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Online Personals & Dating Services Network
All about dating services business, online personals websites, changes in overall e-commerce world affecting dating, matchmaking, mail-order brides and online personals websites. Most recent LoveCompass announcements, reports, and plans. 

December 08, 2004

WEB LOVE: WOULD YOU?

One in 10 British men sees the internet as an ideal way to find a partner, a new survey has found.

The YouGov poll asked 2,000 men and women what they would be using the internet for in five years' time, and discovered that almost one in 10 men expected to be looking for love, compared with just 6% of women.

Internet experts estimate that in five years net dating sites could be hosting almost five million single British surfers.

We asked you whether you look on the internet for love, or do you think it is too impersonal? If you found your partner on the internet, how did it happen and what were the advantages of meeting in cyberspace?

Thank you for your emails. Here is a selection:

I met my partner on the internet but I wasnt looking for a man never mind romance. I had been on my own for two years. I normally chatted to women from all over the world, making friends. Then I started chatting to Matt three-and-a-half years ago. He lived 20 minutes from me, so we met and started seeing each other. I know it was a big risk but worth it. Now we have a beautiful two-year-old daughter to go with my two beautiful boys from a previous relationship. We are getting married on Dec 23rd, so I'd say: 'YES, thank God for the internet!'. It has definitely changed our lives.
Ellen Thornbury, Northern Ireland

Two years ago I filled out a series of IQ and personality tests, unaware the results were being collated for a soon to be launched dating service. When I realised, I thought "what the hell", completed the extra information they wanted and thought nothing more of it. Now I'm engaged to be married to the wonderful person whose inquisitive e-mail first arrived in my in-box in December 2002. I'm not sure how it happened myself, but it was a great way of getting to know her and to chat - at first as just friends - in a faceless and no risk environment. I have to admit I also "met" some VERY strange people, but at least all I had to do with them was ignore their e-mails rather than move house!
Tim Wilkinson, Bristol

I too met my partner online. I wasn't looking to meet someone, I was just on there to chat. Then one night I began talking to someone and now nearly a year on we are still together. Not everyone online is a bad person. The few bad apples you find online are far outweighed by the good honest people on there.
Anon

I found the love of my life on the internet. Because of both our hectic work schedules and commitments we didn't have time to go into the "real" world to find love. We had registered ourselves on the net and found each other there. We only lived seven miles apart but because of our careers it might as well have been a million miles. So the online dating really worked for us.
Steven

I met my wife Stefanie on the internet nearly six years ago back on February 6, 1999. We met up after exchanging emails and hit it off straight away. We saw each other every other day for over a year and a half before moving in with each other and we would never have thought for a minute that exactly five years on we would get married on the banks of Loch Lomond. If it wasn't for taking the chance to meet up, I'd have missed the chance to spend the rest of my life with the most wonderful person I have ever met - it was certainly worth the risk.
Stuart, Glasgow

I found my partner on the internet - two years later we are happily married with a beautiful daughter. If it had not been for the internet I would never have met her and been so happy.
Barry Thompson

I met my fiance Chris on the internet in June 1999. I was in London with my friends on a computer and he was in Bolton on his sister's computer while she was on a fag break! We got talking in a chat room. He discovered I had brown hair and liked football, I discovered he had a northern accent and also liked football so we hit it off!! We met up a few weeks later and that was it we were together. We took it in turns to commute to see each other every weekend until Chris decided to move down here in February 2000 to be with me. My lovely parents put him up until we found a little flat of our own. Now we are engaged and I wouldn't be without him for the world. After how me met though I certainly believe in fate!
Louise Austin, Hayes, Middlesex

I met a man on the internet in early 1999 having started using the internet in September 1998. In a chat room for the 30s, I met a man who lived in San Jose, California. At the time I lived in Greenwich, London. We talked daily, emailed often. He wrote me poems. We started talking on the telephone, usually up to three times a day. This led to us meeting face to face in September 1999, and then when we were back apart, emailing and phone calls daily. We met face to face a few more times, as often as we could make it. We got engaged mid July 2000. He moved from California to Oregon. We married in Portland Oregon on my 40th birthday. We are about to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary, and we couldn't be happier!
Anne Cowles, Pennsylvania, USA

My current lifestyle means that meeting potential partners is difficult (and I never could meet the right women in pubs and bars), so for me the internet is a good way to meet women. I've had little success so far, but that hasn't put me off. By the way, any single, 30-40, non-smoking women from the Midlands area reading this that want to meet a tall man? ... :-)
Dave, Birmingham

I met my future wife on the net two and a half years ago. I had been out of a relationship for 18 months and I think I would have found it difficult just to go out the clubs/pubs and hope to meet someone. By the time we got around to meeting we almost knew each other inside out like best friends. It was absolutely nerve wracking meeting for the first time but within minutes we were so comfortable with each other that the benefits of chatting online before we met were tremendous. I would recommend it to anyone - a fantastic way of meeting.
Wayne Thurston

To be able to access and use this facility the person at the other end has to have a semblence of a brain cell, so that cuts out a vast part of the population. They also need to be able to write and that cuts out another vast number. Communication is key to any long term relationship and that becomes the first step through this approach.
Dave

I met my husband over six years ago in a chat room. Back then, the place we met was frequented by 'regulars' and everyone pretty much knew each other. I'm American, and my husband's English. We were friends for about a year and a half, during which time we had dated people in our own countries and talked a lot on the phone about the usual stuff - work, dating, my daughter (from a previous marriage). As we got closer I really didn't think it could work out between us just because of the distance, but I realised if I don't give it a shot, I'd always wonder what would have happened. So we kept our relationship up that we already had with each other (by this point it was mainly phone calls - BT loved him as well!) but didn't date anyone else. Four months later he flew out to America, after we decided to get married. After many airport delays, he finally arrived a day late and we hurried from the airport to get our license sorted out before the courthouse closed (it was 4th of July weekend), and three days later we were married! We now have two beautiful boys together and have no regrets!
Karen Morse, Kent
Posted by LC at 02:49 PM

Pros and cons of Internet dating

TAVIS SMILEY, host: Can karma be applied to Internet dating? Well, commentator Meri Danquah found out that online, white lies tend to reap one another.

MERI DANQUAH:
When my friend first suggested that I try to meet someone through an Internet dating service, I thought she had all but lost her mind. I had just barely figured out how to locate documents after they'd been downloaded, so the idea of logging on in search of love seemed a bit too futuristic for my limited capabilities, not to mention my overly cautious sensibilities.

I guess you could say that I'm a romantic at heart, still in search of Mr. Right. A tall, handsome, intelligent, good-natured man with a strong sense of both style and humor. And it was hard for me to believe that any man who could fill those shoes would actually use them to walk over to his computer so that he could surf the Web to find his soul mate. `Well, where else is he gonna find you?' my friend asked. `All you do is work, sleep and hang out with your girlfriends, half of whom are hoping that some Mr. Right will come and find them, too.'

Hmm. Her words were making a lot of sense. My days had become a predictable litany of responsibilities. It was a comfortable routine, but it also kept me locked in the same cycle of activities with the same circle of people. Maybe this Internet dating thing wasn't such a crazy suggestion after all. If I wanted to meet someone new, maybe I had to try something new.

So I decided to join a popular site I'd seen advertised on TV. First I had to create a profile of myself. I trimmed five years off my age and 10 pounds off my weight, but other than those little white lies, the information that I listed was all pretty accurate. Then I had to answer some questions that provided a range--height, weight, age--within which I wanted my prospective suitors to fall.

I was nervous about attaching my photo to the profile, afraid that somebody I knew would recognize me and think that I was desperate for a date. But the truth of the matter was, I was desperate for a date. So I went ahead an posted it, figuring that it might increase my chances of success, and perhaps it did because the men started e-mailing almost immediately. There was the one whose profile claimed that he looked like an older Taye Diggs, but in his picture looked more like an out-of-shape Mr. T who'd been stripped of his jewelry. Then there was the guy whose hobbies included hunting, boxing and knitting. And the 45-year-old insurance salesman with three kids who'd never been married and still lived with his mama.

Well, right when I was losing hope, I heard from him, the man who seemed to fit my bill perfectly. After several promising e-mails and phone conversations, we set a time to meet face-to-face, or more accurately face to shoulder. You see, my 5'9" dream lover turned out to be 5'4", wearing a pleather version of the high-heeled boots that Prince used to sport back in the day when he was still singing with The Revolution.

Our once-easy rapport turned into an awkward silence. `Is height all that important to you?' he finally asked, zeroing in on the source of my apparent disappointment. I wondered if it were really fair for the worth of a man to be measured by a few inches. `Yes,' I said, `it does matter. Sorry.' `Oh, don't feel sorry for me,' he countered. `I'm not the one with the shortcoming.' Ouch.

Well, I suppose that's one of the major drawbacks to these high-tech hookups. You may be able to conjure up your fantasy mate with a click of a mouse, but you still have to turn off the power button and step outside of that virtual experience before you'll truly know if the thrill is real.



SMILEY: Meri Danquah is a writer living in Los Angeles.
Posted by LC at 02:23 PM