previous articles where I said not to hide the fact that you're interested?

    Guys really need to grasp the idea that making it obvious that you're not just interested in "friendship" isn't considered bad by women... and that if you try to hide it, you're only shooting yourself in the foot.

    Think about what you're asking me.

    Guys need to get over what other people think, and get into making things happen regardless of who's watching or listening.

    This alone is a trait that creates attraction.

    Of course, if you really want to be discreet about it, you could hand her a note that says "I was going to say some funny stuff, but I didn't want anyone to think that I was trying to pick you up. If you couldn't tell, I'm kind of a wuss, but don't let that stop you from calling me later."

    In short, the way to prevent this in the future is to be ready for the situation. Plan out what you're going to do next time, and be totally ready when it happens. If you mentally prepare for common situations that you find yourself in, you'll dramatically increase your success.

    What should a guy do when two women like him and he doesn't know which one to choose? How can he solve the problem?

    Okay, well it doesn't sound like too much of a problem to me. You have two girls that like you, what's the issue?

    You're going to have to decide if you'd like:

    1- A relationship with one of them.
    2- To be single and date both of them.

    If you want a relationship, then pick the one you like, and go out with her more than once a week.

    If you don't want a relationship right now, then don't see either of them more than about once a week (twice is okay once in a while, but any more than that and a woman will automatically start to go into relationship mode).

    There is no problem with more than one woman liking you -- the problem comes if you start being dishonest and not up-front in your dealings with them.

    This is a great problem to have, really... as long as you don't screw it up by being a jackass.

    By David DeAngelo
    Posted by LC at 04:48 PM | TrackBack

    Make Her Laugh & More

    What should a guy do if he makes a joke that falls flat, or if the woman just doesn't have a good sense of humor?

    The fact is that sometimes you're going to meet a woman who just doesn't have a sense of humor, isn't in a good mood, is feeling hormonal, or whatever.

    Or sometimes you'll just make a comment that's lame. It happens.

    As they say in cooking: "You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."

    You just have to accept the idea that when you're learning how to use this material, you're going to occasionally run into a woman who doesn't get your humor.

    Don't worry about it. Here are my personal ways to disarm one of these situations:

    Say "It was a joke" with a deadpan serious look on your face Saying "it was a joke" in this manner is very funny in itself because the look contradicts your words. This will often get a laugh and allow you to continue with the Cocky & Funny humor you were using in the first place.

    Give her a "sly smile" The sly smile is a great way to interrupt a woman who is taking you too seriously. As she starts to get upset, just squint your eyes a little, purse your lips, and smile with a look of, "You're cute when you're mad."

    Start laughing This is another personal favorite. Just start laughing as she starts to get offended. Even tell her that she's cute and needs to lighten up a little.

    All of these techniques work well when women are genuinely offended or upset because they communicate that you were kidding around.

    But here's a warning: Don't use these too often. If you use them when she's not actually offended, they'll make you seem weak and insecure.

    So when exactly should you use these techniques?

    In general, women love to play like they're offended when you tease them.

    For instance, a woman might open her mouth with that "I can't believe you just said that" look. This is usually the signal to turn it up! Keep going. Most women know you're just flirting with them. So don't turn into a wuss at the first sign of emotion.

    What should a guy do when he meets a woman that he'd like to settle down and have a relationship with?

    Well, as much as I avoid relationship questions, I just have to comment on this one.

    First of all, I believe that most guys would prefer to be in a relationship with a great woman (over being single).

    The problem is that amazing women are as rare as amazing men.

    If you really want to make a woman become attached to you, then you might want to try a paradoxical move: stop looking for a relationship.

    If you communicate that you want a relationship, the natural response is going to be for a woman to play hard to get.

    If you play hard to get, and you hold off on showing the relationship level of interest, you'll find that the woman will pursue the relationship with you.

    Think about it.

    Shouldn't a guy worry about coming across as too "arrogant" if he's trying to be Cocky & Funny?

    Here's the deal: When you're being Cocky and Funny, you must give up your fear of coming across as overly arrogant. The secret lies within the funny ingredient of the formula.

    A great model for Cocky and Funny is Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. If you haven't seen him yet, do a search online for his Star Wars or Bon Jovi video clip. You'll laugh until you cry...

    You'll notice that Triumph is ruthless with the sarcastic comments... but they're all funny.

    And when he feels like he may have gone over the top, he might throw in an "I kid, I kid." Although it's rare, he does do it on occasion.

    If you feel like your comment might have been taken too seriously, try a "sly smile." It's a nice touch.

    Now get out there and do it! You'll find the balance.

    Posted by LC at 01:20 PM | TrackBack

    December 10, 2004

    Flirting via Email

    It’s important that you be able to flirt with women via email, both in responding to their ads, and in responding to their responses to your ad. This part will teach you some of the basics.


    1. You want to make it easy for her to write you back, so ask specific questions she can answer. If you answer everything in your email to her, but don’t give her conversational openings, she’ll have to generate it all, and she won’t.

    2. If you use the "reply" format, in which you quote something she says (quoted lines are usually preceded with a " > " mark, some programs use a " | "), make it easy for her. Cut out any of her stuff that isn’t relevant to what you are responding to — you don’t want to make her have to wade through a huge quote to figure out what part you are responding to.

    3. Basically, you want to take stuff she talks about, and look for passion in it, and ask, "How can I describe a kind of experience with this that will feel good for her to read?" "What questions can I ask her that will have her think about great stuff, and feel good?"

    4. You can throw in some "deepening," by asking something like, "I’m curious myself — I’m always interested in what people are passionate about. If you don’t mind me asking, where’s the place of greatest passion in your life? Where are those moments where everything seems to come together? For some people it’s in their job, for others it’s outside of work — I’d just be curious to know, where are those moments for you?" This will connect her with her passion, all because of you! Be prepared — she’ll ask back the same questions you ask her, but you can use it to describe more great stuff to her.

    5. Give women pictures, so you can get pictures from them. You can get rid of a lot of these women quickly if you swap pictures, but you need a good one of yourself. If you don’t have one, get one taken soon. It’s okay to say "I don’t have a picture right now, but I will in a few days."
    Posted by LC at 03:14 PM | TrackBack

    How to Write an Online Personal Ad

    Online personal ads are a great way to meet a lot of interesting people quickly. Personal ads are also a great way to get over a fear many singles struggle with -- that there are not enough available singles of the opposite sex out there. Once you get into the online personal ad game and connect with hundreds of other singles looking for a relationship, that fear disappears.

    It's easy enough to write an ad that will get people to either contact you or respond to your hello. In fact, this is so easy that you could end up with way too many responses and way too many people who are not suited for you.

    If what you really want is to get connected with people who are well suited for you, with whom you are a great match, then consider the following tips for writing an online personal ad.

    1. Know what qualities you are looking for in a partner and ask for them in your ad.
    Think about what is really important to you in a partner. These are the same qualities you find really important in friends.

    2. Do not list qualities you do not want in a partner.
    Ads listing unwelcome qualities sound negative and often angry and turn people off. You can screen people for qualities you do not want once you speak to or correspond with them.

    3. Know what qualities you bring to the relationship and list them in your ad.
    Think about what makes you, you. These are the same qualities your friends find appealing about you.

    4. Mention any hobby, passion or activity that occupies a large amount of your time.
    If there is something you either love to do or spend a lot of time doing, mention it in a description of yourself. It is obviously important to you and part of what defines who you are.

    5. Be honest about who you are, and what you want and do not play games.
    If you are afraid to write an ad that is too personal for fear of attracting no one, see if you can try it anyway. The more honest you are, the more likely you are to attract whom you actually want.

    6. Refrain from making your ad too sexual, unless you are looking for sexual liaisons only.
    If you are looking for a relationship and not just sex, leave the sex out and tone down the physical descriptions in your ad. Otherwise you will be attracting people who are more interested in sex than in a relationship.

    7. Know what kind of a relationship you want and list some of the highlights in your ad.
    Whether you want a relationship with lots of laughter and fun, or one where deep conversations last into the night, etc., put some of this in your ad.

    8. Write the ad in your conversational style.
    Refrain from using dazzling words or a lighthearted tone, unless that is your natural inclination. Write the ad in a style that most naturally resembles your spoken word, not in a style in which you think you should write.

    9. Get your closest friends to read your ad to determine whether it describes you and the relationship/partner you are looking for.
    Our friends often know us better than we know ourselves -- trust their opinion if they tell you to rewrite your ad. You are more likely to end up attracting people you feel good dating.

    10. Go slow when people show interest.
    When someone answers your ad and sounds like the kind of person you are looking for, still take time to get to know him or her. You don't really know someone until you spend a significant amount of time together in person.
    Posted by LC at 02:56 PM | TrackBack

    Do Attractive Women Really Want To Meet Men Online?

    A great question I was asked a little while ago was "Why would an attractive woman living in a big city ever use the internet to meet a guy?"

    On first glance, it DOES seem kind of bizarre. We all know that women are "hit on" in regular life, be it on their way to work, when they are out with friends, at a club, etc.

    And an attractive woman would have even more of this, so it would seem like the last thing a sane woman would do is seriously put up a profile on a dating site.

    Well, the answer is that there is far more than meets the eye to this situation:


    First of all, although women DO meet lots of guys in their regular life, they STILL don't often meet a guy they actually DESIRE. That means a guy who's got that magical combination of things that makes her feel CHEMISTRY.

    You see, women don't feel desperate just to have sex. They know they can have it anytime, so they tend to be a little more selective. The fact that tons of guys try to hit on her doesn't mean she WANTS those guys.

    The internet gives women a chance to check out TONS of guys before they "waste time" on them. Women can read about a guy, his profile, his pic, she can chat over the net and therefore SCREEN the guy before meeting him.

    (Unfortunately, most guys give off a TOTALLY WRONG IMPRESSION of themselves, i.e. UNSEXY, from their profile. I'll discuss more on this later in this article.)


    There is another benefit of the internet for women. You see, women still have this fear of being labelled a "slut" and the social disapproval that comes with that. But through the internet, she doesn't have to worry about explaining her desires, she can just find a guy who has already made it clear either in his chat to her or in his profile, or by the sheer nature of a particular personals site, that he is looking for the same thing she is.

    These days, there is a site for everyone, no matter WHAT you are looking for - whether it's a relationship, something casual, something within your ethnicity, or something very bizarre and far-out - there is a site for it.

    All she has to do is just click and go for it. No embarrasing discussion for her, since she's already been accepted by the very nature of the site.

    And NO ONE else has to know a thing.

    On the net, you can state what you want, and find someone who wants the same thing, and presto - you got it. Very direct, and very discreet.

    This is a HUGE factor that appeals to women.


    Another factor that is appealing to women about the internet is the fact that there is no longer a stigma to using it, even for women. Many of these sites have spent MILLIONS of dollars on shaping a woman-friendly image and marketing to women to help them feel that meeting someone through the net is trendy, hip and cool.


    What GUYS need to understand about meeting a woman online, is that the MEDIUM does not change the REALITY that women want guys who are COOL. They want THE MAN.

    Just like you can be THE MAN in person, you can also be THE MAN online.

    Guys who act boring or who act like nerds when they meet women in person, tend to exhibit the SAME behavior ONLINE, and thus get the SAME results, often referred to as "frustration" and "dry spells".

    As readers of my eBook and my articles are aware, women simply feel REPULSED by guys who are desperate, lonely, or needy. Women also want to puke when they meet a guy who is expecting the WOMAN to lead the way.

    It also helps if the guy can actually have an EXCITING or at least INTERESTING and FUN conversation, if he can be playful and not so serious, as this is just plain FUN and also is interpreted by a woman as a sign that he has everything under control, which makes her feel relaxed.



    Think about what goes through a woman's mind when she see a LONG message from you, a total stranger, just because you read her PROFILE.

    Keep it short - a couple paragraphs tops. You see, most women have TONS of emails coming in from guys on the site. So they are BUSY, and thus keep their replies BRIEF in order to deal with it all.

    If YOU send them an essay on how awesome you think they are, you're history. It's an instant message to her that says "He's a loser with too much time on his hands and too few women in his life."

    And stay away from the compliments for now, it will sound very manipulative to her and also very desperate.


    Don't give her the same old thing she's read from a thousand guys.

    How many times have you read something like "Hi, my name is ___. I like walks on the beach, movies and etc etc."

    That's BORING. Imagine YOU had to read the same old thing a thousand times a day.

    Oh, my next one is a personal favourite:


    Your profile shouldn't be a self-therapy session, where you explain all the hurt you've gone through and how badly you are looking for Ms. Right.

    That doesn't turn women on. It might make them feel SORRY for you, but it won't turn them ON.

    Women want WINNERS. So if you feel that your life sucks, and that it's been a real bummer so far, keep it to yourself - that way it can get better, especially at night!

    This brings me to the FLIP-SIDE of this point:


    So many guys are so insecure, the first thing they do is start mentioning on their profile is that they are blah blah blah - their job, their status, their education, and it just looks like the guy is trying desperately to win some points, because he feels he is undesirable and is going to be rejected otherwise.

    Don't worry, if you're really God's gift to women, she'll find out that stuff later. Let her figure that out on her own.

    Instead of showing off, or appealing to sympathy, I recommend that you COMMUNICATE to women online using the LANGUAGE OF COOL.

    For example, a COOL PROFILE NAME for starters. Do you know how many times I've actually seen guys use the header "NICE GUY" as their screen name? I've researched this stuff, and the answer is A LOT!!!

    That's like putting your head in front of a cannon and yelling "FIRE AWAY!"

    By Michael W.
    Posted by LC at 01:11 PM | TrackBack
  • December 09, 2004

    6 Great Online Dating Safety Tips

    Online personals and dating is a great way to meet that special someone, however it is important to approach it with safety as your first priority. While most online services are very secure and do a good job at helping ensure your privacy and confidentiality, you are ultimately responsible for your own safety. Most services do not pre-screen their users, therefore they cannot assume any responsibility for the people you meet through their sites. This officially grants you the title of screener, a responsibility which you must take very seriously. After all, if you are comfortable and feel secure online, you will have much more fun with online dating!

    Here are a few good security tips:

    1- Never reveal your last name or address to a stranger. If telephone numbers are exchanged, try to use a cell phone with a private number. If you call a stranger at home, always use caller ID blocking to maintain your privacy.

    2- Do not use your primary EMAIL address for online dating correspondence - create an anonymous Email account (such as a Hotmail account) to correspond with potential dates.

    3- If you decide to meet that special someone, always meet in a public place - NEVER meet in private for your first date! Always let someone know where you are going.

    4- Be honest about who you are and what you are seeking - do not reveal more than you normally would in a face to face first meeting. If your online contact attempts to pressure you into revealing more than you are comfortable with, re-evaluate his/her intentions.

    5- Always review the security and confidentiality policy of the online dating service you are using. Many of the better known online dating sites have very good privacy policies. A comprehensive listing of major online dating sites is available at

    6- Don't rush into a face to face meeting - take your time, chat up a storm and get to know each other. Is the person on the other end being honest, or do you get the feeling they are just saying what you want to hear. You are the sole judge and jury in this love trial - use your best judgment!

    In conclusion, safety should be your #1 priority as you venture into the world of online dating. Go slow, take your time to and get to know you potential dates. Like the song says, "Only fools rush in" - taking your time will only increase your chances of meeting that special someone and at the same time help weed out the bad seeds!

    by Andy Thompson
    Posted by LC at 02:56 PM | TrackBack

    Online Dating 101 - Online Dating Basics

    Feeling like there’s something that’s just not quite there yet in how you’re going about this whole online dating thing? Don’t feel bad, chances are you’re one of the many people who’re still pretty new to this gig. Heck, internet dating has only been around for about eight years, so obviously no one out there can claim to have all the answers.

    But hey, seeing that we've been perfecting the art of matching people up online all eight of those years, we’d like to share a little of what we’ve learned about how to make the best of your online experience. Who knows, one of these pointers might be just what you’ve been missing in perfecting your own online dating adventures.

    Therefore, without further ramblings, here are the:


    SAY CHEESE! Look your best and submit a great photo of yourself for your profile photo. A good picture really is worth a thousand words, and research shows that you are nearly 10 times more likely to be noticed if you post a photo to your profile.

    And, the same stats hold true when you contact someone you’ve noticed on the site. If you don’t have a photo, don’t be surprised if the responses aren’t too quick in coming back.

    Now, don’t get mad a start making accusations about all the shallow people out there. While it may be true that some people place too much emphasis on physical appearances, the bottom line is it does make a difference when two people are meeting and making initial evaluations of their interest in each other. And, it’s also a trust thing. It is always going to be much easier to interact with a face than with a blank box.

    FRESH IS GOOD Change your profile picture and greeting occasionally, add photos to your photo album, and login regularly—this will not only get you noticed, but it will help others get a more varied and up-to-date idea of what constitutes the real you.

    When something interesting happens in your life, tell us about it in your profile greeting. This is a great way to let your online friends in on what it might be like to actually spend time with you. That’s the main goal of online dating isn’t it, to find people you’d finally like to meet and spend time with face-to-face? Anyways, it’s always more fun to hear about a crazy experience you’ve just had than to read the same old descriptions of you and your cat that have been on your profile for months now.

    As for photo albums, this is the icing on the cake. Not only do these photos round out and confirm the physical picture your friends are forming of you, but they also go a long way in helping others really see what makes you “you.” The head and shoulders shot of you in your profile photo is nice and all, but when they see you hanging 10, running with your Chihuahua, or shoving a big fat piece of cheesecake in your mouth … now they’re getting to know you.

    I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN ME Have fun describing yourself without making excuses about why you're on the site or who convinced you to finally go online. Tell us what makes you unique.

    Believe it or not, being an online dater no longer places you on the fringes of society or even in the minority. Online dating has grown up and moved into the mainstream, and so you can now happily assume that the face-saving qualifiers of past times online are now obsolete. And, more importantly, just realize that they don’t help your cause when meeting others online.

    One more thing … try to be original. Yes, I’m sure you really do like the outdoors and want to meet someone who looks good in a tux and in jeans, but so does everyone else! Tell us some things about yourself that wouldn’t necessarily come out in an elevator conversation with your tax accountant. For example, what are you passionate about? What would you do if no longer had to work for a living? What’s your favorite flavor of gelato? Do you secretly wish everyday was sampling day at the grocery store? … now it’ getting interesting!

    HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY Don't be fooled thinking telling fibs will impress that special someone enough to get relationship started... it will turn them off! Be your best self.

    When you really stop and think about it, what do you think your new friend’s reaction is going to be if when you meet for the first time it’s obvious you’re not the person they thought they were going to be meeting? “Oh .. hi. I see that you’ve been dishonest with me from the get-go here, but hey, I’m still thinking we’ve got a great shot at having an open, trusting relationship for the long-term” Obviously not.

    They’re going to be hurt, and disappointed. And, your relationship is unlikely to get past the wave goodbye as your friend gets back in their car to go home.

    IT'S NICE TO BE NICE Okay, so you get a little grouchy once in a while—don’t we all? However, people like nice people. Please be considerate and polite … it will make this whole online thing so much more enjoyable for all of us!

    There’s an interesting social phenomenon researchers have discovered in online interactions. They’ve found people often change their standards of politeness and diplomacy when a conversation is happening online, versus face-to-face.

    Don’t believe it? You might be surprised if you were to go back and look at some of the things you’ve said. Look at some messages you’ve sent, and then consider saying the exact same words in a face-to-face or a telephone conversation. Sound a little rough? Don’t feel too bad, it happens to the best of us, just try to keep this in mind the next time you’re typing out an email or instant message.

    One more thing—please don’t ignore people. A quick “thanks, but no thanks” note is so much better than no reply at all. In fact, next time you’re replying to a message on the site, check out the new “Thanks but No Thanks” template. It’s a quick way to nicely let someone know you’re not interested in corresponding.

    YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS … Invite your friends along! Create Activity Groups, go on group dates, try Express Dating, enjoy travel events, and just enjoy the net together. After all, instant messaging alone isn’t enough to build solid relationships.

    Group dating and group events simply make a lot of sense for online dating. Not only does it make those first dates less stressful, it often makes them more fun, and it definitely makes first meetings a much safer proposition.

    Have you ever tried Activity Groups? They’re a great way to meet people with common interests in a safe, fun group setting. You can join a group that’s already been created, or you can create your own and invite all your friends to join … and their friends … and their friends … you get the point.

    BREAK OUTA THAT SHELL Don’t be afraid to make the first contact. Online dating makes it easy for all you shy ones out there to break the ice, because you get to do all the initial getting to know each other from the comfort and safety of your own computer.

    To start, just send a Flirt or a quick email message saying Hi—and do it often! You might be surprised how many of our great members suffer from lack of attention from their online peers. Not only might you find someone with whom you’re very interested in maintaining contact, but you’ll probably be making someone’s day.

    EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS If your first internet efforts haven’t turned up “the perfect one,” don’t despair. Hundreds of new people sign up every day on the site, so just come back to see Who’s New. You may also want to consider expanding your searches—don’t be too intent on sticking to your itemized checklist for eternal mates.

    You might also want to try some different searches from time to time. Because there are about a million different things you might find attractive in another person, it’s nice to mix up the criteria you’re searching on once in a while. For example, you can search by their Occupation, any Keyword or combination of keywords you can think of, and many others.

    UH OH … THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE FUN! Don’t be afraid to have some fun along your path to relationship happiness! Enjoy getting to know people and understand that many happy relationships and even marriages start with a good ol’ friendship. And, don’t rush it!

    You’ve heard animals can sense fear? Well, we humans can be pretty perceptive as well (except for that one guy who just can’t take a hint). So, don’t think others can’t sense when you’re frustrated, dejected, conceited, holier than thou, fed up, etc. etc. Put a smile on, and enjoy the ride, because even if the first few people you meet aren’t Mr./Mrs. Right, it doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun in good conversations with them.

    You may also need to be a little bit patient as you head off into the brave new world of online dating. Not all marriages are “love at first site,” and even if yours is, it may take a lot of looking before you “site” that special someone. And so, once again … enjoy the ride!

    USE YOUR NOODLE Ya know, that gray matter between your ears? That's your noodle. Use it! Be smart, be cautious, and follow our safety guidelines, your instincts, and the spirit in all your dating activity.

    Done right, online dating is a lot of fun, and it’s a great way to meet some wonderful people … just ask the thousand-plus people we’ve had submit success stories to us in the past few years! So, enjoy it, and follow these ten tips, and hopefully we’ll be getting a success story from you sometime soon.
    Posted by LC at 12:35 PM | TrackBack

    Your Online Personal Ad- Write For Success!

    Where are all the good men/women? You go to parties, sign up for various activities and ask friends and family if they know anyone they can introduce you to. Yet, your dating life has been more than a little disappointing. What is a guy/girl supposed to do to find quality people?

    Begin by continuing to do what you have been doing. These are all good ways to meet people. However, you may need to expand your search to the world of online dating. This would allow you to expand your search and come into contact with interested and available singles you would never meet in the existing circles in which you now move.

    Perhaps you are thinking, "I have already tried this with little or mixed success." Maybe this too has become a source of disappointment and frustration and even despair. If so, you could be going about it the wrong way, or be in need of some information to put you on a track to better success. The first important step is writing your personal ad and choosing a good site to place it on.

    The following are tips to help you write for success.

  • Be Yourself

    The goal of your ad is to attract the kind of person who would be compatible with you. You are looking for someone who shares your goals, values, sense of humor, lifestyle and perhaps religion or other specific criteria. If you put in information that is not true to who you are, you could send potentially good dates on to the next ad. You may also attract the kind of person you are not interested in.

  • Be Sincere

    Nothing is more attractive than sincerity. Think about it. Isn't this a turn-on for you? If you are funny, be funny. If you are serious, be that. Use honesty in describing your traits and desires in a potential mate. If there is something that is a must-have for you in any future relationship, highlight it. Remember that when and if you move to the next step, the other person will experience you as you really are, regardless of what the picture you drew for them in your ad looked like.

  • Write Like You Talk

    This goes right along with being you. Don't make your ad seem too contrived or rehearsed. You will loose that feeling of sincerity. Write a few drafts and just let the thoughts flow. Then go back and edit it. Make sure you spell check and check again. There is no bigger turn-off than someone who appears to have poor grammar or spelling.

  • Be Specific, But Leave Out Hang-Ups and Other Negatives

    This is a first step. You want to put your true best forward. The picture you paint should be upbeat and positive. Everyone has a past. It's not wise too tell too much too soon. If you feel something is important, than put it in. A good example is "single mom", "divorced father of two", etc. Leave out the part about looking for someone to help me heal from a painful divorce. Do not mention past relationships except to inform that you had one.

  • Highlight Your Uniqueness

    There are things about us all that make us uniquely who we are. Let your ad portray this. If you have a special talent, interesting career or pastime, let people know about it. If it's important to you, it tells others much. If someone out there shares it, they will be drawn to what you have written.

    Find a unique way to highlight yourself. If you look like someone well known, put that in. Just remember, if you look like Woody Allen, don't portray yourself as a Robert Redford type.

  • Avoid classic turn-offs

    If you place a heavy emphasis on finding someone who is "beautiful" or "wealthy", you will turn off many people- often the very people who hope to attract. No one wants to be wanted for his or her looks or bank account. It also says something about you. How about superficial?

  • Use a Picture

    This is very important. Ads that don't have one get far fewer responses. Many singles are having a professional picture made of them. You want to look like your BEST self. A professional can usually do a much better job at a very reasonable cost if you shop around a bit.

  • Post Your Ad On The Right Site

    There are so many choices out there. Look for one that has a large membership of people who appear to be compatible with you. Make sure they have an enforced safety and privacy policy. There are specialty sites for people who seek a partner with a very particular passion or lifestyle. These include but are not limited to: animal lovers, vegetarians, advanced degreed professionals, and sites for people seeking those of the same faith.

    If your requirements include someone within a close geographical distance, look for the sites that offer you a good selection.

    Once you have given it careful thought and a little research and energy, write and post your ad for success.

    Remember, we attract what we are, not what we want.

    By Toni Coleman
    Posted by LC at 12:23 PM | TrackBack
  • Internet Dating - It's Not For Geeks

    Six months ago an old school friend and I were chatting over coffee, putting the world to rights as women do. She was bemoaning her lack of success in meeting the “right sort” of men. I asked her if she had tried using an internet dating service, and the look of horror that quickly appeared on her face gave the instant answer – of course not! Internet dating, she informed me, was for the sad, desperate, geeky or freaky.

    Sadly this type of response is typical of people from all walks of life. Why sadly? Because those who instantly dismiss such services are missing out on a great opportunity.

    The traditional argument for not using the internet to meet someone is that it is not natural. So what is natural? Where have people traditionally met their husbands, wives, lovers, and friends? Statistically, over the past 50 years the most common place for meeting ones spouse has been the workplace. This is hardly surprising given the ever increasing amounts of time most people are finding themselves working. Other common meeting places include bars, nightclubs, and parties, and some lucky few meet their lifetime partner early in life at college or university. However, the workplace remains number one for long term relationships. The reason for this is simple; lasting long term relationships are usually born out of robust friendships, and strong friendships form over time. Spend eight hours a day five days a week with the same people and you will get to know them very well. It is not uncommon in the modern world to spend more time with your colleagues than with your family, an unfortunate but true fact of life.

    The increasing amounts of time we as a society are spending working is leaving less time to spend in social environments outside of the office, which means less opportunity to meet new people. So if you don’t meet someone at work, where else is there? Enter the dating agency.

    Dating agencies are not a new idea, they have been around a very long time. The internet has simply served as a new medium for bringing people together in a tried and tested way that agencies have used for years. However, it offers some unique advantages for those seeking a partner. Firstly it has lowered the cost of running a dating service, and that means agency dating has been opened up to a much wider audience. Secondly, it has broken down geographical barriers in a way that off-line agencies could never hope to. This is an important point because not everyone is looking for their future husband or wife on their doorstep. Indeed not everyone is looking for a future husband or wife; the explosion in internet dating has made it easier than ever to find new friends and correspondents across the globe.

    These two points mean that some of the bigger agency sites now have in excess of three million members, and literally thousands of new members joining every day. With that many people, if you are serious about finding a partner, lover, or a friend, then the internet is simply too big a resource to ignore. And ‘net dating is safe too; there is no need to exchange real names or even email addresses until you feel you know someone well enough. All the services allow you to block unwanted communication and so there is no fear of being pestered. Used sensibly, internet dating can be safer than almost any other way of meeting people.

    The internet has revolutionised the way we work, shop, conduct our financial affairs, and entertain ourselves. To use it as a medium for meeting new people is a logical step in our fast changing world.

    After that chat six months ago I convinced my friend to post a profile on a dating site, she didn’t even have to pay anything to do so unless she wanted to start sending messages to other people. Now I never see her because she is spending all of her time with her new man. She didn’t find him in five minutes like some of the sales pitches would like you to believe, but then six months ago she didn’t expect to find him at all.

    By Sara Blackmoore
    Posted by LC at 12:14 PM | TrackBack

    How To Choose a Dating Service

    There are so many dating sites out there, hundreds if not thousands, how do you even begin to decide where to register and start your online dating experience?

    You could just pick one at random, create a profile, and sit back and wait for the other members to beat a path to your email inbox. Who knows, you could get lucky and it might work out first time. But even a tiny bit of investigation beforehand could save a lot of time and frustration!

    The trick is to be prepared. You probably wouldn’t go off to buy a new car and start by trawling around dealerships at random, you would already have an idea as to what sort of car you want – how big, how fast, how much money you had to spend, and so forth. Based on these criteria you would have a good idea of which car showrooms to visit to find the right sort of vehicle for your particular needs. So the first question to ask yourself, is what do you want out of a dating site? Sounds obvious – a date! But what sort of date? Are you looking for a serious relationship possibly leading to marriage? Or are you after a casual partner and you’ll see where it leads? Or perhaps you just want some uncomplicated fun. The good news is that among the myriad of services out there on the web, there is something to cater for every requirement. Some sites will suit all tastes, but there are many that specialise, and the more specific you are about what you want, the better your chances of finding it.

    Before looking at the sites on offer, think about how you will write your personal profile. Jot down a paragraph or two about yourself, your interests, and your hopes for a partner. Then write a few words about what you are looking for in a potential dating match. Doing this offline will help you structure in your own mind what sort of date you are looking for, and then when you go and look at some dating sites, you’ll easily be able to pick out those that offer the best chance of providing what you want. The added benefit of course is that when it comes to filling in your profile online, you will be prepared and wont be sat in front of your screen lost for words. Instead your profile will read in a very natural and honest way.

    I would always recommend choosing at least two sites to register with and put your profile on, after all, they are almost all free to start with – you only need decide if you want to pay when and if someone of interest turns up and you want to make contact.

    Websites like The Dating WebReview can also save you time. The reviews will quickly give you an idea about the services each dating site offers, and whether they specialise.

    Choosing an internet dating site isn’t difficult. In the end it comes down to finding one that you enjoy using. After all, if it appeals to your taste, then you already have something in common with the other members.

    By Sara Blackmoore
    Posted by LC at 12:09 PM | TrackBack

    Finding a Safe Dating Site

    Seems like everywhere we surf on the Internet nowadays we run across this little advertisement: 'Free online personals'. They are everywhere, they are dating sites, and more are opening up shop every day.

    Welcome to the newest internet gold rush. More and more people are signing up to these new and "free" dating sites.
    What they are really getting is a place on the web where they can post their profile and let strangers contact them. As more and more dating sites pile up on the web, more people are ending up with very distasteful experiences because of this. Why? 99% of today's (and tomorrow's) dating sites do not screen their members at all. This means there are sex offenders, predators, scam artists
    mixed in with genuine people who are looking to find a match. Dating services need to be very discretionary and much safer, until that time comes here are some important things to consider when thinking about joining a dating site.

    1). Examine the site's physical properties. Is it poorly constructed with missing graphics or jagged fonts, mis-aligned sections? If so, this indicates a lack of attention to detail in the construction and layout of the site. It may have been pre purchased and the owner does not have the skill to alter it correctly. Why would you care? Well, a site in a state like this gives a clue that the back end program probably is also in a state of disarray or disregard. If the webmaster cannot construct the face of the site, then it is likely they cannot also construct important safety features behind the site. A hacker then could easily penetrate it and get your personal information including your photo. If you eventually pay this site, your credit information could be stolen as well! A nicely designed site means careful construction and a better chance of good quality code running the site in the background.

    2). Look at some sample profiles on the site before you sign up by running a quick search. Do the profiles look a little bogus? A lot of them are. Many sites (especially new ones that have just started up) pad their membership database with photos of models or random (usually good-looking people) to attract new members. Do the profiles have a lot of jibberish characters or nonsensical phrases in the descriptions? That means the dating site you are at does NOT screen the people who sign up. This welcomes people with ill-intent. You should get out of there immediately and go to one that does.

    3). Does the site have a privacy link? Look at the bottom of the site's main page. If they have a privacy link, click it and examine. Make sure they specifically state that they do NOT sell your information to anyone. This is an invitation to a spam and junk-mail nightmare. Also look for some sort of a web site rules page or a terms of use page. Check to see if they screen their profiles or somehow >disallow racial, hate or overly sexual material. If they don't state this than, anything goes for this site, another reason to leave.

    4). Does the site have a links page? If so click and examine. See who they are affiliated with. Usually, there will be graphical banners or icons next to the names of their associations. Are they sex-sites? Spam sites? Even a quick glance in this area could tell you what kind of a dating site you are at.

    5). What is the copyright date at the bottom? This could indicate the age of the site. If it is very young, this could help you determine if the site has worked out all the kinks (program bugs) and how many members they have accumulated.

    6). Be wary of statements like "You are the 4697th member to join today." and "Search through millions of profiles." these statements are usually false. Major sites, which have been running for YEARS usually can support these statements. look for a "whos online" link. If you are the only person (1 guest online means JUST you are there) then you know these claims are false. A site with millions or even thousands of members will always have a bunch of people currently online. If you detect this in a dating site, it is better to leave than to take a chance with a dishonest site. This is just a short list of ideas to help keep you safe when dating online. Be leary, be safe.

    By Leif Croonquist
    Posted by LC at 11:48 AM | TrackBack

    December 08, 2004

    5 Tips for Getting from first email to first date

    It may be exciting, the thought of going from anonymous emails to getting an actual date. Let's see how it works. From initial attraction to a face to face date, it's important to take your time.

    Starting from a look at their picture, to exchanging "send a smile" and emails -- it takes time to build trust, to get to a first real date. What to do? Here's how to start:

    Five Practical Ideas to Help You Get from Email to Live Dates

    Idea One: Talk on the phone first. Ok, the other person's picture looks fine - so let's take some time getting to know the other person on the phone. It may be that they look great, send nice emails, but are hard to understand, or sound like "something's not right." Pay attention to your instincts. Talk to them on the phone, at least a few times, before agreeing to meet them in person, in a very public place.

    Idea Two: Questions to Get Started With? Here's a few icebreakers that you'll want to know about in your emails and phone call to that other person: 1) What do you like to do on your weekends? 2) Do you like to go out a lot, or stay home? 3) What do you like best about someone you're dating? 4) When you eat out, where do you like to go?

    Idea Three: Ask them upfront: After a few emails and a couple of phone calls, you may be ready to meet them in person. It's up to the both of you. If they are evasive or hesitant to meet, ask them why. It may be simply that they're shy. As long as you can phone them without problems, that may be fine. But, also look for red flags (eg answering machine always one, phone not answered regularly).

    You may want to ask them upfront, how they'd like to go about this, to see what their ideas are. After talking on the phone a few times, you should know whether or not you'd like to meet. Make plans, in a safe public place. See our safety tips for ideas. Then, have fun meeting them at a local restaaurant or mall.

    Idea Four: Being Ready for Romance Getting started in a new romance is both thrilling and a time of great uncertainty. Myself, I like to plan on finding a woman who's both a friend and someone I'm attracted to. Getting from a photo and description, to "first contact" by email, to phone call and then meeting in person, is lots of fun. Being ready to meet someone also means you may need to juggle your schedule a bit - as dates take up time, as you're having fun on the town with that new person in your life!

    Idea Five: How Often Should I email or call them? On the one hand, you don't want to seem overly desperate. Then again, you don't want them to think you're not interested. Finding a middle ground depends on what each person feels comfortable with. Remember, one woman may want to send emails twice a week, another, every day. Each person expresses themselves differently, and works on a different schedule. Part of becoming a good dating partner is finding out who you're compatible with, and adjusting your style to fit the other person's.

    Emails: It's disappointing if an email isn't returned within 24 hours. It also looks over-eager if emails are returned within 2-3 hours.So, find a middle ground. Same with phone calls - always return calls within 24 hours, but don't call back immediately, unless you're on familiar ground with that special person you're talking with.

    Gary Peterson,
    Posted by LC at 12:10 PM

    December 07, 2004

    Can You Trust Them? Here's How to Tell Online

    Going from "safe and anonymous email" to meeting someone who was until recently, a total stranger, needs a look. It can be a cause for either concern or excitement, depending on your choices. We want to create a safe dating environment for everyone at, so we provide a few tips here to help you steer clear of the turkeys and steer towards the winners. Here's what I look for:

    Can You Trust Them? Here's How to Tell

    First off, let me start by saying I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt. But, after finding out my latest infatuation was really married (and keeping it secret!), I became more cautious. Be a skeptic online, and here's some tips that can help you avoid the problems I had:

    The red flags to look for include:

    a) Drug, Alcohol or Smoking Habits: Any of these can be relationship disasters, you should carefully evaluate whether or not you want the chaos that can go with someone who has a substance problem. Usually, it's better to find someone else. How to tell? There are usually symptoms that you can detect: unexplained absences, excuses, missing money, they take too much time off from work or are "sick" frequently as an excuse, there may even be obvious signs like alcohol, smoke or drug materials around their living space (though they typically hide these things). Mood changes, abrupt "nice person/person from hell" switches are a big red flag, eg one day they're nice, other days, they act withdrawn, resentful or angry.

    b) Evasiveness, not providing phone number after a reasonable timeframe. Some people may just want to keep the relationship on the internet, that's fine as long as they tell you this upfront. Openness is important. Otherwise, you may be communicated with a married person or somebody with children that they haven't told you about.

    c) Appearance different from what you expected. For some reason, people online frequently use outdated 5-year old photos, or may even use somebody else's photo, to misrepresent their appearance. It's bad to use a photo of yourself without the wrinkles and extra pounds that were added in recent years!
    One of the first things you should ask for via email is a recent photo that's been taken in the last year. If you are thinking of meeting someone from out of state/country, you may want to request that they fax you a copy of their current drivers' license (with address obscured) to verify their age and appearance.

    d) Unemployed people looking for support Realize that there's a lot of people who need a meal ticket, and can try to exploit you and use you to support them. Whether they want you to fall in love with them and have them move in with you (for free rent) or obvious ploys like "emergencies" that they want your money for, avoid these people at all costs. Because it you don't, it will cost you.
    These are not likely to be homeless grubby people, instead, they are likely to be well educated and smart, with access to a pc, yet, they may well be almost broke (or close to it, living off credit cards).
    How to deal with it? I ask people what they're currently doing for a living, and also subtly tell people upfront that I believe nobody should need to give money or housing to another person for the first year or so they're in a relationship. This is plenty of time to evaluate their character (or lack thereof!).

    d) Married people, or those already in relationships Many married guys go online looking for excitement, to find mistresses. Don't become the "other woman" in somebody's marriage (or guys, become that second boyfriend in your girls' life). You should, after a few emails, ask who else is in there life, if they're living alone or not, and when their last relationship ended.
    Once you exchange phone numbers, you should be able to call him or her at home at, say, 9pm at night, without always getting an answering machine. Be especially suspicious if they try to offer an excuse for not giving you their home phone number ( again, after you've corresponded online for ahwile and are ready to talk, don't rush). What's to hide?

    e) Working girls/pros, con men, ex-cons and others It's a great idea to talk casually with a few of your city's local police officers to ask their advice about avoiding trouble online. Be a skeptic, and don't give out personal info, your phone number, place of employment, or other identifying information, until you feel this person is trustworthy. Most are not.

    Guys need to be aware that on occasion, "working girls" may contact them for paid sex. Women need to be aware that there are ex-cons who can't (or don't want to) get jobs, that are looking for easy prey. Don't be a victim. Be careful out there.

    Good luck out there - there's good people and bad. Assume the worst, til they've earned and proven their trustworthiness. Don't accept gifts or provide any (or especially, money) to others, til you've known them for at least a year.

    Juanita Chavez,
    Posted by LC at 05:23 PM

    9 Tips for Making a Great First-Date Impression

    Now how often have you "blown it" on a first date? C'mon be honest. Your date never called back. "But why?", you ask. Well, creating a great first impression can be tough - especially if your date has already made an "idealized" picture of what you're gonna look like before you even meet.

    In this special feature, we're going to debunk a couple of myths, and share a few new ideas with you. Review the list, and try out a few of these tips on Your next date - you may be pleasantly surprised at the results! Ready to find out, intrepid dater? Here's our 9 tips, read 'em and enjoy:

    9 Sizzling Tips to Help Your First Date Be a Success!

    Tip #1: Ask friendly questions. Having a hard time making conversation? Before you go on the date, first review the other person's profile and then think of a few questions to ask. These will help you get to know the other person better. "Ask, don't babble."
    Tip #2: What to Wear? So you've read GQ or Cosmo, still having a hard time figuring out what "look" you should have? Ladies, definitely dress conservative for the first date - you want him talking to you, not ogling your goodies. And guys, clean and simple does it - no fancy threads are needed for the first date. No tshirts, no silk - a polo shirt works great.
    Tip #3: Be Upbeat. Be upbeat, smile, give the other person reassurance that you're fun to be around. And sincere. Many people complain or talk about their past. Be in the present - be pleasant. Be yourself - don't try to be what you think they want.
    Tip #4: Late to the party? Being late shows disrespect and is a sure turn off. Make a good first impression by being on time. Give yourself an extra 15 minutes lead time.
    Tip #5: Don't wear any cologne or perfume. Nowadays, these are a turnoff to most. Deodarant alone is fine. Try it.
    Tip #6: Confidence is Sexy. How do You show confidence? Make sure to keep eye contact and a pleasant, relaxed conversation. Being sure of yourself is attractive - and your date will notice it!
    Tip #7: Avoid Current Events. Avoid politics, religion, and world events like war. Your goal is to learn about the other person's values. Bringing up potential topics of disagreement is a sure way to not get a second date. Stay in neutral territory at first
    Tip #8: Read their Body Language and React. Are they studying the tabletop more than you, twenty minutes into the date? Or, are they leaning forward, making more eye contact? Learn to judge when you're "blowing it" versus when you're making a good impression. React to the signals that are being sent to you.
    Tip #9: Parting Shots. Ok the date's over, the check's been paid. If you want to see them again, tell them so, in a casual way - "I had a good time, thanks - hey let me know if you want to get together again." This opens up the possibility of a next date, without asking for a commitment or getting an awkward silence.

    Ann Parsons,
    Posted by LC at 04:50 PM

    Confidence-Boosting Tips for Dating

    Okay, I'm not ashamed to admit it, I'm as shy as a mouse when I'm around a guy I want to talk to. I was raised being quiet in the house, so it's not easy for me to be around guys I want to approach. Sending emails is too forward sometimes for me, so I prefer to "send a smile", it's easier on the nerves. Once I'm comfortable around a guy I'm dating, I don't have any problems. I'ts getting past that first awkward date or two that has me quivering! I'm gonna give you the lowdown on what really worked for me, when I want to be more confident around the guy I am trying to see. Here goes:

    How to Build Confidence Dating, Online and In Person

    "Hey check out the guy with the cute eyes over there!". Well that's what I may be thinking, but I would never in a million years work up the nerve to go tell a guy that! Gimme a break. He'd think I was, like, easy.
    First dates have to be the hardest - I mean, I hardly know what the guy's supposed to look like, and when I see him what do I say? "Hi I'm Stacy, your date.". I don't think so. So let me share a secret or two on how I get up my nerve to talk to guys I'm meeting for the first time. It might help you guys, too - to get a girl's perspective.

    Their Stuff Stinks, too: Don't put anyone else above yourself, or vice versa. We're all equal. Well, ok maybe some of us are cuter than others. But the point is, when you're meeting someone, remember it's on equal footing. They're not better than you, or the other way around. Don't work too hard to impress, just be yourself and see if there's a fit. Imaging them weaing a diaper on their head - it's funny! Don't take it all too seriously.

    Keep it Light - You'll Get Over it: I used to make dating into a big journey of self esteem.. if I was dating, I was happy, if I wasn't, I felt like a leftover. In Japan, unmarried girls over 30 are called "christmas cake", eg leftover cake after it's too late. That's terrible! Well, when you're dating, same thing, don't worry about being left over, or not accepted. Just find peace within yourself, that's attractive. Someone who is trying too hard to please, is seen as weak. Be a samurai, not a geisha!

    Don't Try to Be What they Want: Now this is easier than it sounds. What I mean is, you gotta know yourself, your limits -- be yourself and see how that goes over with them. If you sense that they want you to be like someone else (a past girlfriend!) take a walk.

    Dress to Impress (Yourself): I don't know about you, but me, I feel best when I'm dressed well. I'm a lot more confident. So, keep your appearance up, and wear fresh, clean clothes - this helps you stay positive and have a good self-image. Knock em dead! Your walk, your confidence, will shine through and be attractive

    Dating is Like a Box of Chocolates: You never know what you'll get, til you take the chance, and go on that date. Think of your next date as "the next one of 100", to put yourself in the frame of mind, that all is not lost if this doesn't turn out to be "the one" .. have fun, learn to laugh at yourself, and enjoy the journey.
    Much of what you find in your dates, will help you decide what you Don't want from a person - this is important to learn too. The guy who talked all night? The guy who only talked about how bad his ex was? The guy who wouldn't give you a straight answer? All of that, your "Mr. Wrong" experiences, helps you know what you really Do want, in comparison. So, learn, relax and enjoy it!
    Ok gang, that's my ideas for confidence - it's always attractive to someone when your humble and confident, not weak and second guessing yourself. So, get that chin up and start exploring new people today!

    Stacy Nakamura,
    Posted by LC at 04:29 PM

    It’s a Gut Feeling – Finding love

    Heart versus Head

    Most single guys are settled in their life. Their mornings, afternoons and evenings have a routine they are comfortable with and rarely will they go beyond the boundaries of that routine. Even a single guy’s loneliness can become his norm and if someone crosses his path that interest him, he rationalizes instead of trying to adapt. Many times this leads to confusion – he just isn’t sure if she is the one. He over thinks, he pauses, rewinds, goes forward until nothing makes sense about being involved. Soon he is back to his comfortable routine of drinking beer and watching football on Sunday. The loneliness he feels won’t go away and after many beer drinking Sundays, he may try to fill that emptiness again. But just like before, he soon feels he is out of his comfort zone and the story repeats itself. After awhile, he is asking himself, how do I find love?

    This problem persist because he wants the girl to instantly fit into his comfort zone. At first, when he sees her, he is excited and this is enough to keep the relationship alive. In time the lady’s personality and feelings make him over think the relationship and the excitement dissipates. At one time it was exciting, but it loses its luster as the relationship moves forward – especially when the lady’s discussion involves changes in his life. He feels the pressure and wants out. Soon, he is back to filling his emptiness with beer and Sunday afternoon football.

    You see ladies, guys don’t have the same type of instinct as you do and don’t easily trust intuitive feelings. He’ll over think what’s in his heart, especially if he feels the only way he can love you is for him to make major changes in his life (they may not be major to you, but to him missing a Sunday afternoon of football may seem worse than going through hurricane Ivan). The gap will widen until it is beyond closing, no matter how he may truly feel about you. Whatever he felt at first now rest in a place that has no understanding of intuition. It may still be there, but buried in a cluster of confusion. What can you do ladies? Not much, except maybe back off a little. What can you do guys? Don’t think about it – trust your gut feeling.

    I just got done saying that a guy’s feelings may be buried in confusion. What a man doesn’t realize that this is what separate men from women’s intuition. What we interrupt as confusion, a lady calls intuition and has complete trust in those feelings no matter how chaotic it may seem. In other words, guys, they go with the flow. We will fight it, we will rationalize it, we will try to hide it with alcohol, cover it with masculine bravo, but instead, we should listen to it. Don’t run, don’t hide, just let it be and let it take its course. Scary, thought, isn’t it, guys? But if you are tired of the merry-go-round of emptiness you may want to give it a chance.

    I know some of you guys are still looking for clarity, so here goes. Our visual instincts are in tune when we first see a lady. All she needs to do is give us a little sign of encouragement and our hormones are in high gear. We don’t think beyond the moment, care about house payments or closet space, our eyes see what we like, a signal says it is ok to like what we see and we are in heaven. Simple! Now let’s move ahead where the lady starts thinking about how life would be beyond the weekend movie, sexual encounters and the occasional dinner together. She wants more. If you fight it, she is gone, so you let the door open. She is in with some feelings – you thought you could handle it, but now you seem to be reacting to her feelings. Is this bad, guys, that you are reacting to her feelings? We seem to interrupt a reaction, even if it is a positive one, as being bad. At this stage we begin the debate between what we feel and what we know. We know we like to watch foot ball, but how will my feelings change me being able to watch football on Sunday? (I know ladies, you just can’t believe it’s that hard to decide between football and love, but for guys, it can be). When there is a debate between our head and our heart, ladies, the head usually wins. What I’m telling guys, if what you feel inside is positive, don’t cloud it with other possible scenarios. Let it flow – trust that what you feel inside can be a positive in all aspects of your life. But for now, don’t think, just be.

    Guys, I’m not saying that in time you may realize that she is not right for you and shouldn’t get out, but what I am saying is we usually kill the chance to find out before we let time take its course. Usually, we over think our reactions until the only reaction left is we feel she is an intrusion in our life. Than she’s gone and the loneliness comes back – another Sunday, another 6 pack or two of beer and you are getting older, lonelier and maybe, just maybe, wiser.

    I say wiser because I think younger guys fit the above sort better than an older gent. As a guy gets older, he may realize not to react so quickly, but trust that what he feels may actually enhance other aspects of his life. This is why a lot of younger Filipina ladies like older men. To them, older men are more settled, accepting and willing.

    Obviously, guys have met a lady and after the first date knew she wasn’t the one. Even then a guy will call it a mistake rather than a gut feeling. He’ll say something like, “I don’t know what I saw in her, but man she isn’t for me.” It is when it goes beyond the first date and his gut has already said, “man she is the one” that he will start to talk himself out of any involvement when the lady wants a little more than the two of them getting together on Friday and Saturday nights. I”m telling you guys, trust that initial feeling, let the confusion in, don’t fight it and give it time. You may find that you can still watch your football game on Sundays while she is nibbling on your ear.

    That’s it, short and sweet. Guys, if you feel she is the one after a date or two, trust your gut feeling and don’t talk yourself out of it. There is more to life than Sunday afternoon football. There is Monday night football also. Just kidding, smile, let what you feel be your guide and forget thinking too hard about how those feelings may change your life. Let it flow and let her love you.
    Posted by LC at 04:19 PM

    Help! They Didn't Write Back (boo hoo)

    Ever been stood up for a date? Yeah me too - join the club. Online, it can be just as bad if someone doesn't answer your emails, or stops writing to you after a couple of emails back and forth. What's a gal (or dude) to do? "Get over it!", says the tough me. Ok, that's fine, I can deal with it... but what can I do to stop it from happening again?

    Help! The @$&% Didn't Write Back - What's UIp with That!?

    I've had all kinds of responses from guys I've emailed, from "great wanna get together?" to "thank no thanks" and even the frequent "no answer". Here's a few ideas that may help you deal with life in cyberspace when someone doesn't reply to your carefully-written email:.

    Check their Ideal Match: If he's looking for a 5'10" local blonde blue eyed Norse goddess who's into skiing and aerobics, and you're a 5'2" brunette who likes shopping - ah can you see why you didn't get an email back? Be sure to Premium Dating's Virtual Matchmaker feature to ensure good two-way matches.

    Write More Specific Emails and Ask Questions: Don't write a boring email like "hey i liked your profile, email me sometime" ...Write a good email, like "Hi Steve, nice bio - so, you're into reading? - that's cool, I like books too" ..And take it from there .. write interesting, specific emails to people.. keep it brief, just a sentence or two at first, to see if the interest is mutual.

    Have Your Photo Re-Taken: You might want to try getting another photo taken - this time, get a professional photo. They look much better, than the casual one of you hanging around your apartment that your friend or ex took. "

    Write Lots of People: IStudies have shown that even on online dating sites with active members, usually people will respond to less than 1 in 12 emails that they receive! So, you may need to write quite a few. Look at it as a tradeoff, at least you can contact people from home in front of a computer now, instead of going to nightclubs and supermarkets :) But, it will take some work and patience. That's ok, finding the right person is worth it! Just remember to write a lot of brief, specific emails to people you're interested in.

    Was it Something You Said? Ask a friend or family member to take a look at one of the emails you may want to send, and get their ideas. Maybe you're sounding too impersonal, or maybe too desperate, or maybe too bland. Whatever, get someone to help you for your first few emails, and see what happens! Don't be discouraged if at first you don't succeed, finding people, most of whom are already busy, is challenging. Remember that your photo is likely to be the most important thing they pay attention to, not the words in your first email. So, have a great-looking recent professional photo online to get best responses. Hang in there, eventually you can find the right person for friendship and romance!

    Brenda Kalinowski,
    Posted by LC at 04:12 PM

    12 Ways to Start Your First Email - Getting it Right!

    Stumped for what to say to that potential date? You're not alone -- zapping off a clever email can be tough. Reaching Mr. or Ms. Right is an email away - if you do it right! Let's explore just a few of the fun, creative ways you can catch the attention (and heart!) of your prospective date using our email system These "Daring Dozen" email starters can help you stand out from the rest of the pack. Getting noticed, and making a good love connection, takes both patience and skill. Lets get started:

    The "Daring Dozen" Email Starters
    You want to seem unique. And you want to get the right kind of attention from your prospective date, too! Let's keep it light and fun .. you're exploring common interests, to find out more about another person. Be yourself, and let your imagination soar!

    Email Starter #1: Tell them about something you have in common about one of their hobbies or interests. "I saw you're into shopping, me too" ..

    Email Starter #2: Ask something specific about about their profile: "It sounds like you're a quiet person - are you shy?"

    Email Starter #3: Ask about their experiences in dating, good and bad. "What do you like best about first dates?"

    Email Starter #4: Look for something unique about them. "Wow you like water surfing - sounds dangerous - is it fun?"

    "> Email Starter #5: Ask about where they live in a funny way "So you live in Nebraska, is it as boring as everyone says it is? I heard a joke about why .. " Or, "so you're from Canada, eh??" (Canadians often say "eh?" don't ask me why!)

    Email Starter #6: Ask about their values, read between the lines, in how they write their narrative. "You sound like you're committed to having a family - tell me about what you think family life should be all about."

    Email Starter #7: Ask if they hate sports as much as you do. "I haven't watched a sports game in years, how about you?"

    Email Starter #8: Avoid heavy topics, like war, terrorism, how bad the economy is, or other "downers". You're looking to develop a relationship with someone, not sound like a newscast.

    Email Starter #9: What's your idea of a great vacation? is a good starter, it will help you see if they're a cosmopolitan city-type of person, or somebody who enjoys more rural, scenic outdoors travel.

    Email Starter #10: Icebreakers: In the "odd but gets attention category": What's your favorite cuss word? If you could retire today, where would you live?

    Email Starter #11: Celebrities - ask what movie stars they like, and what kind of movies they enjoy. Who would you consider a role model? This can be interesting!

    Email Starter #12: What's your idea of an Ideal first date? This can help you understand what they like to eat, and if they like busy, crowded places, or quiet intimate settings.

    Barbara Porter,
    Posted by LC at 03:40 PM